KSK Presents WAFFLED! The Belgian Invasion Of The American Beertatorship
Hey, you! Yes you, you little fucker. Looking forward to football season, are ye? I bet you are. If you’re like me, I bet you’re planning on spending most of the season getting DRUNK. Real drunk. So drunk, you won’t even be able to recognize your own vomit. And I bet the chief tool you use for getting drunk will be beer. A whole SHITLOAD of watered-down, shitty ass American beer, like Budweiser.
Yes, Budweiser: long prized for its drinkability, because you don’t want to deal with pesky things such as flavor and body on your way to getting ass ripped. That’s queer shit. Yes, football fans have been quaffing Bud’s delicious carbonated rice water for decades. It’s as synonymous with the NFL as John Madden, cheerleaders, or driving while high on cocaine and Vioxx. You see Bud advertising everywhere in the NFL: during games, on any number of hot seats, on airships, on billboards, in magazines, tattooed on Santonio Holmes’ cock. It’s omnipresent.
But I got news for you, people. You may think you’re guzzling down cans of pure American elbow grease. You may think your hard-earned money is going to true American patriots like the August Anheuser Busch IV, who got rich like most rich Americans: by inheriting all his money from a much harder working generation. But you’re not. I have shocking, disgusting news for you. That money is going straight to BELGIUM.
Fucking Belgium! WTF?!!!11!!!1!!!
Turns out a Belgian conglomerate called InBev (NOTE: The word “InBev” is Belgian for “dogfucking,” a favored pursuit of the Belgish people) has purchased Anheuser Busch for $52 billion, creating the world’s largest brewer. You might remember InBev from such beers as Stella Artois, the bland, flavorless lager preferred by 8 out of 10 asshole East Village hipster bars.
This purchase represents a direct, immediate threat to both NFL fans and the greater American population. I don’t want these mussel-eating mime trainers taking over the company that helps finance the NFL and keeps a majority of Americans drunk enough to stay numb to their horrible, horrible lives. I’m not gonna fucking stand for this shit. China’s already stealing all our fucking food. I don’t want these Jean Claude Van Damme-spawning assholes controlling our alcohol. The key to any good ground war is INFORMATION. So here is a quick FAQ to let you know how you can FIGHT THE BELGIAN MENACE.
Q: What is Belgium?
A: Belgium is a very small European country. I think it’s near Germany, which I think is near India. The entire country is tucked into the unused bathroom of a noted French whorehouse. Belgium has fought in NO WARS that I can remember, which makes them stupid and gay.
Q: What’s a Belgian person like?
A: The Belgians are a bizarre, deformed shape of winged daemons who feed almost exclusively on the heads of human fetuses. Here’s a picture of one.
They also love moules frites, a classic dish featuring French fries and steamed mussels. I’m pretty sure this is the only thing I’ve seen on the menu at any Belgian restaurant. To say they lack culinary imagination is a huge understatement. In their spare time, Belgians enjoy stabbing puppets, building pretty but ultimately uninteresting villages, and making rope out of human hair.
Q: What language do they speak?
A: They speak Belgish, which is a cross between Flemish, Norman, Visigoth, and humpback whale mating calls. Only wolves can hear it.
Q: What do they want with my beer?
A: The motivations of the Belgians right now are unclear, which is what makes this so very terrifying. Perhaps they are motiveless anarchists. Perhaps they want to tinker with the formula of Bud to make it “better”, or “more hoppy”. Either way, it makes me very uneasy.
Q: Is there anything I can do to prevent this?
A: Yes. Write to your local Senator or Congressman. There’s only one way to stop this Belgian assault on both our economy and our values: a series of targeted air strikes, followed by a ground invasion, followed by systematic genocide. Belgians can only be killed one of two ways: by copper weapons, or by making them swallow helium.
Q: Should I continue drinking Anheuser Busch products?
A: NO! Do not continue drinking Budweiser. Unless you have some left in the house and hate wasting alcohol, as I do. The time has come for a boycott of all Belgian products, even Neuhaus chocolate, which is almost better than sex on a Jet Ski. In fact, fuck boycotts. This is a MANcott. Every Bud you buy fills these Belgian fuckers’ coffers, allowing them to pollute the world with their ramequins filled with garlic mayonnaise. FUCK THAT.
