KSK Commenter Draft: If You Had To Win One Game Show To Get Yourself Out Of Purgatory…
If you think you’ve screwed your life up sufficiently, just relax. You’ll have plenty more opportunities to jam the proverbial shovel into the soily base of that sorry pit that you call a life, and dig yourself an even deeper hole. Then, when the judgement comes [clutches bible in one hand and shakes it vigorously in your direction], you’ll have to answer for all the bullshit thou hath wrought, motherfucker.
But suppose you catch a break, and someone upstairs decides to grant you one more chance to atone, to come on down and spin the wheel or answer that riddle or eat that bug or whatever the fuck. Suppose you were put on a game show, against other dipshits like yourself. But in this episode, your fabulous cash and prizes for winning would be one first-class aisle-seat ticket to Heaven, or your religion’s equivalent. If you’re atheist, let’s just say you’d get a nice watch.
And herein lies the basis for our latest summoning of the vox populi. You are selecting a game show that you will be forced to play to determine your future in the afterlife. And, as with any other half-assed stab at democracy, there are a few stipulations to consider:
Your game must be played against other people. Single-player game shows, such as Deal Or No Deal, are out. That game creates a conflict of interest anyway, as host Howie Mandel is, in fact, a minion of Satan.
You may select a game show that would team you with a celebrity or celebrities, or anyone you like. You are asked to specify who will be rounding out your team with your selection.
Reality shows shall be considered game shows for our purposes here, and may be selected, provided that your selections meet the aforementioned criteria.
Your game show does not have to have originated in America. You are expected to provide a link and explanation for games that may seem unfamiliar to the rest of us. Use hyperlinks; the spam filter will block your pick if you copy and paste a URL. Also, only one incarnation of any game show can be selected.
Wait at least ten picks before making subsequent selections.
I’ll pick first, and I’ll take the Nickelodeon classic Double Dare, since my parents were assholes and never let me go on the show when I was a kid. I’m pretty sure I can outsmart a couple of 12-year-olds. Kids are dumb! And since I’ll need a smart, athletic partner upon which to hang my hopes, I’m also picking USA Gold Medalist, Harvard alum, and Celebrity Apprentice veteran Angela Ruggiero.
This might be the first commenter draft where the post was longer than the picks. Either way, it’s your turn.
Tags: children are our future unless we stop them, ksk commenter drafts, MMP
June 6th, 2008 at 9:56 am
MXC
June 6th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Price is Right
June 6th, 2008 at 9:57 am
MTV’s Remote Control
June 6th, 2008 at 9:58 am
GUTS!
And I wouldn’t lose to a girl like Bobby Boswell.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Joker’s Wild
“joker, joker, and a triple”
June 6th, 2008 at 10:00 am
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2007/06/bobby_boswell_on_guts_the_vide.html
what the fuck’s a hyperlink?
June 6th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Fucking Supermarket Sweep.
Who can find the Arm & Hammer toothpaste? –>this asshole<–
June 6th, 2008 at 10:01 am
The show my friends and I call “Gooks Gone Wild”
June 6th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Jeopardy
June 6th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Oh fuck, Drew, that’s an awesome pick.
STOP WASTING YOUR TIME ON THE COFFEE YOU ASSHOLE!
WHY ARE YOU LOADING UP ON TURKEYS? THEY TAKE UP ALL THE FUCKING ROOM! GO TO THE SPICE SECTION YOU INCOMPETENT PIECE OF SHIT!
/liked that show
June 6th, 2008 at 10:04 am
press your luck
no whammies no whammies … STOP!
June 6th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Tic Tac Dough
It’s all about the X’s and O’s
June 6th, 2008 at 10:06 am
American Gladiators
June 6th, 2008 at 10:07 am
And I mean the original, of course.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:07 am
@smurphette, la-te-freakin-da ms. smarty pants.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Jim J Bullock for the win, bitch.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Wheel of Fortune. It’s fucking hangman with a letter-turning harlot.
Choke on it, Sajak.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Legends of the Hidden Temple
…with your host Kurt Fogg!
Playing as the Blue Barracudas (Silver Snakes can go get f’d in the A)
June 6th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Wheel of Fortune. Its easy as shit and gets me to a cloud next to Jebus.
Yoink.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:18 am
$ale of the Century
Because I’m all 80s and shit.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:18 am
F**** Need to pick a partner – ok since I have a meeting to go to and by the time I get back, it will be way past 10 more picks, I’ll go with
Wheel of Fortune w/Hines Ward
wrant to ruy a rowel – RO
June 6th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Dammit, Scorpio.
