The CFL is a chickenshit operation
in his native land he is simply “the kicker.”
Mike Vanderjagt missed three field goals in his Toronto Argonauts return this past weekend. Sure, we’ve all laughed at Vanderjagt before, but no one wants to see him lose his ability to learn a livelihood. Most times, a str-ugg-ell-ing kicker can work out a case of the yips by sticking around after practice and booting a few extra attempts. Vanderjagt, however, can’t do this since THE ARGONAUTS DO NOT HAVE GOALPOSTS ON THEIR MOTHER FLIPPIN’ PRACTICE FIELD.
What other corners are they cutting in the Great White North? Here’s a partial list of other loonie saving measures:
Seriously, this is the organization that hopes to stave off an NFL invasion? I bet when Roger Goodell and Ralph Wilson heard about these inadequate facilities, their eyes spun into dollar signs while making slot machine sounds. I saw Scrooge McDuck do it once, so I assume it is a condition peculiar to all rich folk.
Tags: bad MS Paint, Canadia, drunken kickers
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:33 pm
but no one wants to see him lose his ability to learn a livelihood
Not so fast, flubby.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:33 pm
They should rent out some of the excess space on the field and use the profits to buy themselves some goalposts.
Ah, who am I kidding? They’d just blow it on a 24 of Labatt.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
True story: while bar hopping in Chicago I ran into some Canadia-ans at a sports bar that had SportsCenter on a corner TV. Well some hockey teams were playing and these mounties were watching the highlights and reading the BottomLine. Then they turned laughing at the fact that “Vanderjagt was retiring from the NFL”. Even Canadia hates you!
/of course I bought them a round, any good Colts fan would.
//can we find a new picture. The Pah-tree-uts might think that you’re mocking them.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Considering that a CFL endzone is roughly the size of Gibraltar, any team that is incapable of scoring an actual touchdown doesn’t deserve to have a decent field goal kicker.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
12 mouthpieces, 12 cups
I think I saw a video like that online.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Gordy: I moved here from Canada, and they think I’m slow, eh?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I guess this is the point where I make an “Inadequete number of Showers” joke. Or is it a “Ricky Williams” joke
I’m not sure anymore.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
You secure that shit, Vanderjagt.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Here’s a partial list of other loonie saving measures:
You left off, “Not hiring anyone who can actually play football.”
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
@ Naptown Drew
I’ll never forget Miami. I still see Lamar Thomas (or Smith or whatever that no name RB was who we made look like Barry Sanders) running in my nightmares.
Death to VanderJACK
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:27 pm
make jerseys from cheaper, domestic fabrics… like flannel, eh
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
We’ve secretly replaced these canucks’ CFL with America’s NFL, eh. Let’s see if they notice, eh?
Hey, these hosers get 4 downs and that tiny little endzone to score, eh. What happened to the rouge, eh? Where’s Doug Flutie, eh?
Jacque never watches two football games on Sunday when we’re at home, eh.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Unfortunately they also cannot afford toilet paper. Ricky used the rest of it for rolling paper before he left.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
From the American Heritage Dictionary:
eh interj. Chiefly Canadian Used to ascertain or reinforce a listener’s interest or agreement.
That shit helped me on the way to a 38-point move in Scrabble this weekend. I was overjoyed to see “eh” defined thusly when my brother challenged the play. Thanks, Canada!
/pushes glasses up nose
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Scrabble on a weekend - it just doesn’t get any better than that. Eh?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I wonder what the groupie ass is like in Canada?
Is it safe to assume it’s similar to the NFL only about 30 pounds heavier?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
That 30 lb differential only begins in the cankle area.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
They use moose piss as a substitute for Gatorade up there eh?
/refreshing
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I wonder what the groupie ass is like in Canada?
Is it safe to assume it’s similar to the NFL only about 30 pounds heavier?
Let’s not forget — Pam Anderson came from Canada. Back before she replaced 90% of her original body with parts from the bottom rung of the Periodic Table.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Sigh. What Naptown Drew said.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
SUCK YOURSELF VANDERJAGT
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
SUCK YOURSELF VANDERJAGT
Nah. He’d shank it and wind up with a mouthful of nutsack.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I live just across the border, the Canadians I know prefer Molson. Export to be exact.
/can they only buy that here?
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
HAHA
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
The Las Vegas Posse & Shreveport Pirates are interested in signing him.
How can a league be taken seriously when they had two teams named Rough Riders?
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
We got rid of one rough rider. The other is now the defending champs.
July 5th, 2008 at 1:21 am
I understand that it’s playful ribbing on the CFL and I’m an Argos seasons tickets holder and I don’t like Mike Vandy either. They have goal posts to kick between hahaha
You don’t see us Canadians talking smack about America so kindly back off.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
yeah, alright Vandy sucks. ALL Canadians know it. But let’s face it, Americans have their own set of embarrassments as well.
George Bush?
Michael Vick?