The Emo Eagles’ Pain Is Unrelenting And Unknowable
Song: “Bandages” Hot Hot Heat
Mood: Lugubrious 
When is the moment you can know with complete certainty that someone will forever let you down? When can you quiet the murmur of indecision that allows you to cling remora-like to the twisting and turning minecart of heartbreak? I wish these things were spelled out. Life is too littered with indistinct notes and half-formed promises.
If this point exists, it must have been crossed with Samantha. Since she spurned me to start dating Mathias, she’s told me to “fuck off,” “buzz off,” “eat shit,” “get stuffed,” “hug C4,” “contract AIDS,” “die soon,” “kick rocks,” “rob butts,” “stab self,” “try men,” and “taunt cops.” Still, I can’t shake the lingering feeling that affection lies beyond those words. She must feel some obligation to put up a front of belligerence to appease her current fling. Once gone, I’m bound to get a better reception.
When I think of McNabb, it evokes the same reasoning. Yeah, he’s hurt again. He’s hurting us again. To a person of reason, the locus of dependability for McNasty is stretching further into rear distance. Those people don’t understand the intoxicating allure of expectation, a destiny that yearns to fulfill itself.
Someday Samantha and I shall know true happiness, united in experiencing an Eagles Super Bowl that will be a rapturous yea-saying efflorescence of perfection. And the Kevin Kolbs and the Mathiases of the world will be forced to accept their roles as temporary impediments to a love that can’t understand.
At least that’s what I wrote in red marker on her pillow case.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
These posts read like an old-school Ultimate Warrior promo.
*thumbs-up*
PS, no mention of Brian Westbrook’s comments about wanting a raise? Emo Eagle = Sad
June 11th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
“There is no emoticon for what I’m feeling”
June 11th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
“Please, man, I’ve had a rough night and I hate the fuckin’ Eagles, man!”
June 11th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
My hopes are so high that McNabb’s kiss might kill me
So won’t you kill me
So I die happy
June 11th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I actually sort of like “Bandages.”
Aw fuck.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
She hit it me (it felt like a kiss)
June 11th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
As an Eagles fan, I wonder what an Emo Eagles fan post would be like after the Eagles win the Super Bowl. Of course, as an Eagles fan, I also am resigned to the fact that that day will never come.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Dude, there will be no Eagles fans left if we win the Super Bowl… well at least none that will have a working Internet connection since the city will be in cinders and all infrastructure destroyed.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
@Westbrook
So you’ve never recovered from the last one in 1960?
June 11th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
June 11th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Hot Hot Heat isn’t emo… right? Please?
And I just realized I have the same track jacket as the fire-crotched, ironicly-mustachioed fellow. I’m doubly fucked.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Eh. It’s June and he’s not having surgery. I refuse to give a shit about this unless it’s still a problem in training camp.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
@ Naptown Drew
Have you SEEN North Philly lately? (ps, your best WR has!)
June 12th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Me too, FLS. Me too.
Bandages on my legs and my arms from you
Bandages, bandages, bandages
Up and down on my legs my arms from you
Bandages, bandages, bandages
Oh, and “hug C4″?
[/steals for personal use]
June 12th, 2008 at 9:03 am
McNabb is a wuss and should play thru the pain. Jeff Garcia’s asshole is in constant throbbing pain yet he never misses a game.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:16 am
So Drave, are you praising Garcia because of or despite his latent homosexuality? Dammit, be consistent! We don’t need any lascivious thoughts creeping into our den of homophobia & racism here at Klub KSK.
(Actually, that makes it sound like a gay bar - how ’bout The KSK Klub? Better?)
June 12th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Get a fackin’ heahcut ya fackin’ queeah.
/Tawmmy
June 12th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Bangs are worn by a man who doesn’t. Discuss.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Sure am glad the meathead Bears fans didn’t get their wish and we ended up not picking him up, we’ve had enough washed up quarterbacks bring their fizzling careers here. I find the emo eagle quite hilarious little too rare though.