No, No, No! You’re Doing It All Wrong!
Jesus Christ, Tiffany! How many times have we gone over this? You INTERLOCK your fingers, then pull them up so that ONLY the HEEL of your PALM is on the victim’s breastbone! Unless, of course, you think it’s a good idea to crush the ribs of someone who’s dying? Huh? They’re not using their lungs anyway, may as well puncture them with a splintered rib, right?
Yeah, you just keep being casual about it, Tiff. Do it the way you want. You always do. “Ooh, look at me, I’m pretty! Nobody ever tells me I’m wrong!”
Well I’ll tell you what, missy: you keep doing it that way, and your smile won’t be enough to bring little Mrs. Potts back to life after you detach her xyphoid process and it cuts her organs up so bad that she dies from internal bleeding before the heart attack can kill her. Believe me, when that happens, there isn’t a Korean woman in the world who can manicure the DEATH off your pretty little hands.
Oh, you’re gonna cry now? Sure, go ahead. I’m the bad guy.
(photo from PCB)
Tags: captain caveman, I'm sure she's a wonderful woman, Not just anyone can perform CPR, The Friday Cheerleader Posts, written before I knew Russert died
June 13th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Finally, heat.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Back-to-back cardiac arrest posts. Nice.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
/puts down the cheezy beef wit hot peppers…
June 13th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Heart Attack Synergy
/Her hottness combined with the previous post’s coldness, makes this overall cool.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
i’d like to put my hands on her breastbone, if ya know what i mean
June 13th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
June 13th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Maybe they’re Filipino in NY, but in DC we get manicures from Koreans and Vietnamese women. Still, Ufford’s cheerleader posts are always the best ones. I like a good “xyphoid process” reference once in a while.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I’m sure you’re correct, smurphette. Finally, proof I don’t get manicures!
/post changed for authenticity
June 13th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
That slightly horrified facial expression reminds of that hooker I once paid to . . .
No, you know what? I’ve said enough.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
she’s doing it just right guys…
June 13th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I would gladly fake-drown in a pool for a shot at that third-rate cpr
June 13th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Superb. I’m glad I could provide an outlet for you to disprove the naysayers.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
INVIZABUL EJAKULAYSHUN
June 13th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I could disappoint her very quickly.
June 14th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Crush? How about my head with her thighs from the pleasure.
June 14th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Hot damn! I think this is the first xyphoid process reference I’ve ever seen on KSK. Huzzah!
June 15th, 2008 at 4:31 am
It looks like there is a prune underneath her elbow skin. Very hot.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:33 am
Hey Todd, those are rug burns.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I’d still hit it.
June 16th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I said “Step pause turn pause pivot step step,” not “Step pause turn pause pivot step pause!”
Oohhh, shudder.
February 11th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Hey, she can splinter my ribs all she likes, as long as we get to that mouth-to-mouth part.