Oh No, Jeremy! Please Don’t Hold Out!
Oh, dear! Are you really going to hold out, Shockey? I’ve heard the rumors. Please, my good man, please tell me they aren’t true!
(stifles laughter)
I’m just… I’m just not sure how we could go on without you!
(bites hand)
You’re such an important part of our organization, Jeremy…
(looks away to avoid cracking up)
I mean, you’ve contributed so much…
(bites hand again, draws blood)
To lose you at this juncture would just be devastating!
(puts in DVD of “Schindler’s List” as distraction)
The thought of you not showing up at minicamp…. I just don’t know how we, as a team, will move forward!
(sends text message to Coughlin, saying, “Can you believe this retard?”)
I’ve had a lot of players play hardball. But you, good sir, are utterly ruthless! You must have read any number of Jack Welch books! I’m not sure how I can hold out against your abstract demands much longer!
(pounds desk)
I was particularly intimidated by this quote:
Unlike the Giants, I’m going to be quiet.
Oh, God! You got us! Good thing you called in the media to tell them you’d never say negative things about the Giants in public, as a sneaky way of saying negative things about the Giants in public! Oh, you sly wolf! Your cunning knows no bounds!
(starts openly laughing)
I can’t believe someone in our organization would trash you to the media! Why, it’s almost as if they want to drive you away! I’ll find this…
(begins crying with laughter)
I’ll find this miscreant, Jeremy! I’ll put all my best men on it!
(rolls around on floor)
I can’t bear the thought of you being unhappy with us, Jeremy! If you left, we’d just be stuck with Kevin Boss. And what’s he ever done for us, apart from duplicate your production without any of your histrionics?
(brings in fellow employees to join in the laughter)
I also liked how you threatened us by using your injury as an excuse…
”Obviously. I’m not 100 percent and if I do show to minicamp, it’s going to be, I wouldn’t imagine me doing much, just getting treatment on my leg.”
Oh, no! Not your precious leg! Only the Shroud of Turin can surpass its value! You delicate little flower! You can’t possibly risk putting pressure on it! Everything rides on your leg! It’s the very foundation of everything we do! I’m not sure we’ll be able to keep our championship rings if your little booboo doesn’t improve! DON’T STRONGARM US BY THREATENING TO GET TREATMENT, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! GAHHHH!
Oh God, I can’t handle the tension of this standoff! Cannot… hold back… any longer…
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JESUS CHRIST
YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT.
(looks at naked picture of Hillary Clinton to calm down)
Ah.
God, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. Go hang out with your mom in Texas, you fucking jackass.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, holdouts, jerry reese don't play around, most overrated player in the universe, people with no leverage, please cut this moron
June 9th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Love the people with no leverage tag.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:06 am
If he keeps mocking him, Shockey’s going to have to get that bald eagle tattoo updated to include a giant single tear.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:13 am
@Otto – Well that, and maybe the eagle could be dropping a crucial pass on 3rd and five.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Reports from Vegas say that when the news of Shockey’s holdout broke, the odds on the Giants repeating jumped to 1/50 from 12/1
June 9th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Cut-that-meat! Cut-that-meat!
June 9th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Shockey made oblique references to a possible trade before limping away from the podium and then staggering into a whiteboard while pointing to his leg and screaming in agony.
June 9th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Kinda surprised Jason Garrett didn’t make a guest-appearance to join in the polysyllabic mocking. Then again, we’ll probably hear from him soon…
June 9th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
You’re persistent Shockey bashing has left me no choice, Drew:
If you don’t issue an apology by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, I’m revealing your real name.
June 9th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Is it true that Shockey issued the holdout threat from his second home at Scores?
June 9th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
To paraphrase our man Big Gay Drew from a memorable old post: “Jeremy Shockey is from Oklahoma and went to the University of Miami, so he’s two kinds of retarded”. It’s gotta be more than two kinds. I think there’s plenty of uncharted territory in Shockey’s personal land of Retardia.
June 9th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
So Shockey still hasn’t sobered up from the hunnerd plus cocktails he had at the Super Bowl?
June 9th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Stop insulting the retarded by comparing them to people from Oklahoma. It’s just too cruel.
As a Giant fan, I say we should have grabbed the Saints 2nd rounder and run like hell before they called foul. There’s no way in hell we’ll ever get more for him. Either he has a good season and his stock stays the same, or he has a crappy year and we get only a 7th rounder or we cut him.
Just take the 2nd rounder and enjoy the extra cap space.
June 9th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Quote from Jerry Reese when Strahan was thinking about retirement:
“I thought it was a little bit of a late notice, but that’s the way the National Football League works sometimes,” Reese said. “I just told (Agnone) if (Strahan is) ready to retire we wish him God speed and we’ll see what happens. Tony said, ‘Jerry, he might wake up in the morning and say, “I want to play.”‘ We’re still trying to connect with him and get more details.”
“It’s the National Football League. You play the hand you have and you make it work,” Reese said. “We’ll move forward. We have a short list of defensive ends and we’ll get on that right away. We’ll get on that right away and we’ll bring some people in.”
No way is he wasting his time with Shockey underperforming ass if he was dealing with Strahan in this way. No way at all…
June 9th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
i’d rather just ignore all this and pretend last season didn’t happen (except for the 18-1 part). it’s kinda like that year rich gannon won the MVP. i couldn’t believe it happened.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
It’s only breaking news when Shockey says something smart or is not complaining. Until then, it’s status quo.
June 9th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
J-Shock would totally kick ass in the Special Olympics.
Unless Vince Young also was entered.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Carl is not going to like this.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:25 am
Shockey probably went to see Sex and the City hoping they were finally showing a porno in normal theatres.
Probably also saw Coyote Ugly in theatres thinking it was gonna be about hot chicks dancing on bars with wet t-shirts and not some gay girly movie and I WANT MY GODDAMN $5 BACK!!!
June 10th, 2008 at 7:31 am
@ IrishCream – I think we all do. Those trailers were the greatest piece of false advertising since Haley Joel Osmont was declared the “next big thing”
June 10th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Nice use of apophasis!
June 12th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I think he could fit in well with our system, and our fans would certainly like him
June 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
The genius has now started yelling at his boss.
Pull the trigger, Mr. Reese.
June 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Link didn’t work:
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/giants/2008/06/13/2008-06-13_jeremy_shockey_shouting_mad_feuds_with_g-3.html
July 21st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
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