Q: What should I drink instead?
A: You have several options. You can drink Miller Lite, which is fucking terrible. You can also drink Coors Light, which is also fucking terrible. But at least Coors Light is an offical sponsor of the NFL. Also, when you open a Coors Light, a big fucking silver train comes from out of nowhere! And you can see your breath! And girls with big tits show up out of thin air! Awesome.
Also, profits from Coors Light go directly to the American underground neo-Nazi movement. Cheers to you, mein fuhrer!
Whatever you do, DO NOT drink any Belgian beer. Belgium is renowned for making delicious dubbels and trappist ales that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. THIS IS A TRAP. It’s right there in the name: “trap”pist. You know who makes those beers? Bloodthirsty Belgian monks, who employ the beer as a sedative before FUCKING THEIR VICTIMS UP THE ASS. You keep that Chimay away from my family, you perverts.
Q: What should I do if I see a Belgian here in America?
A: You’ll no doubt start seeing Belgians trying to jump our elaborate water fences out in the Atlantic in an attempt to take over our jobs and bang our wives. If you see one of these effete fuckers walking around, you get right up in his fey little grill and tell him NOT ON MY WATCH, ASSFACE. Then, throw pennies at him. The small amount of copper inside will stun him momentarily.
Whatever happens, the one thing none of us can afford is to sit still. MILD ACTION MUST BE CONSIDERED AND THEN NOT ACTED UPON. Our somewhat beloved but not really beloved King of Beers has just been turned into a Viceroy of Beers, or whatever fruity title those homos in Europe use for their monarchs. I bet they even change the name Budweiser to something unamerican-sounding, like Budweiser. The fucks.
The buck stops here, you Brussels-strolling freaks. I’m onto your game. You may take our horrible, mass-produced beer. But we will NEVER stop defacing your prized waffles with fried chicken. Take your Belgian culture and shove it up you daemon butt. Because the US of A doesn’t back down from a fight. Especially one from small, helpless countries that can’t defend themselves.
You’ve eaten your last mussel, you pieces of shit.
UPDATE: I have just been informed that both Miller Lite and Coors are also owned by international holding companies. DAMN YOU, GLOBALIZATION! GAHHHHHH!!!!
Also, someone actually created this website to protest the sale. Morons.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, FAQs, important shit you need to know, International Crises, nowhere near as cool as Holland, The Belgian Menace
July 14th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Stella Artois, the bland, flavorless lager
Oh you’re a jackass! Where the fuck is that Oscar guy when we need him?
July 14th, 2008 at 11:06 am
/sips Delirium
//dips frittes in white wine and garlic sauce
July 14th, 2008 at 11:08 am
They also make Beck or so i read….
July 14th, 2008 at 11:10 am
“Life’s too short to drink domestic”
– The Devil
/bringing it back to the existentialist discussion.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Hmm, this could create trouble for America’s minority populations as well. I shudder to think what might happen if the Mexicans, who are here to take American jobs, and African-Americans, who are after your white wives, are replaced by Belgians. At least I can take solace in knowing that our children are safe from the Belgian Onslaught and available to be recruited by the gays.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Miller is owned by South Africans and Coors by Canadians. I think PBR is the only ‘Murrican beer left, so we’ll have to take it back from the hipsters. I think holding Vampire Weekend hostage, then arranging a prisoner exchange Hezbollah-style would do it.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:13 am
if we lose budweiser, do we also lose its classy derivatives busch and natty? this is a dark day for america indeed
July 14th, 2008 at 11:16 am
You can also drink Coors Light, which is also fucking terrible. But at least Coors Light is an offical sponsor of the NFL.
True, but Coors Light is also an official sponsor of the Third Reich, so it’s sort of a wash.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I’ll continue drinking the American that all good Bills fans drink: Genny Light.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Yuengling is brewed in Pottsville, PA, and wipes its ass with Bud/Miller/Coors.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Aristotle was not Belgian, but Jean-Claude Van Damme is - weird…
July 14th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Needs more Jacques Brel songs.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:23 am
If Van-Damme becomes the offical spokesman… I’m drinking it. Fuck You, Drew!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:24 am
out here, coors light is called “c minus” though i’m not sure why. this post was another reminder of how much american beer sucks.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Maybe Belgium wanted to horn-in on St. Louis’ monopoly of diarrhea and headaches.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:32 am
but what I need to know is; what would Jesus drink?
