Jason McIntyre, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes
The Big Lead has long been sports bloggers’ quiet in-joke. But the LA Times’s David Wharton had to go and portray the blogosphere’s intellectual stepchild as some kind of mouthpiece for sports bloggers, and that didn’t go over too well. On Buzz Bissinger’s outburst against Will Leitch:
“The initial reaction was ‘Buzz is a lunatic,’ ” McIntyre said. “After that, people calmed down, listened to what he said and thought, ‘You know, maybe we should clean up our act a little bit.’ “
As someone with a fully functional frontal lobe, I of course disagree. As did Leitch, who wrote about the article — and McIntyre’s disconnect with reality — yesterday on Deadspin. That prompted this response on The Big Lead:
And then a flurry of emails saying, “[The Deadspin post] is like Puffy laying in the cut setting up Tupac at the studio and now it’s time to bust back!” Sorry folks, I never really played that game. This guy named Matt Ufford attempted it repeatedly, and I just elected not to engage in it.
Oooh, “this guy named Matt Ufford.” That cuts deep. The Big Lead barely knows I exist! Why, he’s far too busy fellating local columnists to know who his peers are! Golly, thanks for turning the other cheek, mister! Otherwise I would have wasted all sorts of precious seconds destroying someone with the verbal acuity of a community college dropout. Or, say, an US Weekly staffer.
Just so we’re clear: I never attempted to “engage” Jason McIntyre in anything. After months of occasional and frustrating dialog over email, I told him precisely why I don’t respect him professionally and asked that he not email me. I’ve also occasionally expressed my opinion — usually via subtle digs, once openly — that I don’t like The Big Lead. So, breaking news: I don’t like a website. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to engage said website’s author in some wasteful war of words. Besides, everything bad about me has already been said: I’m overly sensitive, I’m egomaniacal, I’m condescending, I’m pretentious, I won’t hesitate to lord my military service over people, I peddle smut – really, the list goes on. There aren’t any more original angles to take on how much of an asshole I am. Not that McIntyre would be able to take one, anyway.
But, while we’re on the subject of a hypothetical battle royale, you’ll pardon me if I yawn while I contemplate his pointed barbs. Here’s McIntyre’s sharp-tongued response to a commenter who questioned his typically twisted syntax yesterday:
Didn’t know EB Shrunk read the site. Good to know!
You know, it would be funny if it were an act. After one of McIntyre’s readers sends him this link — Lord knows he doesn’t read any blog posts that aren’t served to him over email — perhaps he can purchase his very own copy of the essential guide for anyone who cares about written communication, co-authored by the foremost American belletrist of the 20th century, E.B. White, and one of his professors, William Strunk. Strunk. With a T. You fucking clod.
Until that happens, McIntyre, keep my name out your mouth, unless it’s to say, “Thank you, Matt Ufford, for having the decency to not reveal my identity while I was collecting paychecks and wasting oxygen at US Weekly.”
Leave me to my nice little bubble of cheap jokes and frivolity, and get back to doing what you do best: counting your page views and sucking media cock.
Tags: captain caveman, gay, let us never speak of this again, off-topic, Why'd he have to bring me into this?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Besides, everything bad about me has already been said: I’m overly sensitive, I’m egomaniacal, I’m condescending, I’m pretentious, I won’t hesitate to lord my military service over people, I peddle smut
Nothing about you being gay?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Don’t forget pale!!
June 24th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
HomoFlaWa!
June 24th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
ohhhh catfight
June 24th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
E.B. Shrunk’s alright, but I’ve always been partial to William Ginger’s seminal work, The Writing Wheel.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
What about the poor taste in shirts and the pasty flesh?
Full disclosure and all that.
