The Advent Of The Now Mandatory Sexy Friday
Everyone knows Wednesday is the night for makin’ love. But we at KSK have decided it is our mission, nay, our DUTY, to make the whole week as erotic as humanly possible. And that starts today. After an intense bonerstorm, the six of us have decided the day of Friday is in desperate name of rechristening.
People, it is time to turn FRIDAY into SEXY FRIDAY.
From now on, all references to Friday shall now be changed to Sexy Friday. Thank god it’s Sexy Friday. Sexy Friday Night Lights. Sexy Friday I’m In Love (probably with another man). Freaky Sexy Friday. Good Sexy Friday. Sexy Friday 12, starring Mike Epps.
I’ve had enough of these drab, unsexy Fridays. You’ve worked hard all week. You’ve busted your ass at work time and time again. You don’t even have any NFL football to look forward to. Just seeing some dopey cheerleader poon to look at is simply not enough. You need to be SEXED UP. And you need to let everyone around you know that, from now on, FRIDAYS ARE FOR SEXINESS. Your girlfriend:
Her: Can we go to a movie tonight?
You: No, it’s Sexy Friday. Now put on this ass bra and take me to the Casbah.
Your boss:
Her: Before we break for the weekend, we have to have a status meeting at 5:45.
You: Fuck you, bitch. You had all day to status. It’s Sexy Friday now. That means it’s time for you to bust open your blouse and give my peepee a promotion to Chief Executive Boner.
Your mom:
Her: Hi honey! Just calling to see how you are.
You: Don’t call me on Sexy Friday, Mom. I’m in the middle of masturbating to this old episode of STUDS on the Game Show network. Spandex miniskirts give little Jimmy here a Sexy Friday flauta.
Your children:
Them: Dad, let’s play catch!
You: Fuck you, kids. It’s Sexy Friday. Go to bed right now so I can throw your mom over my shoulder and go can reclaim my manhood.
Telemarketers:
Her: Hi, I’m from Verizon.
You: Oh, yeah? Can you hear me now? It’s Sexy Friday, and I’ve got a fist full of Lubriderm. We can talk all night, sweet child.
Chicks At The Bar:
You: Can I buy you a drink?
Her: No.
You: Looks like your spending Sexy Friday alone with your butterfly clip-on vibrator then, lady. Give me your fat friend’s number. I’m gonna make a splash at her box office.
You have your marching orders, people. Go home, pour a drink, put some of those Trader Joe’s spanakopitas in the oven, toss on a Jimmy Cliff CD, and circle your lady like a preying cougar. SEXY FRIDAY is here to stay. And to get your Sexy Friday started, here’s Brooke Richards, with a little Laetitia Casta tossed in.
Boner voyage.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, i turn it into a sexy dance, it's business time, mamma mia, sexy friday posts, TGISF
July 11th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
In honor of Sexy Friday, I just fingered a pussy.
Damn thing scratched the hell out of me.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I for one am in favor of Sexy Friday and am i debt to its founder BDD
July 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
On Sexy Fridays the only meat we Catholics can eat is nun.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
@Gino
But it smells like fish.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Friday’s no good – how about Sunday?
July 11th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I like to talk about stool.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Drew, if your daughter watches Mr. Rogers reruns, you’ll have to make sure she knows that the puppet is “King Sexy Friday.”
July 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Guy Fieri reccomends the sexy mozzerella sticks.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
bdd, i’m nominating you for both a pulitzer and a nobel prize for your contributions to literature & humanity.
I’m gonna make a splash at her box office.
Indeed.
bless you & your muses, sir.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
TGI Sexy Friday’s?
Alas, even this wonderful, inspired rule could not make that happen.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Jimmy Cliff is certainly inspired. A good Cliff CD can definitely turn any Friday into a sexy Friday (just insert available female into the equation – literally).
July 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
“I’m gonna make a splash at her box office”
I hope I can use the phrase everyday if I can.
Thank you for adding that to my life.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Man, I am SO all over this. I had already decided that today was “Sexy Friday” anyhow, so I feel all fucking empowered now.
Now I just have to break it to the husband when he gets home.
Something tells me he’s gonna be sending BDD a little thank-you note, cash enclosed.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Great, now Hallmark will start the whole new line of “Sexy Friday” cards, meaning I’ll be obligated to purchase one every fucking week with some gift to ensure I get a chance to splash the wife’s box office. Oh to the time when the promise of letting her out of the laundry room (basement dungeon) got my sex on. Fuck.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
“Team Building Exercise Ninety-Nine!”
July 11th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Don’t you have to babysit tonight?
July 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I just listened to “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Bad to get in a sexy mood.
/no homo
I’m going to wreck the wife’s baby maker tonight
July 11th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Okay, Sexy Friday it is. But I still have to deal with Celibate Saturday, Immaculate Sunday, Modest Monday, Virtuous Tuesday, Wholesome Wednesday, and Vestal Thursday. Can we do something about those days too?
