Commenter Draft: Commercials to Be Erased from History
Most people merely dislike commercials. I fucking HATE them. I loathe them with all the bile in my bloated liver. Hatred for ads is embedded in my marrow, programmed into my DNA, woven into the fabric of my soul.
That’s why the people who invented TiVo/DVR and satellite radio are gods. They have golden thrones reserved in heaven, while advertising fuckfaces like Big Daddy Drew will burn for all eternity because they profited from making everyone else’s life just a little bit more miserable. Ever written a jingle? Die. And then say hi to Hitler for me.
Today’s draft is for TV and radio commercials you want erased from history. And while I don’t have the track record of hating diamond commercials as much as Christmas Ape, my #1 pick is easy:
Man and woman enter a European square. Man goes to the middle of the square and shouts at the top of his lungs, “I love this woman!” Pigeons fly away from the commotion. Woman is aghast. Man presents woman with diamond. Woman whispers quietly into man’s ear: “I love this man.”
Oh, so that’s how it is? A love so deep that a man has to shout it to the world is embarrassing to you, you fucking bitch? Oh, here’s something shiny that I paid $10,000 for, maybe you wanna go out in the square and shout your love for me, too? No? Just gonna whisper it in my ear because you’re too selfish and materialistic? FUCK THIS AD.
Your picks in the comments. Wait for ten other people’s selections before choosing again.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Coors Light Comercials. Yes its brewed cold ALL Lagers are you stupid fucks, I hope your trail de-rails right into your HQ and kills everyone on your marketing staff
July 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
the alltel commercials with chad. fucking die, asshole.
off the board
July 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo
July 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
uhhh
July 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
All Budweiser commercials. Your beer sucks.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Those Goddamn Viva Viagra hoedown commercials. I want to shove a glass straw up the urethra of every one of those ED-juiced sons of the soil and hit their dicks with a hammer.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Those goddamn nanny state Truth anti-smoking commercials. Nice fucking exagerrated stats and lies.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am
valtrax commercials…you know the ones you see 10,000 times a day. Great we get it, she has herpes and he doesn’t…probably won’t stay like that forever
July 18th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Nutrisystem for men – fuckyou Dan Marino and your overeating ass…
July 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
*And Wazzup sucked, the lizards sucked, horses kicking field golas sucked, every marketing idea you’ve had sucked.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
This is Our Country by Chevy. ‘Nuff said.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
the wendys commercials “Its not fast food” fucking pricks turned me off wendys for good, whoever made that should be forced to sit down and watch nothing but rosie o’donnell for the rest of time
July 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
If promos also count – then nothing is pissing me off worse than those freaking X-games ads with Darkman or whatever the hell he is. Just die already and let the games go forward, with or without viewers.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am
The Chick-Fil-A commercial where the cow parachutes onto the field. Why’s he gotta steer his chute towards the beer vendor? And how does he steer with his mouth? Also, outside of the sheer impossible logistics of it, the commentary is fucking annoying as shit.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am
That Heineken commercial where the woman is actually a keg or a fridge or some such. It takes a lot to offend me, but that really rubs me the wrong way.
And, god bless my DVR.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
The viagra commercial where all the homo’s sing… that needs to gtfo asap.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
the video doctor guy selling shit to help you sell on ebay. if you can’t sell shit on ebay, you should shoot yourself in the head because you are a lost fucking cause.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
@Pepster: Great pick. I like the X-Games and those commercials really piss me off. Fucking stupid.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
“Kids doing CHEESE” WTF is Cheesing? I never even heard about this till they started playing PSA’s about it between every inning of Astros Baseball. Now im interested enough to try the shit!!
Watch this with a trash can handy to puke in… then imagine watching it a dozen times an hour and get ready to puke some more
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=34307137
July 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
The Verizon guy commericals. “Can you hear me now?” Fuck off.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Any McDonald’s commercial since the new ‘Im Loving it” slogan was invented.
GAME OVER
July 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
#1 and still the steal of the draft…a diamond is forever my fat ass.
And speaking of fat asses, here’s my pick, the most subtly racist McDonalds commercial ever:
A group of young attractive black people of both genders are sitting in an apartment.
Guy #1 shows up with McDonalds bags.
Guy #2: “What are you doing? My girlfriend wanted hors deouvres! (sic?) And you brought Quarter Pounders! ”
Guy #1: (smiling) Wit cheese!
Guy #2: These aren’t hors deourves!
Guy #1 grabs a bunch of skewers and makes a show of sticking one through each burger to comedic effect.
Greasy ghetto appetizers are served. African American faces light up around the room including the girlfriend who was probably thinking of something a little more elegant, but who can resist McDonalds? Guys #1 and #2 do a pre-Obama fist bump.
Seriously, I’m not even black and I get angry watching this commercial, and they used to show it a LOT.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
ShamWow!!
Most annoying spokesman evar
July 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
@ Smello: What about the one where the random people pass along the same beer with that gay ass dude singing “Its love! Its love, Its la la la its love” AGHH!! HULK SMASH TV
July 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
@Natrone Means Business – refresh stupid ass.
Nother ad that needs to go is the verizon ads. I mean seriously we can hear you get over it.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Kay’s Jewelry
NOBODY FUCKING HIGH FIVES TO THE SOUND OF VENESSA CARLTON WHILE BUYING FUCKING JEWELRY.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Rachel Ray’s Dunkin’ Donuts ads. fuck that bitch.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:34 am
The one that runs constantly on CNN and FOX News during early afternoons about the cheap long distance calling.
“I’ll call my friend in Sao Paulo. We grew up together!”
Time for an AIDS bomb …
July 18th, 2008 at 11:34 am
@Natrone: 0-2 brother. Sorry about that.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Oh, Zale’s. See? I don’t give a fuck. Just make it go away.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
he went to jareds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMFG!! HE WENT TO JAREDS, YOU SHALLOW FUCKING TWATS!!!!!!!!!!!
/shouldn’ve taken that one first.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
That awful song for the Milford Plaza hotel on Broadway. I hope everyone associated with that commercial dies of feline AIDS.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Flomax.
Also, what if I take a whole bottle of it and I don’t even need it? Could my stream be so strong that it could actually propel me skyward?
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Those Matthew Lesko commercials where he tells you how to make money off the government while wearing what appears to be The Riddler’s most gay outfit. Die a miserable fucking death you screaming cockpuffer!!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
The “Above the Influence” anti-pot commercials. Parents point to these and tell their kids to not do drugs, and then the kids smoke up to piss Mom and Dad off.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
My favorite commercial was a McDonald’s radio promotion for “Tarzan.” The tagline? “Jungle Fever.” I collapsed when I heard it, it was even funnier because I was with a white woman who didn’t get it. Needless to say, I only heard it once.
I’ll take NFLN’s house ad for featuring, among others, Parcells and Mariucchi. It’s not so much that the ad itself is terrible, it’s that I have to see the damned thing a dozen for every 30 minutes I watch the network. I get it: I’m watching the NFL Network. Either produce a new commercial or shut the hell up.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
“I’ll beat anyone’s prices or YOUR MATTRESS IS FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
July 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
My internet connection. $30/a month
Getting my first two ad’s already taken because my internet is shit. $5
Removing all those fucking gay ass mastercard commercials. Priceless
July 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
The Heineken Keg Can commercial where a guy brings a keg can and a 6′ sub to a party. Another guy helps him carry his party favors inside, and takes credit for buying the keg can. Dude just takes it like a bitch, meekly saying, “Well, I got a sandwich.” WTF, some mother fucker takes credit for my shit right in front of me, and we are having some fucking words.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
These new Subway commercials with the “Rueben” are pretty close to the worst ever, but Viva Viagra is the best pick so far.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:37 am
That OxyClean guy makes me cry
July 18th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Those lesbo empowerment WBNA spots on the four-letter. No one’s watching that polished turd you PC shitheads, give it the fuck up.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Favre + Wranglers = Gayer than a bag of dicks.
I also hated that one pharma commercial where they held the fake press and Brett talked about how much he loved Vicodin. Seriously, who cares if he was taking it every day.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@matt: That guy is the biggest pussy evah. What he should have done was punched his friend in the cock.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I hate those ads for the Virginia Lottery. They fucking suck.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Those ads for House of Payne, Tyler Perry is a big fucking plagerist exploiting waste of space god damn him!! If i saw Madea on the street i would kick him right in the balls!!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Any boner medicine commercial that takes place during the Super Bowl. Janet Jackson shows a covered titty and the world goes apeshit, meanwhile, every commercial break is talking about six-hour emergency erections.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
mac/pc. fuck mac.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
the viva viagra commercials are by far the worst. so i am just agreeing, but felt the need to elaborate on my shared hatred.
“hey we’re a bunch of old guys who like to sing about our boners! together! hey, jim, how you enjoying your boner? me too, it’s magnificent! what better way to express the joy over our boners that to sing about them! to the tune of classic radio mixes! hooray for our boners!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!1!!
/kills self
July 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Damn you, big dave. I was gonna end my draft after the “He went to Jared” pick.
The Planters Nuts Commercial with the girl sporting the unibrow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4v5DYReizbc
July 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
SIX FLAGGS!!! MORE FLAGGS!!! MORE UNECESSARY ASIAN STEREOTYPE VOICE!!!