I’ll take the Chuck Woolery version of Scrabble.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:19 am
@ TF
Damn – got caught up talking to my boss and got beat
/needs to ignore boss more
June 6th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Family Fued
Let’s play the Fued !
June 6th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Dammit, I wanted Double Dare AND MXC. I’ll take the $64,000 Pyramid with celebrity partner Marilyn Vos Savant, certified genius and author of the advice column, Ask Marilyn. Boo. Yah.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Win Ben Stein’s Money
/and smurphette, you better hope you don’t have to play me in Jeopardy when you try to save your eternal soul
June 6th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Card Sharks – but the Jim Perry version not the one with that cockring Bob Eubanks hosting.
“How many people out of 100 have enjoyed colonics? Well, Jim, I know me and my sister in Omaha have, so I’ll say 88 percent.”
June 6th, 2008 at 10:23 am
When i saw the title of the post, my first thought was Double Dare… but since that was taken I will pick the price is right. and my partner will be bob barker since hes no longer hosting it. talk about edge!!
June 6th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Lingo–
I hate Chuck Woolery. I’d take one of those balls and go deep on him.
/see what I did there? Balls.. Deep…
/goes back to mindless day job
June 6th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Joes vs Pros – My teamate – Bo Jackson in his prime.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Name that tune
/and no I’m not gay
June 6th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Mall Madness – it came on right before SuperMarket Sweep
PICK THE FUCKING CAMERAS FROM SHUTTERBUG. THEY ARE THE MOST EXPENSIVE
June 6th, 2008 at 10:27 am
fucking MXC at #2. i didn’t even have a chance.
i’m going with the fake kids in the hall game, “Feel Yat!” All i’d have to do is figure out what a fish is by feeling it while wearing oven mits. genious.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Hell’s Kitchen, I know I could cook better than those fucks.
I would have gone with the bachelor but the black guy never gets passed the second rose ceremony. I also thought about Family Feud, but my family is stupid.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Cash Cab.
I fancy myself smarter than a NYC tourist.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:32 am
TF, you cant pick masturbation games, ie games that where you dont play against someone.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Fuck UU……I thought I would get a steal of the Feud this late.
It never ceases to amaze me how horrible people are on that show. Also, only the old version with Richard Dawson is any good; the new ones suck.
I’ll go with The Power of Ten….kind of like the Feud.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
@UU: Hey, I’m just tryin’ to get to heaven. My family watched it almost every night during dinner when I was growing up, and it’s the only game show I really watched besides Double Dare.
@flub: Sorry, but I totally own at Jeopardy. You don’t want a piece of this.
Next pick: It’s Academic. (The DC natives should know it.) And my two teammates are my friends David and Lizzie from high school.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
“The Dating Game” wherein I will be selecting from Bachelorette #1 Emmanuelle Chriqui, Bachelorette #2 Aisha Tyler and Bachelorette #3 Molly Parker. I. Cannot. Lose.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Hollywood Squares. If my eternal soul is on the line, I’m relying on Whoopi. I should probably question my decision making more often…
June 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Bumper Stumpers
Gr8 2cu!
June 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
The Match Game…Brett Somers, Betty White, and a terribly drunk Richard Dawson will save my soul.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
SNL celeb jeopardy…versus Connery and Burt Reynolds.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
A lot of double picks here thus far. Lets play by the rules, kids.
/pushes glasses up nose
June 6th, 2008 at 10:36 am
That short-lived ESPN game-show “2 minute drill” (hosted by Kenny Mayne)
though I would refuse to allow Lennox Lewis to be the guy reading the questions to me. That fucker reads sloooooowwww.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:37 am
@Wormfather
Fuck. You’re right. I’ll take Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
It counts because you have to beat those other fuckers in the first little speed round thing.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Muthafuckin’ SALE OF THE CENTURY
June 6th, 2008 at 10:46 am
@Caveman Captain
Jackin’ already owns that motherfucker
June 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
rock n roll jeopardy. that show was crazy easy.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge…teammate – Hines Wald
June 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
STARCADE.
And it had better be “Dragon’s Lair” day or I am FUCKED.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:49 am
My apologies. I did CTRL+F of “Sale” and got nothing. I forgot that it could be spelled with a dollar sign.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:49 am
MXC was the first pick, goof ball.
I’ll take numberwang
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qjOZtWZ56lc&feature=related
June 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Bowling for Dollars
June 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
vh1’s world series of pop culture
taking my friend larry & perhaps tarantino as my teammates. yeah. we’d sweep. we’re just that geeky.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I should have expected numerous other degenerates to have watched MXC…damn.
I’ll take Dueling for Playmates.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Studs.
