YOU HAVE INSPIRALED ME TO DO GRAPE THINGS
LIL’ YOUNGBLOOD HERE GIVE ME SO MANY REASONS TO BE THANKFUL OTHER THAN EDDIE MURPHY MOVIE MEET DAVE COMING OUT SOON. LIKE ME, HE SUFFERED CRIPPLING ACCIDENT BUT ACTUALLY GOT CRIPPLED BECAUSE HE DIDN’T HAVE NFL SUPERSURGEONS.
FROM NOW ON, I’M LEARNIN’ TO VALUE THE VALUE OF EACH AND EVERY DAY. I TALK TO MY AGENT AND HE SAID UNDER MY NEW DEAL I MAKE $12.75 MILLION EACH YEAR. I SAY WHAT’S THAT WORK OUT TO PER DAY. THERE’S A LOT OF DAYS IN A YEAR. AT LEAST TWO THOUSAND. WHAT’S MILLIONS DIVIDED BY A LOT?
HE PUNCHED UP HIS MAGIC MATH MACHINE AND TOLE ME IT WORK OUT TO THIRTY FOUR THOUSANDS AND NINE HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE DOLLARS PER DAY.
TODAY I’M SPENDING MY THIRTY FOUR THOUSANDS GETTING BETTER AT THEM VIDEO GAMES. NO CRIPPLE GONE BUST ME UP IN THE GAMES AGAIN! IMMA START WITH THIS EXCITEBIKE. THEY MAKE YOU WEAR A HELMET IN THIS? THA’S SOME BUTT.
Tags: Big Ben, rongrastname, xmas ape
July 1st, 2008 at 3:20 pm
THIRTY FOUR THOUSANDS AND NINE HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE DOLLARS
Don’t forget the fitty cents that Rongrastname gets to spend on jawbreakers and lemonheads each day.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
That was such a tease I thought it would be a Hines Ward post
July 1st, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I LIKE MONEY.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:32 pm
AH DON’T NOES ANY MOVES! HARF HARF HARF
July 1st, 2008 at 3:37 pm
too bad Kevin Everett’s dr’s couldnt have been there… too bad. all jokes aside this is every father’s nightmare. no matter the humor my heart does go out to the family and this young boy.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:38 pm
THA’S SOME BUTT.
The entire Big Ben experience in one phrase. Bravo.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pm
THAT’S JOKES!
July 1st, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Isn’t getting paralyzed by an ambulance some sort of mega-irony? I think Alanis Morrisette wrote a song about it.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:58 pm
If Cedric Benson had one those wheelchairs (and a bottle of Grey Goose), he coulda been a pro bowler. Kid showed some burst going through the hole!
July 1st, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I always said the Steelers run D was weak, they couldn’t even stop a kid in a wheelchair.
Nice to see the whole team involved, not just one player.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:19 pm
[...] You have enspiraled me to do grape things. (Kissing Suzy Kolber) [...]
July 1st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Jeez, Ape, that’s just Rongrastname.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Jeez, Ape, that’s just Rongrastname
July 1st, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Is this thing on?
I’ve got mildly witty comments to make, and nothing’s going through.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I definately thought this was a post from the soulja. Until I saw the word butt.
July 1st, 2008 at 6:58 pm
*blinks*
For the sake of all that is holy I hope the preseason comes soon. You guys are becoming crazier than a rat in a coffee can.
July 1st, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I NEED TO LEARN TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES LIKE A CHAMPION! YAAAAHHHHHHH!
July 1st, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Okay, when I saw the title I really thought this was going to be an Emmitt Smith post.
July 1st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I’m trying to figure out how this post could have been crazier if Christmas Ape wasn’t a Steelers fan…nope, got nothing.
July 1st, 2008 at 10:18 pm
I can’t believe I just watched that whole video. 7 minutes. Holy shit.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:24 pm
“THERE’S A LOT OF DAYS IN A YEAR. AT LEAST TWO THOUSAND. WHAT’S MILLIONS DIVIDED BY A LOT?”
ah yes. classic indeed
July 1st, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Jeez, Ape. That’s just Rongrastname.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:21 am
So lame. The only reason these athletes pay attention to the retarded kids and cripples is because a camera is around. Everyone involved in stuff like this should be ashamed of themselves. If there are no cameras involved then I think it’s great, but otherwise it is impossible for me to watch.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:38 am
…yeah, because without the cameras James Harrison would have obviously tackled the shit out of that kid and done a lil celebration over his sprawled-out crippled body.
God forbid anybody acts nice when there are no cameras around.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:57 am
Jeez Ape, that’s just Rongrastname.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:14 am
And suddenly, all my comments appear at once.
I hope everyone enjoyed the Rongrastname joke enough to see it four times.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:15 am
What the fuck is going on with the comments?
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:53 am
“The teenager who can’t be stopped until he’s in the endzone”.
Or until his wheelchair battery dies.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:02 am
Did anyone else get something in their eyes while watching that?
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
@snafu – I wouldn’t be surprised if he beat him afterwards too.
/seriously kids, domestic violence isn’t funny.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:16 am
I was actually scared to enter thhe comment section on this. Surprisingly tame, however.
Definately thought this an Emmitt post upon reading the title.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Has someone finally fixed the comments section on this site?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Predictably, how many Steelers in that clip went to give the kid a high five before realizing, oops, HE CAN’T USE HIS FUCKING ARMS.
Geniuses.
Well, a nice story, either way.