Go get stuck under a gas truck and taste your own blood fuckers.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Zoom Zoom. I want to see that car drive off a cliff.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am
We gotta limit this draft to just national commercials. I could go on all day about the shitty car commercials in Auburn, AL. I think I’ll spare everyone though.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Has anyone noticed on the Avodart ads (the prostate shrinking meds) that all of the dude’s co-workers are SOOOOO disappointed that he has to keep going to take a piss. It’s so comical that I almost don’t hate them.
But really I do.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Those fucking Disaronno commercials with the faggy bartender that gets that goofy fucking look on his face when the stupid whore stops him from taking her drink and mouths the ice cube. They played that shit twice a commercial break a couple of years ago. I don’t know what Disaronno tastes like, due to those commercials I will never find out.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
“Sometimes after a shower, I just don’t feel fresh” Fuck you and your nasty vagina.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3afwQ6AhcP8
July 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I love hearing Bronson Arroyo singing about JTM hot dogs 49 times every Reds game.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
The Clay Henry Subway commercial.
“His name is Henry, Clay Henry.” – The only Subway personality that might have been more annoying than Jared, and it was because of this stupid fucking jingle!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I count anything Derek Jeter has ever said as “a commercial” so that’s my pick.
But if I have to choose, its that new “Jeter’s Got an Edge!” commercial.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I hate the Geico lizard demon in all its incarnations. I really wish whoever came up with that, died a slow, horrible death…
July 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am
OMG. No-brainer. The FreeCreditReport.com ones with the guys singing. They can’t even be bothered to lip-sync properly, and the song itself is so amelodic and terrible that it makes me want to kill puppies.
I hope no dude ever blows $10,000 on a piece of fucking jewelry for me. Fuck that noise. Use that change to take me to Sardinia and let’s get wasted on the beach. You can spend what’s left over on season tickets to the Bruins for me.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Mentos commercials. Are we really supposed to believe that a fucking mint will get you everywhere???
July 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am
mr. opportunity. i sell hondas, and even i’m sick of him.
we get it. you’re the oldest looking cartoon on TV. were you drawn in the 70’s? now go get animAIDS.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am
You’re going to make Rick Ankiel a happy man someday, I betcha.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:44 am
yaz birth control. that woman is NO doctor.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Oh god does anyone remember that really obnoxious yawning commercial with Diet Pepsi Max. Wade Phillips is yawning and Tony Romo is yawning and its some stupid play with stretch farlaaaaaaaaaa. Then J.J. rides in and gives everyone Diet Pepsi… yeah that one can stay, only because I am pretty sure its been KSK’d.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I just remembered the most annoying verse to the Clay Henry song:
“Got real big on burgers and fries, now he’s down to a smaller size.”
My rage is rising. I hate myself for remembering that
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
The obnoxious and overtly lesbian (and not in a good way) Yoplait Yogurt commercials.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09AKrqUP6ig
“This is shoe shopping good…”
/pulls out shotgun
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Keeping with lizards, that new fruity water commercial with has been anger-whore Naomi Campbell. WTF? Dancing lizards get a dose of the 12 gauge.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
The old Susan Powter infomercials. What happened to that crazy lezbo anyway?
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
AFLAC!!!!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Girls Gone Wild commercials. They are always on Comedy Central after midnight and they are so fucking annoying.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
There’s a commercial for a local car service in NY that is a Sex & the City rip off. It places CONSTANTLY on NY1 (even after the show was off TV & the movie hadn’t opened). I want those 4 women is die in firey auto wrecks. “Sometimes, he just takes me home at night.” AAAAAHHHHH. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Why arent comercials more like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwH5KEbAipY
Ohh no ITS HIGH PRICES!!!
If you have never seen Used Cars go find it, good luck its highly under rated, but find it and watch it. Fucking awesome
July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Every commercial about “feminine hygiene products.” If my balls were bleeding or smelled like they were rotting, I’m sure I could find something to address that on my own. I feel certain that women can do the same without commercials about feminine itch.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Holy italics, Batman!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:46 am
@Dick_Gozina:
Don’t know if she’s a real lesbian, though she does play one on TV…
July 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
The “I’m 4 New York!” ads on the NBC affiliate here in NYC (which is channel 4). For those who don’t live in New York, we get these ads with NBC network celebrities like Alec Baldwin and the guy who plays Kenneth singing the “I’m 4 New York!” jingle, then we get shots of local NY sights and native NYers singing the same jingle. The jingle sucks and the actors look like they hate doing the ads. Brian Williams is shown sitting at his news desk and he even says “I’m not going to sing, but I’m 4 New York.”
Damn it, now the jingle is stuck in my head.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Porky1,
I heard she went crazy… go fig.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I’m fairly sure that Eagle car insurance is only for the state of IL, but these GD Eagleman insurance commercials drove me to reading books as a child.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=f_y1xfzV8dM
July 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
All commericals suck, cause they interupt my Venture Brothers. But yeah that “Its love, its love, la la la la la” commerical especially sucks. Though that bitch thats walking through the snow to give the beer to the old guy can tickle my balls.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Those exlax ads where the old black lady talks about her husbands inability to take a dump. Thanks for the image cocksmokers.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Freecreditreport.com ad with the obnoxiously excited guy. Do you know what your credit score is? Mine is 720!!” Eat a dick, fag. Or better yet, go hide your jew gold.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
They’re already off the board, but I’d love to empty a full clip into the corpses of the Viva Viagra, Jared (Subway), Jared (Not Subway), FreeCreditReport.com, This is Our Country and Zoom Zoom Mazda ads.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
@ Tracer Bullet: You would think they dont need help with that issue, but it seems that its so common, competing brands feel the need to advertise about stinky poon…
July 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
any commercial where a woman can reach through a microwave into a gormet restaurant’s kitchen to pull out a stupid hot pocket or bad of shitty uncle ben’s rice.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
@ Cumpidgeon:
Used Cars is fucking hilarious. “We blew the shit outta those high priced motherfuckers!!”
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
i don’t know if this kind of ad is in play, but the NFL one where reggie bush, gates and witten are playing games with kids promoting playing outside. noble enough cause, 1)but the jingle is goddamn annoying 2) i prefer not being told what to do by tv, and 3) if reggie can’t shake a kid in tag or whatever the crap game, how does he expect to avoid NFL linebackers? oh that’s right, he doesn’t do that yet.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Oh, any commercial where the Sopranos mob degrade themselves by shilling for Denny’s or Dunkin Donuts. I know they’ve been typecast, but fucking DENNYS?
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
And no one’s taken the Head On commercials?
Really?
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Do fucking Tyler Perry’s House of Payne commercial count cause they should all rot in hell
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The caveman Geico commercials. Hate em.
Spending two months salary on an engagement ring was the worst fucking decision of my life. For the love of all that’s good and holy please don’t let any of your friends do it too.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The fat Black douche dancing on the football field and doing backflips off the fucking goal post with a shit-eating grin on his face in the Dr. Pepper ad. Holy fuck was that insultingly stupid.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:50 am
I’m going to take used car commercials that have announcers blasting into my eardrums about the great deals they have on their shitty cars and how they don’t give a fuck about my credit. I’m just happy with my 1997 Geo Prizim, thank you very much douchey commercial guy. Now go die.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Those fucking baby day trader spots where the little fucking turd vomits. Any fucking commercial with a talking baby for that matter.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Any ad in which a bunch of sincere-looking people repeat one another or put together a sentence.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:51 am
the ups guy can go contract aids and die
July 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I think it’s safe to pick again.
Any commercial for the movie Mama Mia. Your mom was a cum dumpster one night 22 years ago, we get it. You don’t have to make me want to gauge my eardrums out with an ice pick by singing Abba already.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I’m abandoning my draft board. Feel free to claim them as your own. My head is starting to hurt just recalling all these shitty commercials. I’m sorry Drew, but how do you stand working in advertising? Fucking shoot me.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am
All political ads. DO. NOT. WANT.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am
(Not actually drafting it because fuck it, he was awesome)
IT’S CAL WORTHINGTON AND HIS DOG SPOT!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:53 am
The old Morries Wigs commercials were great in that they ended with Morrie getting choked out by Jimmy Conway using a phone cord.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G6yVIHvsIE
“Morries wigs don’t come off!”
July 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
@ Cock Flash: Fuck you for not liking that Dr. Pepper commercial. Comedic genious, I say.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
@ DHSC: Yessir, that’s New Deal Used Cars… Now wait just a Goddamn minute. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for *twenty-four thousand dollars*? THATS TOO FUCKING HIGH (Blows up car)
@ Jag Desai: Yes they do becuase they fucking suck. My wife watches that show it makes me want to drink drano
July 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
“Hey honey, want to do something fun today? Well, I just took some delightful boner medications, so I’ll go upstairs and rip the bathtub out of the wall and drag it to the back of the car, you do the same with the downstairs bathtub, then we’ll drive them over to pike’s peak and we’ll watch the sunset and hold hands while you sit in one tub and I sit in the other, the only difference in our respective tubs is that mine will include an erection. Whattaya say?”
July 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Oh – I assume it was national: the Pepto-Bismol ad with the soul singer singing about diareah.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
The Lamisil toe fungus ad. It’s bad enough that you show the fungus as a cuddly widdle cartoon character, but do you have to give me the image of ripping back the toenail so we can visit his magical fantasyland of disgusting foot fungi?