Cause I like makin’ bacon on the beach.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
The Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show. Because the only other thing I can think of is Win, Lose, or Draw…and I hate that show.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:51 am
And Liar’s Club.
What’s that thing? It’s uh… an anal shellelagh.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Don’t Forget The Lyrics.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:54 am
The Mole.
My ability to compulsively lie is a huge advantage.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:56 am
American Idol.
Because at heart all it is, is a fucking game show. And were I to lose, I would get a chance to dive over the table and take Rupert to hell with me.
But I wouldn’t lose.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Rock of Love
I’ll choke those tramps in the mud wrestling event, and Bret will be all mine…
June 6th, 2008 at 10:57 am
(Also forgot to mention that I always refer to Simon as “Rupert” because I fucking hate that prick.)
June 6th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I’ll take the Newlywed game bitches, with my recent bride Marissa Miller. ** Winner, winnder Chicken Dinner!!!!!
June 6th, 2008 at 10:58 am
The Newlywed Game.
In the butt, Bob.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
answer to the first question, yes, yes I am….
June 6th, 2008 at 10:59 am
*winner, winner*- See my wife had me all excited and ………….
June 6th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Stab your eyes, Chris.
I’ll take the first round of Ninja Warrior. I can beat the first round. On a very good day I could beat the second. There is absolutely no way in hell I could beat the third.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:00 am
@ Tracer
For once in my life, it paid me to be premature.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Concentration. Memory for “adults”. Fuck me if I can’t win that game.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Legends of the Hidden Temple…oh so gay
June 6th, 2008 at 11:02 am
@rusrus: Not if Brady Quinn has anything to say about it. Douche though he may be, those guns don’t lie.
I’ll take Ninja Warrior. Like all women, I have weak arms, and would most definitely lose. But since I’m already getting into heaven via Jeopardy, it doesn’t matter.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Pig in a Poke!
It pays to be a glutton…
June 6th, 2008 at 11:03 am
* As an aethiest (agnostic at best), I’d like room & board for life/eternity in the Playboy Mansion as my prize. I already have a watch.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am
The Weakest Link. For the same reasons that porky1 chose American Idol.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Fucking Tracer Bullet. Fine, I take Who’s Line Is It Anyway?
Again, it’s okay that the winner is completely arbitrary, because I’m already golden with my first pick.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Let’s Make a Deal!!!!
DON’T TAKE DOOR #3. IT’S A ZONK.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am
The Amazing Race.
My partner would be Matthew McNolikeyshirts because…well…he’s fit. And hot.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Damn you smurphette…I had WLIIA on my board.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Let’s Make a Deal. I know, I’m supposed to wait 10 picks before choosing agian but I’m late for a meeting and traded up to get this pick.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Stump the Schwab. I’d spike a football off that fat bastard’s face so he would have a lazy eye to match Stu’s.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:06 am
@Chris…you’re gonna be even later cause smaaron already took it…might as well skip the meeting and try for eternal salvation.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:07 am
stump the schwab
/I’m screwed…all the the cool people are gonna be in hell anyway
June 6th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Fuck, Smaaron. I trade up to find my game gone. Oh well, I wasn’t premature enough this time. Story of my life.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:07 am
a stretch, i choose ‘the 20 dollar sack pyramid’, from dr dre’s ‘the chronic’ album.
‘…playin for a 20 sack of endo, and a 35 dollar gift certificate to the compton swap meet!!’ your choice of partners – duck muthafuckin’ mouth, bootney lee farnsworth, or ookie.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Stump the Schwab, FTW!!!!!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:08 am
It’s a damned shame Calvinball and 43 Man Squamish aren’t game shows.
I’ll take Human Tetris. If I’m going to be cast into the Neverending Pits of Despair and Ultimate Suffering I should at least get a laugh on the way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll2kajMH2u0
June 6th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Dangit, too slow…
June 6th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Is Alex Trebek shirtless in hell? Because I think I may be ready to accept Jesus as my Lord and personal Savior.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:09 am
You Bet Your Life
(Groucho version, not Cosby)
June 6th, 2008 at 11:09 am
@devin hester’s speech coach
get bent.
in that case, I’m taking college wheel o’ fortune (with a filipina song girl who puts out as my partner)
June 6th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Big Brother: Scandinavia or anywhere else you can fuck on camera.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Slow Adults vs. Porn Stars from Howard Stern.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I told them I was on a conference call just to select……………The Gong Show. Using the same sketchy rational for American Idol. The Gong Show was the tits. And with that ladies & gentleman, cue Gene, Gene The Dancing Machine, ….
