Those Corners Really Need to Clean Up Their Act
It’s no wonder the Patriots have had to make do with guys like Randall Gay in the secondary the last few years. As soon as you wave some money in front of one of them, they chase it like a pack of dogs. Really makes you think about their culture. Asante, we’re glad to be rid of him. Receiver would’ve caught that Eli pass on the final drive.
Sometimes when I’m guttily charging through secondaries, I find myself taken aback with the conditions these people choose to play in. Players lazily strewn about. Little sense of cohesion. Defensive calls that don’t even sound like English to me. It’s all me, me, me. Have they no self-respect? It’s just so, so typical. I just pray my daughter doesn’t bring one home someday.
After the game, I head over into their side of the locker room, always making sure to remove my valuables first, and I hear them playing their jungle cornerback music. Rhythm is offensive to the ear. I caught Randy listening to some of it once and diced him with my pen knife. Over in the offense’s corner, we set the bass maximum at “Silverchair”. We keep things orderly, never speaking out of turn.
There are some find, upstanding exceptions. The “model secondary”. That John Lynch, for example. Did a great job in leading the Buccaneers to that Super Bowl. Hard-hitting. Straight shooter. Why can’t they follow his example? Instead they call him a shun him and call him a traitor to his kind. Because he works hard? These are a people I will never understand.
And don’t get me started on the blacks!
June 30th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
heckleheckleheckle
…no, seriously though, I have no idea what Welker was thinking with that quote. How is chasing a big contract any more mercenary than chasing rings? Why anyone lets athletes talk ever is kind of beyond me.
June 30th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Tis better to receive? Next to that fucking picture?
Holy.Fucking .Shit
June 30th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
That is a gay mens mag, right?
Oh, well it should be
June 30th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Mighty presumptive of Mr. Welker to assumer that leaving the Patriots = no more superbowl rings
June 30th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
oh wow… he’s a catcher… i woulda or shoulda figured that one eh?
June 30th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Per Wikipedia, I just learned that Welker has a dog named after Steve Nash. Hmmmmmm……
June 30th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Big Gay Al thinks this is suuuuuper gay.
June 30th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Valuables? Like this year’s Super Bowl Ring? Didn’t think so.
June 30th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Suck a donkey dong, Welkahhhh. I guess staying with the Dolphins and working your ass off in a team effort to earn an against-all-odds ring isn’t as noble as hitching your wagon to Brady & Belicheat’s mercenary squad that was already the Super Bowl favorite you fairweather fuck.
A self-righteous chalky jumping on a bandwagon? Gee, no idea why the city of Boston loves Welkahhhh so much…
June 30th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
How is it on a team filled with douchebags he out douches them all? His name is Wes? Ah, that’ll do it.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I refuse to believe that nobody looked at that cover, saw “Tis Better To Receive” and didn’t think “Hm, isn’t that a bit of a gay tagline?” Of course, that could actually be a gay magazine, what with monsieur Welkah being portrayed so artistically on the cover, but then I try not to look at the covers of the gay magazines.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I guess when you have had enough gay sex with Massholes — and once is FAR more than enough — you begin to inherit their mindset.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I own a copy of that magazine. It was free and I needed something to wipe my ass with.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
One visit by the ghost of Wes Welker’s future career, played by Brandon Stokley, and Welker will probably just shut the f*ck up.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Dat picture of Welkahhh is givin’ me a bonahhhhh! He’s no Brady but he’s wicked fackin’ handsome!!!!
June 30th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
you left out the part of the article where welkah kept arguing that porch monkey was not a derogatory term.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
@ Myself:
Who knew that racism was an STD?
June 30th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I was in a drugstore earlier today, and when I passed by the feminine hygeine products, one of the douches implored me to stop comparing the Pats and their fans to it. It seems being filled with vinegar and stuck in a stinky twat is ok, but placing it on a level with a Masshole was something it could not abide.
June 30th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Great ahhticull by WELKAH! What seperates him from the cawnuhbacks is his uncanny FOOTBALL SMAHTS! If cawnuhbacks had football smahts like that, then they’d look as fackin hawt as WELKAH!
/Gay Tawmmy’d
June 30th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Meanwhile, another Patriots cornerback, Willie Andrews, has been arrested for pointing a gun at his girlfriend’s head.
You stay classy, New England.
June 30th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
“The Improper Bostonian” is an anagram for “He Rape in Prison Bottom”
Discuss.
June 30th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Or, if you’re not Yoda, “He Rape Bottom in Prison.”
June 30th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I’ll go with “He Bottom in Prison Rape” FTW.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:07 am
@Uncle Jesse
a 3 year 10 million dollar contact and a job as a #2 receiver isn’t exactly a career in ruins.
/is it still homerism if he doesn’t play for your team anymore?
July 1st, 2008 at 9:17 am
Somewhere Jeff Garcia is buying up as many issues as he can find.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:31 am
In all fairness, Welker walks the walk too…I mean, he agreed to play for the league minimum when he joined the Pats. He–what? He’s a #3 receiver making $3.6 million a year?
Oh my.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Tryoy Aikman says it’s not gay to rub one out to another man as long as you do it from the safety of a closet.
Even if you’re rubbing one out with another man’s penis.
And you’re dressed in a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader outfit. Crotchless.
Not one iota gay!!
July 1st, 2008 at 4:34 pm
@shake n bake
Yep, it’s been nothing but up since his 1000yd/10 TD season in a record breaking offense 4 years ago. By up I mean down of course.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
Is that Welkah? At first glance I thought it was Rocky Dennis!
July 7th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Back off morons! He does his best talking on the field, where it counts.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
http://onlinepharmacyonlineprescription.com/