Also, take the cartoon mucus monster from the Mucisin (?) ad on your way out.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Any McCain Ad that we will be seeing in the near future. I’ll preemptively take those.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am
“I’m a Ford-truck man. That’s what I drive.”
Toby Keith likes anal sex with terrorists. There, I said it.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Actually, the first commercial I vividly remember despising may not really count. It was late 70’s/early 80s, and ABC had a promo for its Saturday morning cartoons. Even then I thought “This is stupid.”
A disco chorus singing “Saturday Morning Fever, it’s Dy-No-Mite! On ABC!”
Fucking horrible.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I think Viagra jokes were already taken off the board.
/obvious, I know
July 18th, 2008 at 11:56 am
The Canon commercial with Maria Sharapova and that fucking Spaniard rodent dog. Fuck you tennis champion.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Kyra Sedgwick’s smug face on those GD “The Closer” ads will be playing on a loop to welcome me to hell I’m sure. Fuck you TNT.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:56 am
I suspect only other Philadelphians will get this, but I can’t stand the buyafastcar.com ads that occasionally. Maybe if you spent more than $75 on your ads, the wouldn’t look and sound like shit and you could hire a model who qualifies as average-looking rather than “ball-shriveling” as she does now.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
JG Wentworth
“It’s my money and I want it now”. He fucknut, quit getting involved in class action lawsuits. Or how about not being a moron and take the lottery upfront.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
inaudibleaudible:
Especially when it’s suddenly in the corner of an NBA playoff game in all its Botox-rejecting glory.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
sham-wow. that guy seems like such a dick.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
With my 3rd pick, I take the Axe commercial where the guy knocks off his hard, brittle outer layer of skin before his big date. Take a shower like everyone else, you skeezy little hippie.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
This is regional, but it’s throughout the Tri-State so it’s broad enough: Bob’s Discount Furniture. I’ve been listening to that whiny motherfucker trying to sell me his cheap shit for 30 years. MY leather sofa has FORTY-THREE sectional pieces! COME ON DOWN!!!!!!!!!!
Die.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
SDRE isnt that a local austin comercial? I didnt know that was national
July 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
“Larry H. Parker got me…well, you know the story!”
(L.A.)
July 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Those Guy Fieri TGI Friday’s commercials!! If I ever see some douche wearing a sweatband on his arm while at a resteraunt, I’m pistol whipping him.
FUCK GUY FIERI!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
The KFC commercial where the family invites son’s friend to chicken and tell him to be comfortable and he goes and calls Mom by her first name before she corrects him with “It’s Mrs. whatever”
I want him to go “it wasn’t this afternoon when your husband and artard here were getting the chicken and you were getting my bone.”
July 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am
OH this one is on now, the DTV2009, which douche bag still has a analog tv, isnt it same to assume everybody now has a regular tv. That commercial is annoying as fuck
July 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Those Christian Children’s Fund commercials where they show starving African kids for a solid minute in an attempt to guilt viewers into donating. Hey, for the money you pay to air these commercials, you could probably feed half of the Sudan. So pony up, you rich fucks.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am
@SDRE
good job of proofreading. it’s Hey not “He” and lottery money upfront.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
The Nasonex bumblebee ads. What purpose does it serve for that bee have a ridiculous spanish accent? That pisses the shit out of me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrUF3JzD9P4
July 18th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
@cumpidgeon
It’s on constantly in Chicago.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Burger King with that stupid plastic headed king – someone take a bat and go yard with his head!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Someone already took OxyClean. I hate those fucking spots so very very much and wish screaming guy would die, screaming. And some others of my most hated have also been taken (anything with talking animals – the fact that they can’t talk is one of my favorite things about animals, stop ruining it).
I guess I’ll pile hate on those goddam retarded “Nut N Honey” spots. Jesus, plays on words are the lowest form of “comedy.”
As someone who works in advertising, I feel it necessary to point out that a lot of these comments are an example of “unaided recall.” Clients pay a shitload of money to get that.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Toby Keith likes anal sex with terrorists. There, I said it.
I believe the cover to his first album already said it loud and queer.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Anything that involves poker. The World Series of Poker, The World Poker Tour, Celebrity Poker, etc. It’s not a sport and I don’t care that you can play cards. I’m never going to watch it.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
The House of Payne ads that ran incessantly during the NBA playoffs.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
@Dan from Chicago: What!? The King fucking rocks.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
How does no one pick anything from Frank Caliendo yet? Are you kidding me?
The new one about DVRs — “Pau-uuu-say” — For the win.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
The Showtime commercial to promote their worst fucking show ever, Secret Diary Of A Call Girl. I’d love to take an Easton 36″ aluminum bat to that brit cunt Billie Pipers already fug face.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
The Pepto Bismol ads with various idiots singing and dancing to that godawful jingle “Heartburn, upset stomach, indigestion, diarrhea.” I decided these were worse than the ones featuring giants doing the same thing that inspired me to think about a 50-foot tall Greek goddess taking a giant dump on Tokyo. Good for the scat fetishists, bad for everyone who isn’t a sick fuck.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Grey’s Anatomy promos. DIE.
@cumpidgeon: They’re constantly on in DC, too. Excellent pick, SDRE.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
ANY FUCKING CARL’S JR. AD. They even have a hidden camera commercial where a woman complains about how awful Carl’s Jr. Ads are that’s fucking horrendous.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
What about the one for the feminine hygiene product where the women’s bathroom sign jumps down, grows up and starts talking to her “girlfriend” about going to the bathroom?
Why is no one calling security and shooting the blue bitch dead?
July 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
fathead.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
any car dealership commercial in the greater-DC area that is not Eastern Motors
how can you assholes even try and compete with a place where YOUR JOB IS YOUR CREDIT!?
do you have fords, hondas, chevys, beamers and mini-vans? i didn’t think so, so gtfo my tv and let the chief and jason campbell do their things
July 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
@TB: Pepto ad already off the board.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
The commercials that promise to increase your dick size. Enzyte? The dude with the rapist smile, with all the little Asian guys terrified of big dick Johnson over here. Racist and awful
July 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
@ SDRE & Smurphette: Wow… I didnt know that shit was national. it was so horrible i thought it was like one of those crappy local car dealership comercials… no way some one would fund a national spot on a comercial that dumb…
But then i forgot about all these other comercials mentioned and it makes more sense.
Speaking of terrible local commercials there is another lawyer add here in ATX for an attorney named Jonny Funk. He has a pale bald head and his slogan is funny name serious results. How is any client going to take a lawyer named Jonny Funk seriously??
July 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Can we just say all CW commercials for their shitty shows? No, I will never watch Bill Engvall no matter how hot the daughter is, or lingering desires for Nancy Travis from the 90’s.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I can’t beleive no one has mentioned the Vonage commercial where the obviously lesbian fucking cunt whore is showing how superior she is to the “phone company.”
I will never, ever, ever, ever even consider using that fucking product now.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Toby Keith likes anal sex with terrorists. There, I said it.
Too late. The cover to his first album already said it loud and clear.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Burger King ad when the hidden camera shows dumbasses reacting to the order guy denying them a Whopper like he’s taking away their First Amendment rights.
“I WANT A WHOPPER!”
FUCK YOU! EAT A SALAD!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
@ toolsy – great pick on Caliendo.
Keeping with my theme of “things that talk in an obnoxious accent for no fucking reason” I’m taking the Extra Gum commercials where they have a piece of gum that skydives and yells in a Scottish accent. Please explain that to me.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
i know it’s local, but has anyone seen bob serpentini? “american and prouuuuud of it.”
i know you like chevys and all, but we’re sick of your shit. 89 times a day i’m sick of your shit. GET THAT FUCKING MOLE REMOVED ALREADY! i hate you, and know of many people who say you’re a complete douche. iapassed you on the highway in your corvette when i was in my accord. LEARN HOW TO DRIVE FUCKSTICK!
/venting cycle: complete.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Those ads for Morries Wigs at 26 Queens Boulevard when the guy jumps into the pool and has the dusty tail kissing him on the cheeks. I want to choke that guy with a telephone cord
July 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
The old Welch’s Grape Juice commercial with the creepy little girl with the funny-shaped head. Nightmare fuel.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
that new cell phone commercial (i can’t remember who its for) with those hills jerks. the girl is lc, i don’t know the guy, because he’s a fuckhead and seeing them on television makes me want to vomit. Fuck everyone who thinks these two are deserved.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I’ve only lived in Ohio for 11 months and I already want Bob Serpentini to die.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
@ Rocco: Nuts. I thought I could slid past by picking a specific ad. I really hate those commercials.
@ UncleJohn: STEAL. That commercial always leaves me sputtering with rage, if only because the people in the commercial are 1) horribly unattractive 2) unable to form a complete sentence. So buying your product will make me an ugly, pasty, incoherent moron, Vonage? I am sold!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
One more for me…
That damn ASPCA commercial where they are showing all the sad puppies who have been hurt or have yet to be adopted with the Sarah Mclachlan music playing in the background. I’m trying to watch my John Pinnette comedy special already, don’t make me feel like an uncarring fuck for living in apartment where I can’t bring one of those sad dogs home.
