Competitor (seed): Mario Williams (8)
Nickname: Super
Height: 6’7″
Weight: 291
Reach: Lenny Pasquarelli still thinks so.
Sponsor: Hennessey Performance Engineering and Israel Military Industries.
Ring Music: I Luv Your Girl
Birthplace: Richlands, NC. Home to absolutely nobody.
Pedigree: None.
Strength: An explosive combination of speed, power, and Italian craftsmanship.
Weakness: Always trying to go too fast.
Predilection towards violence: Only towards targets, and they’re just begging for it.
Fighting Style: Mario likes to keep his opponent at a distance, lulling him to sleep before attacking with a flurry of clubbing shots.
Competitor (seed): Osi Umenyioria (9)
Nickname: The Mad Scatter
Height: 6’3″
Weight: 261
Reach: That time he thought he was ready for space-docking.
Sponsor: Flushable Wipes
Ring Music: Shit On You
Birthplace: London, England. Current boxers like Joe Calzaghe and David Haye share Osi’s city of birth as do retired champs like Lennox Lewis and Chris Eubank.
Pedigree: Gives him a nice firm bowel movement, unlike the Science Diet crap that gave him the runs all over Selita Ebanks.
Strength: Speed and aggression.
Weakness: Bitches.
Predilection towards violence: His fetishes, while troubling, are mostly harmless.
Fighting Style: Osi is a brawler who will take any opportunity to get up in that ass. He’s obviously not afraid to get a little dirty on the inside, but don’t sleep on his skills.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/lol-gonna-miss-you-nfl-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/scrooge-150x150.gif)
Mario would’nt even fight him. He would make Osi his big bootied broad like the ones in Osi’s picture. Mario would sit himon his lap and finger him like a woman.
Note to all men: you can stop getting Superman logo tattoos now. Damn.
I don’t care what his nickname is, a Superman tattoo is now the mark of the douchebag.
I vote Osi ’cause I really really can’t get enough of the poop jokes. For pure entertainment, Mario can’t beat “The Mad Scatter” and “Flushable Wipes”
Williams would actually win a fight, but I’m guessing Umenyiora will win just so you guys can print that photo again.
I vote Williams.
Osi’s already started the shit talkin’
talkin’ is a link to a page on
this Web site.
Jeff V, it’s not game when you’re paying $3K per poop.
Also no one is giving Osi enough credit. He’s a slightly chubby egor type guy who not only landed a victoria secret model but actually convinced her to let him crap on her…that is game.
Did you know that Poop is funny. All the time.
It is.
I vote Osi.
Where’s the votemeter? And why the hell are all my posts being delayed for 15 minutes? Is someone manually clearing all posts now?
Osi’s hoes might distract Mario if they were leaning on a couple of Lambos, but that would just delay the inevitable ass kicking and public humilation as he does a Rikishi on Osi.
If we are voting on this based on who we really think would win, Mario should win in a walk. Sadly, I’m betting poop jokes sway more than a few voters.
do we get to see who can pummel Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian the hardest for a tie breaker?
In some Third World countries, Reggie Bush would long ago have been stoned to death for having sex with a venereal goat like Kardashian.
Sometimes, we really can learn things from other parts of the world.
i realized that after i hit submit, but then the complexities of explaining myself put me in a state of paralysis. but by shit i meant internet explorer, not my poops. I would hope if my dump wanted to talk to me it would say something more interesting than telling me i already voted in an online poll.
if they fight to a draw… do we get to see who can pummel Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian the hardest for a tie breaker?
@Pemulis: Maybe you shouldn’t use the word “shit” so casually when commenting on a post about Osi. When I first read that I thought you were going all Mr. Hanky on us.
My shits telling me this address already voted. Guess that means someone else in my building reads for this site and votes? or am i retarded, or some combination of both. Maybe don’t answer that.
Who do I think will win, or who amuses me more? I think Mario wins, but Osi has far more disturbing fetishes. I voted for Osi.
This was a surprisingly prescient match-up, given Osi’s recent running off at the mouth.
Jees, everyone’s throwing around the cunt-bomb
Mario will beat Osi the way John McCain beats Cindy.
He’s going to call Osi a cunt?
I didn’t have time to use spellcheck.
on some level I’m glad I didn’t know how to spell that.
That’s “Scheisse” video.
Hooray for putting my German degree to use!
Mario will distract Osi with a German Schizer video…
and then kick his ass.
With a sturdy piece of bamboo?
Mario will beat Osi the way John McCain beats Cindy.
Well played, Mitch.
Damn it Otto, you have lupus!
My screen already shows the button for Mario Williams as being filled in. Did I do that without noticing it, or is the fix in? Not that I object; I was going to vote for Mario anyway. I don’t see him letting Osi get close enough to shit on his chest.
Oh, and Len Pasquarelli is still a dick.
Shitty Idea.
Is A
Posts
Breaking up
That and I want to see more poop jokes in later rounds.
Uh-oh.
oh bitch bitch bitch.
no idea where that jump came from, but i think we could use them on the longer posts that take up the entire page.
WTF is this “click to read the rest…” shiznazzle?
As a white man who’s also terrified by change — and yet, shockingly, not a Republican — I have to agree.
These here intertubes can handle the whole post. Don’t make me click through like it’s a Choose Your Own Adventure story.
I got Osi. I heard Mario is afraid of the dookie. That and I want to see more poop jokes in later rounds.
I agree with Futuremrs. What is this click to read? NO!
I see a Cleveland Steamer in Mario’s future, Osi by TKO and an after fight “treat” for not so Super Mario….
Also, not to be “that girl” (might be too late, now that I think about it), but WTF is this “click to read the rest…” shiznazzle?
/is terrified by change
my brother in law is named Mario so I’m voting for Williams
“The Mad Scatter”
Fucking awesome, but Osi is going to get the shit knocked out of him.
/weak pun intended
Triumph the Insult Comic told me to vote for Osi.
williams. not just because there are too many giants in this field either.
As gross and entertaining as the Osi rumors are, I think it’s pretty fucking obvious that Mario Williams would absolutely own him.