KSK Commenter Draft: Simpsons Character You’d Like To Befriend For Life

As anyone who’s read so much as a poorly constructed paragraph on this site is aware, we like to lard our writing with innumerable Simpsons quotes. It’s that thing that we say.

With a cast of characters numbering somewhere in the tens of millions, there’s someone in The Simpsons universe that anyone can identify with, like Col. Leslie Hap Hapablap for Ufford, Data for Ape (”Oh look, a clue! Candy bar wrapper!”) and Ralph for Maj.

But which would you actually want to hang around with? Duffman might be fun, for say, five minutes, but the constant “DUFFMAN! NEEDS TO FILE ESTIMATED TAXES BEFORE THE 16TH! OH YEAH!” could wear thin.

My inaugural pick: Moe Szyslak.

He’s the only person I know who has a worse opinion of himself than I do, he’s a complete degenerate (”I had a lot of fun being you, Dr. Hibbert. One thing: You’re not welcome in the library no more.”), he won’t upstage me with the ladies and, oh, he has access to unlimited booze. Thanks, pally.

Since we’re dealing with a somewhat finite population here, you have to wait at least five picks before making another.

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327 Responses to “KSK Commenter Draft: Simpsons Character You’d Like To Befriend For Life”

  1. itguy Says:

    I’d like to befriend otto…because he likes to get blatto

  2. Sam Says:

    Lenny

  3. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Hank Scorpio. Sure the Broncos suck, but hey, it’s a football team!

  4. Caveman Captain Says:

    Sideshow Bob. Smart, deviant, pro-killing children, has done time in prison.

  5. Gourmet Spud Says:

    Titania.

  6. smaaron Says:

    Disco Stu

  7. Big Daddy Drew Says:

    Larry Burns.

    Fat, drunk and stupid. Just like yours truly.

  8. Mark Says:

    Kodos (from Kang and Kodos). Intergalactic travel for me please

  9. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Santa’s Little Helper = man’s best friend

  10. Flozell Says:

    Montgomery Burns – I’m rich, bitch!

  11. Lardass Says:

    Professor Frink – hoiven glaven

  12. Caveman Captain Says:

    Lurleen Lumpkin. She sings, she’s blonde, and she has low self-esteem. Boo-yah!

  13. Dat RoRo Kid Says:

    Snake. All the fucking way.

  14. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Carl. Because he’s an urban Lenny.

  15. itguy Says:

    Rich Texan because he reminds me of Jerry Jones

  16. porky1 Says:

    Rich Texan! Free Cowboys tickets and all the ribs you can eat!

    YEEEE HAWWWWW!!!

  17. porky1 Says:

    Dammit itguy…

  18. DiscoStud Says:

    Sideshow Raheem FTW!

  19. Flozell Says:

    Mindy Simmons – Hubba Hubba!

  20. Chocolate Construda Says:

    Furious George

    Knife fighting monkey FTW

  21. fallex Says:

    Seth and Munchy for their “private” garden.

  22. Don't you judge me Says:

    Eddie & Lou – it’s always good to have some cop friends

  23. dick_gozinia Says:

    @ itguy – You are incurring the wrath of Otto Man with that pick, buddy.

    Surly the Duff Beer mascot — Nobody messes with Surly.

    “Hey! Surly only looks out for one guy…Surly!”

  24. BigTravATX Says:

    Barney. Lets get shitty man

  25. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Edna Krabappel, she’s a total slut.

  26. futuremrsrickankiel Says:

    Either of the Vegas wives. Those bitches know how to get down.

  27. Christmas Ape Says:

    Fat Tony

  28. porky1 Says:

    Fat Tony. I mean, it’s the MAFIA!

  29. smurphette Says:

    Whoever the little kid is who says “I sleep in a drawer” – I pick him.

  30. Don't you judge me Says:

    Herman – I like guns

  31. porky1 Says:

    Fucking A I cannot get one in here!

    Fine. POOCHY.

  32. fallex Says:

    Haha. Some guys like a challenge. Not Upstate.

  33. POD Says:

    Fat Tony. Mob connections.

  34. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Mr. Teeny. Always wanted a monkey butler.

  35. Unsilent Majority Says:

    smurphette, that’s Kerney’s kid. he doesn’t have a name.

  36. DiscoStud Says:

    DUff Man

    i mean free beer
    OHHHHH YEAAAH

  37. Flozell Says:

    Apu Nahasapeemapetilon – Free squishees!

  38. POD Says:

    Shit.

  39. itguy Says:

    @dick_gozinia Why would Otto Man want to befriend himself?

    I pick Ned Flanders. He has a cool basement and would let me borrow anything

  40. big dave Says:

    no one wants to hang out with homer? that’s my pick. homer. he’s just like me, only slightly yellow

  41. John John The Bastard Says:

    Ralph Wiggum
    A.) makes me look like a mensa member by comparison.
    B.) talks to pyromaniacal leprechauns.
    C.) sleep is also where I am a viking.

  42. Playoff Beard Says:

    The Wiseguy. He would make a great commenter.

  43. Otto Man Says:

    Krusty the Klown. Yoink!

  44. Don't you judge me Says:

    Groundskeeper Willie

  45. contains_hot_liquid Says:

    Satan. Looks like Buscemi/is awesome.

  46. big dave Says:

    malloy the cat burglar. he could steal me some cool shit.

  47. smaaron Says:

    Dr. Nick.

    1-800-DOCTORB

    The B is for Bargain.

