People! Peter King needs your help! His MMQB column has long been a repository for softball stories, chronicles of his visits to the enema farm, very long journals of his summer vacation (he really did that this week), and, if there’s any room left, maybe a smidgeon of football insight. Just a bit. Not too much. That would be overkill.
But King doesn’t want to stop there! He wants you to help him think up new items for his column, so that they can be spread across even MORE pages on the si.com website!
I Need Your Help
In the mortal words of Mike Greenberg, “We’re back and better than ever.” (At least that’s what Greenie says at the start of his morning ESPN Radio show every day.) And as another season of MMQB dawns, I’m stealing the line and asking for you to help me mean it.
I want to be back and better than ever. I want you to help me find two or three new column staples to add to my weekly lineup of travel notes, stats, quotes, Fine Fifteens, players of the week, factoids that mean something to me, and coffee shots.
Well, we at KSK couldn’t resist such an invitation. Peter, we think you need to add these features RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Ask My Brother Biff
Who Ass Am I Smoochin’ This Week?
Current GPS Location Of My Daughter
Another Wonderful Thing About Colgate!
Thing I Swallowed Whole
Stop Me Before I Mingle Again!
My Pity Blowjob Of The Week
Things In Brett Favre’s Garbage
Unexpected Thing I Found In My Stool
Another Brilliant Insight From Tiki Barber
Miscellaneous Douchebaggery
Starbucks-Approved Liberal Viewpoint Of The Week
Movie I Saw Recently That You Saw Seven Years Ago
Gratuitous Praise For “House”
What Is Wrong With People Who Aren’t Me?
Another Reason Why I Love Sugarless Gum
Thing I Got To Do That You Are Too Poor To Do
Hysterical Thing Frank Caliendo Did
This Week’s Opinion I Formed After Reading Newsweek
Edgy U2 Song I Like!
Safe Word Of The Day
Thing I Saw That I Couldn’t Believe
Uninformed Baseball Opinion
Yours in the comments. Help Peter King, everyone!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/pkcortez-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/04/peterking1-450x6001-150x150.jpg)
hey there and thank you for your information – I’ve certainly picked up something completely new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues using this web site, as I experienced to reload the web site a lot of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently impact your location in google and can damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with yahoo. Well I am adding this RSS to my email and can look out for much more of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again soon..
hey there & thanks for your info – I have certainly picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise some technical points using this website, since I experienced to reload the site many times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will very frequently impact your situation in google and could damage your high quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and could look out for a lot more of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again soon..
hello & thanks for your info – I have certainly picked up anything brand-new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues using this website, as I experienced to reload the website a lot of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will often have an effect on your positioning in google and could damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for a lot more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..
hey there & thank you for your info – I’ve certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues using this site, since I experienced to reload the web site a lot of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will often impact your positioning in google and can damage your high-quality score if advertising and marketing with yahoo. Well I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for a lot more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..
Appreciating the commitment you put into your blog and detailed information you provide. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material. Wonderful read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.
4 for Ps3 http://4us.to/download.php?id=431241DA1
Other uses for egg nog
Overrated Black Coaches
My Weekly Rant On Overreacting To Something A Darkie Did This Week While Excusing A White Player For Doing The Exact Same Thing.
oh wait…..that’s already in the column. how about:
Different Odors I Have Noticed On Black People
Kids these days!
things i said to the radio this morning
reasons why they shouldn’t call it “pancake” makeup
ways i would hatefuck len pasquarelli
I Suck At Fantasy Football, And Other Reasons Why People Should Stop Trusting My Football Acumen
Which Coffee at Starbucks Taste Best Mixed With Favraro’s Semen
Hair products that are surprisingly tasty.
Interesting shapes I have shaved in my pubic hair.
The wide variety of smoothies made from lard.
Wait a minute, weren’t Peter King, Chris Berman and Big Daddy Drew supposed to have a pie-eating contest?
- Weekly conversations with Al Davis
I have to say, I’m stunned that the rambling Larry King-style insanity of Al Davis hasn’t emerged as a regular character here.
I suspect that Flubby’s veto vote on the KSK Security Council is standing in the way.
- Last week’s food I found lodged in my teeth
- Why are public bathroom stalls so small?
- Songs I sang while traveling along the PA Turnpike
- Weekly conversations with Al Davis
- 10 Football Related Things I Heard This Week from a Woman Who Doesn’t Know Shit About Football, but Obviously Knows Way More than Me.
- Enjoyable/Aggrevating Ways to Make Contact with Another Man Under the Bathroom Stall for Annonymous Gay Sex while Traveling to Every Rest Stop on the NJ Turnpike while Having Total Deniability that You Were Trying to Make Contact with Another Man Under the Bathroom Stall for Annonymous Gay Sex while Traveling to Every Rest Stop on the NJ Turnpike (aka, Me, Bob Costas and the Glory Hole)
Words only hipster cognescetti columnists like me know and use:
First, “endgame”
Second, “gravitas”
Third, “extra sausage gravy”
-Ten Things I Think I Found in the Manning Family’s Trash This Week
-Stuff That Costs More Than It Did a Few Years Ago and My Reaction When I Buy Them
-Things That Phil Simms Can Cure with Green Tea
-Which Branch Of Starbucks Gives the Best Handjobs, and Why
White Quarterbacks Who Just Love To Play The Game
What’s in my pockets?
That time I dusted all my furniture.
My five favourite legumes and why.