July 14th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Then we get to Sam Adams. The upside: named after a president, which is awesome. The downside: From Boston.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Then we get to Sam Adams. The upside: named after a president, which is awesome.
And they say the American educational system is in shambles. Suck on our smarts, Belgium!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:35 am
@shinons
sam adams wasnt a president, that was john adams and john quincy adams.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:35 am
I too feared for American way of life when I heard of this news, however ten I remembered how much Bud sucks and how this can only be a GOOD thing.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Yuengling is brewed in Pottsville, PA, and wipes its ass with Bud/Miller/Coors.
Agreed. It’s an older label than all those weakass fucks as well.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:36 am
@Shinons, but mostly brewed in Cincinnati and he was never president.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I think the most important thing to note is what Drew briefly touched on. Bud is made with rice. Who the fuck uses rice to make beer? Bud is shit. Give me my sweet asian mistress Ying-Ling.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Then we get to Sam Adams. The upside: named after a president, which is awesome. The downside: From Boston.
Uh…Sam Adams wasn’t a president. JOHN Adams and JOHN QUINCY Adams were. Sam was too rich to need the job.
As long as the Dutch don’t come after Turbodog or Purple Haze, I’m happy.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Sure he was. He was right between the vacuum guy and the guy Polka dots are named after.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Sam Adams WAS President. Of his local Lions Club chapter.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Hmm…and here I thought the comments section was the place for facetiousness (which means face ticks)…
July 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Is it safe to drink Tuborg? The beer of Danish Kings?
July 14th, 2008 at 11:47 am
As long as Natty Light stays cheap, it can be brewed in Iran for all I care
July 14th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Reggie Bush’s Pimp - Amen to that.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am
good riddance to that swill.
yeungling has been kicking its ass up and down the eastern seaboard anyway.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Wasn’t Sam Adams Benjamin Franklin’s VP?
I’m sure money talks, but it would be downright amazing if one of the 3 major sports leagues shuffled out of their Budweiser contracts because they prefere to have American sports supported by American beer and went with Sam Adams, Sierra Nevada, Stone, Shiner, Full Sail, etc…
But frankly, wth the megabucks InBev pulls, there’s about as much chance of that happening as there is of me bowling a 298 with my left testicle.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis…
July 14th, 2008 at 11:54 am
It’s hard to really hate Belgians, though. Besides brewing some of the world’s best beer (not under InBev, mind you) they get to speak French without actually having to BE French. That’s got to count for something.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Stella drinkers start at the 1:20 mark - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cH0pleQYOs
July 14th, 2008 at 11:59 am
You use the word ramequins and it’s the Belgians who are gay?
Also, Yuengling blows goats.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
As long as they keep using Bruce Campbell in their commercials, Budweiser is fine by me.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Also, everything Dogfish Head has ever done or will ever do is greater than whatever beer you drank this past weekend. Period.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Stella Artois is quite possibly the worst beer known to man. If I was given Stella Artois in a blind taste test, I would immediately assume somebody gave me a skunky Busch Light, or something of that quality (I use that term loosely). If I’m going to drink a cheap tasting beer, well, it better fucking be cheap too.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Start drinking Surly.
That is all.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Yuengling for the win. Oldest AMERICAN brewery, motherfuckers.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
any opinions on Leinenkugel? They just started sell it where I live.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@futuremrs
not better than Colt .45 which truly works every time.
Even If Dogfish Head has come out with a version of the delicious nectar. (Liquor de Malt).
July 14th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Dogfish 120 IPA changed my life. Best $9 I ever spent
July 14th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Leinie’s…. if you can get it for less than 10 for a 12 pack I can’t knock it. Its always on special at some bar in Chicago, just don’t drink the shandy.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Leinie’s is fine, but nothing special. And yes, do stay away from the shandy.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Haha nevernude, isn’t the 120-minute like 20% alcohol? Delicious AND efficient. Amazing! I like the 60-minute and Raison d’Etre myself…
July 14th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
thanks for the heads up.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I have to cut the belgians a little slack for one reason: Pommes Frites, 2nd Ave. Manhattan.
