How Do We Feel About Spankin’ It To Lady Gymnasts?
The Olympics are coming up and I really need to get this straightened out before anything gets started over there. It is okay to lust after girls that appear to be pre-pubescent, but are actually, um…Okay, let me start over.
You see, most gymnasts work out so strenuously that they can’t menstruate until after they’ve finished competing. So unless the “If there’s grass on the field…” qualifier trumps the “If she’s old enough to bleed…” qualifier, we’re probably dead in the water already.
But let’s suppose that it does. You think about the happy place on a girl that’s about 4-foot-8 and can probably curl 35 pounds with her Fallopian tubes. That particular region is probably so tight that even the most modestly-endowed men could find such confines friendly and inviting.
I mean, they don’t look like pre-teenage girls. Some of them are even in their twenties. Okay sure, the occasional balance beamer might look like JonBenet after she went though Shawne Merriman’s medicine cabinet, but most of them look like fresh-faced, wholesome, All-American girls. That don’t wear pants.
I’m still torn. I’ll have to slap this issue around more and get back to you.
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Tags: barely legal or so we hope, jeez punter that's just wrong, MMP, Olympics
June 10th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Olympic gymnasts do nothing for me. Ugh! Now, get me a good college gymnast, say from the University of Utah, and I heartily agree with you.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Thom, Trevor,
Care to chime in on this one first? Also, the expression goes: Fluff on the muff, old… eh, never mind.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:55 am
Getting down with a female Olympic gymnast (who’s consenting and of legal age, of course) would be fantastic, but you’re still gonna have to deal with a weirdo Eastern European coach yelling at both of you about your technique.
“…I am Lugaschz!”
June 10th, 2008 at 3:05 am
Depends. If you don’t mute Bob Costas’ call of the event in the background, then you’re a creepy perv.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Four years ago, I (as a 17 year old) definitely was spanking it to 16-year-old Carly Patterson. This Olympics, and four years older?
Tough to say.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Given the cut of the leotards, I’d guess there’s not much grass on the field, either. Also, spending 12-hour days in a leotard will give you a yeast infection something fierce. I do, however, appreciate the love for the shorties.
Am I helping or hurting?
Most of the ladies in the summer olympics won’t be wearing very much. You can still jack it to synchronized swimmers, volleyball players, or you know, the odd pole vaulter.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:48 am
I see someone other than my 30 year old dirty old man self was watching the gymnastics on Sunday and thinking to himself “am I supposed to get all giggidy giggidy over 15 year olds? or am I a fucking pervert? fuck, I hope my mother never finds out about this…”
June 10th, 2008 at 8:01 am
If I had a nickel for everytime I ruined myself to Dominique Moceanu during ‘96 at Atlanta, I’d buy a handle of Makers Mark.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I was expecting a “Geez PUNTE, that’s wrong” tag.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:04 am
My thoughts exactly, Westbrook. I guess even the “Geez PUNTE” tag was scared to be associated with this one.
On the bright side, I hear MMP is now in negotiations for his own special interview on NBC. Dateline’s Chris Hanson keeps calling.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:21 am
For God’s sake people, the man needs a ruling, not a bunch of snide remarks.
Man Court, the Honorable John S., presiding, is in session.
Here is the rule on women’s gymnastics:
If there are visible breasts, and the woman is over the age of 16, you are free to masterbate freely.
If she does not have visible breasts, no matter what the age, you are creeping into pedo territory. This is because, while she may technically be of age, you are not thinking of her age when you spank. This rule does not apply if you are spanking to a prior contestant who is acceptable under this rule, can not finish in time, and finish with a new contetant who does not satisfy this rule. However, this exception only applies if you mentally recognize you are claiming this exception before finishing.
If she is under 16, thou shall not spank.
Thou shall not spank to the uneven bars.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:21 am
I agree with grant, I mean who hasn’t beaten off to the NCAA Women’s gymnastic championships?
June 10th, 2008 at 8:34 am
It depends on what state you are in. Any state down south is fine. Florida encourages it. Oregon and Washington frown upon it. It’s OK in Indiana and Ohio. It’s OK in parts of Utah. Anyplace else and the guilt will build up to unacceptable levels. OH Yeah, If you are a congressman it’s fine.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I gotta agree with the ruling of John S in full. If she is of age and with noticeable breasts, go right ahead. If not, then it’d make you a pederass. As Kramer said, “Jerry, you stand on the threshold to the magical world of sensual delights that most men dare not dream of.” I mean seriously, who wouldn’t take the chance to play the apparatus, so long as you aren’t the pummel horse.
Oh, and mamacita, down in South Carolina we prefer the saying, “If there’s no grass on the field, flip her over and play in the mud.”
June 10th, 2008 at 9:03 am
@WESTBROOK & OTTO: Done.
The JPTJW will hereafter be added by request only.
Since I obv. have no concept between right and wrong.
Hey, anybody seen Thom? Is his limo having trouble getting a Wi-Fi signal??
June 10th, 2008 at 9:05 am
@nevernude: ah, good times … i fucking worshipped moceanu … of course, she’s a year older than me so nothing wrong with that
June 10th, 2008 at 9:08 am
@WESTBROOK & OTTO: Done.
The JPTJW will hereafter be added by request only.
That’s probably the best route.
