BREAKING NEWS: Peyton Manning’s Surgery
Scary news out of Indianapolis this morning. Apparently Peyton Manning has undergone a procedure to excise his scrotal sac. Reportedly Archie and Olivia decided that after 32 years it was time to get Peyton fixed. “He’s been displaying increased aggression towards other unfixed males, including repeated, yet fruitless, attempts to mount his perceived rivals,” said Peyton’s father.
Experts believe that the procedure will raise the pitch of Peyton’s voice by a few octaves, but nothing that should interfere with his lucrative endorsement deals.
Correction: Apparently Manning’s procedure was to remove a bursa sac in his knee, and not his scrotal sac as we initially reported. We deeply regret this error.
Tags: Corrections, Lil' Pey-Pey, peyton manning, Unsilent Majority
July 15th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Kenny Chesney was terrified until you corrected the story.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:20 am
In what other realm of reality do we get news updates of another man’s “bursa sac” removal.
Fucking offseason.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Bursa sac, scrotal sac… an easy mistake; anyone could have made it.
Dunno why, but when you say “excised scrotal sac” I instantly think of Peter King.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I liked it better when it was the nut sack.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Eli is wondering if he gets a lollipop for being brave
July 15th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I liked it better when it was the nut sack.
Thank you, Reverend Jackson.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Now only if Elisha could dust off his scrotal sac, I’m sure his wife might appreciate it…or not.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:36 am
All this sac talk is making my hungry. Or possibly horny. It’s still too early to tell.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I think the urine spraying was the last straw.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Is “bursa sac” the most sexual sounding inury ever?
…wait nevermind, pulled groin.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:42 am
And here I was thinking that the story would end with Peyton being put down after the surgery failed.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I heard Peyton was going to have that Vagina Enlargement Surgery he keeps talking about.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Football to the groin!
That applies here, right?
July 15th, 2008 at 11:30 am
“repeated, yet fruitless, attempts to mount his perceived rivals”
Tom Brady is saddened that he will no longer be mounted, repeatedly, with or without fruit.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:31 am
eli manning still thinks it’s funny, but wishes peyton would have waited until after the oreo licking race to have the procedure.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Can they use Peyton for stem-cell research?
July 15th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I can’t wait for the pictures of Peyton wearing an Elizabethan Collar from the vet’s clinic.
July 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Speaking of sac’s. Sorgi’s just exploded upong hearing this news.
July 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Will he be wildly gesticulating to the surgeons to get them to operate correctly?
July 15th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Man, if only the WaPo hadn’t fired all its good sportswriters, they’d have gotten it right the first time.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
It’s karmic retribution for hitting those kids in the nuts on SNL.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The worst part: the amount of ketamine needed to knock out a football player of this size would be fatal, so they had to do it old-school, by shoving his head into a Wellington boot and snipping sans anesthesia. Bet he was pissed when he came to in his carrier.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
If Peyton misses his sac too much to play maybe they can re-name the pocket “sac”
“the sac is collapsing, wait Manning steps up in the sac and throws down the middle….”
July 15th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Bursa sac, scrotcal sac. Stupid media, distorting everything. Rev. Jesse Jackson just wanted Sen. Obama to get his knee fixed.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
joey harrington needs this surgery.
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
July 16th, 2008 at 1:44 am
ouch.. nothing’s worse than an infected sack
July 16th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
“Is “bursa sac” the most sexual sounding inury ever?
…wait nevermind, pulled groin.”
It’s not football, but Kaz Matsui missed a few weeks “to repair an anal fissure, which is a tear of the skin near the anus that causes bleeding and pain.”
July 16th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I can’t wait for Shawne Merriman’s sac dance.