Javon Walker has really changed his ways after witnessing up-close the murder of friend and teammate Darrent Williams on New Year’s Day 2007. Nah, just yanking yer chain– the champagne-spraying waste of money was found unconscious at a Las Vegas intersection. Details, like Walker, are sketchy, but doctors say he suffered an orbital fracture. They also said you could actually see cartoon stars and cuckoo birds doing the rumba around Walker’s battered head.

The Raiders spent the equivalent of the gross domestic product of Uruguay on Walker. Since then, Walker has done his best to to avoid undue attention. A day before getting KTFO by an unknown assailant, a demure Walker was seen modestly spraying 15 bottles of champagne on Tryst patrons. A regular shrinking violet, this guy.

Die-hard Raiders fans can look forward to another season of frustration. And meth, lots of meth.