Introducing Drew Magary – A MAN WITH BALLS
Say, who is THAT handsome fellow? Let me just say it for you ladies right now: yes yes yes yes yes! That lack of chin! That 6-year-old’s face on a grown man’s body! That bizarre white crease across the face! If you’re monitor’s steaming up from the inside, I apologize. I didn’t mean to turn you on. The sex just emanates from me naturally, like a Reykjavik hot spring. Do you detect a hint of Fritos? And Coors Banquet Beer? You sure do. There’s hasn’t been a secret identity revelation this dramatic since shy little Mark Hunter turned out to be Happy Harry Hardon.
You know, when I started this whole blogging thing, I had only one modest goal: to get cursed out by a Pulitzer-prize winning author live on premium cable, and to then have the opportunity to call him a horsefucker in retaliation. And that goal has now come to fruition EXACTLY AS I HAVE BEEN PLANNING FOR DECADES.
So there’s no stopping me now. People, I come to you today not just to reveal my incredibly boring last name – my father said it was a variation on the Scottish McQuarrie, then he said it was Dutch, then he freely admitted having no fucking idea where it came from – but to reveal something much, much bigger. Something big, and hard, and thick. And soon to be readily available for public viewing. People, excuse me while I whip out…
That’s right. A book. By me. That Little, Brown & Co. paid to publish. Suck on that, Louisa May Alcott!
If you thought the earthquakes in China, the tornadoes in Missouri, the cyclones in Myanmar, the wildfires in the Southwest, and Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan O’Brien’s show were ominous signs of some sort of looming global catastrophe, the release of this book on October 27th will no doubt confirm your fears. This is the book that will make every other sports book ever written look stupid and gay by comparison.
I haven’t read many books in my life. But I have always felt a great deal of pride after finishing one. I’m always like, “Holy shit! I read a WHOLE book! And didn’t even skip a page!” That’s why people keep books on their bookshelves at home. They’re like little reading trophies. Well, this book will instill no such pride. Suffice it to say, I have composed the 250-300 least challenging pages of text ever devised, featuring:
-100% all new material
-No recycling
-No rehashing
-Copious drawings of penises to break up long passages of text
-Endless use of the word “Fuck”
-An unreasonable amount of groundless bile and mean-spirited invective
-NO FUCKING CHILDHOOD SPORTS MEMORIES OR ANY OF THAT SENTIMENTAL BULLSHIT
I tell you, you will not find a finer compendium of hastily assembled dick jokes out on the open market. Can you get this kind of humor from Lewis Grizzard or Erma Bombeck? FUCK AND NO. The first copy editor to review the book quit after five pages because she was so utterly repulsed by it. The second copy editor added a note to the text, telling me she was a Red Sox fan and not a racist, and that there ARE non-racist Red Sox fans out there (she’s lying, of course). Needless to say, this book makes a FABULOUS gift for people of all ages, especially small, impressionable children.
So prepare yourself now. Because on October 27th, the Balls will drop.
NOTE: That announcement out of the way, a couple more notes about me from a simple Google search:
-I’m an award-winning ad writer. Take that credential and suck on it, Wilbon. Third place at the Tampa Addies for a Human Resources brochure means I KNOW MY SHIT.
-You’ll also find many of my old amazon.com product reviews. I gave four stars to a Sigur Ros record I’ve listened to three times total. I also used the word “angular” in a review. No, I don’t know why.
-One time, I was featured in a Peter Gammons mailbag!
Very exciting stuff, indeed.
Tags: beefcake, Big Daddy Drew, do your worst commenters, future worstsellers, hardcover bitch, ksk eksklusives, now you can die in agony Simmons, outings, shocking revelations, the end of days
June 4th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
nice head shot dipshit, do you keep that folded up in your man purse?
this should be fun
June 4th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
FATASS
I’ve got almost two years of blazer and pale jokes to get even for, Fagary.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
That’s the most words Wade has ever gotten out without Double JJ busting through the doors.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Damn, you couldn’t release that shit after the election? I’d like to see Obama called Mr. President at least once . . . before VP Clinton digs his heart out with a melon baller, I mean.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I hope your daughter gets her mother’s looks
/also hopes my daughters get their mother’s looks
June 4th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Am I guessing that Dick Vermeil will not be a feature example in said book?