/redescends testicles
July 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
@ stealofthedraft:
serpentini used to only do radio when i was a kid. it was better that way.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
f’in 1 800 588 2 300 empiiiiire
July 18th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Since radio is included. 1-800 Kars for Kids. That song is stuck in my head permanently. Die
July 18th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
and why does serpentini have a “talk show” about buying cars with mike fratello? have you seen this fucking piece of shit?!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
A specific local ad that nobody will know prompted me to make this pick, but since we all have different local versions of the same ad, I’ll go ahead and make a generalized pick – any ad by a personal injury lawyer.
Generic quote – “I don’t work for the insurance company, I’ll work for you”!
God I hate those. If you were such a great injury lawyer – you wouldn’t need to advertise!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
The old Welch’s Grape Juice commercial with the creepy little girl with the funny-shaped head. Nightmare fuel.
Holy shit, I’d blocked that from my memory until now. You’ll be getting a bill from a therapist soon, my friend.
For my next pick, the old Mountain Dew extreme sports douchebag ads. No, no, no. Fuck you.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
The L.A.-based ads for Pete Ellis Dodge. Because that fuckface did what he set out to do: make sure everyone in Los Angeles knew exactly where the dealership was thanks to that goddamn jingle? Want proof? I haven’t heard it in 15 years and I know exactly where it is:
“Pete Ellis Dodge, Long Beach freeway, Firestone exit, South Gate!”
To top it off I remember where Pete Ellis Ford is too.
“Pete Ellis Ford, 91 Freeway, Lakewood Exit, Bellflower.”
Kill me.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Jeter’s G2 commercial. “slow-mo, fast-mo, any kind of mo…” Yeah, I bet you know all about the different kinds of mo’s, cocksucker
July 18th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Lipozene ads, starring a woman with a frighteningly plastic smile on her face.
“Fat is unhealthy, and unattractive” –
yeah? is it?
As for the freecreditreport.com guy… well… http://forcedentryblog.blogspot.com/2008/04/forced-entry-exclusive.html
July 18th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
people sweating gatorade. that’s disgusting.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Any commerical associated with Truth.com. OH really Truth???? Smoking is bad??? Get off your shock-and-aww compaign against smoking. It’s not the tobacco industry’s fault that people choose to smoke. Stop telling americans it’s not their fault that they have chosen an unhealthy habit, and that evil big tobacco is responsible for Communism, Genocide, and any human atrocity imaginable. I’ve got a spot in reserved for you right next all the she deserves diamonds commercials.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
The Tax Masters ad. You know, the one with Jabba the Accounthut, the morbidly obese CPA who grew the beard just to let us know where his neck was.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I know Rocco took all Bud commercials, but I have to say that the old Bud spots with the horse running through the snow and that fucking annoying blues riff playing throughout could be the worst commercial ever, especially when Global TV plays it EVERY FUCKING CHANCE THEY GET….DEATH TO CANADIAN TELEVISION
July 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
that stupid fucking Bacardi mojito commercial. anybody paying that much attention to what the bartender is doing is a fucking retard.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
With my 3rd Pick i will like to tell the Trojan ad where the bitch is in the bar surrounded by pigs, and then one decides to go to the trojan machine and get a condom and turns into a douchebag. Really? Having condoms makes you a human, and what kind of douche goes to a bar to pick up chicks without condoms.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
i will never buy reebok because of one commercial they put out about 15 years ago. it was a couple of NBA stars’ at the time’s big giant fat mothers in some shitty diner cackling about how great their sons are, how much money they make and other various bullshit. i know it was 15 years ago, but it was the most hideous commercial i have ever seen in my life. fuck reebok. i wonder if that commercial could be found someplace…
July 18th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
How bout the Trojan ads where the guy at the bar is a pig until he goes into the bathroom and buys a rubber? Oh, now that you got a bathroom condom, every chick will fuck you raw! (Maybe I’ve been married too long…that’s all it takes?)
July 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
@Jag: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
This one is for all my Chicago peeps.
“Hi. I’m attorney Peter Francis Geraci and I want to send you my bankruptcy info tapes”
This guy has been on TV since 1989 and has yet to find a personality.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Smokey the Bear.
“Only you can prevent forest fires.”
That’s a heavy responsibility to lay on a five-year old. Hey, what about my brother?
“Only YOU.”
Well, shit.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I have the urge to go listen to Patton Oswalt’s “Liquor Ads” right now.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Couldn’t agree more Big Dave. Another local car dealership that’s commercials blow are the Fred Martin car guys. “We’re Fred Martin car guys, and we know cars.” Get. Stuffed.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Canadian Budweiser commercials with NFL fans bragging about their favorite team after mishearing what someone else said. They sound like the ad agency went to Wikipedia, found a bunch of factoids about the Browns and Dolphins, and told the actors to just run with it.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
peter francis geraci can kiss my ass. thank god im not a bankruptcy attorney and i dont have to deal with that bitch.
speaking of bad chicago commercials, 588 2300 empire is fucking amazing compared to the new LUNA commercials where the people are fucking humping their carpets and wood floors. kill! kill! kill!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@SonofSpam: my bad you can have that one, i will take the 2 douche bags “rappin’ in the taco bell commercial about how they want the 89 cent burrito, fucking homo’s. They SHould be raped by Brady QUinn, fucking fags.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
i was so busy seething about bob slurp-the-weenie i forgot about fred martin and their car slut. good call.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
The Barcadi & Coke ads with the white guy & black guy pretending to be Miami Vice. Terrible.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
The Sonic commercials with those two bantering douchebags. Here’s a news flash: Sonic isn’t even that good. Eat a dick, both of you.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@POD: Sorry about that. I just couldn’t single out one of the collection of horrible Bud ads. I’m willing to take just one and put Bud back on the board. I’ll take the lizards and the neon signs.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
@ crazy joe davola: THANK YOU! Kars for Kids makes me turn the volume all the way down every time it starts, but it’s so fucking long that when I turn it back up it’s almost always still going. No, I will not donate my car today. Get fucked and die, or at least learn how to spell.
And while we’re at it, just about every ad on the WFAN.com stream. If I hear another two minute clip of Boomer and Carton, I might go on a killing spree.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Gah, so many to choose, bad commercial overload!!
Do I pick every hip-hop, Afro-American centered McDonalds commercial?
Nahhh, I win with those HORRIBLE Hanes commercials with Michael Jordan and Cuba Gooding Jr./Charlie Sheen/Kevin Bacon/Matthew Perry. “Hey Mike, I’m wearing your underwear because I couldn’t find a job after making Snow Dogs!!!” MJ, do yourself a favor and just stick to blackjack and hitting on white chicks.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Alltell commercials with Chad…holy shit that guy is annoying. I can’t believe they have a wizard in the commerical now…
July 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Sorry, more Chicago, fuck you Bob Rohrman, it’s not funny and you’re not funny, AT ALL.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Dan, the Del Taco guy.
Although he played a mean Don Knotts in the Three’s Company biopic.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
any ad with peyton manning spewing his words of wisdom. especially his priceless pep talks where he reminds me i’ll never have rock hard abs.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Porky1 – good call. The Del Taco guy has progressively turned into more of a shithead year after year.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
jeez, Moby, that was the 2nd pick.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZY EDDIE’S PRICES ARRRRE IIIINNNNNNNNNSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
The hideous Progressive Auto Insurance “checkout girl.” (Hey, with the money you save on car insurance, you can buy, um, a really cool name tag.) Just die already.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
@SDRE, Have you seen that hideous KIA dealership commercial where the owner strips to his boxers?
Chicago has some of the greatest local car dealer ads ever. Al Pimonti Lexus trying to smooth talk everyone like he’s John Gotti is a personal favorite.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
@Jefferson Short Bus
How dare you sir, how dare you. I don’t care what the food tastes like as long as there’s chili cheese coney’s and cherry limeade, it’s all good.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I have to side with SDRE on this one…Sonic has Chili Cheese Tater Tots for fucksakes.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Buffalo gets Billy Fuccillo selling Chevys, Toyotas, and now Hyundais. He has 8000 acres of car dealerships on Grand Island. And he pays your toll for the bridge.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
We also get: Hurt in a car? Call William Mattar.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
That Dunkin’ Donuts commercial where the guy “forgets” to mention the air hockey table when asking his friends to help him move. Hire some fucking movers, you lying, freeloading piece of shit.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
The Six Flags ad from a few years ago with that stupid man dancing around. Most. Annoying. Song. Evar.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LU2yt6wOoK0
And the current one with the stereotypical Asian MO SIX FLAGSSSS isn’t that much better either.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
@dickey simpkins
No, I truly try to avoid commercials to the annoyance of my wife, but the one’s I’ve mentioned are the one’s I just can’t seem to avoid.
But that sounds horrific and would make me want to punch something, I’m looking at you Rohrman.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
God, the list of personal injury commercials around here makes me want to injure all of them. As like everywhere else there are just horrible commercials.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Fuck Sonic! I see their ads all the time, and they’re ain’t no damn Sonic within 200 miles. Cockteasers!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
*they are (Strunk and White are my friends)
July 18th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
“First they’re sour…then they’re sweet.”
