CHEERS to Will Leitch, for nearly three years of fun over at Deadspin.
JEERS to Will Leitch for leaving just as I found out all kinds of new shit to make fun of him about. Seriously man, fucking raisins? What a freak!
CHEERS to Buzz Bissinger for finally manning up and deciding to go one on one with the fucking great one on November 6th. I ain’t no shrinking violet, Bissinger. Leitch may enjoy being a spineless pushover, but I PLAY FOR FUCKING KEEPS, ASSHOLE. Get ready for a taste of FIAAAAAHHHH! Also, can I have an autograph?
JEERS to the next two months. Seriously, I want to fucking die. TWO MONTHS until the NFL is back? The last Super Bowl feels like it was played eight years ago. I get to spend the next two months sweating my balls off and trying to put together a fantasy draft board, only to end up with a fucking headache after five minutes. JESUS.
CHEERS to Sabra hummus. God dammit, that is some good fucking hummus. Smooth, creamy, salty. I bet Chris Simms rubs it all over his face.
JEERS to Tribe Of Two Shieks hummus. Hey you fuckers, Sabra just served your sorry ass. Take your lumpy, shitty ass hummus out of my grocery store. You’re a disgrace to lunatic, chick pea-grinding Arabs the world over. Go strap a bomb to yourself and run into a Tel Aviv bus. You aren’t fucking worthy of my plate!
CHEERS to me being let out of the house tonight to see a rock concert for the first time in two years. Hey, Hold Steady, you had best be ready to RAWK WITH YOUR FUCKING COCK OUT. I want double guitars. I want SIX encores. I want you to play a slow song once an hour so I can go piss. DON’T SKIMP ON THE ROCK, YOU FUCKERS. I’m driving to fucking Baltimore for that shit.
JEERS to wearing open-toes shoes to any rock concert. Ever wear flip flops to a show? Don’t.
CHEERS to Haterade. You know, yesterday at Deadspin was a real love-in. But that’s not what we do here at KSK. It’s time to wash off all that joy and affection and go back to what we do best: pure, unadulterated bile. FUCK YOU, WHOEVER NEEDS TO GET FUCKED. God, that feels fantastic.
JEERS to fucking Dr. Z for picking the Vikings to win the Super Bowl. You fucking old, jinxing prick. “Dare I pick Minnesota to win it all?” Dare I disconnect your colostomy bag and pull your dick off? Quit needlessly hyping my team, you bastard. Go back to hating them like you normally do.
CHEERS to Lucy Pinder and Cassandra Lynn. Wazzat? They’re not cheerleaders? Eh, who gives a shit.
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well, muscle weighs more so I would say about 180
Hold Steady, E Street Band, Husker Du, Randy Newman, The Replacements, what? You lost me. Guess I’m not cool enough for KSK.
/sigh
Oh god, I Sabra hummus is the best – pureed in a blender for like 6 weeks to make it palatable to non-ethnic whiteboys like me (and you, magary.).
Had to look up Nov 6th… Denver at Cleveland?
CHEERS to anyone reverently nicknamed “Purple Jesus”
JEERS to any and all factors that have caused the Raiders to become a joke.
Chips Ahoy was the 3rd song played in Brooklyn today
Matt L-Train,
Another good analogy I read for The Hold Steady was Randy Newman leading The Replacements.
Mamacita,
My 2 inch vertical jump sorta cut my pro hoops career short.
@PeterKingsTaint — 3 kids in 4 years? Are you sure you’re not in the NBA?
God Bless The Hold Steady.
I’ve seen them four times.
Best band on earth.
Rocco, the Hold Steady sound like the bastard lovechild of early E Street Band and prime Husker Du. In other words, they fuckin’ RAWK. Glad to see them getting some love around here.
So what’s the over/under on Drew’s bail?
THEY USED DOUBLE GUITARS!
Awesome show.
Damn that’s weird: Drew (and fuck yourself Lantana) I just bought tickets to see The Hold Steady in LA, and pathetically (after launching 3 kids in 4 years) it’ll be my first show in 4 years.
And since I’m one of the posters who Punter has a problems with – Punt, I’ll be the dick with 5 circles under each eye and skin that looks like it hasn’t seen the sun in half a decade. Come say hi.
You’re the kind of dude that make Hold Steady shows not fun anymore.
I sometimes have a vegan in the house. I hate hummus and all the rest of that crap.
“Go strap a bomb to yourself and run into a Tel Aviv bus.” WTF? If you hate them so much, why give the end of their shitty little existance some sort of meaning, no matter how fucked up? Have it go off when putting on the vest.
I went to a Hold Steady show in Baltimore that rocked so hard a guy died in the balcony and no one noticed till the show was over. True story.
Get in his bootyhole, Drew. And be a condescending douche from the jump (shouldn’t be hard). You might be tempted at first to make a cogent argument about how blogs are spout-off forums for Joe Bumblefuck to share his thoughts and aren’t supposed to be newspapers and how people treat them as such at their discretion, but fuck that. He’ll come with the old-man bullshit. Start off by showing him a scrapbook with pictures of fuckable horses (maybe the Serena Williams shots from Sports Illustrated) and a print out of your post(s) about him. Maybe say, “And before you start, you better watch your tone when you address me, boy. I’ll slap saliva out your mouth and threaten your family.” The fuddy-duddies (yeah, I said it) are too set in their ways to give you a fair shake, so go for broke and just shit on him. Make it entertaining for your demographic. Get him, Drew. Make us loyal KSK dickriders proud and give him a round of moderate fisting.
