I don’t get it. I really don’t fucking get it.

You think you can just walk in here, totally unprepared? You think you’re so goddamn good that you can just walk in here and lollyfuck around and miss assignments? Because none of you shitheads seem to give a damn. I asked for an honest effort. AND YOU FUCKED ME IN THE ASS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT! You fucked yourselves and you fucked each other! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

[cell phone rings in first row. Cowher knocks phone out of student's hand with his chin, smashing it into the wall]

Where’s the passion? Where’s the topic sentences with supporting ideas? You dickeaters don’t even seem to GRASP THE BASIC CONCEPTS OF SENTENCE STRUCTURE. The subject sets up the predicate, people. We went over this during the summer. If you can’t–

[Student walks in late]

What is this, Terrell? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? Did you just walk into my class two minutes late? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? IF YOU THINK FOR A COCKSUCKIN’ MINUTE THAT YOU CAN LOLLY-WALTZY-GAG IN HERE LATE YOU ARE OUTTA YOUR FUCKING MIND! Whose program are you on, Terrell?

Same goes for all of you other Skittle-shits.

IN MY HAND are 25 of the worst goddamned reading assignments on The Fall of The House Of Usher I’ve EVER FUCKING READ IN MY ENTIRE PUSSY-LICKING LIFE! All you HAD TO DO was read the story TO KNOW THAT USHER ISN’T IN THE FUCKING STORY! This story was written 150 years before Usher’s DAD COULD EVEN BUST A LOAD!

Where’s Anderson? Did you bother to crawl out of your bean bag today, Anderson? Oh, good, YOU DID. Because you failed. I’d give you a lower grade than that, but you got an F because at least you drew a picture of a tree on the back of your assignment.

Anderson: That’s a house.

WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU ABOUT ANYTHING!?!?!

This is horse-shit, people! Absolute fruit-laden horse shit!

And you better step it up. YOU BETTER STEP IT THE FUCK UP! BECAUSE IF YOU CAN’T CUT IT HERE AT WAKE TECHNICAL COMMUNITY, then guess what, goatfuckers? The only thing farther down IS THE FUCKING TURD IN BETWEEN YOUR CLEATS!

NOW READ GRAPES OF WRATH FOR TUESDAY AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLASSROOM BEFORE I RIP YOUR ASSHOLES OUT OF YOUR TAINTS AND PAWN THEM OFF AS A VISOR COLLECTION! CLASS DISMISSED!!!