KSK Stoner Theatre
Frogger Staubach and the birth of the Hail Mary
For reasons I cannot begin to fathom, this guy called selloutasaurus on YouTube recreates memorable moments in NFL history using toy frogs wearing gum-ball machine mini-helmets. Along the way, he incorporates low-tech special effects, old network broadcasts and constant non sequiturs. Sure, we’ve seen cutesy stuffed animal videos before, but these are downright surreal. It’s like NFL Films hired the Church of the Subgenius to produce a highlight film starring the Muppets.
The centerpice in the collection is an homage to Drew Peason’s disputed catch in the 1975 playoffs. The last-minute score gave the Cowboys a victory over the Vikings and introduced into football vernacular the phrase “Hail Mary.” In this Greatest Croaks series, a David Lynchesque disregard for continuity turns a 30-second highlight into a three-part (so far) saga detailing a historic pass’ trip around the world. Also available are reenactments of the Heidi Game, the Ice Bowl and a tribute to the Fridge.
And all you Pats fans, be sure to check out the Giant Snatch. Certainly seeing David Tyree played by Kermit the Frog takes some of the sting out of the loss. What’s that? You say it doesn’t? Good.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:13 am
wtf indeed. home schooling probably wasn’t the wisest choice for the ringmaster there. seems to have some definite socialization issues.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:31 am
I have no idea what you’re talking about. The Ice Bowl one (especially with the Monday Night Football montage) is genius.
(And this is not just because I’ve been meaning to do the same thing myself for ages.)
No, I’m not high.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:32 am
You fucker. You just HAD to post this shit about the Vikings-Cowboys game in ‘75 when Cowboy WR Drew Pearson blantantly shoved off against Viking DB Nate Wright to get a bullshit catch and winning score. To call that perversion a “Hail Mary” is an affront to Our Holy Mary Mother of God and Patroness Saint to the United States of America (look it up). The Cowboys, “America’s Team”, must be agents of Satan.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Oh, yeah, a Vikings fan full of righteous indignation chucked an empty whiskey bottle from the stands and brained the offending ref. Viking DE Jim Marshall said the Twins should give that guy a try-out.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:00 am
Holy hyperlinks, Batman!
June 25th, 2008 at 1:18 am
Oscar-Mike-Golf, that is terrific. Hawaii Five-O always reminds me of my Grama in Indy when I was little because that was her favorite show. Excellent youtube scouting, as usual, flub.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Man, that selloutasaurus is frickin’ weird!
June 25th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Well, thanks for all your comments everyone. Nice to be compared to David Lynch and to be called a sympathizer of agents of Satan in the same 24 hour period. Why make toy frogs play football with mini gumball helmets? Why not? The helmets fit their heads better than human heads. The Hail Mary was a touchdown, no offensive pass interference. Watch dallasmef’s (youtube) two videos of the play. The one with audio shows no pushoff, an underthrown ball, and a Vikings defender who later admitted he tripped on his own feet. BTW, no home schooling in my background, I’m a devout Catholic, I love the USA, and I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs. AND…More frog football videos coming soon!!! Stay tuned to a youtube near you on the selloutasaurus channel. And like Broadway Joe said, I wanna kiss all of you!!! –selloutasaurus And thanks smurfette, TheStarterWife, and swing4 for your nice comments!
June 25th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I think I may just have had a religious experience.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Let me know when he re-enacts LT breaking Theisman’s leg.
And the 5,000 replays of it before the medics could even get to the guy. Poor LT lost his breath and needed oxygen.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:13 am
holy crap, what a waste of my time.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Lame rip off of Monty Python’s schtick.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Was the ice bowl field covered in coke?
June 25th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Glad to see Vikings fans feel the same about a 33 year old highlight as I do about a 27 year old highlight. But…it was no pushoff and Drew Pearson didn’t even know he caught the ball initially since it just stuck in his arm.
Flubby - not enough links. MORE, MORE LINKS!!!!!!!
June 25th, 2008 at 9:55 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._Army_acronyms_and_expressions/url>
For reference.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:58 am
What’s it gonna take to get a Wade & Jerry episode brought to the big screen?
June 25th, 2008 at 10:11 am
The pat frog slamming its head on the ground at the end made it all worthwhile.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
“…the two would court, and drink lots and lots of Schlitz beer.”
This guy’s a genius…possibly the voice of God himself. I can’t wait to see what happens next!
June 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Clearly no offensive PI, you bitter Vikings fan.
(Yes, I can even be indignant about plays that happened 11 years before my birth).
June 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I’d watch football if it was really like this. The guy even managed to capture the homosexual vibe.
I love how in the next post, you football fans call other people geeks but are arguing over a 33-year-old game. Nothing wrong with that, not at all. Now the various sci-fi geeks (even the Trekkies) don’t seem so bad.
I, too, would like to see a Wade & Jerry episode, animated, definitely.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Thanks KSK! From your new number one fan! PS: A Patriots “tribute” is coming soon to a youtube near you!!!
June 25th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
[...] Stoner Theater. (Kissing Suzy Kolber) [...]
June 25th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
You fuckers are nuts. Drew Pearson totally shoved off- it’s Cowboys’ receivers’ M.O. (see Michael Irving). To prove Pearson’s malfeasance, I’m working on a short film reenacting the play using He Man action figures. Roger Staubach will be played by Skeletor and Drew Pearson will be Evil Lyn.
June 25th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Gino Tourettsa brings up a good point - the whiskey bottle toss. I firmly believe that this throw was the greatest individual accomplishment in the history of sports. Consider - hands shaking with potentially justified sports rage, and having consumed (we’ll assume) the majority of a bottle of whiskey, a fan managed to throw this oddly weighted, non-spherical object with perfect accuracy, hard enough to knock the target unconscious, from a distance of at least eighty feet. It’s the throw of a lifetime.
June 25th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Also worth pointing out that this was done in Minnesota during the winter in an outdoor stadium. So the fan was probably wearing gloves, too.
June 25th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Thank you, Zack. I wonder how many drunkards have mouthed off in bars and claimed they made that throw.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Homer Simpson once claimed to have made it during the Whacking Day episode.
I may dedicate a Popdose column to this very subject. Not sure how to fit it into my normal column format, though.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
“Remember..when Daddy hit the referee?”
June 26th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
[...] the great (and, I should note, usually extremely blue) Kissing Suzy Kolber comes this very funny, very weird, borderline pointless staging of Roger Staubach’s [...]
June 27th, 2008 at 2:21 am
Already three masterpieces of comedy, and yes, with the added dimension of the surreal, as this author has noted!