Best fucking fries and best assortment of mayonnaise based dipping sauces on the face of the globe.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
And the 90 minute IPA is my favorite dogfishhead brain destroyer. I didn’t even know there was a 120.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
http://www.pommesfrites.ws/menu.htm
July 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
i like beer
July 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Let’s not forget about Bell’s in Michigan.
/They terk er birrs!!!
July 14th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
@futuremrs
I’ve only had one dogfish ale - DOGFISH HEAD FESTINA PECHE - there is nothing I can say to convey how truly awful this beer is - think someone drinking a pint of corona and then puking the bile back into a glass and then serving it to you - it’s that bad
July 14th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I’ve had 120 once. Besides tasting like nuclear waste, smelling like canned farts, and coating my mouth like motoroil, it got me delightfully intoxicated
July 14th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
The Dogfish Head people get too clever for their own good, sometimes.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
twoeightnine can back me up on this one: Burton Baton is the best DH brew. It’s an oak-aged 90 Minute + an English ale. Palo Santo Marron is a close second.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat is my favorite beer. It tastes like the milk after a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
From this day forward, anyone who drinks AB/INBEV products shall be fucked in the ass till they spit shit. Amen. I’m sure the gay mafia would have it no other way.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
@bdd
aren’t even big-time bloggers supposed to attribute their work?
what are you doing cribbing the us state department’s fact sheet & travelers’ advisory on belgium?
July 14th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
dogfish head is the shit, big fan of the 60 and 90, had their Immort Ale a few weekends ago and it was superb.
I know this takeover is the norm in our new global economy, but seriously, belgium? we probably will never notice the difference, until they start having monks feed the killer whales at seaworld.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Dogfish Head is very hit and miss. Some of it is delicious, and some of it makes me want to vomit.
Leinenkugel is a beer of champions. I don’t know what the fuck you guys are talking about; the shandy is good. Once you get used to the whole lemonade+beer thing. Berry Weiss continues to be the only fruit flavored beer it’s considered acceptable to drink.
And Yuengling kicks ass. My evening prayer has a line that states “And sweet merciful 8 pound, 6 ounce newborn baby Jesus, please convince those Pennsylvania fucks to start shipping Yuengling to Chicago, because it’s the only decent thing other than cheesesteaks to come out of that godforsaken hellhole. Amen.”
Also, Goose Island isn’t bad. I recommend the 312.
And the people that make Fat Tire. God love them.
And fuck the PBR-drinking hipster douchebags.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
if I remember my history correctly, didn’t Busch steal the Budweiser recipe from the Czechs and bring it to North America ?
July 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
The Belgians can’t decide if they want to be Dutch or French. They’re a silly little monarchy. The wounds they inflicted on colonial Africa were worse than any other of their European counter-parts. I sold my Budweiser stock in the nick of time.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
But what will become of the AB staple, Hurricane Malt Liquor?
July 14th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
The Anheuser-Busch gang took a 500 year old lager recipe from the Czech town Budvar (or Budweis to the Germans) and sold it in America. The Czechs still brew their ownoriginal lager and sell it as Czechvar, though once it was called Budweiser.
/cracks beer before noon
July 14th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
@grimey- my friend and i were standing in the beer aisle at the store when we overheard that exact same beer be described in the exact same way except he used fruit loops. it took everything in our power to avoid shitting ourselves laughing on the spot. pretty sure that’s not how you want your beer to taste.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Personally I’m more of Hamm’s or Schlitz man myself, but in all seriousness I died a little inside when I heard that A-B bought Goose Island’s distribution
@Reggie Bush’s Pimp: good call Turbodog is amazing
Oh and thanks to Wikipedia, I’d like to inform all that Sam Adams governed the Massholes for 4 years, which I assume would be like the President of the Aryan Nation
July 14th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Miserable fat Belgian bastards!