  48. Unsilent Majority Says:

    The Wiseguy. He would make a great commenter.

    Yeah, that’s a good use of an early pick.

  49. jim Says:

    Mojo the helper monkey, because I am very lazy.

  50. futuremrsrickankiel Says:

    Mr. Glasscock. I mean, give me like half a bowl and that guy would be endless entertainment for the rest of the night.

    “Dude… your name’s Glass… COCK!! Bahahahahhaha!”

  51. BigTravATX Says:

    Principal Skinner, i hear he has an awesome coke habit.

  52. DiscoStud Says:

    do guest stars count?

    because if they do i pick Sir Paul Mccartney.

  53. porky1 Says:

    Diamond Joe Quimby. Major pull.

  54. Playoff Beard Says:

    Jasper. He was Frostillicus and once broke his beard.

  55. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Luigi Risotto, free Italian food and he reminds me of some of my older relatives.

  56. Flozell Says:

    Nelson Muntz – gotta have protection while I’m drinking my free squishees (Apu) and rolling in billions (monty burns)

  57. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Richard. He has a quiet cool.

  58. dick_gozinia Says:

    I take Jimbo. (aka Corky “Jimbo” Jones)

    Not as menacing as Nelson…cooler shirt and hat.

    “Woah….my shirt is really chaffing me. Would you believe it, my pants are chaffing me too?”

    Best. Hookup. Line. Ever.

  59. Otto Man Says:

    Number One from the Stonecutters

  60. itguy Says:

    Miss Springfield. She’s hot and slutty

  61. Canada Dry Says:

    Lisa. She likes jazz, and if any of the future episodes are clues, she’s gonna get hot.

  62. porky1 Says:

    Shary Bobbins…who wouldn’t want a magic drunk to clean your house and sing for you?

  63. Upstate Underdog Says:

    real estate agent Cookie Kwan, kind of hot.

  64. DiscoStud Says:

    Moleman. Just so i can hit him in the groin with a football

  65. Flozell Says:

    Itchy – never know when you’ll need a homicidal mouse on your side…

  66. contains_hot_liquid Says:

    Future Maggie.

  67. Otto Man Says:

    Herb Powell.

    Not only would he let me design my own car, but he’d let me call him “Unkie Herb.”

  68. Patchy Drizzle Says:

    Chief Wiggum – because he as inept at his job as I am and with him as your best pal, Springfield would be at your mercy.

  69. fallex Says:

    Space Coyote. I’ll need him after hanging with Seth and Munchy for a while.

  70. futuremrsrickankiel Says:

    Cecil Terwilliger. Fellow Princeton grad. Megalomanaical leanings. Utterly amoral. We’d get along famously.

  71. shaydigs Says:

    Drederick Tatum – Don’t fuck with me.

  72. porky1 Says:

    Belle, from the Maison Derriere.

    Seriously, I win. She owns a WHOREHOUSE, people.

  73. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Gil. He never gives up.

  74. DiscoStud Says:

    its just a burlesque house porky. Only Granpa and Jasper know where the whore house is.

  75. Otto Man Says:

    Cletus Spuckler.

  76. Jim U. Says:

    Ned Flanders. Bible Study Rocks!!

  77. dick_gozinia Says:

    Princess Kashmir

    Very good belly dancer.

  78. smaaron Says:

    Rainier Wolfcastle. From his talk show, “Up Late With McBain.”

    “Nice shirt, it makes you look like a homosexual.”

    (audience boos)

    “Maybe you are all homosexuals.”

  79. porky1 Says:

    Ha, Maj…I never get tired of Gil. Kudos.

  80. Canada Dry Says:

    Guy Incognito. He can get in anywhere.

  81. DiscoStud Says:

    which is why i pick Grandpa Simpson. He knows where the whorehouse is people!

  82. shaydigs Says:

    artie ziff – money to go with drederick’s power.

  83. The White Boom Boom Says:

    Comic Book Guy. I’m a comic nerd, and he hates everyone else like I do.

  84. porky1 Says:

    Howard K. Duff VIII — Free Duff, free Isotopes tickets, Duffman forced to work my parties for free? Gold.

  85. JCSC Says:

    “Captain” Horatio McAllister.

    “Arr, I hate the sea and everything in it.”

  86. Unsilent Majority Says:

    smaaron is a self-loathing jew

  87. LosOsosDeChicago Says:

    What was the name of the hot chick that seduced Flanders. Because she looks “smart.”

  88. big dave Says:

    it seems that kent brockman is the biggest celebrity in town – big house and all. i gots to get my tennis on.

  89. Unsilent Majority Says:

    porky, i wanted quimby!

  90. itguy Says:

    Professor Frink for all his cool inventions

    Steal of the draft right there

  91. Patchy Drizzle Says:

    Troy McClure, because “Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory” is one bad ass film.

  92. Playoff Beard Says:

    Blue Haired Lawyer can get you out of any jam.

  93. itguy Says:

    @itguy D’oh

  94. porky1 Says:

    I’ll trade you Mayor Quimby for Gil and the drafft rights to Freddie Quimby, Maj.

  95. Miles O'Toole Says:

    Maggie Simpson – gets to shot old rich guy, and gets away with it.
    I rule!

  96. Otto Man Says:

    Lionel Hutz.

    He can do it all — law-talking guy stuff, shoe repair, babysitting … he even has a half-drunk Orange Julius for sale!

  97. shaydigs Says:

    Lurleen Lumpkin.

