KSK Jokekkake: Cope’s Comet
Late breaking news today that 7835 Myroncope, an asteroid located between Mars and Jupiter, has been named for the late Steelers broadcaster. Because the Steelers are endlessly mockable and because we need to pass the rest of the afternoon, we served up an array of astronomical gags. The asteroid is occasionally referred to as a comet, because we don’t know the difference between the two.
That asteroid is six months younger than Rooney
The asteroid is about three miles wide and 88 million miles from Earth. It cannot be seen by the naked eye, making it slightly less desolate than Pittsburgh.
It’s surface used to be covered in grass, but now it’s mostly just sloppy frozen mud.
Hines calls it an Ass Loid
The asteroid is expected to slide right into Alan Faneca’s roster spot
Even from the comet you could tell James Harrison was held in the 4th quarter of the Jaguars game
It’s not expected to collide with the Earth, thereby not ending the world or affecting any Steelers games. Pittsburghers call it the Terrible Asteroid.
The Steelers launch a missile at it containing explosives, Anthony Smith and Sean Mahan
The comet almost collides with the Earth but gets pulled into Casey Hampton’s gravitational field
Like an attractive Steeler fan, it only comes along once every 76 years.
The asteroid took a cheapshot at Carson Palmer’s knee.
Jeff Reed wants to fuck it
Principal Skinner is pissed about the snub.
Greg Lloyd is asking it for money.
nepatriotsdraft.com still thinks the comet has less celestial impact than Wes Welker.
Cedrick Wilson’s fiancee is holding the asteroid hostage
Everybody thinks the asteroid looks like Omar Epps
Like Willie Parker, it isn’t anywhere near as fucking fast as we was promised.
MDS can see the positives and negatives of having a comet named after your deceased announcer.
Troy Polamalu won’t stop praying to the damn thing.
Know who also leaves a comet tail? A Steeler fan with no legs who can’t get to the bathroom in time.
The asteroid hits harder than Daniel Sepulveda.
The extraterrestrial residents near 7835 Myroncope want the Steelers to win “one for the lower dorsal flange.”
Mike Florio is reporting that the asteroid is dead.
The comet tail is almost as long as Santonio’s dick.
It’s actually easier to find a job on that comet than in Pittsburgh.
Got any more after that joke shower? Let’s have ‘em in the comments.
June 12th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
-Just before being sent to destroy it, in a very romantic moment, Ben Roethlisberger stuck some animal crackers in his girlfriend’s pussy.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
The comet was formed when Steely McBeem shot his wad while checking out those coal miners from West Virginia
June 12th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
It still is less gay than Brady Quinn.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
It’ll fall short of the goal line, just like that TD Big Ben Scored in XL
June 12th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
It still weighs less than the average Steelers Fan
June 12th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
“YOU’RE A COMET…”
/Rongrastname’d
June 12th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Even the comet knows that Plaxico is a stupid name.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I hope Big Ben doesn’t get distracted by it while riding his motorcycle
June 12th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Like Pittsburgh, the asteroid has high unemployment and smells like ketchup.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
In event that it crashes into Earth, Roberto Clemente will be the first on the scene to supply relief packages.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
“You got Asteroids?”
“Naw, but my dad does. Gets ‘em so bad he can’t hardly sit on the toilet some days.”
June 12th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Steely McBeam has already helped the asteroid claim the “Gayest Asteroid in the Universe” award.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
@Rusrus – Like Pittsburgh, the asteroid has high unemployment and smells like burning tires.
/fixed
June 12th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
All these jokes about unemployment and job finding being hard…well, they’re all true.
/shows self out
//continues job hunt
June 12th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Hines Ward is disappointed the joke shower wasn’t a golden shower.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
-The asteroid has been picked off twice by Larry Brown
June 12th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
If the asteroid was riding a motorcycle, it definitely would have hit Earth, or at least a car in traffic.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
The asteroid is only half the size of Bill Cowher’s chin.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
The asteroid flashed some steel at Rashard Mendenhall and took his wallet
June 12th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
- Roger Goodell is making the comet cut its tail short next season so that its jersey name is visible
June 12th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Roy Williams grabbed it by the neck and ‘rassled it to the ground
June 12th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
The closest the comet came to Sidney Crosby was about 90 million miles, and he still dove like he got cross-checked.