- Boogers I think I picked this week
- Aggravating/Enjoyable bowel movement
- Melanomas I’ve known and loved
-Sports-related websites with writers better than PK.
-Words overheard in The Wire that have no meaning to PK.
-Tally of times PK cried himself to sleep this year.
“NFL head coaches that need to stay away from my daughter”
This week: Mike Tomlin
Next week: Lovie Smith
“People I saw on the train this week that are inferior to me”
“Reasons why I must stay at least 100 feet from Tony Romo”
Things I talk about guys on tv doing that I can’t do because I’m unathletic. Week 1-touch toes. Week 2-Flip Coin. Week 3-Kick Ball, run 70 yards….
hank-it was cheers.
he found out about mash in the lower 90′s, i believe. and the shotgun formation in 2002.
@ Otto Man: Couldn’t those two just be combined into “Unexpected things I found in Brett Favre’s stool?” Y’know…for brevity’s sake?
stalking brett favre’s whoredog wife. that slut never deserved you brett. you’re too good for her!
Have you seen this show called “Lost”? I can’t wait to find out what’s in that weird hatch!
Cheeky Football Related Limericks
What I’ve Smelled This Week
Wacky Airplane Humor
What I’m Masturbating To This Week
Oh, crap. That last one’s for bloggers only…
Meats of the Week – Week 1: Prosciutto
Leave it to the Italians to make dried ham taste good.
Next week: Turkey
Paul Reiser- The Future of Comedy
@ Trailer Trash – could you recommend a proper wine to go with said Redhead?
As for PK, here’s my 2-3 ideas:
- How smug are Bob Costas and Keith Olbermann?
- TV shows from this decade that I haven’t seen yet
- Dahkies that have boned my daughters
In the mortal words of Mike Greenberg, “We’re back and better than ever.” (At least that’s what Greenie says at the start of his morning ESPN Radio show every day.) And as another season of MMQB dawns, I’m stealing the line and asking for you to help me mean it.
Are you fucking serious? The fact that this fuckface gets paid to write makes me want to give myself a lobotomy.
Valtrex, Xanax, and Plavix along with all the other lifestyle medications I pop from my Brett Favre Pez Dispenser.
Goofus and Gallant
/worked for Highlights, why not SI
@Maj – You almost had it, but then you went and used the correct form of “you’re.”
Co-Workers Wives I Would Bone – and yes, the Flaming Redhead’s carpet not only matches the drapes – but it starts around her navel ring.
Who’s sperm is in my flatus?
LINNER: A New Meal Between Lunch and Dinner?
Dahkies I have met….and not had to hand over my wallet.
“The Wacky Outrageousness of Family Guy”
Apparently PK just found out about Stewie and crew months ago, showing that he is right up there with Joe Paterno (and his recent discovery of MASH) in terms of cultural relevancy and awareness.
YOU CAN’T WRITE ABOUT JESUS LIKE THIS! YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!
“new analysts that should be added to the football night in america cast”
This Week in Tony Romo’s Flaxen Pubic Hair
Things Tom Brady Told Me In the Steam Room: (This Week: Open your throat. Next Week: Put two fingers in my ass.)
Aggravating/Enjoyable Music Listening Note of the Week
-I liked Norah Jones a lot more before I knew here dad was Ravi Shankar. The Beatles were a perfectly good band before they met that troublemaker. Don’t they worship cows in India? (More thoughts on that later in my other new feature “Cultural Differences That Confuse and/or Scare me”) I guess I really like burgers so I guess he can’t be all THAT bad.
favorite emmitt smith “colloquialism” of the day
A weekly column of reader suggestions of what PK can fit into his rectum without having to dial 911.
That’s after he pulls his own head out first, of course.
“factoids that mean something to me, and cum shots to my face.”
/fixed
No, I didn’t play Norm on “Cheers”. You’re thinking of George Wendt.
the fuck is a coffee shot?
Date of Last Intercourse (With a Human…that was alive)
Things That I Thought About While Thinking About What Brett Was Thinking About While Reading My Things That I Think I Think.
Great Moments in Jewish American Football History.
Delerious Ramblings Caused By A Gravy-Induced Stroke.
What we had catered at the Football Night in America set. Actually that might be kinda decent read.
Weekly Reason Why Montclair, NJ Is A Nice Place To Raise A Family, Even Though I Live In The Snobby Section Known As “Upper Montclair”, And I Never Visit The “Lower” Part Of Town Where All The “Black” People Live, And Which Recently Saw Two Horrific Crimes That Garnered National Media Attention, Proving That, Once Again, I’m An Insulated Over The Hill Douchebag And Have No Idea What The Fuck I’m Talking About.
shit fat people love to eat.
actually, that’s not bad…..
Easterbrook still thinks his is longer…
I was going to make a circumcision joke about a “long, pointless column” but then I remembered we were talking about Peter King, and from then on I couldn’t think well over the sounds of my own screams.
What Tony Romo smiled at this week!
The “Last Time I Saw My Dick Without Using A Mirror” Counter.
Pleats: I don’t know why they’re there, but they sure are great!
Words That Rhyme with “Corey”
Paper v. Plastic – and other classic timewasters…
Pretty faces, smelly places, Candace Parker’s relationship with Shelden Williams
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/bj-mullens-hype-machine-warm-and-ready/
Things In Brett Favre’s Garbage
Unexpected Things I Found In My Stool
I assume these are paired in a before-and-after combination, right?
I got one.
Things and Facts About Football.
I know, I know, that’s crazy talk.