    I now have muscle, cash, and a pair of tits to suck. Plus Lurleen’s tits can provide me with some lovely background music for when I watch Drederick whoop an innocent’s bystanders ass. And she can also play the banjo while I whipe my ass with Ziff’s millions.

    CHAMPIONSHIP

  98. bay bay Duren Says:

    Lindsay Nagle – She was fired from her last job because she’s a predator…

  99. Grimey Says:

    Wow… now I kinda wished I watched this show

  100. Otto Man Says:

    By the way, Mindy Simmons is the steal of the draft.

  101. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Tibor. You can blame anything on that guy.

  102. Jim U. Says:

    Bumblebee Man – All the free Goya products I want.

  103. The White Boom Boom Says:

    @itguy-That’s why he was taken with the 11th pick.

    C’mon folks, use Crtl+F here…

  104. smaaron Says:

    Lionel Hutz. Can be my lawyer and baby sitter. Plus Judge Snyder has it out for him.

    Lionel: Well he’s had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog… Well, replace the word “dog” with “son,” and the word “kinda” with “repeatedly.”

  105. Gut Out Says:

    Marge, I’ve seen her naked and in action on the internet. Who’s your daddy, Marge?

  106. smaaron Says:

    I’m spending too much time looking up clips on youtube to get a pick off.

  107. bay bay Duren Says:

    and lindsay has wads of disposable cash, because she has no children

  108. Canada Dry Says:

    Holy hell the Squishee girl is still alive?! Squishee girl.

  109. porky1 Says:

    John, the owner of the Collectibles Shop. Yeah, he’s queer, but there’s some cool shit in his shop and he makes Cactus Candy.

    ZZZZZAP!

  110. Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:

    Rod Flanders… makes me look super cool by comparison, plus he won’t fight back when I punch him

    (I HATE GETTING INTO THESE DRAFTS LATE)

  111. dickey simpkins Says:

    Ahh sonofabitch so late to this draft.

    I believe I will go with Waylon Smithers. Sure he may be too homoerotic for my tastes, but it’s not everyday you can find someone so devoted to doing everything for you just out of love. It’s like having a servant, only he’s your friend!

  112. shaydigs Says:

    Arnie Pye

    Because sometimes you just need to know what is going on up in the sky.

  113. Flozell Says:

    Thanks, Otto Man – coming from you, that’s a HUGE compliment

  114. Off the Books Says:

    Ned Flanders’ mexican cousin Jose Flanders

  115. Miles O'Toole Says:

    Too many cat woman – have no idea what her name is, but just being bat shit crazy is too cool

  116. Otto Man Says:

    Smaaron, the Hutzster is mine.

    As is Manjula, the hottest piece of ass in town. “Oh, Calcutta!”

  117. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Inanimate Carbon Rod. It’s a hero!

  118. Patchy Drizzle Says:

    Remorseful – the bottle of the Seven Duffs whom I most closely identify with.

  119. John John The Bastard Says:

    Jessica Lovejoy – Can you say the preacher’s daughter?

  120. Dan Daoust Says:

    Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. Basically, this makes Jackie Mason my friend for life. Nothing wrong with that.

  121. jim Says:

    Handsome Pete. An accordian jig is always just a nickel away.

  122. porky1 Says:

    Handsome Pete is an awesome, awesome pick.

  123. Flozell Says:

    Man, I’ve got quite the lineup:

    Mr. Burns (wealth)
    Mindy Simmons (sexy chick)
    Nelson Muntz (protection)
    Apu (free shit)
    Itchy (homicidal mouse – self explanatory)

    Excuse me whilst I pat myself on the back…

  124. fallex Says:

    Chester Lampwick:
    Solid gold house – check
    rocket car – check
    millions of dollars – checkmate

  125. rusrus Says:

    President Gerald R. Ford:

    Jerry: Say, Homer, do you like football?
    Homer: Do I ever!
    Jerry: Do you like nachos?
    Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
    Jerry: Well, why don’t you come over and watch the game, and we’ll have nachos? And then, some beer.

    I could use a little nachos, beer, and football right now…

  126. dickey simpkins Says:

    Arman Tamzarian….pre Seymour Skinner identity theft days when he was a hoodlum in Capital City.

    “Up yours children!”

    “This is my apartment, and my copy of Spank!”

  127. porky1 Says:

    Don Vittorio…my friendship-a will bring-a joy to that-a old Italian stereotype-a.

  128. Dan Daoust Says:

    Lyle Lanley. The power of persuasion.

  129. shaydigs Says:

    Jacques.

    If Drederick Tatum gets out of line, Jacques can bring him bowling.

    Drederick
    Artie Ziff
    Lurleen Lumpkin
    Arnie Pye
    Jacques

    CHAMPIONSHIP

  130. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo

  131. Off the Books Says:

    Jeremy Jailbird snakes son

  132. Rocco Says:

    No one wants to hang out with Millhouse? Me neither. As a 100% I-talian, please refrain from I-talian stereotypes. Thank you.

  133. hercules rockefeller Says:

    Johnny Tightlips

    Who says I have a mudder?

  134. Off the Books Says:

    Johnie tight lips and I’m not saying why

  135. hercules rockefeller Says:

    @punch: That is the worst name I’ve ever heard in my life.

  136. Librarian Says:

    Super Intendent Chalmers. I’d enjoy helping him make Skinner squirm

  137. Off the Books Says:

    i was a little late

  138. Jim U. Says:

    Sideshow Luke Perry.

  139. scissormetimbers Says:

    Frank Grimes. No silo explosions for me…all the bad kharma I’ve built up would all be deflected to him.