The comet still backchecks better than Evgeni Malkin.
Not even Marc-Andre Fleury could stop the comet from scoring in the Cup Finals.
/kicking Pens fans while they’re down
//hockey talk
June 12th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Grimey, that was one of mine in the original thread. Well played.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
jealousy
June 12th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
The comet does nothing to querr Hines Wald’s angst towalds Rimas Sweed. Fuck you tarr lecievel!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
If it enters the Earth’s atmosphere, Franco Harris will catch it illegally and run away with it.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Contains more organic material than the inside of Terry Bradshaw’s skull.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
It’s looking for Neil O’Donnell.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
It once threw its jersey to a kid who gave it a Coke. That jersey killed the dinosaurs.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Steely McBeem is jealous the comet saw Uranus first.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
They wanted to name it The Justin Stzelczyk Asteroid, but thought it was too soon.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
The comit will run unsuccessfully for Governor of Pennsylvania.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Oops, “comet”.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
The comet is so flaming it was given a job in a Pittsburgh steel mill.
Keep reaching for the stars, fellas!
June 12th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Hot Stuh-uhff coming through!
June 12th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
The comet works hard- and it plays hard.
EV’RYBODY DANCE NOW!
June 13th, 2008 at 12:06 am
The asteroid will be guest-starring with Mean Joe Greene and Rocky Bleier on SCTV.
Too obscure? Probably.
June 13th, 2008 at 1:20 am
The comet with hit Roethlisberger in the head. Say good-bye to “Scrappy”, his last brain cell.
June 13th, 2008 at 1:21 am
The comet said YOI and Double Yoi and then destroyed the the Clowns, the Bungles and fucked Alice from Dallas.
June 13th, 2008 at 3:17 am
Ben Roethlisberger hopes it will crash to Earth and bring him a taller receiver.
June 13th, 2008 at 7:36 am
The Branch Dividians were seriously pissed when they found out the alien paradise the comet was taking them too was just Pittsburgh.
June 13th, 2008 at 8:48 am
The comet will crash in Pittsburgh and raise the city’s average IQ by ten points.
June 13th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Asstahroid? We got da Tawmmy Brawdy GALAXY!!
June 13th, 2008 at 9:42 am
The comet is another way for Bam Morris to deliver his sweet cheeba to Sir Smoka Lot
June 13th, 2008 at 9:49 am
The asteroid drops detritus on the moon, then traded to the Steelers to fill the void left by the Bus. Sucks, is cut.
June 13th, 2008 at 9:52 am
- Did you know that this asteroid was originally from Detroit?
June 13th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Wide receiver Aaron Bailey should have held on to that fucking comet in the end zone sending the Colts to the 1996 Super Bowl.
/somehow still bitter
June 13th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Also:
To this day, Terry Bradshaw still cannot spell the word “comet.”
June 13th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Kordell Stewart once threw a pass to the asteroid. Rodney Harrison intercepted it, scored a touchdown, and kicked Flash’s dick off!
June 13th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Grimey @9:52 wins.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:39 am
The asteroid crashed into an SUV, but because the asteroid is white, ESPN did not call it an idiot, enraging Kellen Winslow
June 13th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
+1 grimey (@ 9:52)
June 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
@ 88 million miles away, the asteroid is still closer than the pirates are to the world series trophy.
(i’m a pirates fan.)
June 13th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
88 seconds: the longest any of you cunts would last saying shit like this in pittsburgh
June 13th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
88 Miles Per Hour: The speed you must drive in a DeLorean before finding Ben Rothlisberger’s appendix and brain intact.
June 13th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
After seeing the asteroid, Bill Leavy threw a penalty flag on the rest of the galaxy.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Yancey Thigpen Approved!
June 13th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
@lespauly:
0 seconds: The amount of time any of us want to be in Pittsburgh, cunt-flap.
June 13th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
The comet and the Browns have the same number of SB wins. 0. The comet’s uniform looks better than the Browns, however.
June 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Halley’s Comet? Gay as a tangerine.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
upon entering atmosphere, it will disintegrate into debris. that debris will then be dumped on tommy maddox’s lawn.