July 14th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Why did no one care when SABMiller and Molson Coors became “un-American”? Screw A-B anyway.
I don’t know how wide their distribution is, but Brooklyn Brewery makes some good stuff. Their lager and weisse are both solid B+ offerings. Brewmaster Garrett Oliver is my hero.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
If I see one more commenter who thought this post was sincere, I’m banning all of you.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Yep, AB stole the Budvar or Budweis recipe. I totally recommend Czechvar, especially if you can get it in a brown bottle. Green bottles skunk beer. So do clear ones.
Leinenkugels is the GREAT American Lager, not Bud. Gotta give props to Yuengling, though, it’s just like Leinie’s in that regard. Dogfish Head, it’s true, makes some good ones and bad ones (that Black & Blue shit is corn-beer with berries. Vomituous for sure…). Goose Island makes some actually good Belgian clones - I prefer the Pere Jacques, but the Matilda is also good. But for really good American made beer, check out Three Floyds if you can get it. Alpha King is awesome, and Gumball Head wheat is the best wheat beer out there.
As far as I’m concerned, Bud can go eat shit and die. I haven’t liked that swill for years. Pabst is owned by SAB Miller, so no, it’s not U.S. owned, either.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Everyone: Yuengling is owned by AB
…I know I was sad too
For my money, Troeg’s Nugget nectar is the best beer ont the planet. It comes out in February and is available through the spring.
For my welfare check, (and I hate to do this because it gives props to Philly) Lions Head can’t be beat. A case of Lions Head bottles is like 10 bucks. It is delicious. It is not piss colored. It has little pictures under the cap that are used to make a funny phrase.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Leffe blond or dark is tits - Great Lakes Brewery’s Blackout Stout is amazing as well - aged in bourbon barrels for extra bite
July 14th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
This is how the wind is blowing these days. My favorite Irish whiskeys, Powers, Jameson and Bushmills are all owned by France’s Pernod-Ricard. If you can get your hands on Paddy’s, Kilbeggan or Michael Collins, the money goes right into Irish pockets.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
With this nasty cocaine habit, I haven’t had much need for beer.
/thanks InBev for a $65 offer on $50/share stock moving it to $62 in a week, cha-ching!!
July 14th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
As long as Premium is safe from the clutches of the quasi-”cheese-eating surrender monkeys,” I think we’ll be okay here.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@Tdub
No fruity foreigners can take over the Grainbelt. Don’t let “The Friendly Beer” thing fool you- they’ll fuck shit up if they have to. Also, Jesse “The Body” Ventura drinks Premo. Have a Premo Night.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Done and done… Grain Belt is now being brewed in New Ulm, which is like the last remnants of the 3rd Reich here in the U.S. And we all know what happens when the Belgians try to bring the ruckus with ze Germans.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
As a side note, there is a delicious Belgian restaurant in Indianapolis called Brasserie. The Moules Frites are delicious. 2 pounds of steamed Prince Edward Island mussels and the L’Enorme, a fucking huge ass thing of the most delicious french fries to grace the human palate, surrounded by 12 different dipping sauces. And crepes.
So yeah. Fuck off about the Belgian food.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
“From the Land of Sky-Blue Waters (Waters!) … Hamm’s the Beer Refreshing! Hammmmmmmm’s”.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
You want a real American lager? Try Session from Full Sail, based on pre-Prohibition recipes. Solid tasting, smooth and easy going yet decently alcohol-powered, and it comes in awesome stubby bottles. And you can get it for about 9 bucks a 12er if you look hard enough.