  140. Patchy Drizzle Says:

    I’ll take Kang (of Kodos and Kang) as I, too, would enjoy some space travel. The down side is the possibility of probing. Fuck it. It’s an even trade.

  141. Dan Daoust Says:

    I’d say Bart Simpson makes for a pretty good mid-round pick. He can carry episodes.

  142. John John The Bastard Says:

    Declan Desmond – I love to look down my nose at people and make snide comments about them. And apparently so does he.

  143. shaydigs Says:

    Maude Flanders – my bitch on the side.

  144. Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:

    Milhouse Van Houten… yeah, I’m picking all the nerdy kids

  145. big dave Says:

    maude is dead

  146. Miles O'Toole Says:

    Thelma Boulvier – get to front of the line at the DMV- Priceless

  147. porky1 Says:

    Serak the Preparer. He’s a hell of a chef. Just not used to criticism.

  148. Off the Books Says:

    Cookie Kwan I love asian women especially if the sell real estate

  149. hercules rockefeller Says:

    Todd Flanders.

    Iron helps us play!

  150. dickey simpkins Says:

    Blue Haired Laywer.

    Never know when you need Springfield’s finest legal counsel.

  151. big dave Says:

    rex banner. can’t explain why – he just seems rather badass.

    /should be working

  152. Patchy Drizzle Says:

    Lunchlady Doris Peterson – A man’s gotta eat.

    Final Roster: Chief Wiggum, Troy McClure, Remorseful the Duff Beer, Kang, Lunchlady Doris . . . probably not a contender, but maybe a playoff team.

  153. Otto Man Says:

    Roger Myers Jr., head of the Itchy and Scratchy Empire. Free access to the theme park and his fortune, plus a chance that they’d make a proactive cartoon character out of me.

    I’ve got the rich and powerful (Herb Powell, Number One from the Stonecutters, and Roger Myers Jr.), the funny and degenerate (Krusty), the shady and shifty (Cletus and Lionel Hutz), and a hot chick (Manjula).

  154. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Sideshow Mel, seems like a decent guy

  155. shaydigs Says:

    @big dave

    so is frank grimes. this is all pre-mortem.

  156. hercules rockefeller Says:

    Fat Tony’s henchman, Legs.

    I’m gonna whack you inna labanza.

  157. big dave Says:

    that chick who moved in next door to the simpsons who’s daughter was darlene from roseanne.

  158. rusrus Says:

    Dr. Hibbert. He’d laugh at all my jokes…

  159. Sam Says:

    Little Miss Springfield
    …I’ll see my way out

  160. Upstate Underdog Says:

    sorry Off The Books, I got her at 1:54pm

  161. dickey simpkins Says:

    Dammit Otto man you got my man Myers Jr.

    Now who will teach me how to draw Manic Mailman or Dinner Dog????

  162. porky1 Says:

    Diamond Joe Quimby
    Shary Bobbins
    Belle
    Howard K. Duff VIII
    John
    Don Vittorio
    Serak the Preparer
    and, uh….Poochy.

  163. shaydigs Says:

    martin prince, jr.

    do my taxes, you turd.

  164. porky1 Says:

    Hey, Bender from Futurama had a cameo once! If he’s available, he is MINE.

  165. jim Says:

    The little guy in the Japanese mafia. He may not have done anything yet, but he’s going to do something and you know it’s going to be good.

  166. dickey simpkins Says:

    Chad Sexington FTW

  167. Tdub Says:

    Lenny and Carl.

    They come in a pair.
    Great work friends…

  168. Smieges Says:

    That’s the worst name ever!!

    I’m too late to start, but picks of the draft: Gil, Joey Joe Joe, and Handsome Pete. Bumble Bee Guy going so late was quite a steal.

  169. jackin'4beats Says:

    Coach Krupt: because I want him on my dodgeball team.

  170. Miles O'Toole Says:

    Bleeding Gums Murphy – gotta have some music

  171. dickey simpkins Says:

    Running thin here….I’ll take Duffman, he’s shown his sensitive side in several episodes.

  172. Pemulis Says:

    linguo

  173. Naptown Drew Says:

    Brunella Pommelhorst- Because she’s a tranny! Yoink! FTW! Right guys? Right?

    /begins sobbing in corner

  174. jim Says:

    Running thin? Poppycock. Why, the very tall man who couldn’t afford a larger car is still on the table, and that car has got to get at least 40 mpg, which helps when gas is $4/gal.

    So… yeah, I got the very tall man who couldn’t afford a larger car. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?

  175. John John The Bastard Says:

    In the same vein as the guy who picked bender. I would like to point out that Jay Sherman also had a cameo and thus I select him.

  176. Upstate Underdog Says:

    I’m out. Recap

    Santa’s Little Helper (pet)
    Edna Krabappel (slut)
    Luigi (cook)
    Cookie Kwan (real estate agent/hot)
    Sideshow Mel (good guy)

  177. hercules rockefeller Says:

    Lugash!

    But, I had a dog! Is cat now!

  178. Todd S. Says:

    That fat white Michael Jackson.

    “Lisa its your birthday” — I love that shit man.

  179. porky1 Says:

    Oh, yeah…I need a pet.

    Laddie!

  180. jackin'4beats Says:

    Samantha Stanky is always good for the stanky panky, you know what I’m sayin’, right…right??? Who’s with me?

    Ah screw you friggin posers.

    /runs from Dateline NBC crew

  181. bfreakin3 Says:

    I’ll go with hugh jass, only because everyone i wanted (namely johnny tightlips) is gone.