And I already bought an Eli shirt…do proceeds go towards feeding Travis Henry’s children or something? Give me motivation, man, I’m cheap!
June 4th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
My god. Look at you. If only I had known I should have been laughing at you and not with you all this time.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Is that razor burn from a shaved chest? What a homo.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
this explains a lot. congrats on the book.
/insert dick joke
June 4th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Actually I got a look once at the unreleased galleys of Erma Bombeck’s “Fuck This Family With A Chainsaw” and let me tell you, bitch could write.
But congratulations on your upcoming book and real name. Both look great.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Amazon’s already taken $5.44 off the price - that can’t be a good sign…
June 4th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Be honest, your hand is on that other guy’s balls, isn’t it?
You’ve been mocking Brady Quinn all this time and don’t even have the decency to show us that whole picture.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Also, lack of chin? I count two.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Your double chin makes my huge melon head like like an African orphan’s.
Congrats, Big Daddy Balls
June 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I thought you were supposed to look like Andrew WK.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Isn’t “Golf shirt with no buttons buttoned” = “Blazer + tshirt”?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I can’t decide if you’re uglier in person or on paper. What people might not know is that the white crease is actually there in real life too. Almost put my friggin’ eye out.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Yeah, and who’s the tool at your ad agency with the fauxhawk? Do you toss spitballs at him and ask him if he knows where Lava Girl went?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Now to go make very similar jokes over at deadspin
June 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
The “ugly” future Jets cheerleaders in the previous post are laughing at your picture.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Wait, so are you going to get fired from your job too?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Sláinte and a wee dram to ye this morning, Andrew, in honor of your new book. You fat fuck. I’m totally raiding the bargain bins on October 28th.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Homo
June 4th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
You look like a grown up Garbage Pail Kid.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
If you’re smart enough to know that Beaster was one of the best albums of the ’90’s, you can make all the dick jokes you want.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Holy Shit…using actual Dodge Balls in a commercial for a Dodge Ball based scratch off lottery game? Brilliant!
June 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
@Phony Gwynn - That may be the most insulting thing I have ever read. Awesome
June 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Magary sounds Hungarian to me. Before Joe Namath was dubbed “Broadway Joe”, some enthusiastic (and retarded) sports writers called him the “Hungarian Howitzer”. Think about it. We’re in the looking glass, people.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
You look like a grown up Garbage Pail Kid.
And I act like one.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
And yet all this time, I pictured someone with an even smaller face.
Congrats on the book!
June 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Mary Lou Retina?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
/swoons
SIKE
That’s my way of saying congrats, Drew
June 4th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
So is this the Alphabet of Manliness for people who can’t spell?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
It’s a shame your ‘life partner’ (hand pictured) wasn’t ready to ‘come out’ as well.
OH! Your promoing a book! Sorry about the misunderstanding.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
We beat up kids like you at my prep school.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
When do we get a cover photo for the book? Will there be balls?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Will there be audio book available? Possibly read by buzz himself…?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Great… now if I decide to expose myself as a pudgy, pasty blogger with a private school education and visible manscaping rashes, I’ll be accused of plagiarism. Looks like it’s back underground for me!
June 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Hey, wait a minute, whose hand is that in the picture?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Little, Brown & Company
It figures that your publisher’s name describes baby shit.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
What a fivehead you have. It’s positively Mena-Suvari-ish. Is the hat there to cover up your blowhole?
June 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Congratulations! (And plus eleventy to Ape for the best jab.)
As someone who believes the magical word pictures in books will steal my soul, I’m going to have to wait for the movie version. Looks like Jim Belushi would be perfect for the lead.