I’m out.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:12 am
The Joe Schmoe Show. I am pretty sure I could have been able to figure out that it was all bullshit about the time that I was handcuffed to the virginal christian girl in a challenge and her boyfriend from home just randomly showed up.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Eco Challenge. I’ll take 3 of the 4 girls from the Playboy Extreme team…Yes, there is theme in my draft.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Sabado Gigante.
The game show portion is like the Price is Right with huge Latina knockers.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:15 am
@ Chris
I screw you with Let’s Make a Deal, you take my next pick with The Gong Show.
Let’s call it even.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:16 am
fun house.
and as soon as I win, I punch JD Ross in the mouth (Jesus would LOVE that).
June 6th, 2008 at 11:16 am
“I Know Black People.” I’ve been black all my life and for once my shameful racial history is an advantage instead of a liability.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am
The Benefactor!
I fucking OWN Jenga!!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:19 am
* If The Amazing Race/Survior type shows count, I consider Eco-Challenge to count. Same thing without the fake tv drama.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Maury, for sure.
That little shit is most definitely NOT my kid.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I’ll take Wipeout, the new ABC version of MXC that is premiering soon. Loophole bitches.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Real World/Road Rules challenge. Just don’t piss to many people off and hook up with drunk shanks when we aren’t doing stupid challenges….I win
June 6th, 2008 at 11:20 am
The Grand Prize Game from the Bozo Show. I’d sink bucket #6 for that Benjamin and new Schwinn bicycle.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:21 am
@randy
it was JD Roth on Fun House, not Ross
June 6th, 2008 at 11:22 am
High Quiz Bowl…
What – no body here grew up in west central Wisconsin.
It’s team trivial pursuit – I’ll take Ben Stein, Isac Assimov and Bill Gates as my team
June 6th, 2008 at 11:22 am
W!ld and Crazy K!ds
Teammates would be the Bash Brothers from Mighty Ducks 2
June 6th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search
Win, lose, no matter. After I plow-through that pile of ‘tang, you can send me to hell…
June 6th, 2008 at 11:23 am
@EberleWerner
That segment on Stern was great
June 6th, 2008 at 11:24 am
“Wait, wait. Don’t tell me”
/shows self out.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:25 am
nick arcade, because I can’t think of the name of the show that was like it but better
June 6th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Let’s Make a Dope Deal!
“How many joints are in a lid?”
“Uh…two.”
“Two?”
“I roll big joints.”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Get The Picture from Nick. That show was so fucking easy even without the obvious hints mike o’mally would hand out like candy. I could be Hitler and still get into heaven.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
The World Series of Dice…and El Domingo is gonna bring a ghetto blaster that we built out of a walkman, a guitar amp, a car battery and a stolen hand-truck from home depot.
/get money like ten mo’ times
June 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Dammit Porky that was gonna be my next pick. I love latinas.
Well then I pick Sox Appeal, why, because I don’t think it would be very hard to trick Boston fans in to liking me.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Texaco Star Academic Challenge. It was the local version of Quiz Bowl.
NERRRRRDS!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:31 am
My pick: Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Because, well… yes. Yes I am.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Shit, I just realized that probably doesn’t count because I’m technically competing against some imaginary ideal fifth grader rather than the actual fifth graders on the show
June 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
@ TF, truly inspired choice, I love the NPR news quiz. I, in fact, have Carl Cassel’s voice on my home answering machine, too bad everyone calls my cell. I won Bluff the Listener.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I select the fictionalized “The Running Man,” with partner Arnold Schwarzenegger.
No way I am going to hell without taking someone there with me.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:35 am
@make it snow
Also, that was taken like 40 minutes ago by Daydream Billiever.
Wake-up!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Double Stuf Racing League
I’ll team up with Peyton and whoop Elisha’s butt
June 6th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Tracer Bullet FTW
Best question ever: “Why didn’t black people trust Ronald Reagan?”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Make Me Laugh.
Featuring guest “comedians” Dane Cook, Mo’Nique, and Jeff Foxworthy.
Easy victory. Hell, I might even fall asleep.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:38 am
If it hasn’t been picked: Lingo.
And my partner is whichever little fucker just won the spelling bee.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Let’s Make A Deal, bitches. ALWAYS change doors after they remove one!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:41 am
God Damn it Tracer you stole my first pick… Ive been actually working and couldnt get in till now…
Im gonna have to go back in the day here….
WHEEL OF FISH.
“Ahhh, a red snapper. Mmmmm, very tasty. Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can hold on to your red snapper… or you can go for what’s in the box that Hiro-San is bringing down the aisle right now! What’s it gonna be?
I’ll take the box. The box!