If you’re applying that label yourself, then it’s self-censorship, which is nowhere near as much fun as self-abuse.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:24 am
College gymnasts- ja! Olympics gymnasts-nein!
June 10th, 2008 at 9:41 am
To make it simple, I like grant and putridsinkstar’s policy. NCAA Gymnasts are always hot and age approppriate. With Olympians, there’s always a chance you may rub one out without doing the proper research only to find that your lusting after an 11 year old.
Damn Russians…
June 10th, 2008 at 9:50 am
just fucking do it
June 10th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Agreed. College Gymnasts = Yes and Olympic Gymnasts = No. I don’t need the pedophile complex dogging me around all week.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:15 am
You spelled menstruate wrong
June 10th, 2008 at 10:22 am
a resounding yes. and you are soooooo fired.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Men-stroo-ate? Are you sure?
Fixed.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Spank it like you stole it!
June 10th, 2008 at 10:31 am
@nevernude: A buddy of mine in college was infatuated with Moceanu in 96. Of course, it was slightly creepy because he was 19 and she was about 14 at the time.
My opinion is that you should jerk guilt-free as long as the object of said jerk is of age in the state that you are jerking. Or maybe a year below.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I was also a year younger than Dominique Moceanu, and I too was smitten with her, so much so that I began to write a fan letter to her in the hopes she might write back.
/punches self in balls
//boy I was a pussy when I was 13
///never actually mailed it
June 10th, 2008 at 10:34 am
In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as “the comedian.” You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no comedian.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:35 am
You should absolutely spank it. Furthermore, find “Stick It” on cable some night. It’ll change your life, guaranteed.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:48 am
How Do We Feel About Spankin’ It To Lady Gymnasts?
It feels just about the same. Though it’s a little awkward with the Chinese government watching.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:51 am
She is a yimnast from the Oral Roberts.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Just be safe and jack off to the ladies of those Life Alert commercials like the rest of us.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I’ll take a good figure skater any day … but that’s just me.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:35 am
I wholeheartily agree on the “Stick It” = life changing comment.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:37 am
@Punter: Between the two of us, I’m pretty sure I know a little more about it than you do. If not, ew.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:40 am
This debate already took place about a decade ago…two words: Dominique Moceanu
June 10th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Then again, this is all a moot point. After I have completed my obligatory masturbatory exercises to the normal run of porn stars, my worm is usually just burping out dust at that point.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Just wait until Punte needs clarification to rub one out to the Special Olympics gymnasts. Yikes!
An idea for the next KSK draft, people on TV you fouled from your couch (and in your dirty, dirty mind).
June 10th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Female Ice Skaters > Female Olympic Gymnasts.
But I’m not going to look down on anybody for finding the need to ogle young scantily dressed girls. I am scarred for life, however, after watching Svetlana Khorinka at the last Olympics. She looked like Uma Thurman crossed with an ostrich.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
View the film ’stick it’. My ex sat me through it, not bad. tons of gymnast chix flyin’ around.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
as long as they are 18, spank away. and if you think they’re 18, but they’re not, that’s ok too. but if you are spanking it because you think they’re under 18 (even if they are over 18), it’s no good.
sorta like getting that hummer from that tranny… as long as you thought it was a chick deep throatin’ you, you’re still straight. but the second you find out it’s a guy, you are obligated to throw up, even if it’s years later.
June 10th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
fuck all this over 18 talk. the age of consent is significantly lower in other countries, which means you can beat it to any of the foreign gymnasts (or whatever) whenever you want.
god bless the olympics and its 5-10 attractive female competitors.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Jeez, no one breaks out the peddo jokes?
“If it bleeds, it breeds, huh? What if you punch it in the nose?”
“What’s the second worst thing about dating a minor? Getting the bloodstains out of your clown suit.”
“What’s the worst thing? Their hips break when you fuck ‘em.”
“How do you make a 10 feel like an 8? Flip her over.”
Yeah, I know….going to hell for those.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
How do you make a five-year-old cry twice?
Wipe your dick on her teddy bear
June 10th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I feel like I actually did something today worthwhile.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
If, while watching the little girls prance, you feel aroused I suggest finishing the job with the adult Nadia Comaneci:
http://images.honewatson.com/images/25/nadia-comaneci.jpg
June 10th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
@ Fa Cube Itches - What is the best part about fucking a 10 year old girl?
Flip her over and it is just like fucking a 10 year old boy.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:07 am
The odds on favorite for gold is Shawn Johnson. She’s 16. That’s not legal in the great state of Iowa, MMP.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:40 am
But in the not so great state of Iowa AoC is 14/16. Bang away.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
OK. So who can tell me the name and age of the lovely young athelete pictured at the top of this post? AOC in Virginia is 15 as far as I can tell.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I expect this awkward behavior from The Rocket… you boys getting your khakis in a twist… she’ll be mine in a few more years… wait you say she’s 19. Heh, it’s time for my final drive.
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:36 am
Re: cannon fire
>>>OK. So who can tell me the name and age of the lovely young athelete pictured at the top of this post? AOC in Virginia is 15 as far as I can tell.
So, who is the girl in the original post???
August 6th, 2008 at 7:31 am
It’s Alicia Sacramone - she’s in her 20’s = yay.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
If my throbbing erection were a judge, she would have won the gold.