Rounding out cast of the gay mafia, let’s go with David Sedaris as Captain Caveman, k.d. lang as Unsilent Majority, Jeff Gannon as Punte, and Michael Rappaport as Xmas Ape. Flubby has yet to reveal himself, so we’ll have to cast Rosie O’Donnell and hope she can use her experience played a retarded woman to capture the essence of a Raiders fan.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
You look like just about every other prep school boy I know.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I guess only one question remains…
Does “Fagary” become part of this site’s lexicon?
I vote yes.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
How come Google Image’s thumbnail is 365.25 times gayer than the actual one on the website?
June 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Nice move with the polo collar. Fuck those guys at Smith Point who pop ‘em; BDD knows that folding one side under is the way to score the MoCo CC poon.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Oh HELL no, Otto!
If anybody is played by Rappaport it’s going to be me.
On a sidenote, last night my girlfriend asked me if i thought David Sedaris might be gay.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
@ Otto Man
What about a living Chris Farley or fictional Ignatius Jacques Reilly as His Vastness Drew?
June 4th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
On a sidenote, last night my girlfriend asked me if i thought David Sedaris might be gay.
I’ve met David Sedaris, and he’s 500 times gayer in person.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Congratulations on the book!
Now that you’re out of the closet, is today the day the dick jokes died?
June 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Scared of the language barrier? Don’t be. Like any opera, the emotion comes through regardless of whether or not you can understand the words. From the dazzle of “Svefn-G-Englar” to the Celtic waterfall of “Olsen Olsen,” Sigur Ros bursts with feelings of hope, despair, happiness, sadness, and all points in between, perhaps even creating new emotions as they go along. It’s an incredible achievement, not likely to be matched by anybody anytime soon. Unless you count the band itself, but they may have moved on to another solar system by then.
-drew magary
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
June 4th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I love Sigur Ros AND wear crocs and even I thought that review was gay.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Drew Magary - A Voice123 talent. See voice details, listen to demos online, and request custom demos and quotes.
Sorry, but the page that you were looking for was not found. It is possible that it was moved or removed.
5 bucks says he took it down yesterday.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
your book sounds lame
June 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
this is the part of the comments where I tell Otto Man to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut
June 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Oh HELL no, Otto! If anybody is played by Rappaport it’s going to be me.
Sorry, the With Leather picture of Tunison at the Maxim party had a perfect Rappaport vibe. I was hoping for an all-gay cast for the gay mafia, but the likeness was just too close.
The only image I have of you, meanwhile, comes from the Blog Show post, and the screencaps of that have “middle-aged lesbian” written all over them.
What about a living Chris Farley or fictional Ignatius Jacques Reilly as His Vastness Drew?
Farley’s about a metric ton over the weight limit, but the Confederacy of Dunces call is a good one.
Judging from an earlier photo — with Bad MS Paint™ showing Drew as a baron or something — I’d been thinking that this guy might play the lead.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
this is the part of the comments where I tell Otto Man to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut
Nah, I’m a Chiefs fan. I’d miss the target and then get called for intentional grounding.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Now I understand the red head chick fetish.
That being said, can you now go to L.A. and kick the living snot out of Simmons once and for all? If you get winded after throwing the first punch then might I suggest using this.
And no more gay comments on Amazon. Men NEVER say dazzle.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
It’s like Beano Cook found the fountain of youth.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
It’s like Beano Cook found the fountain of youth.
Or Charles Durning.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
is the Holiday Inn sunburn guy…and could probably play Herr Goodell before playing Drew in a movie about the Gay Mafia.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
@Otto Man my comment was about Jerry Lambert…got cut off or something
June 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
To be fair, in six years his writing has improved considerably:
I don’t know why this album is regarded as one of Oasis’s lesser albums. In my opinion it is their best album, and tends to be the album in which I still listen to the most. It is probably Oasis’s hardest most heavy album with songs like “My Big Mouth”, “I hope, I think, I Know”, “it’s gettin better man”, and “D’you Know what I mean”. Th album has more of a rock feel than a pop feel than “What’s the Story Mourning Glory”. I feel that every song on this CD are great rock songs. Give it a listen because it is the best album Oasis has put out.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Men NEVER say dazzle.