  182. rusrus Says:

    Lord Thistlewick Flanders – just so I can hear “doodly” in an English accent.

  183. big dave Says:

    last one: the hot waitress that moe hired when he had the “flamin moe”.

    /preemptively pops the hugest boner.

  184. Hit Dog Says:

    I’m hanging out with McGarnagle, toughest cop on the streets.

    CHIEF: Well, McGarnagle, Billy is dead! They slit his throat ear to ear!
    McGARNAGLE (with sandwich): Hey! I’m trying to eat lunch here!

    Cooold-blooded.

  185. ognihs Says:

    fuck me for working and not getting on this sooner.

    i guess i’d take chief clancy wiggum for the access to guns and evidence.

  186. awkward boner Says:

    Jack Bauer

  187. Librarian Says:

    I’ll take the Queen of England. Seems like a nice lady. Plus Castles.

  188. Zack Says:

    I’ll take Vice President Al Gore (who appeared in the Reverse Vampires episode).

  189. xetuoh Says:

    Favorite moment and my “star” was Homer telling Moe, “I can’t hate you Moe, you get me drunk!”.

  190. Jim U. Says:

    Aerosmith

  191. Fred Says:

    Hank Scorpio, without a doubt. Dude took over the entire east coast.

  192. Joey Jo-Jo Jr. Shabadoo Says:

    Damnit, someone took Joey Jo Jo…not fair

    well I am too late to this draft so I will just say….”I have to go now…to stalk…Lenny and Carl”

  193. Fred Says:

    Damn it, I didn’t see Scorpio was taken.

    I’ll take Ken Griffey Jr and his big giant head.

  194. Ben Says:

    Most of the good ones have been picked but I’ll go with Hans Moleman. I can throw all the footballs I want at him and he can make me feel infinitely better about myself.

    “I was saying boo-urns!”

  195. Joe Roastbeef Says:

    Langdon Alger – he’s very quiet and enjoys puzzles

  196. Auksyte Says:

    mick jagger. self explanatory.

  197. denvergodfather Says:

    Jackson Browne

  198. ognihs Says:

    Tabatha Vixx – sexpot/pop star wife of isotopes star Buck Mitchell

    there’s your steal of the draft, queers.

  199. John Rocker 4 Prez Says:

    two words. Ozzie Smith.

    Boom goes the dynamite.

  200. jim Says:

    God… frey Jones of TV’s “Rock Bottom.” Can’t hurt to have someone to dig up dirt on my enemies.

  201. John Kruk's Stent Says:

    Gabbo. He tried to get all Jay Leno on Krusty’s Johnny Carson ass. Didn’t work, and now Krusty’s been phoning it in for 13 7/8 of the last 14 years.

  202. devin hester's speech coach Says:

    Fuck it, I’ll take Scratchy. The two of us will get that mouse.

  203. double d Says:

    I can’t believe Smilin’ Joe Fission is still on the board. Mess with me and I’ll nuke your asses.

  204. Smieges Says:

    Did anyone say Hugo (Barts “not-so-evil” twin)?

  205. Smieges Says:

    Three Eyed Fish?

  206. Kccal Says:

    Robotic Richard Simmons. Take that, enemies!

  207. Justin Says:

    Space Coyote…who wouldn’t want Johnny Cash as your spiritual advisor?

  208. qwijibo Says:

    W-oh no one picked this guy, so i’ll pick the Sea Captain for the win

    Man: I’m telling you the light would work better if it pointed out to sea.
    Sea Captain: Arr, shut up. I know what I’m doin’.
    (a boat crashes in the distance)
    Sea Captain: Arr, I hate the sea and everything in it.

  209. Smieges Says:

    Bartman

  210. phony gwynn Says:

    I can’t believe I missed this. Fuck me with a harpoon.

    I don’t think anyone’s said Mr. Bergstrom. He was a pretty interesting dude.

  211. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m coming in more than 200 picks late, I’ve read the post fully, I’ve read every comment and done that CTRL + F thing and I can’t believe my pick is still on the board. I select Homer Simpson. YOINK indeed.

  212. The Lazer Says:

    I’ll take Barney’s Japaneese Conceptual Artist Girlfriend from the B-Sharps episode…

    “I will have a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat.”

    Best. Bar order. Ever.

    “What did you do wrong dad, say you were bigger than Jesus or something?” “All the time!!! That was the name of our second album.”

  213. phony gwynn Says:

    Gino, your CTRL + F skills suck.

    big dave Says:
    June 13th, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    no one wants to hang out with homer? that’s my pick. homer. he’s just like me, only slightly yellow

  214. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    @ phony gwynn
    My CTRL + F and proof-reading skills do indeed suck. My mistake. I’ll select Smokin’ Joe Frazier, who’s appeared in two episodes.

  215. Blaytor Says:

    Frenchy the waiter.

    SAY IT FRENCHY! SAY IT!

    … chaudere….

  216. dick_gozinia Says:

    The Capital City Goofball.

    Waaaaaayyyyy better than the San Diego Chicken, Philly Phanatic, or Bennie the Bull.

  217. Otto Man Says:

    If we’re taking celebrities, then let me yoink Barry White.

    Awwwwwwwwww, yes.

  218. hercules rockefeller Says:

    I love the sexy slither of a lady snake.

  219. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    That’s LARRY White. It says so right on this card.

  220. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    My favorite Simpsons character, grounds tender Groundskeeper Willie, is long gone. I select the bonnie Scottish lass who distracts Willie from his tractor.

