Look, Judith. I know you’re a busy girl, you’re some big-time actress and all that. You have way more important people to talk to than me, so I’m gonna cut to the chase. I’ll put all my cards on the table. That’s just the kinda guy I am. So here goes, Judith.

I really, really want to fuck you, Judith. I want to fuck you so bad, I can taste it. I wanna hollow you out like an unassembled Twinkie, and then blast you full with a load of my special creamy filling. You like Twinkies, Judith? Think of an eight-inch twinkie that looks just like a cock.  That’s what I’ve got with a big red bow on it. Just for you.

You and me, Judith, we HAVE to hook it up right now, or my dong is gonna explode so badly that Homeland Security’s gonna search my asshole for WMDs. We’ve gotta fuck now. I don’t care how we do it. Or when. Or where. That coat check room looks pretty good. There’s a nice little alcove in the kitchen area. Oh, did I mention the alley outside?

Whatever you do, don’t take all your clothes off right away. I hate that shit. I know just the thing to get us started: you can sit on my face while I read your IMDb page to you — get ready to moan when I get to your performance as Zuleika in Joseph: King of Dreams. You just nailed that character, Judith. And now I’m gonna nail you.

Can you feel it, Judith? Can you feel that tension in the air? Holy shit, I can feel my balls curling up like a cobra, ready to strike. And spew venom. If you had a flute and a turban, you could probably charm my cock right outta my pants. And I’d let you. I’m a sucker for Vivaldi, just so you know.

So think about it., Judith. You don’t have to answer right away, but do it soon. I’m gonna fuck you so hard it’s gonna spark another Tony Danza comeback. Have your people call my people, and let’s get this party started.