Also, I absolutely abhor the flagship Bock, but Shiner’s come up with some amazing shit in the last few years. Besides the Hefeweizen, there’s the current 99 Helles and the legendary 97 Black Bohemian. The one Leinenkugel’s I’ve ever had (Sunset Wheat) tasted like Pledge. Bleah.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Wow, a Belgian restaurant in Indianapolis? Sounds cosmopolitan! I bet that is better than the Albanian restaurant I went to in Des Moines.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Motherfuck Wisconsin and its beer. It’s Lucifer’s piss, it is.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
@Porky1
here here to Session, they pulled me in with their strange looking bottles, and it was pretty damn good. I threw it in to my starting rotation since the store by me stocks it regular-like.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
@handfulofpeter - They had good beer and good food. I don’t give one shit, much less two, if there were actual Belgians involved in the process at any point. And for the midwest, it’s as cosmopolitan as it gets.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
You know what else Des Moines has besides great Albanian restaurants? BYOB Full-Contact strip clubs. No joke, your own coolers are allowed.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Hmm…feeling pretty good about switching to local micros some years back. Magic Hat makes a kickass smoked lager in the fall. Most inexpensive American beer is bat urine, and I’m past the days when I would roll into the local convenience store with a pocketful of change and say “How much beer can I buy for this?”
What I really want to know is: Will they be firing the Clydesdales and switching to the “Budweiser Belgians?” I never understood the Clydesdales anyhow because, well, they’re Scottish, but I’d hate to see them lose their jobs to overseas outsourcing…..
July 14th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
@jeff v: whats your source for AB owning yuengling? and thanks for reminding me about troegs. my personal favorite is their mad elf.
it also got me thinking about victory brewing company who make some pretty good overproof stuff.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
@ brrrrat: i just saw some thing the other day about the origin of the clydesdales. i think after prohibition ended, the first budweiser taken to the white house for president roosevelt was drawn by clydesdales. i could be wrong on this, but it sounds like a pretty good story.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
You know what else Des Moines has besides great Albanian restaurants? BYOB Full-Contact strip clubs. No joke, your own coolers are allowed.
Hey, but cosmopolitan cities have Sarah Jessica Parker!
July 14th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
for any of you who get to the pacific nw, try anything marketed under the name henry weinhard’s. brewed by blitz-weinhard of hood river, oregon, it’s us beer that 1) tastes good, 2) is suitably alcholoic, 3) not some froofy shit, and 4) a good deal, generally. besides, how can you go wrong drinking beer brewed by a guy named blitz?
July 14th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
@Shinons
I am sure the finest women of Des Moines stay to work in full-contact strip clubs rather than figuring out ways to… you know… leave Iowa.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
WTF? Since when did AB buy Yuengling? Odd that Wiki isn’t updated on that. And enough with all these small-time micro beers. Let’s agree on a mass-produced beer for the NFL. I’d say PBR, but when the fuck did this become a hipster beer? Fuck that. PBR is one of my favorites.
UU has the right idea: Genny Light. And it’s actually good.
If I’m tailgating I need a light beer I can drink 30 of. I like my Magic Hats and Brooklyn Lagers as much as the next guy but there’s a time and place for everything. (It’s called college. Otto I know you had that even before I finished.)
Fuck Bud and all the redneck southerners who think it’s liquid gold.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
@handful
no lie, big earl’s in des moines has some legit strippers. No clue why they are still there, but…
July 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
NOTE: The word “InBev” is Belgian for “dogfucking,” a favored pursuit of the Belgish people
I thought the people of Belgium were called Belsh? Well if not, they should be.
Oh and I just recently started drinking the J.W. Dundee’s “Craft Pack” of 6 different types of beer in a 12 pack for $10 last week and it was great and American. So fuck the Belsh, I’ll be drinking my beer made by the Rochester tree folk.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Last thing AB bought was Rolling Rock last year and was supposed to shut down the plant and start brewing it somewhere else. Basically destroying Latrobe’s economy. Never heard about Yuengling being bought by AB.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
dudes im trendy and drink trendy beer and comment on its body and finish like a wine fag. my collar is popped and you can find me at the local trendy bar that doesn’t have chairs only high tables with a bottle of microbrew with the label facing out so you can see how cool i am, and how in touch with good beer i am, and how rich i am. i fiddle on my palm treo while reviewing the latest from Magic Hat and New Belgian Breweries, and I like, nay, LOVE when my beer tastes like the milk after a bowl of fruity pebbles.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
saranac is also pretty good and pretty cheap
July 14th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Regardless of where it was brewed, who owns it, and what country the mega-conglomerate that owns it is based in, I would rather shoot myself in the face rather than drink Budweiser, Bud Light, Miller, Miller Light, Coors, or Coors Light.