You took the box? Let’s see what’s in the box! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You’re so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:43 am
@rusrus: Heh, I guess that’s what I get for CTRL+F’ing “fifth” but not “5th.”
Anyway, since I botched that pick in like twelve different ways, give me the episode of 1 vs. 100 where the mob is composed of 100 kids.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:44 am
BigTrav, you actually beat me to that one.
“SUPPLIES!!!!”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:44 am
To Tell the Truth. Becuase I’d be good at it and because Match Game was taken an hour ago.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Where in the World is Carmen San Diego. I own that broad.
Unless I get the Africa map at the end.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:46 am
SUPPLIES!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Fuck it, there arnt enough game shows to go around so I’m breaking the rules, that’s right, I’m breaking them, intentially.
Moment of Truth, I’m sure St. Peter would make an exception for this game.
“Wormfather, is it true that you have fantasies about women other than your fiancee”
“Fuck yeah!”
“That answer is…truthy”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am
I know it was picked forever ago…but I dont care…Im joining White Boom Boom on “Match Game” (hell, I’ll be the other contestant) and we’ll both watch the rest of you burn from our puffy white clouds playing our silly harps.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Hot Potato… I’d be on a team of web developers, and hopefully we’d be matched up against a team of housewives.
Unless they pull out a “Shows on Lifetime” category. Then I’m fucked.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I’m a little late so I can’t believe this one isn’t off the board:
The Moment of Truth
All you have to do is tell the fucking truth. Is your life so full of bullshit that you can’t even do it? Damn you people!
/Not trying to hear this is a game played against yourself. They throw in family members who directly influence the game. Suck it.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:50 am
well since legends of the hidden temple is already gone…..i have to go with “nickelodeon arcade.” That show was the balls (from what I remember) and as a bonus, the kids were fucking terrrrrible at videogames. Heaven for sure.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:50 am
WORMFATHERRRR!!!!! NOOOOOO!
June 6th, 2008 at 11:50 am
High Rollers. Like craps, but different.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rCFGgjIa9I
June 6th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Joe Vs Pros… I could smoke any of those old fuckers. Although I saw one episode where they had to go 5 minutes in a cage with a dude from UFC and whoever got submitted the least times won… FUCK THAT
June 6th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Fine then,
I Love New York.
All you have to do is buy her shit and bait the other mongoloids into punching you. Game over, you win.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:53 am
High Rollers.
But Alex Trebek has to wear a shirt.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@ Jefferson…
Wow, as I TYPED IT…shit. Denied.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:55 am
blind date because i’m not afraid of looking dumber than i already am. i fucking loved that show.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:56 am
SMASH TV
With John Rambo (circa 1987) as my partner.
“BIG MONEY! BIG PRIZES! I LOVE IT!”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:57 am
ummm I’m not sure if this counts for double… but Jeopardy Kid’s Week. I might still go to hell but atleast I’d get a Dell
June 6th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Password with Joe Pesci, because I think we’d really hit it off and be best friends and then I could loose his baseball bat wielding ass on my enemies, probably consiging myself back to hell. But really, fuck heaven. None of the cool people are there.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:57 am
With the 125th pick in the draft, Herschel Walker selects: Russian Roulette!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_Roulette_%28game_show%29
June 6th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Filthy Rich Cattle Drive
Bang Britney Gastineau*
Steal her Dads coke*
Cattle prod Fabien*
Trample Kourtney Kardashian*
* Jesus approves
June 6th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Yes but WHICH Match Game? I do believe that ‘76 was the seminal version.
I pick “Geek, Dweeb or Spaz” from SNL.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
If not… then Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?
June 6th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
NAME
THOSE
BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Multiple choice selection of bitches with a great rack… you just got to pick the right sweater puppets to the correct broad.
Prize? your pick of Cutty The Pimps finest working girls!
June 6th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Alright sorry… forgot to change that to Where in Time is Carmen San Diego?
June 6th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Distraction
June 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Classic Concentration… because rebuses are easy
June 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
John John The Bastard
Thanks for the support. I didn’t know how that pick would go over with this crowd.
/dick joke
June 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
What’s the word on the street ABM?
June 6th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
My final selection is “ASSHOLE/JACKOFF/SCUMBAG?”
I will make it interesting by selecting Jerry Jones for the subject while squaring off against fellow contestants Chan Gailey and Drew Bledsoe. It should be really exciting. Personally, I’m going with “Asshole” though a strong case could be made for any of the three.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
@kanye east: +1 for that pick.
That is truly hilarious. Will you have the D.O.C.’s scratchy voice too?