    “Be there a cool loch where a lass can wash her long, red hair?”

  221. steel clink alcatraz Says:

    I’ll take Vicki and/or Katja, the two chicks who posed as students to score the guest room in Flanders’ house, only to use it to film naughty movies for their website.

    /Comes in super-late, and steals hot, young sluts

  222. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I also pick Groundskeeper Seamus, Willie’s enemy. He once did a presentation on Career Day. “90 minutes of a man drinking in a bath tub”.

  223. Rocco Says:

    Boom…outta here.

  224. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    The giant wolf that Willie wrestles into submission, then gives whisky to.

    “Ach, do nae feel bad, wolfie. I’ve been a-wrestlin’ with wolves since you were sucklin’ at yer mother’s teat.”

  225. Ghost of Cito Gaston Says:

    Don Mattingly and his sideburns.

  226. Joe Roastbeef Says:

    Mona Simpson – Homer’s mom

  227. betheballdanny Says:

    Pinchy (Homer’s pet lobster)

  228. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’ll take the smart ass shopkeep. He’s the bald guy with the mustache and acerbic wit.

    “Hey, fatty, I got a movie for ya: ‘A Fridge Too Far’!”

    Plus, he must be an astute businessman- he seems to run every shop in Springfield.

  229. slothrop Says:

    I’ll take JubJub.

    /nuthin like being late to the party

  230. Rocco Says:

    Seeing that I read along but didn’t draft…I’ll make my picks. I’m making a run on bands that appeared, cause I’d like to hang with rock stars…

    The Who
    RHCP
    Cypress Hill
    Smashing Pumpkins
    U2

    I’m also taking the Cheers cast…Woody, Sam, Cliff, Norm, and Carla.

    And Brett “The Hitman” Hart. And Joe Namath. And Alex Trebec. And Mel Gibson. Damn there were lots of people on this show.

  231. Otto Man Says:

    I’ll take the Squeaky Voiced Teen. He needs some guidance, I think.

  232. jackin'4beats Says:

    I’m taking Rick James BITCH!

    Three Episodes baby…need to get my Super Freak on NOW!!!!!!!!!!

  233. Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:

    Adolf Hitler

    FLYING HELLFISH FTW!

  234. ballsdeep Says:

    Frank Grimes…. Grimey

  235. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    The Shaolin monk who kicked Homer’s ass and tore out his heart, then put it back, but without washing his hands first.

  236. Atta Says:

    God this show used to be so good, has anyone even watched it the past 10 years?

    Anyways, i’m all about Gil. We could wallow in selfpity together.

  237. dick_gozinia Says:

    I got Jimbo earlier and now I’m completing my goon squad with Kearney.

    In case you forgot (i did) Kearney got caught banging Jimbo’s mom and he has a son. I really like his style.

  238. Probably Misses His Old Glasses Says:

    I’m late and new, but this is something I can get behind. My first pick is the una-brow baby…

  239. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    BONUS PICKS THROUGH TRADE:

    The Australian who plays Knifey Spoonie
    Corporal Punishment
    A character to be named later

  240. You Dead, Dog Says:

    Late to the party, but I’ll take Señor Spielbergo. He can make me a star!

    Him, or Baby Gerald (the one-eyebrow baby).

  241. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    @ Probably Misses

    The uni brow baby is Gerald. Welcome and prepare to get stupider.

  242. Probably Misses His Old Glasses Says:

    Senor Spielbergo is the steal of this draft.

    Es muy bueno

  243. dick_gozinia Says:

    Friends for life?????

    So if I pick Sherri & Terri (the twins) then I’d still be cool with them when they’re “legal”?

    If I’m reading the rules correctly, then taking Sherri & Terri is a rather shrewd pick. Me and Kearney could have a lot of fun with them in a few years.

  244. You Dead, Dog Says:

    @ Probably Misses

    I think so, too.
    I want him to do for me what Spielberg did for Schindler.

  245. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I select Zutroy. If he works hards every day he’ll get a shiny new penny.

  246. Probably Misses His Old Glasses Says:

    @You Dead

    We both made shells for the nazis, only mine worked dammit!

    I think technically we have had five picks, or am I breaking the rules. Well, regardless, I take Mr. Sparkle. He is disrespectful to dirt, can you not see he is serious?

  247. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I pick Spinal Tap. They own a soccer team in one of the “garias”. I think it was Hungaria. Also, precedents have been set to legitimize selecting an entire band as a single pick.

    Rocka Doodle Doo!

  248. SDW Says:

    “Roy,” The added character sitting at the Simpsons table in the Poochie episode.

  249. John John the Bastard Says:

    The Capitol City Goofball.

  250. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Can it, Roy!

  251. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Since there’s a lull in the draft, I’ll select again:

    The smooth Latin American assassin Mr. Burns hired to take out Grampa Simpson to get the Catfish Bonanza. He’s got first rate drug connections and will kill your enemy. You want him on your Rolodex.

    “Ah! Del Monte! Enjoy them old man, for they will be- your last”

  252. Beatrice Springfield Says:

    Senor Ding Dong! Trained with a whip, owns his own business, formally existed purely as a promotional device.

  253. Doenycat Says:

    Stephen Hawking. Brains and the soothing sounds of Talking Moose.

  254. Man Bear Pig Says:

    Too many people taken … I’m way tardy to the party.

    Going off the precedent of “entire band selections,” from the movie, I’ll take Green Day. Love that band … even after they got all “emo-ed” out.