Unless it is immediately preceded by “razzle”; and even then you better be talking about basketball and not some fruity magic show you saw while you were in Las Vegas.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
That’s him, Jackin’. He was also on a fairly funny canceled sitcom called “Sons and Daughters” or something equally vague.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
mmmm, I dunno you guys, I gotta go with Phillip Seymour Hoffman to play the role of Drew.
Hair dye + minnesota accent= Oscar territory.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Fuck those guys at Smith Point who pop ‘em; BDD knows that folding one side under is the way to score the MoCo CC poon
As often as these idiots go to
Buffalo Billiards, I think Drew’s aiming more for the “too old for Front Page” crowd.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Drew, you actually wrote and posted a review of an Oasis album? Shit, you’ve had too many Champagne Super Enemas.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Men NEVER say dazzle.
Unless it is immediately preceded by “razzle”;
Or your name is Paul Westerberg and the decade is the 80’s.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1njQCly2ac
June 4th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Nice job on the book Drew!
June 4th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Drew, I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’, but I’d kinda like to make love to you tonight.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
How ’bout Fatty Arbuckle?
June 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Read enough of those reviews, and you will swear The Big Lead and I are the same person.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Ymmmm…Banquet Beer…5.0%
June 4th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
You think Drew’s been fired yet? Or will they wait till Friday?
June 4th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I finally clicked through and read the book description on Amazon. In part:
This book will be all you require to cast aside your boring life as some jackass who cruises around bookstores hoping to score grad-school trim.
Given the leer in that photo, I can only assume there’s a typo and there’s an “e” missing in front of that hyphen.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I’m just excited for the prospect one day typing “Men With Balls” into Google and getting something different for a change. The regular stuff is just so unpleasant.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Ned Beatty?
June 4th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I’d like to offer something to all the naysayers and shimshawers of our good Drew - I used to be a doubting Christian, filled with confusion and fear that I was to be destined for Hell because I didn’t believe strongly enough. But not any more! I’m pleased to say that because of the grade-A+++-excellent-seller-would-buy-from-again-can-only-be-a-creation-of-the-prince-of-darkness-despoiler-of-virgins-first-of-the-fallen-let-me-help-you-outta-that-chair-grandma paedosmile being rocked in the picture above, I’m going to church on every day of the week and twice on Sundays! I’m now more convinced in Satan existing than I am in Kristen Bell being a fine piece of ass! Thank you, Drew, and if I die before you, I’ll put in a good word for you with the man upstairs!
/not a christian going to hell do however believe kristen bell is some kind of saint
//soon to be banned from ksk and all subsidiaries
///high on life and sherbert lemons
June 4th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Think about this….
this is the best picture he could find.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
You look like the perfect Bahston fan.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
“Your comment is awaiting moderation”?
I’m screwed.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Well, I wasn’t sold on the book until you noted the all important “eat-Ruffles-while-watching-sports” technique. Truly, you’ve shown yourself to be a master of observation.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Scratch the previous post
“Tags Customers Associate with This Product (What’s this?)
why america is hated (1)”
June 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
@smurphette
I’m sure it’s been difficult for them since LuLu’s Club Mardi Gras closed.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
We don’t take kindly to no kinda book lernin’ round these parts. Let me know when I can pirate it online.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Wait…Drew has a job?
/congratulations
June 4th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
From the Amazon page:
Active discussions in related forums
Discussion Replies Latest Post
manga
Fairly new manga out of print? 27 1 hour ago
manga
Yaoi manga/anime discussions…. 729 1 hour ago
I don’t like how this is going.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Fag.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
You don’t look as much like Rod Roddy as I had imagined.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Wait…his name is Drew? Didn’t see that coming.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
So, on the book jacket, will you go with the J.R. “Bob” Dobbs-esque shit eating grin and pipe, or the over the shoulder leather jacket ’80s BadAss Beat Reporter With Nothing To Lose? (Just don’t do both because dammit, that’s *my* move.)