Featuring those demon-spawned giant CGI Sour Patch Kids.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
The Pizza Hut commercial where they file everybody into a “gourmet” restaurant and proceed to serve them Pizza Hut’s new dog-shit pasta and they pretend to think it’s all great and stuff.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I too am in the Sonic DMZ. it’s delicious, but also a 2 hour drive.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
@Naptown:
Awesome pick. I didn’t like that stuid taste test when they did it with shitty instant coffee (Sanka?) back in the 70’s & 80’s and it has failed to grow on me.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
@rurus and big dave
Now that is a legitimate issue with Sonic. It’s a horrible tease. Luckily I hit a Sonic in Iowa a month ago so it eased my craving.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
@ porky1 – late to the game, but great call on the Pete Ellis Dodge spots. I grew up in LA and remember them vividly.
My vote is to eliminate all Volkswagen commercials with talking beetles in German accents. Your cars suck, and unless you are a 19 year old coed spending daddy’s money at State U, go farfegnugin yourself.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
So I shouldn’t buy a VW for my next car?
July 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I’ll take the Travelocity knome for the win Bob. Can I shoot his British ass out of a cannon all the way back to Westhamptonfordyorkshireouscester?
July 18th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Anyone in the greater Baltimore area seen the Barry Glazer, Attorney at Law ads?
July 18th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I think these have finally been phased out, but:
Cadillac- Featuring the “When you turn your car on does it return the favor?” line uttered by Kate Walsh who is trying to sound sexy but ends up sounding like she has a mouth full of Xanax.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
BILLY MAYES HERE!!!
come on, how can you not love that guy?
does anyone remember the promo that ran during the NCAA tournament a few years ago for the futuristic sports-law show on CBS? is it cheating if a baseball player has a bionic eye??? they were fucking annoying because they were shown during every commercial break and clearly the show was going to bomb, but i suppose i look back fondly on them now.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
They are running an ad on ESPN and Golf Channel down here. It’s for the human society and shows reel after reel of sad puppies and kittens and all of them look like they are moments away from being put to sleep.
Sarah Maclagulin’s “Arms of the Angel” plays in the background and it’s the most heartbreak 30 seconds in the history of advertising.
I turn the channel immediately because I can’t sit through it. It makes me feel beyond guilty.
Awful, Awful Ad
July 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
yeah chicago does have terrible local commercials – what about that dude dancing around in his underwear singing the “im too sexy for this car” or whatever??? GROSS!!
for my next pick, i will take a radio commercial – those panera bread ones where theres a narrator talking about some conversation people are having and providing detail about the food. effing ridiculous – especially the one about the chick talking to her mom who keeps trying to set her up with people. oh you poor single woman who must have a man to feel good about yourself. bitches. i will never go to panera bread again.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
RE Pepster Says:
A specific local ad that nobody will know prompted me to make this pick, but since we all have different local versions of the same ad, I’ll go ahead and make a generalized pick – any ad by a personal injury lawyer. Generic quote – “I don’t work for the insurance company, I’ll work for you”!
Our local douchebag says this:” I’m Jim Adler, the tough, smart lawyer! I’ll fight for YOU!” He puts extra emphasis on the “you” and says it like “yew.” I see it every day while eating lunch in the kitchen. That one and the fucking California cows and that goddam gecko.
I don’t think anyone’s mentioned this, I hate those “Are you ready for some football” promos with fugly-ass Hank Williams Jr. singing. I’d like to never see or hear that again.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@ naptown – great pick with the cadillac and kate walsh. she definitely needs some uppers.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Paris Hilton washing a car and eating a six dollar burger. Fugly, lazy-eyed, hawk-nosed, gangly silver-spoon spoiled cunt eating something she wouldn’t feed to her dog.
Though I was impressed with the way the CGI airbrushed out the herpes sores in her crotch area on the fly. What did they do, contract out to Pixar?
July 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
How about the “Dirty mouth?” commercials? It’s a gum, can’t think of the brand name. Just plain stupid.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Thank god no one has taken the “Sunday Sunday Sunday!” radio ads. Best ads ever.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
@porky1: Well said. Can’t think of a more useless human being.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I haven’t seen this one in a while but the irony is just too rich to leave it off the list:
The “Happy Jack” Hummer ads where they use The Who’s song about a retarded kid to demonstrate a potential Hummer customer’s newfound bliss. I still can’t believe nobody at GM picked up on that one. On second thought…
July 18th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Priceline Negotiator….. WHY KIRK WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
You’ve got to have Mercury on your list!
No I don’t want your piece of shit American box with wheels. Now sachay your skinny ass over here in those heels and take it up the ass.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Buy Volvos…they’re boxy, but they’re good!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
No matter how many Giants are playing football over the Rocky Mountains and how loud the Blues Traveller music is playing – I’m not going to buy Busch Beer
July 18th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
@j4b: Yeah, but she’s hot. And there’s a country song about Mercurys.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I’m going way back for this one, but it’s worth it: Bruce Willis’s Seagrams Wine Cooler ad.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Any ad that stars “fitness celebrity” John Basedow. The person that made that should have his eyelids cut off.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
The Charmin commercials with the cartoon bears. Just take a goddamned dump and wipe your ass with a rabbit, for pissakes. Then maul something.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Every beer ad that shows beer-swilling dudes being fawned over by totally hot women. Sure, 25-year-old supermodels just love guys who swill massive amounts of schlitz.
At age 23 I woke up from eight years of hammering down like 20 beers a night. My life in no way resembled those ads.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Speaking of John Basedow, the Bow Flex commercials can go. What’s that? You’re in the best shape of your life and you’re 45? Good for you. I’m going to the bar for a pitcher and wings.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
@Auksyte: That commercial isn’t just a bad Chicago commercial, it’s always on here in NYC.
And speaking of local commercials I would like to select Dial 7 Limo, Specifically the one with the women sitting around the table Sex in the City style gossiping about their limo driver as though they were fucking him.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
fruitista freeze…stupid fucking talking turtle
July 18th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I’ll pick again: Brady Quinn, in a parade to sell Subway, states: “Oh, you wanna do this Sundays? Sorry guys, I’m busy on Sundays..” NO YOU ARE NOT.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
There is no youtube video of said Dial 7 Limo commercial but trust me it exists.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
no, those mercury commercials are good. jill wagner is hot. she’s on that new abc show where they run through the obstacle courses and it’s supposed to be like MXC but it’s got the guy from ESPN??? anyway, jill wagner is hot.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Matthew Lesko.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Just For Men ads. Men in their 50s cavorting around with 20 year old women? Yeah, if you’re a multimillionaire and she’s a facetious gold-digger.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPpCqe340fw
July 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Guiseppe Franco for ProCede
I’m trying to watch a ball game – go swindle the bald somewhere else fucko
July 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
@ Hester – That obnoxious Food Network jag, Guy Fieri and his TGI Friday’s commercials can die in a grease fire.
Kelly Ripa’s Electrolux appliance commercials. “I’m so busy because I do 14 TV shows and then I go home and cook gourmet meals.” Fuck you, you little pixie bitch. You have maids. Is there anybody who truly believes that she runs home every day to cook for a dinner party? No…we know that you hired some fat old Guatemalan broad who spends 10x more time with your dirty little kids than you. And that old bag might use your fancy Electrolux appliances, but it ain’t you Ms. Ripa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2pl7sAP7k0
July 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
@dickey simpkins: In which case, hair doesn’t even matter.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
wipeout.
that’s the show.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
How can you hate Guiseppe Franco? He openly admits that he doesn’t know how it works. That is full disclosure for you right there.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Those goddamn motherfucking Corona commercials. You can afford a tropical vacation, but you can’t afford beer that doesn’t suck?
July 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
The Burger King commercial where the two guys dressed up like burgers try to order a Whopper from the Wendy’s drive thru.
- I hope you get run over by someone in a car who’s using the drive thru like it’s supposed to be used.
- Teasing the order box is a felony.
- I could try to order a Frosty from Burger King… what’s your point?
- Having baked potatoes on the menu, while not for everybody, doesn’t mean that Wendy’s doesn’t still offer burgers that are oodles better than BK’s.
- The “is this Russia” line? About 25 years late…
…and so forth.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
John John – I already picked the Dial 7 ads. I hate those four women. HATE them.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
@J.D.: felony? ferreal??
July 18th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
The quizno’s commercial where the woman eats the $5 bill. This fucking disgusts me! I was taught, at a very young age, that money is the most germ-infested, nasty shit on Earth. Anyone who doesn’t agree is an artard. It makes me cringe just thinking about putting a dollar anywhere near my mouth. Not to mention that I would probably get a terrible numbie from all the yak the bill has touched. Nothing about that shit is appetizing at all. It makes me hate quizno’s. That, and there $11 sandwiches. And the fact that they have something called a “sammie.” FUCK!!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Those ads for cruise ships that use Iggy Pop’s “Lust For Life” showing families having fun in exotic locales. The song is about a guy who’s strung out on drugs and liquor, sleeping on the street, watching transvestite strip-teases and hypnotizing chickens. T
July 18th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I guess we’ve established there aren’t very many good commercials out there, but we can all remember the products.
I’ll take the dial-a-number mattress commercial next.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
@ Smello, I guess my CTRL F has failed me once again, thank you for not yelling at me.
I think that the Boost mobile commercial With Jermaine Dupri, Young Jeezy and Mickey Avalon is still on the board.