July 11th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Tony Zendejas would like to host TGISF events at his restaurant. Rohypnol provided as part of the cover charge, but you’ll have to get your own mattress.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
@ Miles O’Toole:
I think the point is that on Sexy Friday, the box office is open for business, regardless of whether or not you’re bringing the popcorn and Raisinettes. No card/gift bribe required. No weak matinée prices. And the hot butter pump at the concession stand is free for everyone. In other words, a beautiful thing.
At least that’s how I read it…so unless y’all want to screw this up for my husband, go along with it.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Then on our next date
Well, you could bring your roommate
I don’t know if Stu is keen to
But if you want we could double-team you
How about you
And two dudes?
Him, you and Stu
In the nude
Being lewd with two dudes with food
Well, that’s if Stu’s into it, too
July 11th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Preach on Netsrak, preach on.
/Married 21 years
/Shakes head and wonders why a marriage certificate murders a woman’s sex drive.
/Feels sorry for self and sobs
July 11th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
@Brrrrat,
Congrats – “Hot Butter Pump” was just added to the lexicon, as well.
Nice work, as always, Drew.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Damn…good thing I didn’t make the obvious joke about inviting a friend over for a double feature.
Or the “herpes cineplex” joke.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
ass bras get the gas face.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I immediatley thought of this fine tune:
Come on girl, yeah..it’s me Jackie Moon.
Don’t gimme that look, that’s right, let’s get sweaty, let’s get real sweaty
I’m talkin’ rainforest sweaty, I’m talkin’ swamp sweaty.
Let’s fill the bathtub full of sweat…alright
July 11th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Cheers to Sexy Friday.
Cheers to me pounding a 30-pack and going undefeated tonight in cornhole.
Cheers to the beer tent all weekend.
Jeers to no more hot wife to make a splash at her box office with.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Oh yeah. I’m definitely in my business socks.
/working from home rocks
July 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“When it’s with me you only need two minutes, ‘cause I’m so intense. Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.”
July 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“Chief Executive Boner” … “Sexy Friday Flauta”
These are now the leading candidates for my Fantasy Football team names.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Oh, FINE.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
As long as we’re all getting into a sexy Flight-of-the-Conchords state of mind, I thought I’d pass along the new video for “Ladies of the World.”
“Oh, you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man ladies … with your sexy lady bits and your sexy man bits too. Even you must be into you!”
July 11th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I wanna fish in Brooke’s bubbles.
July 11th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTOMBO???
July 11th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
you come into the room
and then you smell perfume
you lay down on our rounded bed
and then you feel a tickling on your head
well, it’s KG with the feather
and the french tickler;
look out baby, he got the tools!
and then you feel something down by your feet,
it’s me, J Lindy;
i’m sucking on your toes.
July 11th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
[...] kissingsuzykolber: nothing says funbags trump footballs like one of our fave sports sites introducing the now mandatory sex fridays. [...]
July 11th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Funbags trump footballs? Really?
/looks down shirt
Hurrah! I win!
July 11th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Fake, fake, fake, real.
Yeah, I know, no one male gives a shit.
July 11th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Looks like I picked the wrong week to split with my woman.
/goes home alone
July 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Sexy Friday > Sexy Rexy?
With those funbags I would have to say yes…until Football season starts then let the cumslangin’ begin.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR FAVRE POST?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 11th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
You know what’s sexy? Brett Farve in a Vikings uniform.
*Unconditional release’d*
July 11th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I can only hope the Favre post is taking this long because Drew is waiting on a photoshop of Brett leaking through his Maxipad. after throwing a pick.
July 11th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Laetitia Casta. Fuck yeah!
July 11th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
There has GOT to be a No-Brett-Favre-On-Sexy-Friday rule. It’s just a picture I don’t need in my head while I am pouring myself into leather underwear and working the hot butter pump, okay? I mean shit, I actually like the Packers, but there’s gotta be a rule here. A little decorum is all I ask. Tits and ass until midnight, after that, have at it.
July 11th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Write your own Favre post. I’m goin’ drinkin’.
July 11th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Brett Favre: not sexy enough for Sexy Friday.
July 11th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
@ Chris – you forgot to add kids to the mix – at that point, the shit be over, rover……..
/married 15 years
//2 kids
/// sobs quietly in glass of bourbon
July 11th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
@ Futuremrsrick….. football trumps funbags? fuck and no!! NEVER.
/back to well, really nothing now
July 11th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
@brrrrat
has the obama team talked to you about the vp post yet? you’re just what the man needs.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Definitely should be put on the docket for the next session of Congress to make this a federal law.
Completely off topic but somewhere around the topic…
Porn directed by females is some of the most atrocious, pretentious, and self aggrandizing piece of garbage I’ve ever seen. But it served its purpose. So…back to topic
July 12th, 2008 at 12:21 am
Nice FOC clip, welcome to a year and a half ago… faggots. (I’m still angry about ape ruining Two Face for me.)
July 12th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Jimmy Cliff? Spanakopitas? Can tech come over? No Homo.
Seriously add some box wine and you got a pretty good weekend.
July 12th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Brett Favre is a pile of… dog doo!!
/fuck this is hard
//looking forward to homely saturday
July 12th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Mmmmm….Trader Joe’s Spanakopitas. Yummy.
July 12th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Laetitia Casta?
Yeah, she’s ok.