June 4th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Drew is one of the few people you’ll meet who’ve written more books than they’ve read.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Stephen “Flounder” Furst?
June 4th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Somebody check the Mariah Carey reviews; you know he’s in there somewhere
June 4th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
You don’t look as much like Rod Roddy as I had imagined.
More like Rowdy Roddy Piper.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Great, now we have another douche trying to become a celebrity blogger. We already have that fucktard Leitch.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Let’s try that one again…
Rowdy Roddy Piper
June 4th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Can you fix it so that broken HTML prevents the post from going through so we can fix it and not look like morons?
/goes back to looking like a moron
June 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Wat to break the HTML, Jackin’.
See? This is why we’re not allowed to have nice things.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Roddy Piper is the Pride of the USA, Scottish-Americans and the town of Boring, Oregon. Big Daddy Drew is the Pride of the New England Academy of Pederasty. Drew’s cool as hell and I love his work, but he’s no Rowdy Roddy Piper. Maybe Jim “Hacksaw” Duggan, but far more retarded.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
BDD knows that folding one side under is the way to score the MoCo CC poon
Or if he just popped one side he could be Ezra “800″ Pound.
/should not have to explain the gay part of that jab to you in a slashie
/seriously, we love you Drew. But I can’t marry you or else the world would then have two Drew Magarys and The Rapture would begin.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
and i thought finally seeing kornheiser was disappointing.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Okay, I guess I’ll have to be the one to ask. Are you Peter King’s illegitimate son? The resemblance is uncanny. Right down to the “I don’t actually have a chin but somehow have 3 of them on my neck” look. I can just see the two of you sipping non-fat lattes while watching stolen Brett Farve home movies together.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
If Drew’s book contains a single page worth of material that is as ball-achingly hilarious as the Chris Matthews segment from a while back, it will definitely be worth buying. Can’t wait to see the cover art.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Will it be groin-grabbingly good?
June 4th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Lance Armstrong is very upset with the title of your book.
Also, I had you pegged as more of a Miller High Life man.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
So some fat chick is writing a book. . . what’s the big deal?
June 4th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Fat LESBIAN chick, you mean.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Fat LESBIAN chick, you mean.
Hmmm, maybe Rosie O’Donnell should play Drew after all. Sorry, Flub.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Drew you fucking bastard! Give me my chins back!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
As a fellow Colby grad, I say “Huzzah” to you, good sir. Glad to see our fine NESCAC institution finally churned out a noteworthy grad. Suck on THAT Doris Kearns Goodwin!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
If Drew is Rosie O’Donnell, will Unsilent Majority’s k.d. lang be into her?
June 4th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
If Drew is Rosie O’Donnell, will Unsilent Majority’s k.d. lang be into her?
Doubt it. As a lesbian, lang is only attracted to women.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Come to my window.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Come to my window.
You know, there’s a joke in there about Rosie O’Donnell’s giant vagina, but I’m not touching it.
The joke.
Or the vagina, for that matter.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Melissa Etheridge. She likes Virginia O’Keefe’s strangely- vaginal paintings of flowers.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Out of all the self-serving fluff I’ve read on this website, this is my favorite to date.
RE: the book; am I going to have to buy my own crayons, or do they come with purchase?
June 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
well, at least if you get canned from your job, you can always find work as a maytag repairman.
looking forward to considering buying your book.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Dude,
You burst my bubble. I followed you on FKS and now here. I am going to hop in mah darkie hawndah and drive into the charlz riva.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I wonder how long it takes for Drew to be put up in the “Notable Alumni” section at Colby’s Wikipedia page.
Also, you look fat and white, and root for the Vikings. Fagbag.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Also, a simple Google search gives us this wonderful tidbit
“Sure, he graduated from Colby College cum laude. But get him on a foosball table and you’ll see what he really learned in college.”
Cum laude grad from a liberal arts college?
/Kowtows.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
@dickey simpkins– done. Fuck Billy Bush.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
You got to be kidding me. Drew - I think we’re related in a Redneck kind of cheap beer drinking, whiskey guzzling, double chinned, can’t even keep our hat on straight, chubby, needs a beard to hide the face fatness, white and angry at the man, horny, cheap, numbnuts way.