I have no problem with JD or Jeezy, but goddam if Mickey Avalon doesn’t look like a non-committal drag queen.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
My nomination for the best commercial ever: Vaunnie’s Mustardayonnaise!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vVBsCCV6NG4
July 18th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Seeing that we’re slowing down a bit I’m also taking the Disney vacation commercial. “That’s it? For all of us?” Yeah, cause Disney World sucks. They should pay you to go there.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
The Orbitz gay ads. These commercials just reek of horrendous gay stereotypes and are uncomfortable to watch. The gays on Sex And the City weren’t that cartoonish. And I’m not even sure that I’ve seen a male-female couple hump each other like that in a commercial ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaYzhLBvrYU
And there’s more where that one came from:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ez3SCIzc0w
July 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Great choice, Gino.
There’s a whole range of ads where dipshit commercial creators used wholly inappropriate songs, ranging from the Nike ad that used Gil Scot-Heron’s “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” (a song about how television ads are fucking evil) to the Mercedes Benz ad that used the Janis Joplin song about how all Mercedes Benz owners were shallow soulless assholes.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Ok I’m WAAY late to the game here. But I must say, my least favorite commercial of late is the one where the chicks get off the plane to go on vacation and then some chick all in red hands one of the girls a red box with a dark red bow – It’s your monthly gift, you know, your period?
Then don’t worry, she’s got tampax so she can wear a swimsuit. I don’t get grossed out by much, but the red imagery kind of freaks me out.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
@J.D.
Amen my friend. That commercial almost made my head explode it was so fucking stupid. I can’t understand why it was supposed to be insulting towards Wendy’s. No shit, Wendy’s doesn’t have Whoppers! Who are you, fucking Corky? Why would order a Whopper at Wendy’s anyway.
And are we supposed to believe that because Wendy’s sells baked potatoes they doesn’t sell french fries? That is ri-goddamn-diculous!!
July 18th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Wow, I couldn’t have had any more grammatical errors in my last post if I tried.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Puff Diddy Daddy Combs WTF?!? Ciroc Vodka. I heard he collected umpteen million dollars for that shit… What a fucko.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
@ Gino – Totally agree about the Iggy Pop cruise commercials. The first time I saw it, I turned to my wife and said, “When did this song stop being about heroin?”
July 18th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
This is the ad featuring the pseudo-transvestite I was talking about
July 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
@Otto Man
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I tend to get pissed off at any great song used or parodied to sell shit. Lately, Curtis Mayfield’s “Move On Up” and Charles Wright and The Watts 103rd St. Orchestra’s “Express Yourself” are in commercials. What also burns my ass is when they mangle a song- cutting it up so that the catchy hooks fit into their stupid commercials.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
andrereedrichards!
that is hands down the best handle I’ve ever seen in all my years on the internets. sweet jesus, you fucking win.
/walks away shaking head at the greatness
July 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
“There may be bugs on some of you mugs, but there ain’t no bugs on me!”
Good lord. That will be in my head for the next 72 hours simply because I typed it. Thanks for ruining Dark Knight, adorable puppies. Talking animals are generally a bad advertising/movie/TV idea (Homeward Bound excluded)… Singing puppies? INAPPROPRIATE.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I hate the Lexus commercials around the holidays. Who the fuck gives someone a Lexus for a Christmas present?
July 18th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
for the record i love the priceline negotiator ads…
but if i have to see another god dam Macho Man Randy Savage “Snap into a slim jim” ad im gonna find his decrepit ass and beat him with elizabeth’s rotting corpse.
*** Edge just got a contract to start doing those ads so i am preemptively hating on those ads as well.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I know probably can’t do this, but I’m taking BOTH KFC and Taco Bell in the YUM! Food Group package.
Hear me out: they are the Yin and Yang of playing up white and black America. Don’t believe me? Count the number of black people and proportion of lines in ANY KFC commercial (minus the sauceless hot wings one… I am waiting for stuffwhitepeoplelike.com to churn up a hot wings post) and count the number of douche-looking Frat kids (albeit typically “all grown up”)… they are polar opposites!
July 18th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Oh…Smurftastic. That’s just mean.
/stabbing self in ear to remove song
July 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
rurus- puff daddy owns ciroc vodka, so he probably didnt get paid like you supposively heard… he just collects his dividend checks…
July 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
It’s been overshadowed by all the deserved hatred for the DeBeers and Jared ads, but the “Every Kiss Begins with Kay” ad campaign is possibly the most annoying of all time.
Leaving aside the grating song and the moronic tag line — every Ku Klux Klan meeting begins with Kay, too, fucknuts — the ads seem to have been scripted by a mildly-retarded Cosmo fan, filled either with women who get all weepy at being given bargain-basement jewelry or douchebag guys who high-five each other in the mall because they both scored cheap-ass gifts for the airheads in their lives.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Oh, there ain’t no bugs on me, on me.
There ain’t no bugs on me…
There may be bugs on some of you mugs
But there ain’t no bugs on me.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
The Toyota Tacoma commercials including the one where a meteor hits it, Loch Ness monster attacks it, and it is in World of Warcraft. I’m not saying that there isn’t some level of cleverness, I’m pissed that Nessie throws the truck into a mountain and then the guy drives it off without a scratch on it. Blow me, Toyota…a shopping cart could nudge that thing and you’d need to buy that Scratch Doctor liquid from the infomercial. Also, fuck Scratch Doctor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCe-1LYj_4o
July 18th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Another local one is the Metropolitan Lumber ads where their theme song is played by a series of Truck horn blasts. I hate hearing blaring delivery truck horns enough as is, why would I want to hear a song played by them.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
What also burns my ass is when they mangle a song- cutting it up so that the catchy hooks fit into their stupid commercials.
Agreed. After 9/11, Ralph Lauren had an ad that took Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son” — a Vietnam protest song about how those who wave the flag the most never put their ass on the line — and cropped it into the ultimate patriotic anthem. They used the opening riff and “Some folks are born made to wave the flag / Ooh, they’re red, white and blue” and then lopped off all the rest.
Next to those Chevy “Let’s Roll” ads that said it was my patriotic duty to buy a fucking SUV, that was the worst at the time.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
how about the various ads networks put on DURING the broadcast to promote their new shows. these fucking things block out at least 25% of the screen, have annoying animations and worst of all – you can’t skip through the fuckers because you’ll miss your show. i can’t stand these fucking things.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Im going with Axe/Tag body spray commercials.
Sorry, but smelling like those fuckin New Jersey Guido fags isnt going to get you laid…unless youre in Jersey.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Here’s an interesting factoid about Subway’s Jared:
He went to Indiana University. At the height of his physical fatness, a Subway restaurant got put into ground floor of his enormous dormitory. All he had to do was take the elevator down. That’s why he eats Subway. Also, his porn collection was so prodigious that he actually rented out his movies to fellow sexually ambiguous weirdos and made a fortune.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I thought it was:
There may be bugs on “Sonny” and “Mugs”
-the names of the two puppies they show during that stanza the song.
“
July 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
HEY BILL ENGVALL
I’M NOT GONNA WATCH YOUR FUCKING SHOW – SO STOP PAUSING FAMILY GUY!
July 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Jared has aids, i saw it on south park… haha
July 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
The OnStar commercials with Batman.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
amen Ryno
July 18th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
“Still looking good…his name is Jared…his name is Jared and he likes to eat da sammiches…”
July 18th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Final pick before I go……
Crumbelievable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFjctVBg6K8
July 18th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
The T. Boone Pickens commercial where he says he’s got some great fucking idea about how to curtail energy consumption and then never gives us the idea.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
I wouldn’t do away with this one. It’s more of an example of how all commercials should be…
A random, middle tier NFL QB and favorite WR getting chased by cops
A look-alike General Lee doing sweet jumps
Fried Chicken
Cheerleaders’ Asses
Explosions caused by random objects
Now apply that formula to jewelry stores, boner pills, beer commercials etc…
Cut. And. Print.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Maybe Ryno, I just got the lyrics from here. Turns out it’s an actual children’s song. I’m sure Smello and Smurphtastic would be thrilled to know the next verse goes:
Oh there ain’t no flies on me, on me.
There ain’t no flies on me.
There may be flies on some of you guys
But there ain’t no flies on me.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
This might help… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XKhRx3udxk
July 18th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Doesn’t match the above formula but I’d probably buy biscuits from Jake Delhomme… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OolG-Oc0P4
July 18th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
@Uncle Jesse
That is truly incredible. Watching the General Lee with a giant chicken head and tail mounted on it is priceless.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I’ll take the Domino’s Pizza ad from the nineties where everyone speaks in really low voices, and concludes with the grandmother mentioning that her day was “peachy.” I never thought I’d ever want to smash an elderly person’s face with a tire iron, but that ad managed to wake that desire within me. That ad, plus the Mexican Pizza one that either preceded or followed it were enough to inspire me to boycott Domino’s for two years.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Wow. I had no idea Jake Delhomme was such a star.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I’ve noticed that commercials often use songs covered by white guys that were originally performed by black guys. Nissan used a Stevie Ray Vaughn cover of Jimi Hendrix’s “Voodo Child”. Sam Adams and the “Hancock” trailer use George Thorogood’s version of Bo Diddley’s “Who do You Love?”. Some beer company used the CCR cover of Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ “I Put a Spell on You”. I guess it’s supposed to be comfortably quasi-black.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
@Uncle Jesse…
I feel like the Colonel the first time he saw Dirk Diggler’s cock.