That there have been no mentions of Anchor, and but one mention of Sierra Nevada makes Purple Jesus cry.
Just kidding. Purple Jesus probably drinks Schlitz or Red Dog.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Will the new Belgish owners increase or decrease the formaldehyde per bottle of Budswill?
July 14th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
“Gordon” from Oskar Blues is the nectar of the gods. Literally. Actually, so is anything from Oskar Blues - the best beer ever canned. Lagunitas does some really good stuff too, especially the Lucky 13 “mondo red ale”.
And I disagree with whoever abhors Shiner Bock. 5 years ago it was as good as Brooklyn Lager (which is A++, not B+), then I think they changed the production ’cause it started sucking. But they’ve brought it back to the point of being pretty respectable again. Certainly better than Yuenglings.
If you want something cheap and ‘Murrican, just get Steel Reserve 211. $6 for 12 cans, and not so bad you’ll want to gargle with drano afterward.
One last note - try Brooklyn Brown Ale with doughnuts (preferably hot Krispy Kreme) - it will blow your mind. It helps you understand what “chocolate malts” really are.
that is all
July 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Leinenkugel is owned by SABMiller
July 14th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
@jujrok–
Henry Weinhardts was a staple of my early 20’s when I was just getting into non-Bud/Miller/Coors beers. They only carry the regular reserve now in most places but they used to have a decent Hefeweizen that was dirt cheap, like 8 bucks a twelver.
Then I think the brewery got bought out, am I wrong? And do they still make that Hefeweizen regionally?
July 14th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
@porky1
Good call on Henry Weinhardt’s. Hank’s is a great middle of the road beer: it’s cheaper than the good stuff and better quality than the cheap stuff. Henry’s used to be brewed in Portland, OR but they got bought out by SABMiller and moved the brewery to Tumwater, WA. Most of the old varieties are still available in the Pacific NW but I don’t know about the rest of the country.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
While I appreciate that micros are expensive, I find I drink a LOT less beer this way…same reason I switched from cheap scotch to single malts.
However, if we’re looking for a universal NFL beer, let’s not forget the old standby, the only beer I’ll drink in enormous quantities, occasionally forgetting to breathe while draining the bottle, the beer that is meant to be guzzled:
Someone Else’s Beer.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
@ Brrrrat
That’s a check-mate. Though, the only better label than Someone Else’s Beer is Somebody Else’s Single Malt Scotch.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
InBev sales should skyrocket in Massachusetts, especially once the natives hear what the Beglish did to the daahkies in the Congo.
Also - Dixie Blackened Voodoo, for the name alone, if nothing else.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
“American beer is like making love in a canoe… it’s fucking close to water!” - Eric Idle
July 14th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
One word: Sprecher
July 14th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
@no witty pop culture reference here…
My wife loves Brooklyn Brown Ale. I just read your post aloud to her and her jaw dropped.
FTW, sir!
July 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
heineken? fuck that shit.. pabst blue ribbon!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Who’s gonna be the first to let Drew know that InBev is Brazilian?
I’m no fan of the Brazilians (speak Spanish like all the other dominated Latin countries assholes), but they got nicer beaches than Belgium.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inbev
July 15th, 2008 at 2:15 am
@Dan B … looks like InBev is the ugly lovechild of a Belgium company and a Brazilian company, and is located in Belgium. Thus: ’tis Belgish.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Your info is wrong, Jeff V.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Belgium is the Detroit Lions of Europe. They exist to provide minimal resistance while being overrun when their neighbors (France and Germany) have their twice-a-season wars. Just like the Lions, Belgium isn’t a real country.
July 15th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I don’t know if Yuengling is owned by AB, but I know for a fact that it’s distributed by AB because I have personally distributed trucks full of Bud and Yuengling.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
[...] 15, 2008 · No Comments Especially the KSK folks. Q: What should I drink [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 12:00 am
[...] Cope with the InBev buyout of A-B: Q: What should I drink instead? [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
The largest American owned breweres are both now in PA. Sam Adams bought a brewery in Fogelsville, PA and produce all their beer from there. Yuengling has a rather new, large plant in St. Clair, PA.
With that in mind keep drinking your local brewery stuff.