Also, this blogger on blogger violence has got to stop…. after McIntyre has his ballsack used as a speed bag.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
McIntyre probably wants his ballsack touched like a speed bag.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
This is beef on an epic level of meh the likes of which haven’t been seen since the Ice-T/Soulja Boy beef from this weekend. McIntyre vs Leitch/Uff? That’s just sad.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Is the future of KSK a bunch of posts regarding blogger/journalism drama? Who gives a fuck if some guy on another blog has decided to stop have some sort of journalistic “integrity” or imply anything about KSK and its contributors? Fuck’em. Pacman^H^H^H^H^H^H Adam Jones wouldn’t care.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
don’t. care. (sorry, i’m a terrible person but i like made it through the first few sentences until zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz…)
June 24th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Get ‘em Cap. Pop a cap in his azzzzz.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Is it blogosphere civil war day on the internets?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Hey FACK TBL, how’s about a vote for Meast of the Week?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Channel your inner Cartman voice as you read: “Race war!! Race war!! It’s on! Race war everybody!”
You know, cause McIntyre’s white, and Ufford is, like, hyper-white.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
It’s like watching two ugly fat chicks fight. You want to watch because it’s a fight, but you pray no clothes get ripped off.
/looking up irony in the dictionary
June 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Fucking A.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
jason mcintyre made out with a hot dog
/ufford’s burn book
June 24th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
sounds like alot of bitching and moaning between two guys that would get their asses handed to them by my dead Grandma. Enough of this bullshit. Bring back the funny.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I feel like I’m back in high school and two geeks from the Yearbook Club are gonna fight after school.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
[...] Kissing Suzy Kolber The Big Lead Deadspin Dan Shanoff [...]
June 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
AV Club fight!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
[...] Kissing Suzy Kolber The Big Lead Deadspin Dan Shanoff [...]
June 24th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Don’t you see? This is what the MSM WANTS you guys to do. Separate and destroy. Uff, for shame not recognizing Hutier tactics when you see them!!!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Are you suggesting we go to thebiglead.com and see how strong their server is?
~shrutebag.
/saw that coming
June 24th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
you two are being gay….the problem is mcintyre likes it. daddy always said never fuck a gay man in the ass, because he’ll like it and you’ll just get dirty.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
someone wake me when this is over….
June 24th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
When’s preseason football start? Not soon enough.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Hey, this IS serious. Nobody puts Strunk & White in a corner on Caveman’s watch.
I knew y’all didn’t like him, but I never looked at his site until yesterday. Good Lord, what a tool.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
“OOOOHHH, I feel the tension in the air”
“Running Scared” reference for the day
June 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Do you know him? Does he call you at HOME?
June 24th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Blogger fight!
This is mad gay, Uff.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
As someone with a fully functional frontal lobe, I of course disagree.
Should read as
As someone with a fully functional frontal lobe, I, of course, disagree.
The blogger fight may now resume.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Remember the end of the Simpsons episode where Sideshow Bob and Niles were back in prison together and were pitifully slapping at each other over which one would get the top bunk?
This is gayer.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
tell us how you really feel. or don’t, whatever.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
“Besides, everything bad about me has already been said: I’m overly sensitive, I’m egomaniacal, I’m condescending, I’m pretentious, I won’t hesitate to lord my military service over people, I peddle smut – really, the list goes on.”
Great list. Rock on.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
[...] (or anyone else) would admit to changing based on Bissinger’s ranting. Following suit are Matt Ufford of KSK/With Leather and the eponymous Dan Shanoff. Will’s missive is now getting blowback from SML over at Sports [...]
June 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
That’s odd, I’ve never found you at all pretentious…
June 24th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
It doesn’t mean I’m trying to engage said website’s author in some wasteful war of words.
Alliteration? Strunk & White? The word “belletrist”? Ufford, if your skin wasn’t practically translucent I might be a little turned on right now.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
no “antedeluvian” references?
June 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
This is gayer than wrestling practice at Exeter.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
You know what’s gayer than two bloggers having a little intertubes tiff? A published author screamin’ about bloggers on a TV show and then all the various sports-journo-whores standing in line to kiss his ass for it.
“You kids with your blogs, you stay offa my lawn!!!” (It works better if you imagine Grampa Simpson yelling it while waving his cane.)
