Scary news out of Indianapolis this morning. Apparently Peyton Manning has undergone a procedure to excise his scrotal sac. Reportedly Archie and Olivia decided that after 32 years it was time to get Peyton fixed. “He’s been displaying increased aggression towards other unfixed males, including repeated, yet fruitless, attempts to mount his perceived rivals,” said Peyton’s father.
Experts believe that the procedure will raise the pitch of Peyton’s voice by a few octaves, but nothing that should interfere with his lucrative endorsement deals.
Correction: Apparently Manning’s procedure was to remove a bursa sac in his knee, and not his scrotal sac as we initially reported. We deeply regret this error.
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Scrotal sack? Ouch.
It should have been his ball sack.
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I can’t wait for Shawne Merriman’s sac dance.
“Is “bursa sac” the most sexual sounding inury ever?
…wait nevermind, pulled groin.”
It’s not football, but Kaz Matsui missed a few weeks “to repair an anal fissure, which is a tear of the skin near the anus that causes bleeding and pain.”
ouch.. nothing’s worse than an infected sack
joey harrington needs this surgery.
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
Bursa sac, scrotcal sac. Stupid media, distorting everything. Rev. Jesse Jackson just wanted Sen. Obama to get his knee fixed.
If Peyton misses his sac too much to play maybe they can re-name the pocket “sac”
“the sac is collapsing, wait Manning steps up in the sac and throws down the middle….”
The worst part: the amount of ketamine needed to knock out a football player of this size would be fatal, so they had to do it old-school, by shoving his head into a Wellington boot and snipping sans anesthesia. Bet he was pissed when he came to in his carrier.
It’s karmic retribution for hitting those kids in the nuts on SNL.
Man, if only the WaPo hadn’t fired all its good sportswriters, they’d have gotten it right the first time.
Will he be wildly gesticulating to the surgeons to get them to operate correctly?
Speaking of sac’s. Sorgi’s just exploded upong hearing this news.
I can’t wait for the pictures of Peyton wearing an Elizabethan Collar from the vet’s clinic.
Can they use Peyton for stem-cell research?
eli manning still thinks it’s funny, but wishes peyton would have waited until after the oreo licking race to have the procedure.
“repeated, yet fruitless, attempts to mount his perceived rivals”
Tom Brady is saddened that he will no longer be mounted, repeatedly, with or without fruit.
Football to the groin!
That applies here, right?
I heard Peyton was going to have that Vagina Enlargement Surgery he keeps talking about.
And here I was thinking that the story would end with Peyton being put down after the surgery failed.
Is “bursa sac” the most sexual sounding inury ever?
…wait nevermind, pulled groin.
I think the urine spraying was the last straw.
All this sac talk is making my hungry. Or possibly horny. It’s still too early to tell.
Now only if Elisha could dust off his scrotal sac, I’m sure his wife might appreciate it…or not.
I liked it better when it was the nut sack.
Thank you, Reverend Jackson.
Eli is wondering if he gets a lollipop for being brave
I liked it better when it was the nut sack.
Bursa sac, scrotal sac… an easy mistake; anyone could have made it.
Dunno why, but when you say “excised scrotal sac” I instantly think of Peter King.
In what other realm of reality do we get news updates of another man’s “bursa sac” removal.
Fucking offseason.
Kenny Chesney was terrified until you corrected the story.