Alright, I’ll ask: Are we getting an article from BDD on Deadspin next Thursday?
Tribe of Two Shieks = asshummus.
+1 mamacita – KSK “pant(ie)s party” is inspired.
Damn — I had already bought a ticket to NYC for Drew’s reading on 11/6, but now it looks like they could sell out Yankee Stadium. I was looking forward to a KSK Pant(ie)s Party.
Wow I wish I could see the November 6th battle, it better be live blogged from KSK. I can’t to see the look on Buzz’s face when you tell him that his horse fucking opinion doesn’t mean shit to you, and then literally take a shit on Friday Night Lights. First Amendment ftw.
Cassandra Lynn is Miss February 2006. One of my all-time favorites.
/subscriber since 1998.
//Am I too young or too old to not have a clue about these bands you’re talking about? (I’m 30)
//Cheers to the beer tent at community days this weekend.
Cheers to Drew and his snazzy new (vague) title at Deadspin.
Jeers to being hungover at work.
putridstinkstar knows hummus. the garlic is good, the roasted peppers one is money too.
lucy pinder would get it. in her butt. i don’t know who cassandra lynn is but i’m a big fan of those panties and cameltoe.
i’m setting the over/under on suspended players in the next two months at 2.
The big question is: Will Bissinger figure out who you are by then?
/Big Daddy Balls FTW
Hold Steady have been consistently awesome, and I’ve seen them four times. Last was the dual-tour with Art Brut. Highly Enjoyable. Even more Highly Enjoyable when you are drunk enough to nearly (nearly!) lick Craig Finn’s spilled beer off your friend’s wifes arm while standing next to your own wife.
Good times indeed.
Why does Simmons get cheers? Unless cheers is a new STD I haven’t heard of…
If Rex Grossman can be the QB of a Super Bowl-caliber team, then the bar has already been set so low that Tarvaris Jackson could bunny hop over it.
BTW, are we so desperate for real sports right now that we’re talking about the ramblings of some old septuagenarian who thinks the blonde model is really an angel that refuses to take him to Heaven?
I’m listening to Southtown Girls right now, so I am getting a kick out of these replies.
/they won’t blow you away
//but you know that they’ll stay
Baltimore, Drew? My condolences
how do you choose a team without a quarterback to win it all? are they going to have Jared Allen line up behind center, too? Although if Elisha can lead a team… no, no, you know what? fuck it. Even Manning is better than whoever Minnesota decides to trot out. and if that isn’t enough to dissuade one from picking the Vikes, i don’t know what it.
BDD – Chips Ahoy was the third song of the set last night. Don’t black out before then, or get shot.
Hey, who in the hell photoshopped the piss puddle out of the Cassandra Lynn photo?
“CHEERS to me being let out of the house tonight to see a rock concert for the first time in two years.”
written like the parent of a small child
Wouldn’t the Gay Mafia snowball with their boyfriends?
Hold Steady? Are you going to make your garage into a roller disco and “snowball” with your wife? That is for the fags.
Drew, don’t worry about the curse of Dr. Z. You have to get over the curse of having shitty fucking QB Tavaris Jackson first.
What no Stacy Kiebler for the hot chicks trifecta?
/not really complaining, but you know
//really trying to clear my calendar for November 6th
Just out of curiosity, who was Dr. Z’s pick for the SB from the AFC? The Bills? What a confused old fucking man.
Jeers to having a dream/nightmare about the Gay Mafia AND my old job last night, due to the group photo that appeared on Deadspin, and because every last one of them in some way resembles the assholes I used to work with at a subprime mortgage company. Only with less fashion sense.
“You had better get that room cleaned before you even THINK about going to a rock and roll concert, Mr. Man!”
/your mom.
Went out with some friends to 6th st for some chicks birthday in flip flops because I didnt have time to go home first… ended up with puke, booze, street filth and some kind of moldy tar all over my feet… took days of washing and scrubbing to feel clean enough to stick my shit back in a pair of shoes
Who is this Hold Steady you speak of? Should I obtain one of their albums and play it on my turntable?
There is no way that isn’t ended badly. Who wants to buy me a plane ticket?
Balls Deep vs. Buzz Bissinger?
Keep him mellow and rational: send him that horse the week before!
Hummus from a plastic tub?
/hoists nose into the air
JEERS to Pay-Per-View should they not broadcast the Nov. 6 bloodbath. Seriously, I’d pay $50 to see this live. I think this is going to be an event like Ali vs Foreman in Zaire. Please someone videotape this.
Holy fuck am I looking forward to that Varsity Letters
I’ll be at their show Sunday. I better hear “Hot Soft Light.”
The Hold Steady were great last time I saw them out here in LA – but that was two years ago. Enjoy.
So when Will runs in to hit Bissinger with a steel chair on Nov 6, will his entrance music be Bright Eyes?
BDD, I hate to be a source of diffidence, but I was supposed to go see the Hold Steady at the Paradise last night… wound up bailing because I have 80,000 hours of rehearsal this week, but I heard they were kinda lackluster this time around and am a little glad that I missed it. Hopefully a crabcake or two will enable them to get their shit together…
JEERS to co-opting shitty features from TV Guide.
At least you and Bissinger can agree on your mutual love of adding colons to the titles of your book(s).
BDD, will “Tilted” by Sugar be your intro music when you go up against Bissinger?
The Sabra hummus with roasted garlic in the middle will light you up.