June 24th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
I don’t need no civil war,
It feeds the MSM and buries the poor (blogs).
June 24th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
In all seriousness, you realize that the further this goes, the more you and Leitch look like a couple of douchebags and TBL looks better? Oh, and BTW, Deadspin / Gawker Media are the biggest bunch of page view whores around…
June 24th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
But if he tells you how your ass taste, won’t that mean that he’s gay and likes eating man ass?
June 24th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Because you guys don’t care about pageviews at all. So edgy/indy!!
June 24th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
@Hank Scorpio: Better lyrics than Shaq for sure.
And why in the hell did the WWL feel it was necessary to make us dumber by showing us video from TMZ? Is this news? Does anyone give a shit?
June 24th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
@jackin’
I’d sooner watch Dylan spit hot fire than watch Shaq rap.
I mean, come on. Diesel reached his lyrical pinnacle with Fu Schnickens.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Team Ufford/Leitch
June 24th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Team TBL, because he’s not an emo “woe is me” prick like Leitch
June 24th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
“Diesel reached his lyrical pinnacle with Fu Schnickens.”
Can we Rock?!? What’s up, Doc!
June 24th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Should I just put a clever one-liner? Is that the format? Substance is gay, right?
June 24th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
No, you are. That’s one line. Oh, shit, that’s two lines
June 24th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Feels clammy.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
@Hef
Your web address is apropos.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
@Swing: good one?
June 24th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Blogadelphia is burning
June 24th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
This website is retarded. It’s got something for nobody.
June 25th, 2008 at 3:33 am
I’m sure the Nation of Islam Sports Blog would say this is the sort of thing that could tear Blogfrica apart…
Can’t we all just unite behind Robert the Bruce, charge those bitch-ass English wankers and win the day for Scottish freedom? Huh?
June 25th, 2008 at 3:51 am
We’ll start at Bannockburn and kill the Sassenach! Scotland shall be free!
June 25th, 2008 at 9:16 am
blog feuds are the sissy slap fights of the new era. i love this blog and all but damn dude, who fucking cares about this nerdy shit? just be funny and hope you get a book deal or a magazine job out of this shit.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Don’t you dare cross Ufford, a literary genius:
“It was Gabriela’s job to look good. Even when she dressed down, her petite body and dark features twisted necks, caught eyes, dropped jaws. When I saw her on the downtown F platform at West Fourth, she was wearing her usual mix of casual and combustible: denim jacket, gray capri sweats, lime stilettos. She sat, and sleek calves peeked from her pants. At rest, her face was at once girlish and knowing, both innocent and incendiary.”
http://www.thesubwaychronicles.com/essays/2006/February%202006.html
June 25th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Wait, Ufford was in the military? You don’t say…
June 25th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Thank God someone finally said it. Gay or not, TBL is like blogging for retarded frat guys. How can someone who constantly masturbates over New Yorker profiles be so incredibly stupid? J-Mac would post a picture of himself tongue massaging Matt Leinart’s taint for an hour if he thought it would get him 100 extra page views.
June 25th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Getting to the more important things, can we put to rest this idea that Strunk & White knew anything about good writing? Their book is full of advice they themselves don’t even follow in their own damn book. So, okay, they could write, but they sure didn’t know what they were talking about. Avoid adjectives my lily white ass.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
“Besides, everything bad about me has already been said: I’m overly sensitive, I’m egomaniacal, I’m condescending, I’m pretentious, I won’t hesitate to lord my military service over people, I peddle smut – really, the list goes on.”
Yeah, but you write one hell of a white paper.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
[...] So in the LA Times article that just won’t die, McIntyre mentioned a KSK contributor by name. Always remember, kids: never take on cavemen. Especially when they’re smarter than you are. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] [...]
June 26th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Not pleased that a place that ignores this sissy infighting ia not ignoring it.
Not pleased @ all.
June 27th, 2008 at 1:12 am
Nobody’s mentioned that the fucking pussy appears to be wearing a red/pink Yankees hat?
Fuck.