Except I’m better looking.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
PS: +100 for the kd lang refernce, that shit cracked me up. Sorry Maj.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Thanks for allowing me to look at myself in the mirror with a LOT less self loathing, Drew. As far as the book goes, I will “Balls Up” on the first day. Nice work.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
PS: +100 for the kd lang refernce, that shit cracked me up. Sorry Maj.
Thanks. Am I right that KSK Points are akin to Camel Cash™? I have my eye on the Menthol Moose Iron Lung.
And sorry to saddle you with lang, Maj. In my defense, the screen cap from this post is a dead ringer. Although in the video, you look a bit like Robert DeNiro after a year in Amsterdam.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
All this time, since BDD didn’t divulge his true identity, I just assumed that he was actually Stephen Colbert. I probably should have known better, because obviously Colbert would never allow himself to become such a fat piece of shit.
/cupping my own moobs
June 4th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I always figured Drew for a colored. Filled with so much hatred and so damn fond of hot sauce.
Live and learn I guess.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I love that ‘Related Tags’ on Amazon include Gay Mafia and Reasons Why America is Hated
June 4th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Holy shit, you came out on my birthday! And the book comes out on someone elses birthday. That is crazy. The more of you come out, the less my imagination has to work. Just like the TV stories. This can only make my brain less active. Kudos!
June 4th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
If you buy a couple box-loads of Drew’s book and put them in your trunk during winter time, you’ll get extra traction on slippery days. One book makes a handy coaster and/or door-stop. His book will even out a wobbly table. It’ll also make for a super-easy book report.
Buy ‘em, folks! Daddy needs a new pair of Malamars and Yodels!
June 4th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
My name is actually Rock Punchgroin.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Semper Fudge
June 4th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Never figured Drew for a Colby College woman. Had him pegged as a Limburger University man myself.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
This will be epic.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I figured it was Bovine University for Andrew.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
So this whole time BDD was really a pudgy-ass douchey-looking white dude? FUCK. I don’t believe in nothing no more. I’m going to law school!
/disgusted
/will continue to believe BDD is actually the guy in this video or a smoking hott chick who looks and fucks like Tera Patrick.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
So has Drew been fired yet?
June 5th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Although in the video, you look a bit like Robert DeNiro after a year in Amsterdam.
Or Jimmy Kimmel. Same thing.
June 5th, 2008 at 2:30 am
Holy shit Drew you work right down the street from where I live. Maybe I’ll drop by and say hello, and tell you how we should be together. Forever.
June 5th, 2008 at 7:57 am
“Men with Balls”? Afraid to call it Lemon Party?
June 5th, 2008 at 8:32 am
You look like Tawmy from Quinzee.
June 5th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Drew … for real … you gotta a bull-dyke in you … and that receding hairline is probably at your shoulder blades at this point …
June 5th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Is it too late to go back to the book burning draft we had a few weeks ago and choose Men With Balls?
June 5th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Drew … for real … you gotta a bull-dyke in you … and that receding hairline is probably at your shoulder blades at this point …
Wait — you mean Drew is really Buzz Bissinger?
They’re never in the same place, they’re both hawking books with this feud …. It all makes sense now.
June 5th, 2008 at 10:00 am
You live in Bethesda, right? I’m pretty sure I saw you drinking gravy out of a cock-shaped novelty water bottle near the Metro station a few weeks ago. And I thought to myself, I hope that guy is famous, or he really has nothing to live for. And I guess you don’t.
June 5th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Hella. Bammer. Cutty.
You’re a Sobotka alright!
June 8th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
3 decades of eating bread sandwiches are responsible for those boyish good looks
June 27th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
dude.. you look like a fuckin’ tool.
June 27th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
You look way worse than that now. You were trying your hardest to find a ‘cool’ photo. Thats what is sad. Geek.
July 12th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Whitest. Guy. Ever.