In the States he is known as “the idiot kicker”;
in his native land he is simply “the kicker.”

Mike Vanderjagt missed three field goals in his Toronto Argonauts return this past weekend. Sure, we’ve all laughed at Vanderjagt before, but no one wants to see him lose his ability to learn a livelihood. Most times, a str-ugg-ell-ing kicker can work out a case of the yips by sticking around after practice and booting a few extra attempts. Vanderjagt, however, can’t do this since THE ARGONAUTS DO NOT HAVE GOALPOSTS ON THEIR MOTHER FLIPPIN’ PRACTICE FIELD.

What other corners are they cutting in the Great White North? Here’s a partial list of other loonie saving measures:

  • Instead of tackling dummies, they use real live dummies (plentiful in Canada, eh)
  • 12 mouthpieces, 12 cups (please make a speedy exchange when coming off the field)
  • Selling leftover urinalysis samples to American fans as “Budweiser” (three years, no complaints)
  • Seriously, this is the organization that hopes to stave off an NFL invasion? I bet when Roger Goodell and Ralph Wilson heard about these inadequate facilities, their eyes spun into dollar signs while making slot machine sounds. I saw Scrooge McDuck do it once, so I assume it is a condition peculiar to all rich folk.

    Just a suggestion…