Tiffany Will Cheer The Bengals To A 7-9 Record In 2008
Some of you assholes would score a little more ‘tang if you just opened your eyes and paid attention to the world around you. The reason all of these girls are dating assholes is because they want men that are assertive. They don’t really care if he’s frequently wrong about driving directions or occasionally punches them in the face. That’s the price of doing business to them. These broads are all about the ACTION!
Now I know what you’re thinking. “But Punte, I’m broke. I can’t afford to show women a good time. It’s a waste of money when I’m not even guaranteed sex.” You’re not paying attention, dick. Did we learn nothing from the legend of El Guapho?
“Why don’t you just take her? When you want cattle, you take the cattle. When you want food, you take the food. When you want a woman…you just take the woman. Why don’t you just take her?”
Now, I’m not advocating…you know. Well, I am, but in a subtle way. If she comes out and says, “Please stop having sex with me or I will contact the authorities!” then the jig’s up, bro. But of course you could gag her beforehand, or just wait until she falls asleep. But if you do that, you should cover her face with a towel, so the sweat from all your hard work doesn’t wake her up.
Oh, and one other thing. If you take that silent ninja route, you’re probably not going to get her off, so don’t try. I just thought I’d point that out.
I’m glad we had this chance to talk.
Tags: jeez punter that's just wrong, misogyny, MMP, The Friday Cheerleader Posts, the wisdom of El Guapo
June 6th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Punter…that’s just awesome!!! Great advice.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Punter,
Are you making up for the shirtless Alex Trebek picture with this post?
June 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Who put Marmalard’s face on a smokin’ hot chick? That was a hell of a photoshop job.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I would very much like to have sex with the woman pictured in this post.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I’ve had sex with the woman pictured in this post, and it was fantastic.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Is this the 1st time we’ve seen text to the right of a picture on KSK?
June 6th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
“Who put Marmalard’s face on a smokin’ hot chick?”
I don’t know. YA BETTA ASK SOMEBODYYYYYYYYYYY!
June 6th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
What DHSC said.
Unless you have a thing for Corky from “Life Goes On,” you better be hoping they make paper bags in leopard print.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I think Drave is missing the point of these posts.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Is “Guapho” from the Sephardic version of the movie?
June 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
El Guapo has a plethora of ‘tang.
June 6th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I…um…that is to say…ahem! I’m not saying anything (publicly) about this post until I hear from smurphette and futuremrsrickankiel!
June 6th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
correction:
…until I hear from smurphette and futuremrs
June 6th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
No Jefe. You must be patient with such a woman. She must open up to you like a beautiful flower. And tonight, if she does not open up to me, then I will kill her.
/guapo’ed
June 6th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Punte, you really are a southerner!
June 6th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
…paper bags in leopard print…geneyous!!! Otto +many. This invention will make a mint.
June 6th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
El Guapo: Oh-ho, you…
Dusty Bottoms: Jose!
“Together, we…”
“Burned the village!”
“Burned the village!”
“And, uh…”
“… rrrrrrrrraped de horses!”
“And we…”
“Rode off on de wimmin!”
“Rode off on de wimmin!”
“And uh…”
“Plundered!”
“Plundered!”
“And uh…”
“Pruned!”
“…pruned the, uh…”
“Hedges!”
“…hedges of…”
“Many small villages! “
June 6th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I’d still hit it.
June 6th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
You know what’s not funny?
Jokes about hitting women.
Jokes about raping women.
You know what’s sick and fucked up and wrong?
Jokes about hitting women.
Jokes about raping women.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s all just a joke.
So what? This kind of “humor” is part of a culture that legitimates violence and degradation. I’m not saying whoever wrote this is a rapist or a batterer, just as I’m not saying anyone who enjoys this “humor” is. But this “humor” is part of what causes women to be raped and beaten.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Thom,
It’s that kind of “talk” that’ll get you raped and beaten around here.
Close the screen door on the way out.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Like I’d want to stay, Punte.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Thom,
Lose the “h” you fucking douche.