All I can do is raise an eyebrow and say thank you.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
So, we’re all agreed? Uncle Jesse wins it.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
This may be for the worst commercials, but I have to post the best one. Hey, if I want to know where to find a good window I’m asking Tayshaun Prince.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Never mind. Uncle Jesse’s is better.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
What about the life alert bracelet commercials starring C. Everett Koop. In addition to the host of other elderly themed commercials that air during Jeopardy, the greatest of all the TV game shows this one features some random old lady espousing that she feels “All Senior Citizens SHOULD have life-alert”. Fuck you old lady, don’t tell me what to get my grandmother.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
any commercial in which lee iacocca ever appeared. i’d like to run that man, very slowly, through an industrial trash compactor – the only suitable receptacle for any car with which he was involved after the debut of the 64 mustang – and then slop hogs with the remnants.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
@Shinons: Win? This is to ERASE commercials from History. I’m keeping those two though. Jake Delhomme is apparently good for something after all.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
(I meant Otto Man.)
July 18th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
MOTHERFUCKING LIPITOR. Stop smacking your lips every fucking word you banged up looking harpy. That commercial goes on for days and days. Also that car commercial with the radio playing over it and the radio voice says “high gas prices, love em, hate em?” Yes you stupid twat, I love them. Get fucked.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Excellent point, porky. In an ideal world, all TV ads would have Jake Delhomme hitting strange men in the biscuits.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
A few years ago, my wife and I would always laugh our asses off at the Papa John’s commercial with Dan Marino, where they are all in a huddle and he says:
“Who wants to go deep?”
Then the Papa John’s owner with a really excited look on his face exclaims:
“I DO!!”
Pure homoerotic gold.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
My next pick: those fucking di Giorno pizza ads. “This pizza is so good it HAS to be delivery”. Fuck you. It’s frozen pizza. If I had cartoon-like powers, every time one of those ads came on, I’d jump into the TV and execute every last motherfucker there, including off-camera crew. Then I’d hunt down every ad man who had anything to do with the campaign and kill him in ways made possible only by the wonders of modern cartoon science.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
The Hallmark “Sexy Friday” card ads. Why can’t I get sexed without buying a goddamn card?
July 18th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
There is a DFS advert over here that is fucking excruciating to watch because of how embarrassingly shit it is. This is a company who sells sofa, but they think the best way to advertise their products is having people lip-sync and play air guitar to a song. But it’s not just any song…it’s fucking Rockstar. They’re trying to equate their shitty chairs with the sort of things Nickleback think a rock star would want. FUCK THAT FUCKING SHIT.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
STOP. WITH. THE. FLEA. COMMERCIAL. JINGLE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.
There, that’s better. Y’all are right, Jill Wagner is hot, which is why she’s taking it up the ass from me, but the phrase “You’ve got to have Mercury on your list” pisses me off, because it is presumtuous and Mercury/GM is a piece of shit.
For my third pick, I’ll take any of the Papa John’s commercials featuring John Schnatter. The pizza’s good for a chain, but he’s a bobble-headed, shit-eating grin having, non-acting clown. And how dare you dance with your red papa john’s shirt on. Can’t you afford a wardrobe like everyone else? Asshat.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
DC Folk: Fuck Ronnie Mervis, his brother Zed and their slave labor South African diamond mines
July 18th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
What about the one with Derek Jeter posing as a car salesman. In addition to being super aggravating and the annoying ass kid, there are major continuity issues, IE the fact that he is wearing cleats the first half of the ad and then is wearing work shoes.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Smurphette: “Girls Gone Wild commercials. They are always on Comedy Central after midnight and they are so fucking annoying.”
Just close your eyes and enjoy the rhythm of the steel drums!
July 18th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
@Jeff V: It always reminds me of the Super Dave Band, if they learned a different song that is.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Radio. I think it’s a investment ad using a husband and wife bantering. He sez “And here’s the person who motivates me (nags my ass), my wife, Bitchy McYapcunt.’ Hubby ends the commercial with the always witty ‘Yeah, whatever’ response to wifey’s inane blatherings. Thank you Sirius for the pause/ffwd feature.
@j4b mercury made by ford motor co. even shitter than gm.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
2nd round Draft:
E-surance commercials…. that cartoon broad with the pink hair makes me feel different in my pants… that shouldn’t happen with cartoons. (Just fuzzies).
July 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I honestly can’t believe that all of this stuff works on some people… it has to, doesn’t it???
July 18th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Not sure if this is national or not, but it gets a lot of play in Chitown. “The Bedding Experts… where dreams… come… true.” I think Bedding Experts is where Luna, Empire, and Perillo BMW employees sleep.
I reiterate the Sonic cock-tease commercials. I think the commercials are somewhat funny, and Sonic’s food is amazing, but don’t make me drive to Champaign to eat it.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Damnit where’s my Sexy Friday?
July 18th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Hell, I didn’t know there was so much widespread Sonic Envy. I’m in Oklahoma and we’re covered up with Sonic’s greasy goodness.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
In Southern California, the only Sonic I could find was tucked away in Anaheim. Here in Albuquerque, Sonic is just as common as Jack in the Box in So. CA. And where’s that fucking Jack in the Box I was promised in Albuquerque, Jack? Hurry the fuck up!
July 18th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
That flomax commericial where the guy comes out of the bathroom SMILING! the only reason I could see smiling coming out of the bathroom is if you had sex with a hot girl in said bathroom!
July 18th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I keep the box my computer came in so i can sit in it and Jack. What? You brought it up … Jack in the Box!
July 18th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
speaking of bad chicago commercials, 588 2300 empire is fucking amazing compared to the new LUNA commercials where the people are fucking humping their carpets and wood floors. kill! kill! kill!
WHAAAATTTT THAT IS IN CHICAGO TOO???? I would have bet lots of money that was a DC only thing Jesus Tittyfucking christ that commercial sucks.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I’m Bill Curtis… and I’ve found, the internet!!!
::slams head into wall::
July 18th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
WHAAAATTTT THAT IS IN CHICAGO TOO???? I would have bet lots of money that was a DC only thing Jesus Tittyfucking christ that commercial sucks.
Yeah but you have to admit there is no getting that jingle out of your head.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I know someone took Truth earlier, but this particular commercial wins this contest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmAI7KQC0aI
July 18th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Good God, it’s barely past noon (PST) and my head is about to explode from thinking of all these commercials that the self-preserving part of my brain has worked so hard to block out.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I tried to provide some Sexy Friday earlier (via Buffy Tyler, Tiffany Toth, and for the laides Matthew McConaughey) but got that shit denied by the moderator.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I call dibs on Comcast commercials, because every time I see one I get reminded how once a month, I get fucked in the ass, by paying for shitty service because it’s either them or RCN, and RCN is like getting fucked in the face and the ass.
I hope U-Verse or FiOS get here soon. If I’m going to be fucked in the ass by a telecommuncations company, I’d rather have it be a reputable one like AT&T or Verizon.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
its funny that two of the worst hated commercials have to do with jared – subway and jared the jewelry store. HE WENT TO JARED – TO GET SUBWAY, AND APPARENTLY PORN TOO. NOT TO MENTION UGLY ASSED JEWELRY.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I’m chiming in late here, slim pickin’s…
I’ll go with the Sports Illustrated commerative championship book, T-Shirt and hat to celebrate (insert recent champion of major sport here) with subscription.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I’m sure I’m among the wide majority of KSK readers in that I watch a lot of ESPN and Comedy Central. I hate nearly every ad that both those networks allow to run. The most egregious offenders (boner pills, Enzyte, Lypozene, beer, credit cards, credit reports…) are long off the board, but I’d like to volunteer my assistance in the brutal torture/murder of anybody who had anything to do with any of these ads.
Oh, there’s a Mitsubishi ad on ESPN right now… It has gaylord hipster douchebags driving around to a stupid song. I’ll kill some of these people execution-style and others gangland-style.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
I’m going back to the 80’s, and taking a machete to the Noid’s head.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Otto Man:
There’s a whole range of ads where dipshit commercial creators used wholly inappropriate songs, ranging from the Nike ad that used Gil Scot-Heron’s “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” (a song about how television ads are fucking evil) to the Mercedes Benz ad that used the Janis Joplin song about how all Mercedes Benz owners were shallow soulless assholes.
Irony officially died when American Express used “Gimme Some Money” by The Thamesmen for an ad. The Thamesmen, of course, later became Spinal Tap. A parody song by a parody group used completely unironically. It hurts. Die, AmEx Ad, Die.
WF
July 18th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
@Spanky Datass: I stand corrected, but Mercury stil sucks ass and Jill Wagner can still get it even though her commercial irks the shot out of me.
For my 4th pick, I’ll take that Lowe’s commercial where the guy is doing all this shit around the house and when he’s ready to take it easy and kick back to enjoy his weekend, his wife shoots him this look like “what about the backyard, or how about you spend the rest of your two day weekend building me a deck so my Sex and the City friends can have mojitos while you’re at work?”
God, I want to assassinate her and her little kid with a truck bomb.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
@Wes F.