June 6th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
$1.98 beauty pageant. I win everlasting life. (anything Chuck Barris-related will do)
June 6th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@ BigTravATX
If it makes you feel any better, your recreation of Wheel of Fish made me shoot raspberry yogurt through my nose. Reading it in the “Hines Wold” voice made it even funnier.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
What was the name of the game show from back in the 80’s where you had to guess scrambled words that appeared on car license plates? Anyone remember this?
June 6th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Tracer: It was a good consolation pick for sure!
My last pick is “Everybody Loves Hypnotoad!” Is it a gameshow? I DONT KNOW BUT I FUCKIN LOVE IT!
June 6th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
@devin hester’s speech coach
Bumper Stumpers – it was my first pick, months ago now…
June 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Jackie Rogers Jr. $100,000 Dollar Jackpot Wad.
Word: [ ASPARAGUS ]
Sammy Davis, Jr.: Okay, this is a long shaft kind of thing with a tip on the end . . .
Rajeev Vindaloo: [ winks ]
Sammy Davis, Jr.: Next!
June 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
It’s about quarter past nine (western standard time) and the best shows are long gone, so what what’s with the shirtless Trebek? That and do you remember that on early-era “Wheel of Fortune” you had to spend your prize money on their stupid merchandise? “I’ll take the porcelain cat for $400, Pat.”
June 6th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I’ll now take Viking: The Ultimate Obstacle Course because I just love how twisted, sadistic and crazy the Japanese are. And the fact that they purposely put themselves in danger for some Yen.
KAMIKAZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 6th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
@ Jeff K
Your Jackie Rogers Jr. reference has made my young day. I shall award you somebody’s first-born child.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I came in too late to get anything good. I wanted Carmen San Diego but its been picked, I would’ve kicked ass on that show when I was young enough to be on it.
I guess I’ll take celebrity fear factor, since there’s almost no skill or talent involved. I’ll be up against some squeamish actresses that I can beat in the physical challenges. I’ll take on Renee “Cumcatcher” just to see her choke on worms, Paris Hilton because/despite the fact that she has no gag reflex (though she will do anything on that show, she’ll fail at the physical challenges, unless they’re marathon gang-bangs) and Heidi Kluum, because she weighs like 85 pounds, and her ass has it coming for that Christmas Time song she did.
Actually, that’s a pretty awesome pick, fuck you guys.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
@rant_casey I’m gonna stick with The Chief
Alright last pick… Robot Wars with this as my teammate (of sorts).
http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/military-robot-1.jpg
Ain’t nobody Fuck’n with my TALON robot
June 6th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I pick “I Survived a Japanese Game Show” – It’s exactly like MXC but with a different name and Americans getting sent over there to compete. I saw it advertised during LOST.
/Goes back to searching the internet for hidden clues in the episodes.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
The Japanese game show Endurance. Between their love of underage girls, fucked up game shows and tentacle rape, the Japanese have some problems they should address.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEOz7gaFfmU
June 6th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Thanks rusrus, I could not remember that shit.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Has anybody picked the Japanese game show from the SNL in which Chris Farley gets tortured? If you have, you’re a dumbass.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Dammit, I get here way too late and all the good ones are gone. For the record, Match Game ‘74 is the correct answer — if for no other reason than this — but Double Dare, Remote Control and MXC are all excellent lottery picks. Wheel of Fish and Jackie Rogers are incredible calls as well.
No offense, Smurphette and Flub, but if we get into a game of Jeopardy your asses are mine. I still have about $500 in credit at a sports bar in Atlanta from drunken trivia nights when I lived there, and the last time anyone challenged me to Trivial Pursuit, there was a Clenis in the White House.
Since all the good ones are taken, I’ll have to go with “MILF Island.”
June 6th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
has anyone picked that crossword puzzle-y game? I cant remember what it’s called and i’m too stupid and lazy to look it up or care really since all the good game shows are taken already. shit.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Wait, I’d like to change my pick to “Quien Es Mas Macho?”
It’s so easy to win. The answer is always “Ricardo Montalban.”
June 6th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@Pemulis
I think you mean Scrabble with Chuck Woolery?
Shit, I know way too much about old time gameshows…
June 6th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@ Gino Tourettsa – mi hatchi ju hatchi. Oh no the correct answer is mi hatchi ku hatchi.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
And in honor of Charles Nelson Reilly, the main theme.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
So much Japanese game show gold to mine. I’d take this one where you have to eat marshmallows with a rubberband around your face, because I have an especially stretchy nose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKvxCH5BQEk
June 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Punter,
Did you go to google images and punch in “shirtless Alex Trebek”?