June 6th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Thom,
Say it with me. Saaaaatttiiiiirrrreee. Did you say it out loud? Say it out loud. Now kill yourself.
June 6th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Wait, Thom, come back! You forgot your top hat and monocle!
June 6th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Was Thom just a spy or a mole posing as a knee-jerk gaylord over-reactionary butthole reader? Some violence against women is funny. I mean, haven’t you ever traveled back in time to medieval England and watched those Punch and Judy puppet shows? Top notch, guv’nor!
June 6th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Thom should’ve checked a few posts down to see the collective lynch mob we were forming to go after Jerramy Stevens.
Of course, if he thinks this wasn’t funny, he might not have appreciated my call for that anal rapist to be gangraped by rhinos. I probably perpetuated some vicious anti-rhino stereotype. “Just because they have horns, Otto, that doesn’t mean they’re horny! For shame!”
June 6th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Or the first five minutes of Boondock Saints. GREAT movie.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
The “rule of thumb” bit in the slaughter house with the Jewish bull dyke in “Boondock Saints” was funny.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Oh, so now all rhinos are rapists, huh?
MMP for Deadspin editor!
/is drunk
June 7th, 2008 at 12:05 am
/is hammered yet somehow able to follow…cheers to the smart ones…jeers to Thom
June 7th, 2008 at 12:50 am
“I’m so fuckin’ FAHHH-kneeee!” Brilliant Ron Jeremy cameo.
June 7th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Tired.
June 7th, 2008 at 1:05 am
THE THREE AMIGOS! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh…Ugh! Now where the Hell is the Invisible Swordsman?
Shit, that’s going to number one on my Net Flix queue.
June 7th, 2008 at 1:51 am
So, when’s the “Date a KSKommenter Kontest,” anyway? I can’t wait!
June 7th, 2008 at 1:57 am
thom, just fyi, but the screen door hitting you in the ass on the way out is laced with large, black, hiv-infested dildos. you are a fucking retard.
and re: tiffany’s face… you all are crazy. the joker face is fine, it’s the least of my worries. i’m more worried about those thighs, four years down the road, crushing and engulfing my head.
June 7th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Yeah, chill out Thom Punte’s boyfriend always makes him use a safeword.
June 7th, 2008 at 2:32 am
also, thom, wasn’t fake plastic trees about a young boy’s first rape?
/not bitter about my lawn seats at the monsoon show
June 7th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Non-satirical violence against women isn’t funny. Real-life violence against Paris Hilton and Madonna would be friggin’ hilarious.
Just one of life’s little ironies…..
June 7th, 2008 at 7:22 am
hey guys always remember…anal is not a laughing matter…
/wonders why the fuck I wake up so early when hungover
June 7th, 2008 at 9:48 am
The safe word is “Australopithecus.”
June 7th, 2008 at 10:13 am
If you take that silent ninja route, you’re probably not going to get her off
Sadly, that’s often the case with the other routes, too.
@Thom: If we were offended by this or any KSK post, the boys would hear about it, no doubt. We’re all grown up and can look out for ourselves, thanks.
June 7th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
And with that, matter closed. Thanks Smurphette!
/pees in tHom’s latte’
June 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
She reminds me of Nicole Graves.
June 8th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Wow…just wow.
Couple weeks back we had a post cheering and making fun of a person getting stabbed, and comments saying same.
Now we have virulent misogyny and comments cheering and advocating same.
The people who run this site are vile gutter scum trash.
They are filth.
I pray they are all diagnosed with inoperable bone cancer and then sentenced to prison for child molestation and thrown into general population.
I pray for that every day.
June 8th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
We have a term for your type of person, Trevor: agent provocateur.
June 8th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Well done, also.
June 8th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Gaylord.
June 9th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Is it rape if instead of ejaculating on or inside her person, you decide to ejaculate in the general vicinity, like into a fish bowl or whatever?
June 9th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
/discharges blood and fecal matter