The Los Angeles Times revealed that the NFL has hired criminology experts to study game film to determine whether players have been flashing gang signs as part of their on-field celebrations.

At first, the investigation hadn’t netted much in the way of leads. Randy Moss was thought to have been linked to a underground society of retarded bat people, per his regular touchdown antics. And Shawne Merriman was suspected of involvement in the notorious Women Shakers Crew, but was determined that he typically acts alone in his raping escapades.

One major finding was that previously thought to be upstanding Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer is in fact the founder of the international street gang MS-13, or Mara Salvatrucha. The name is a misnomer derived from Maria Salvatrucha, a Guatemalan woman who used to clean his parents’ home in Rancho Santa Margarita, California.

“Me and my vatos, we be killing folks, guey,” Palmer told a reporter before shooting him in the leg then tucking the gun into the waist of his pants, from which he removed another, larger gun. “This Cornhole Classic thing, it don’t mean shit. Killing’s all my people know.”

When asked why he’s not more overt with his signals, he pistol whipped his interviewer, spit on him, then said, “You gotta me smart about that shit, man.”

According to Palmer, all his distinctive gang tattoos are hidden beneath the area his jersey usually covers, therefore obscuring them for the cameras. What gave him away, he thinks, was his memorable clutching of his ankle during a 2005 Wild Card playoff game, which turns out to be a widely used sign by the gang mostly composed of males from Central American countries.

“Vaya con dios, motherfuckers,” the quarterback shouted before emptying a clip into a crowd of schoolchildren.