June 6th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
@rusrus: i cant believe a) that it was called Scrabble, and b) that I somehow didn’t know or remember that it was called Scrabble.
/is dumb
June 6th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Oh, actually. I’m dumber than I thought. the Game Show I was actually thinking of was called (Surprise!) Crosswords
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUvtD_FUMcw
June 6th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Figure It Out
Summer Sanders definitely made me question my heterosexuality as a teen
June 6th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
The Singing Bee
June 6th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
If I could make my own show it would combine the random depravity of a Japanese show with the lurid glamor of a Latin American one like “Sabado Gigante”. Throw in a host like Bob Barker, fatties getting humiliated and plenty of chicks, you’ve got yourself a show.
Y Bailamos!
June 6th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Punter,
Did you go to google images and punch in “shirtless Alex Trebek”?
I think we got that as punishment for mocking Drew’s photo.
“Zee goggles! Zey do nuthink!”
June 6th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Someone surely took 2 Minute Drill already, but if I were on there, it would infuriate me to have one of the half-literate athletes stumble over the questions. You’re costing me money you rich fuck!!!
June 6th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
@ Gino
I want to be the announcer for your show, please. Not the Bob Barker though, the Rod Roddy guy.
“COME ON DOWN! YOU’RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON SUPER GIGANTE FUN TITTY GAUNTLET PARTY CHALLENGE!”
June 6th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
When I saw that photo of Drew, I wondered whose hand it was on his shoulder. Now I know: it belonged to a shirtless Alex Trebek.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@ pork1
You’re totally in. What kind of crazy jacket will you wear?
June 6th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
porky1, that is.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Steal of the draft: Finders Keepers. Best game show ever, and easy as hell too.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Mark Summers’ OCD:
You were born for this draft.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Um… SINGLED. OUT.
Can’t believe it’s still on the board
June 6th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Ha! Fuck you all, I win! 200 comments in, and not a single person thought to take “Twenty One,” the rigged game show in the 1950’s they based the movie “Quiz Show” on. The game is fixed in my favor, I waltz into heaven, and piss off a cloud onto all your grubby earthbound faces!
June 6th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
@ Zack, that is, of course, unless the game is rigged against you
June 6th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Jenny McCarthy not only in her prime, but recently as seen on Two and a Half Men…well, you know.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Nah, I’m a white male. They’d never rig the game against me.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Dr. Quim Snaggletaint-
You want to take a real loophole for MXC?
I’ll also take Takeshi’s Castle.
I’m doubling up on my own pain and misfortune in Japan.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
MXC is classic, but that Viking game is wicked sweet.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Make the Grade. A lot like Double Dare except the kids sucked even more. I rule.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Junkyard Wars
and since i get to pick my team, the guy from new yankee workshop, ray kurzweil (inventor & futurist) and a mechanic from one of the teams in the WRC they work awesome under some pressure and a time limit
June 6th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
MXC is hilarious, but I’m thinking it’s a horrible pick for this draft. We’re supposed to be picking games we’d ace, and unless you all are pros at games like the Rotating Surfboard of Death or Irritable Bowl Syndrome, this is an invitation to start your stay in purgatory covered in mystery goo.
And no, I’m not talking about the consequences of an over-excited Guy LeDouche.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Um…while you’re all racing to see who can get the most humiliating Japanese game, I’ll take Dog Eat Dog.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
The Apprentice – Just so if I get fired, I can look at Trump and say, fire me, fire you! And bang his daughter over the dumpster in a back alley.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
The Bachelor.
Open bar. Free vacations… hot rich guy? YES and YES.
Plus, since I’m getting a free trip to heaven, I can get away with stabbing the 95% of other women on the show who are morons and/or annoying. And if I lose… I’ll finally get to find out if my theory that Chris Harrison bones the castoffs is correct… I’ll be in purgatory, but knowledge is still power.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Game On!, mostly Canadian sports trivia. Grand Prize, a Budweiser fridge and a small amount of cash. Classic.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I’ll go to a Howard Stern game show:
“Stump the Booey” — Where you listen to cheesy 80s songs and try to guess the song and artist against Gary Dell’Abbate. I’d crush that bucktooth jackass like a bug.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
To Catch a Predator?
What, too soon?
Nah, the steal of the draft.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
The very nature of this draft (and the reason we make these picks), calls into question matters of great religious, exisitential and eschatological consequence. Also, motherfucker, fuck, balls, fuck-shit-stack, three sweaty Armenian testicles, fat tits, goat sack and the Packers are gay.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Only because no one has said it, Grand Slam (that one where all the dudes who dominated jeopardy squared off with the guy from World Series of Pop Culture asking questions).