  255. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    @ Beatrice, Doenycat,
    Both brilliant picks!

    “Does anyone have jumper cables?”
    “Your theory of a donut-shaped universe intrigues me”

  256. hercules rockefeller Says:

    catfish bonanza?

    I’ll take the security guard at the Try N’ Save.

    Catfische?

  257. Ethan Says:

    Goddamnit, I leave my computer for three hours and I miss this? Great, Now I’m going to have to pick wendell. Because I realy like being vomited on while riding the cheese bus.

  258. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    Mr. Snrub

  259. Beatrice Springfield Says:

    OLD JEWISH MAN. steal of the day! Him and I can kvetch from here to the Holy Land!

  260. Doneycat Says:

    The Yes Guy, based off of the character actor from the Jack Benny Show. He seems like he would be awfully helpful.

  261. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Since Richard and Wendell have been taken, I’ll round out Bart’s trio of silent friends by selecting Lewis. He’s like Franklin in “Peanuts” or Token in “South Park”.

  262. Joey Jo-Jo Jr. Shabadoo Says:

    I will take the dog with the shifty eyes…..even though I don’t trust him!!

  263. TF Says:

    Zutroy. He works for nickels!

  264. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    @TF
    Sorry, I already took Zutroy. Tibor has also been taken.

  265. Beatrice Springfield Says:

    I think I’ll take Akira for this one…

    /plotting, evil laugh

  266. John John the Bastard Says:

    Slurms McKenzie, oOh wait, wrong show.

  267. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    For my next selection: Leopold. He’s the big, scary guy who works with Superindendent Chalmers.

    “Listen up, you little freaks! There are gonna be some changes around here…”

  268. Beatrice Springfield Says:

    For my denouement I shall select: Blinky! Observant draftniks will recall my last pick was used on Akiro, the Japanese guy.

    Three Eyed Sushi, anyone? I LOVE THE SMELL OF VICTORY

  269. Yamabushi Says:

    suckers

    State Comptroller Atkins.

  270. Kid Presentable Says:

    I’ll take the baitshop owner who could talk me up to girls at bars.

    “Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.”

  271. Jim U. Says:

    General Sherman – the giant catfish Homer catches, then releases.

  272. bfreakin3 Says:

    Phoney McRingring, from the phone comapny video.

    ‘you’re not dumber than a monkey, are you?’
    ‘how big of a monkey?’

  273. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    All you gaylords are talking about “the steal of the draft”. Well I got one that beats all you suckers:

    Lance Murdoch, the death-defying dare devil who inspired Bart to jump over Springfield Gorge with his skateboard. With Lance, you get hot nurses everywhere, unlimited access to pharmaceuticals, cool stories, motorcycles and lions.

    YOINK!

  274. Beatrice Springfield Says:

    REAL Comptroller Atkins

  275. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    “I know a liquor store where we can cash this check!”

  276. Probably Misses His Old Glasses Says:

    How about I go with Australian Prime Minister Andy. Ruler of a country, no problem with nudity, gigantic beers, large boot. What more could you want?

  277. Kid Presentable Says:

    Or Bruno, the Aussie Boy’s father.

    “Nine hundred dollary-doos?!”

  278. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    “Oo Gimme one of those giant beers I’ve been hearing about! … Yeah, it’s pretty big. I guess.”

    Also, for my next selection, I choose the Marine guarding the US embassy who socked Homer in the face.

    “Sir! In America we don’t tolerate that kind of crap, Sir!”

  279. Jay Says:

    Since both Terwilliger brothers have been taken, I’m going to have to go with the Terwilliger family patriach. He raised two murderers, he’s got to be doing something right.

  280. Fredothe13th Says:

    I pick Jebediah Springfield – you’re all outta here, have fun in Stenchberg/Shelbyville

    SuperNintendo Chalmers – for the schools
    some ballers:
    Trent Steel ‘You like Tai?’
    Max Power ‘I like Tie, like shirt?’
    a film critic: Jay Sherman

    and, of course, a transportation guy – Lyle Langly (god, I miss phil hartman)

    ps – Jub-jub, provided I can provide him with a warm rock

  281. ggregg Says:

    My only pick comes as a joint pick. I take Meathook and Ramrod, the leaders of “Hell’s Satans”. I would love to have someone sword fighting a motorcycle in my corner.

  282. shaydigs Says:

    gabbo.

    eat a dick, krusty.

  283. joe don jovi Says:

    Hans Sprungfeld.

  284. IllMan Says:

    Mr Teeny- drives your limo, rides a unicycle

  285. IllMan Says:

    Or maybe Stampy- who doesn’t love elephants?

  286. IllMan Says:

    Snowball 1 and 2

  287. IllMan Says:

    Nibbles the Hamster- “Now Nibbles, chew through my ballsack…”

  288. IllMan Says:

    Oddly enough- I didn’t see Barney taken- Can fly a Helo, sings a great tenor.

  289. TheJaffe Says:

    Mr. Plow

    “When the snow is fallin’ there’s a man you should be callin’”

  290. Doneycat Says:

    Bill and Marty of KBBL – Well hot dog we have a wiener!

  291. IllMan Says:

    Crazy Talk

  292. J.L. White Says:

    Mr. Costington’s, since we both have a foot fetish and aren’t allowed on the 4th floor.

  293. IllMan Says:

    Anastasia the tiger (prefers the stage to ze savagry of ze jungle, don’t you, Anastasia?)

