Fiat Lux… And Fiat LuxURY!
07.24.08
The Titans are always at the leading edge of innovation in the NFL. For example, on Monday they just installed lights on one of the three fields at their training facility. Lights! The kind that run on some sorcery called el-ek-tris-soty. Sounds evil, but it grants them the ability to run drills at night without the use of a bordering phalanx of druids holding votive candles. Those druids are threatening to unionize, you know.
Here are some other additions the Titans eventually hope to add to training camp:
The forward pass.
Next year: concrete in the parking lot.
A can opener, so Albert Haynesworth doesn’t have to open groceries with his foot.
Mashed potatoes now made with potatoes
Water
Pillow cases now filled with pillows
Invites to wide receivers
Brisket with 30 percent less gym mats.
Really nice trough for LenDale
Shiny yard-marking rocks
Tabletop Pacman machine (not functioning)
Animals that perform the tasks of basic appliances, but not without giving you lip first
Wii Fit for LenDale (Jevon Kearse will use it though – old people love that shit)
Coach’s loudspeaker that operates on fist-pumping
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Variant in ”Dictionary of Quotations (Classical) (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433.
That is really fascinating but I didn’t see any sources quoted, is there anything else you think I ought to research about it?
That was the thing about going to the games. Nashville is almost nothing like the rest of Tennessee. However, the rest of Tennessee was well represented at the games. Yep, lots of camo, chew and possum/human hybrids.
Oh and the turkey legs are damn good.
Coming next year, a PA system that plays Hey Ya all the damn time.
@Sir Jackasparus: Merrill Hoge? Is that you?
its funny someone said something about pissing in a trough because at UT’s stadium thats what they have lol
Adopting the forward pass sounds awful close to changing how the game is played. Evolving, one might say. And that, friends, is nigh on to teaching Darwin, which as we all know, is illegal in Tennessee.
Another needed addition: White quarterback.
Perhaps using Fieldgoals instead of soccer nets might help as well.
@Italian – They are probably a dollar a soft pack. They pair well with a nice vintage Busch lite.
@chris-bessmervin
I had to Google “USA Gold” (in quotes!) to figure out if it was beer or cigarettes. I eventually figured out that it’s cigs, but damn man, don’t make me work like that!
@porky1 – If I weren’t already excited enough about my relocation to ABQ, I now am.
ice-nay atin-Lay, uckers-fay
Jackin’, I’ve never seen that, but I have seen things close to Chris’s description of the lardass fight.
Handful, at least in Flyoverland it’s genuinely freezing and the hunting gear’s a necessity. For the Titans fans, it’s more of a fashion statement.
And yet when compared to Eagles fans, the Titans flock will come off as reserved, well read, and articulate.
“Go there for a game in December, and you’ll see a mass of men in hunting gear and camo, with a few of them shirtless in the cold.”
Otto Man, you have just described Lambeau Field, Soldier Field, Arrowhead Stadium, Heinz Field, or just about every NFL stadium in the flyover states.
Everyone knows the good folks of Tennessee don’t eat until they’re full…they eat until they’re tired.
Hey Otto: you ever see one of those yokels asleep with a turkey leg in his mouth and a 24oz. can of Red Dog on his chest? Now that’s a sight I’d pay not to see.
I hate you all, but it’s true. You haven’t lived till you have seen two obese men rolling down the stairs in the upper deck of lp field.
tennessee is classy enough to have urinals? i kind of imagined fans peeing in a trough…
Druids is good people.
if by forward pass you mean a pump-fake, tuck and run 4 yard gain from Young then sure.
What? Nashville International has metal detectors?
/Brandon Jones
“Knute Rockne called it the forward pass.”
Hey, they have smoked turkey legs at Isotopes games too. Greasylicious.
Forward passes? The Titans? I don’t believe it for a second.
Speaking of urinals, I watched a guy on the phone at a Texas game last year drop his celly he was talking on while pissing into the urinal and bend down, scrambling to pick it up, pull it out and put it to his ear screaming: HEY YOU STILL THERE? DARLENE CAN YOU HEAR ME??? FUCK! <—poor example of Texas fans and residents of Austin
There’s very little meat in these gym mats…
/Jeff Fischer with hairnet on
Har har har… Now if you will excuse me I need to go buy a pack of USA Gold and beat my wife.
They are smoked and they are delicious.
But once you’ve seen a shirtless guy with half his teeth missing trying to eat one while standing at a urinal, the allure sorta goes away.
And no more bulletin board material from the microfiche!
Are those turkey legs smoked? I’ll second the “mmmmmmm”
I can’t wait to see the video of Lendale in his underpants playing the hula hoop game on the wii fit.
Will still have to go to the libary’ to rent them up some game film?
“phalanx” is one of the best words ever.
mmmm…….indoor plumbing
mmmm…. pelicans
mmmm… turkey leg
@Otto, more Skoal than a truck stop? Sounds like heaven to me.
/spits in Snapple bottle
If anything, you’re underestimating the redneck factor at Titans home games. It’s like a family reunion for Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
Go there for a game in December, and you’ll see a mass of men in hunting gear and camo, with a few of them shirtless in the cold. More Oakley sunglasses than a Florida Gators game, more Skoal than a truck stop. The fact that they sell giant turkey legs to gnaw on only helps complete the hey-y’all-watch-this! atmosphere.
I was hoping they’d work on getting indoor plumbing added this year, but it looks like another season with the outhouses.
Titans…Titans…? Doesn’t ring a bell.
I’ve always believed that Titans fans should hold up a banner with the picture of a giant cupcake in the end zone that LenDale is running towards
I heard that the players’ dorms will have actual beds, replacing the cots and sleeping bags previously used by players.
No more pelican garbage disposals, eh?
It’s a living.
Perhaps they’ll also tow the old Nova that up on blocks on the 15 yard line.