Fuckin’-A. Good show, Old Boy.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
One to do away with… Finally, FinallyFast.com. Holy crap I want to light everyone on fire who is in anyway associated with this one. For some reason it airs like every 15 minutes on Sportscenter. I guess that’s good targeted marketing.
If you’re into sports, you’re probably a dude. If you’re a dude, you probably checkout porn. Free porn is better than paying for porn. Free porn ruins your PC with spyware and popups. Here’s the fix…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3YRBzz_4Hg
July 18th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I’m quite late to this party. But, have we left off that felony-inducing “Just for Men” commercial featuring that asshole Baby Boomer surfer flashing the peace sign and saying “Never trust anyone over 80″? And to the tune of “Sunshine of Your Love,” the most overrated song from one of the most overrated bands of the ’60s.
Fucking Baby Boomers — I wish they’d die off en masse, so we never have to deal with their maniacal self-absorbtion ever again.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Fucking Baby Boomers — I wish they’d die off en masse, so we never have to deal with their maniacal self-absorbtion ever again.
Well, I know what I’m drinking to tonight…
July 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I forgot that one, Wes. That was like a mobius strip of irony.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Every commercial Drew has ever written or worked on.
I keed, I keed.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Next pick: the Mike’s Hard Lemonade commercials that are overtly trying to apeal to grown, straight men who wouldn’t ever drink that candy piss. They’re the next generation of the abortive Bruce Willis Seagrams Golden Wine Cooler ads from the ’80s.
July 18th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I’m playing the trump card on this one…
The series of old person-centered commercials that air between the announcement of the Final Jeopardy! category, and the time they go back to do Final Jeopardy!.
Oooh, Seabond…. Oooooh, Metamucil…. Ooooh, Tylenol PM….
I rock at Jeopardy!, but I’m not old. I don’t want old people shit. But I do want those responsible to die horribly and leave behind many hungry children.
FTW, whatever that means.
July 18th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
FTW = For The Win.
Assuming you weren’t being sarcastic.
Ooooh Life Alert…
July 18th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
i was being sarcastic. and i did win, thank you very much.
July 18th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
snap….snap….snappy tomato pizza ooooooooooooooooooh. go away. i used to work there and let me just say that although they may not know it, there are quite a few people out there who have my dna inside them.
July 18th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I know Budweiser’s long been taken, but I specifically hate the ads with Rob Riggle. That guy is hilarious on the Daily Show, but for the most part, the ads are in earnest. I see him, I expect a joke, and instead he just lists the ingredients of Budweiser. Fuck that. I can read that on the can, funnyman. Tell me a joke.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
All F-ing commercials not associated with TitS
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
July 18th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
/sneaks in late
//looks around
///steals the draft.
You all missed the Jeep commercial with the cock juggler and the singing birds? There’s something about a coyote in it or something. I DVR everything and even watching this on fast forward hurts my brainpan.
I agree with the masses, who looks at this ad campaign and says “Jesus! That’s it! That’s the image we want for our Jeep!”
You can’t even hate the ad companies because the companies who hire them sign off on this bloody anal discharge.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
how about the sprite ad where the dude dives into the basketball court which actually happens to be a swimming pool? the fuck??
July 18th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Those fucking piece of shit free credit report.com commercials with those 3 faggots singing some stupid fucking songs about their sorry lives being ruined by identity theft. I especially hate the one that starts “they say a man should always dress…..” with that fucking jerkoff wearing a pirate costume at some shitty restaurant. DIE DIE DIE
I would gladly fucking kill all 3 of these pieces of shit if I never had to hear or see those awful fucking commercials.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
12 pack,
I’ve only been able to tolerate that commercial by substituting all the lyrics for sexual inuendo:
“oohhh, su*k me baby, fu*k me slowly…” and so on.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
pete ellis dodge was shut down for tax fraud years ago….
also, this is funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc_kFFmDZME&feature=related
July 18th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Brian nailed it with those free credit report commercials. He wins the draft.
July 19th, 2008 at 4:41 am
“Nobody beats me, because I’m the Wiz! I’m the Wiz!”
July 19th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Video Professor – When the slouched over, funny bald man says, “Try my product” he’s just so dripping with desperation you could sop it up with a sponge.
Oh, and the company also sues people who don’t like the product
http://consumerist.com/339302/video-professor-stops-suing-people-for-having-opinions-it-doesnt-like
July 19th, 2008 at 4:49 am
Late as usual, so I’ll take two picks.
1) Dane Cook — “There’s only one October.” Yes, I know it only aired for a month, but I still want it erased. It makes me miserable when I think about great talents like Heath Ledger being dead, but we’ll be stuck with Dane Cook for the rest of our lives.
2) A few years back, Old Navy had a serious of commercials that were takeoffs on 70s television shows, such as Green Acres and The Brady Bunch. I cringed every time I saw them.
Note to the advertising community: If I despise your commercial, I will boycott your product. And I know that I’m not the only one who does so.
July 19th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Maybe just Chicago radio, but Joseph A Bank, are you ever NOT have some big humongous liquidation sale? My lord!
July 19th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Clay Henry Subway Commercial:
“He got real big on burgers and fries, ate a bad Subway, then he died.”
At least that’s how I remember the lyrics…
And JARED MUST DIE!!!!!
July 19th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
@dinosaur
1) Dane Cook — “There’s only one October.” Yes, I know it only aired for a month, but I still want it erased. It makes me miserable when I think about great talents like Heath Ledger being dead, but we’ll be stuck with Dane Cook for the rest of our lives.
How that stayed on the board for close to 400 picks is a testament to the amount of drinking I did to kill those brain cells that witnessed the worst marketing idea ever.
What’s the fucking deal with everyone talking about the shitty local commercials? I’m paraphrasing from the group dinner hate-fest when I say everyone has local commercials that are cheaply made and suck ass. Oh, you say that yours is for a used car lot or personal injury lawyer? You suck at life.
July 19th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Any kids’ boardgame commercial that has an obnoxious little freak yell “I win!”. I guess that’s almost all of them. I’ll cave in their small, developing skulls with a Hungry Hungry Hippos board. Child abuse is a horrible thing- except if the children are redheads with freckles, then it’s a hilarious thing.
July 19th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
More than an entire day late, but this piece of runny dog shit> and the fucking series with the father and the son dressed as god-damned cheeseburgers make me want to destroy my television.
July 19th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Dont compare things to hitler. It makes you sound like a dumbass, and only making your argument look worse
July 19th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
that comment was worse than hitler
July 20th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I know that Guy Fieri from the TGI Friday’s ads is way off the board (justifiably), but who the hell is this douchebag anyway? Does he work for the Axe Effect? I think I shall disembowel him with a soup spoon.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Any commercial starring Michael Jordan and Cuba Gooding/Kevin Bacon/Charlie Sheen/insert name of washed up celebrity here. Yeah, we get it. The market for past-their-prime stars isn’t what it used to be. Head over to VH1 circuit with the rest of them, assbags.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Anything with Billy Mays (the oxyclean guy): he’s so… low-budget.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Fucking Olive Garden.
Fill up on our shitty breadsticks!
Hey – choose two sauces for the price of one!
Hey – pay $12 for 60 cents worth of food!
“10 Things You Don’t Know About Women”:
#1: We don’t ever want to see the inside of an Olive Garden
July 20th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Anybody mention the Dane Cook “There’s only one Postseeeeeason” from last years TBS MLB playoffs. Also the worst of the worst is David Ortiz’s MLB.TV commercial “EVERY TEAM EVERY GAME” He cant even pronounce the word game. Those steroid must have fucked up his brains as well as his testes.
July 20th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
“Dude, Yer gettin’ a Dell!” FUCK YOU.
July 20th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
[...] Somebody else hates commercials as much as I do. Most people merely dislike commercials. I fucking HATE them. I loathe them with all the bile in my bloated liver. Hatred for ads is embedded in my marrow, programmed into my DNA, woven into the fabric of my soul. [...]
July 21st, 2008 at 4:59 am
The old 6 Flags commercial, from last summer, with the freaky old guy running around looking like Junior Sopranno on crank.
Fuck him and that song, made me NEVER want to goto 6 flags and gives me seizure like episodes when any amusement park ads come on tv
July 21st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Ah, the anti-marketing dollar. That’s a big dollar. We’ve done research.
“90990″ knows what I’m talking ’bout (and beat me to posting the Hicks routine)!
July 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
This has all been some kind of guerilla marketing, viral focus-group bullshit that an ad team came up with, hasn’t it?
July 21st, 2008 at 8:29 pm
If I see one commercial with some stupid kid telling me how to invest my money or get a life insurance policy, I’m going to apply for a license to purchase an Uzi. If my little midget 8 year old wakes me up in the middle of the night to talk about all my liabilities like those AIG commercials that are constantly on television, I wouldn’t just tell him to go to sleep, I’d put him to sleep. Christ.
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
If you want a good racist commercial, it’s hard to beat the old Stove Top Stuffing one:
“Ay, LeRoy! Mama cookin’ conebread!”
I think even David Duke and Senator Byrd cringed at that one.
July 26th, 2008 at 3:49 am
the worst one ever
during the NBA Finals, the GMC commercial for the denali
‘LOOK AT DAT FIRE IN YO EYES. LEMME TRY TO GET DAT FIRE OUTCHA EYES’
and every other one like it.