Earlier this week, former Cardinal/Seahawk/Bear/Ram/Panther/Colt receiver Ricky Proehl opened Ricky Proehl’s Proehlific Park Youth Sports Complex in Greensboro, NC. Jeezum-crow, that’s a long name. Is it located anywhere near Al Harrington’s Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube-Man Emporium and Warehouse?

Note the use of the word “Proehlific.” I tend to look askance at any product which describes itself using a neologism based on the product name (i.e. Swifferiffic, Fergalicious, Schweppervescence). But in the interests of preserving the endangered species that is the white wide receiver, I pledge my unconditional support to this effort. Don Beebes don’t just grown on trees, y’know.

Mister Proehl, you are hereby invested with the duty of producing the next Ed McCafferey or Drew Bennett. Judging by this curriculum, you are up to the task:

  • Possession Receiver 101
  • Applications in Deceptive Speed
  • Examining the Blue Collar Mythos
  • Brandon Stokely is Okely-Dokely
  • Dramatic Super Bowl TDs Negated by Adam Fucking Vinatieri