  294. paul Says:

    bort

  295. Paul Says:

    Gentle Ben

  296. Kid Presentable Says:

    @Paul: Bort is a fantastic pick, you certainly embiggened your draft ranking with that one.

  297. JD Says:

    Ruth Powers. Fairly attractive, with a touch of crazy.

  298. J.L. White Says:

    I know I’m early, and she might already be taken, but I’m selecting Otto’s ex-fiance/Marge’s insanity creator (or subconscious lesbian obsession?) Becky.

    USURPER!

  299. Wolf Says:

    I am taking Max Power.
    Every letter is just as important as the last if not more. Is Lionel Hutz/ Mr. van Houten taken?

  300. yournamehere Says:

    Baron Herzenberger, the descendant of Nazis who ended up with the Flying Hellfish treasure.

    Now excuse us, we’re late for a Kraftwerk concert in Stuttgart.

  301. Taliek Brown Says:

    How about Dr. Marvin Monroe? Good old dead characters. There can’t be many left that haven’t been taken.

  302. booger Says:

    Ichy and Scratchy anyone?
    Didn’t see it. But my car is in the Ichy lot.

  303. winston b mcpotsworthy Says:

    Malibu Stacy Creator — sexy, rich, drunk, lets Man-centric Manocrats walk all over her. Probably likes anal.

  304. Hochuli Goes Bananas Says:

    The X-Files’ Dana Scully. Hooray for redheads.

  305. Mark Eaton Wheaties Says:

    Another cameo pick: Daryl Strawberry, cuz dude knows how to party. I’m just going to assume he’s really as nice as he was on the Simpsons, and not as fucked up as he is in the court documents.

  306. ChstRckwl Says:

    Thrillhouse, aka Thrillho

  307. Probably Misses His Old Glasses Says:

    Lucius Sweet. He’s just as rich and famous as Don King and looks exactly like him. I’m building a pretty sweet team out of the also rans at this point.

  308. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    @ Probably Misses

    Good call on Lucius Sweet and your screen handle.

    I’ll make another cameo selection: Tom Petty from the Rock ‘n’ Roll camp episode. YOINK!

  309. paul Says:

    to follow up my pick of bort, i’m going to select radioactive man

  310. paul Says:

    and his sidekick, fall out boy

  311. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’ll select one of Homer’s male relatives who carries the defective Simpsons Gene. Maybe the one who says “My legs hurt!” or maybe cousin Stanley, who shoots birds at the airport or even the one who apires to play a millionaire at parties. I could probably arrange a package deal.

    “Defective Simpsons Gene? That’s just foolishness!”
    “No, baldness, too.”

  312. Kid Gorgeous, then Kid Presentable, then Kid Gruesome, then Kid Moe Says:

    1st Boxcar Bob…because he’s a hungry young fighter, in fact, he’ll fight anybody for a sandwich.
    2nd Drederic Tatum because he’s has nothing against you but he’ll make orphans of your children

  313. Spud Randall Says:

    super late and I didn’t read them all, but did anyone take that guy in the white who hasn’t done anything yet?

  314. shaydigs Says:

    Drederick went early on day one. Step it up.

  315. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    For my next pick: Groundskeeper Willie’s Dad who lives back in North Kilt Town, Scotland.

  316. joe don jovi Says:

    Bart’s Bigger Brother Tom. Steal of the draft.

  317. KSK Commenter Draft: Simpsons Character You’d Like To Befriend For Life « Scribbled Noise Says:

    [...] KSK Commenter Draft: Simpsons Character You’d Like To Befriend For Life Posted on Sunday, June 15, 2008 by Pav via Kissing Suzy Kolber [...]

  318. Ghost of Cito Gaston Says:

    No one says Miss Hoover? The lady who faked lyme disease.

  319. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Since joe don jovi took Bart’s Bigger Brother Tom (great pick, by the way), I’ll select Homer’s Littler Brother Pepsi, I mean Pepe. He’s a smart kid with low expectations, so we’ll get along well.

  320. booger Says:

    Groudskeeper Willie’s dad got thown into the Bog.
    I’ll take Superdude the hamster. At least he ‘ll get a proper burial

  321. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    While we’re on Springfield Elementary class pets, I’ll select Nibbles the hamster, Superdude’s successor.

    “Nibbles! Chew through my ball sack!”

    Also, Willie’s dad was a tough old bastard. I don’t think a bog could take him out permanently.

  322. Otto Man Says:

    Bart’s Bigger Brother Tom. Steal of the draft.

    “Bart, I could kiss you — if the Bigger Brothers hadn’t made me sign a form promising not to.”

  323. KennyBallgame Says:

    Nobody has stepped up to the plate on Boobarella or Mr. Sparkle? Mark it…

  324. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’ll take the guy who’s been a maitre d’ at the dinner theater, a clerk at Costington’s and a Brazilian waiter.

    “Eh-Yesssss? Eh-Yesssss!”

    And in Brazil: “Eh-Simmmm? Eh-Simmm!”

  325. steve Says:

    Marge. I need more MILFs in my life.

  326. SonOfSpam Says:

    Linda Ronstadt – looked ok in hot tub, and can sing me to sleep.

    “Senor Plow no es macho, sola mente es burracho…”

    /if I spelled that wrong, chupa mi huevos

  327. Probably Misses His Old Glasses Says:

    @KennyBallgame

    I took Mr. Sparkle, this is no place for loafers!

    I took some time off to scout and with an armful of videotapes and 40 times, I choose Uter because he’s got bosoms and he’s full of chocolate.

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