You know what, now that i realize it, I want World Series of Pop Culture (i assume it’d qualify as a game show). And for my teammates, I would take Christopher Walken and Natalie Portman. She’s eye candy and she knows stuff.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
@ Dan from Chicago: WORD.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
@ bfreakin3:
long gone buddy, long gone
June 6th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
celebrity fit club.
my team would include people who are NOT Dustin Diamond, that one Baldwin brother, or Kinike from Grease.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Brilliant pick, Kyle Orton’s out of work mach3. Steal of the draft, IMO.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Puh-Puh-Puh Puttin’ On The Hitsssss! Since the best shows are mostly gone, I’ll do Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” on the game show “Puttin’ On The Hits” to save my soul and guarantee entry into Heaven. Go Vikings. Prince Rules. Purify Yourself in the Waters of Lake Minnetonka.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
@ Gino: Anyone up for a game of Basketball? Then he served us pancakes. PANCAKES.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Shirts vs. blouses.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Damn you damn you damn you damn you
I take Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire
June 6th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
@Otto Man: You don’t know with whom you are dealing. I could take you at Trivial Pursuit, too, no doubt. Conveniently, Jeopardy has 3 contestants – you, me, flub – and it’s on like Donkey Kong.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I’ll take Bring It On for $500, Alex.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
damnit. i didnt bother to look for WSOPC. i’ll take grand slam again.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Sigh…look at our un-united democratic party…
June 6th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
All I’m saying is that women are no good at anything. I really don’t see what’s so controversial about that.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Also, old people should be studied to see what nutrients can be extracted from them and used for our benefit. I’m looking at you, McCain.
Me? I’m a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everybody listens to me!
June 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Liars Club
Old school
June 6th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
The Gong Show. I’ve got this great act that involves my penis, a prairie dog, cattle prod, and a pat of butter….what?
June 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Will you get more gongs than the break dancing robot that caught on fire?
June 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@Otto Man: Hey, just because we have weak arms doesn’t mean we aren’t good at stuff!
June 6th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Gino, you’ve just inspired me to include said incendiary metal-man to the act!
June 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
What about Debt?
And I will take Ed McMahon as my partner……he needs to get his house back!
June 6th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Damn you all for taking all the good ones.
For my pick, I will choose Card Sharks.
June 6th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Why won’t my wife let me go on Moment of Truth? Talk about a cakewalk.
June 6th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Beg, Borrow and Deal for my runner-up choice. No money, no cell phones, no change of clothes and 40 sports-related tasks to complete. That show ruled.
June 6th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Wow, I got here way too late yet I think its still on the board.
WIN LOSE OR DRAW
My parter is the white board UPS guy in the commercials.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
“Joker! Joker! Joker!”
“Big bucks, no Whammies!”
“Come on down!”
June 6th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I’m not really sure how I would fare on the show, but at least I’d get some time with Rebecca Grant. Talk about obscure…..
THROUT & NECK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCgNnQi0c1o
June 7th, 2008 at 1:03 am
I auditioned for Double Dare in 4th grade, and was eliminated when my partner couldn’t wrap me up like a mummy with paper towels in under 20 seconds.
Overshare?
June 7th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Physical Challenge!
June 7th, 2008 at 1:43 am
Jeopardy, but the week they have the middle school kids on. I would not only be able to easily get myself out of purgatory, I’d also get to crush the dreams of my comeptition and probably make some super smart Asian kid cry. Double score.
June 7th, 2008 at 3:44 am
Second pick: Elimidate. With me as the one rather than as one of the four. And before someone chimes in with the rules, let me point out that I am competing against people: the two contestants that I’ve no interest in shagging at all. Sure, it’s not exactly a fair competition, given that I can eliminate these women at my whim, but no one said my playing field against the other contestants had to be level.
Best of all, I’m guaranteed to win my way out of Purgatory; the results can only be judged according to my own personal taste.
June 7th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I’ll take Top Chef or Celebrity Mole (because you get to stay at cushy resorts and see retarded F-list celebrities make asses of themselves). and yes, i know the original “The Mole” was taken!
June 7th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
I’ll go on Spike TV’s Bullrun with Ed Begley Jr. and a Tom Tom. Electric Engine means no stopping for gas and you can only go the speed limit anyway. You think when you’re in heaven God actually listens when you pray for fumbles?
June 9th, 2008 at 1:06 am
So I’m up late watching the Game Show Network and it turns out there is ANOTHER Double Dare. This one came first and is hosted by Alex Trebek with a porn-stache and a ‘fro. I learn something new every day.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Fantastic. care to share your sources :) ?