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IT’S LIKE THE BRAIN DON’T WANNA ‘MEMBER GOOD

Ben Roethlisberger: IS FUNNY, MAN. EVERYTIME I’M WATCHIN’ THAT VIDEO MY MIND GOES BLANK. I MEAN IT GOES, LIKE

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BLANK.

JUST LIKE THAT

WHAT DO THE BRAIN WANT ME TO FORGET?

I EVEN ‘MEMBER THAT GAME ‘GAINST THE RAIDERS IN ‘06 WHEN I THREW ALL THEM PICKERCEPTIONS. THAT WAS A BLOWER. AND ALL THEM SACKS I TOOK LAST YEAR IS PISTOL CLEAR. WHAT’S THE DEAL? SO IT’S NOT LIKE I BLOCKING STUFF OUT.

ANYWAY, RIGHT NOW I’M TRYNA BUY THESE TIXETS TO THE MESS WITH THE ZOHAN MOVIE. HEY YOU THINK HE RELATED TO THE LINDSAY ZOHAN?

HARF HARF HARF THAT’S JOKES.

IKE TAYLOR SAID WE SHOULD PUFF UP ON SOME CHEEB BEFORE WE SEE THE ZOHAN. I DUNNO. UNLESS THERE’S SOME MARIJUANA COLOR PAINT TO HUFF, I AIN’T GETTING NEAR THE STUFF. GIVES YOU REEFER SADNESS. I’M TRYNA KEEP POSATIVE OUTLOOK.

SINCE WE TALKIN’ MOVIES, I’M HOPIN’ HEAF MILLER GONNA WANNA SEE THE LOVE GORO WIF ME WHEN THAT SHIZ DONE DROP. REMEMBER GORO FROM MORTAL KOMBAT? IN THIS MOVIE HE IN LOVE. THAT’S A TRIP. HE PROLLY NEED BITCH WITH FO’ JUBBLIES TO SATISFY HIM. I AX MARVEL SMIF IF ANY GIRL HE KNOW HAS FO’ JUBBLIES AND HE SAY NAW. THAT’S SOME BUTT.

NOW THAT I GOTS ALL THE NEW CONTRACT MONEY - I BOUGHT MY FRIENDS AIRSOFT RIFLES SO THEY COULD PLAY MAD MAX ON THE BIKES I GOT THEM. CAN’T GET NEAR THEM THINGS THOUGH. THEY TRYNA GET ME TO RIDE ONE BUT I GET ALL TWITCHY AND PASS OUT. WHAT THE BRAIN GOT ‘GAINST BIKES?

ALL WILL BE REVEALED WHEN I HUFF ON THE RED PAINT. WORD HAS IT THAT’S THE ONE THAT IMPROVES ‘MEMBERY. HAD TO BE SOMETHING BAD WHAT HAPPENED.

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This entry was posted on Friday, June 6th, 2008 at 1:22 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

24 Responses to “IT’S LIKE THE BRAIN DON’T WANNA ‘MEMBER GOOD”

  1. IrishCream Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 1:55 am

    THEY TRYNA GET ME TO RIDE ONE BUT I GET ALL TWITCHY AND PASS OUT. WHAT THE BRAIN GOT ‘GAINST BIKES?

    I’m still laughing

  2. mamacita Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 2:17 am

    NOW THAT I GOTS ALL THE NEW CONTACT MONEY WE’RE GONNA HAVE RABBITS AN’ A BERRY PATCH. THE RABBITS WE’RE GONNA GET AND I, I GET TO TEND ‘EM.

  3. Leigh Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 2:43 am

    This is totally worth $102 million.

  4. Shoopmonster Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 4:04 am

    The best-laid plans of bikes and Ben often go awry.

  5. Otto Man Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 6:03 am

    I think I just found a new favorite feature. It’s like reading Mongo’s diary.

  6. Darren Bennett Experience Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 6:34 am

    Instant classic, Ape. We’ll miss this stuff when you (aggressively) take over D’spin…

  7. Gut Out Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 8:03 am

    I thought Ben was white.

  8. honeynut Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 8:37 am

    Cheers to this piece.
    Jeers to 30-second commercials at the beginning of videos.

  9. Shinons Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 8:38 am

    By far, the best use of all caps that I’ve ever seen.

  10. Ryno Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 9:00 am

    HARF HARF HARF great jokes

    Seriously - this is outstanding.

  11. Caveman Captain Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 9:02 am

    +a lot to Shoopmonster. I love a good Robert Burns joke.

  12. TF Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Wow. Goro has a Wikipedia page? What a crazy world we live in…

  13. Otto Man Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 9:33 am

    I love a good Robert Burns joke.

    Of course you do. “Gang aft agley” is Scottish for “gay mafia.”

  14. 85 Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 9:42 am

    @TF: I’m more amazed that I read the whole thing.

  15. jackin'4beats Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 10:13 am

    PUFF DAT CHEEB
    HUFF DAT PAINT
    PUFF DAT CHEEB
    HUFF DAT PAINT
    PUFF DAT CHEEB
    HUFF DAT PAINT

    /PASS ON OUT

  16. Francois Leroux Speedskater Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 10:54 am

    If this is Roethlisberger ripping, I shudder to think what Ape would do to Terry Bradshaw.

    Oh yeah, this was fucking phenomenal.

  17. bk Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am

    i think he is related to lindsay zohan

  18. ognihs Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 11:52 am

    INVIZABUL SUKER

    great post, sir.

  19. Naptown Drew Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    THOSE WIDE RECEIVERS-I’D PET ‘EM, AND PRETTY SOON THEY BIT MY FINGERS AND I PINCHED THEIR HEADS A LITTLE AND THEN THEY WAS DEAD—BECAUSE THEY WAS SO LITTLE.

  20. bizzo5000 Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    Wow, it kinda stings when it’s your guy.

  21. mini dagger Says:
    June 6th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    ben was a whole lot smarter before they shoved a crayon back up his nose.

  22. bk Says:
    June 7th, 2008 at 12:05 am

    my roomate and i were just talking the other day about how aggrivating it is when people leave the first syllable off of the word “remember”.

    aggrivating has become funny, for tonight at least.

    thanks for that.

  23. J.L. White Says:
    June 7th, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    IZ CAN HAS BRANE DAMAJ?

  24. sanchez Says:
    June 7th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    the tards who dressed up that doll in super-bens gear should be smashed in the freaking grill. death to the patriots.

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