How About I Comment On You, Blog People?
People making a deal about this interview I did. Well, I didn’t see it. That is to say, I saw it. I didn’t see the reaction to it, which I’m reading right now. Can you sum it up for me? It’s hard to make out through the parallax view.
I read some bell hooks coloring book on the way over. But I’m not coming from anywhere. Where are you going? Hit me on the hit when you get there. When I wake up on Thursdays, I wish it was Thursday, but in another month. You ever get that?
My favorite U.S. protectorate is Guam.
You ever read about bristlecone pines? Them shits is old. I just made that up. Why are you talking about trees? Smoking trees is slang for smoking marijuana. Draping trees is slang that hasn’t been invented yet. Chris Henry lives a sad life.
People said God created the world at OTAs, but I think that’s a lie perpetuated by the night manager at McDonalds.
I think God created place mats when Satan tole him table tops was made a’ table titties. God sometimes foolish like that. They say God can be found in the details. That means God is found in stats. That means fantasy football is a religion. All this time you thought you didn’t believe.
You think it’s weird that I like Lou Reed?
There’s a war going on outside no man is safe from. So what’cha gonna do since you know now?
Man from the interview asked me how I can be mad if I’m making $35 million. I don’t make that, man. Somebody at the mint does that. I only collect it. I bet mint people all kinds of happy. They make all the money there is. Probably got fresh breath too.
Actually, I read this interview and found Vidal’s answers even more disjointed than my own. When a man asks you about the weather, you don’t tell him about the temperature, the amount of cloud cover or the chances of precipitation. You tell him about the weather!
So, how are you, blog people?
+ 1 to blog people.
Blog people + 1 equals blog numbers. That’s blog maths. How many blogs you get outta blog? That’s blog division.
I just made you up in my head, blog people.
You just made me up in your blog, blog people.
Tags: ocho cinco, xmas ape
June 17th, 2008 at 1:45 am
I am so, so terribly confused
June 17th, 2008 at 5:29 am
awesome; this “Smoking trees is slang for smoking marijuana. Draping trees is slang that hasn’t been invented yet. Chris Henry lives a sad life.” following the Holmes pick is great
June 17th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Chad is a Mexican vampire? . . . Okay, I can see that.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:42 am
If KSK posts were rock songs, this one would be “Hocus Pocus”
June 17th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I think Ocho needs to do a spoken word collaboration with Dan the Automator. This would be track 4.
June 17th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Smoking trees is slang for smoking marijuana.
There was this one time I was changing the oil and some guy asked me if I knew where he could get some tree. I didn’t know what it meant. I assumed drugs, and I assumed marijuana, but I didn’t know for sure. I asked some friends who said they had never heard “tree” before, but that it was probably marijuana. But I could never get it confirmed. And it’s always bothered me. Thanks for clearing it up Ape.
June 17th, 2008 at 8:22 am
thats some freedarko shit right there. bravo
June 17th, 2008 at 8:26 am
“[Christmas Ape] 1:01 AM”
Writing like this doesn’t happen during normal people hours.
June 17th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Decent people like Javon Walker are getting sucker punched in the head while minding their own business walking down the street, yet Ocho Stinko is walking around unscathed? How is this fair? Between this and the new math, no wonder kids come to school armed like Rambo.
June 17th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Somebody needs to find Ape a job. Fast.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:09 am
+2 for the Lou Reed reference.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:11 am
“They say God can be found in the details. That means God is found in stats. That means fantasy football is a religion. All this time you thought you didn’t believe.”
Gold
June 17th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I believe there are 31 letters in the white alphabet.
/tracy jordan’ed
June 17th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Actually, this feels more Wesley Willis to me. Particularly the end verse.
“Batman got in my face.”
June 17th, 2008 at 9:29 am
The mint paragraph was pure gold, Ape.
And porky, +eleventy for the Wesley Willis reference.
“Rock over London! Rock on Chicago! Wheaties, breakfast of champions!”
June 17th, 2008 at 9:43 am
correct that, chad’s a three eyed illuminati-style mexican vampire. which i thought everyone more or less knew.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact it’s cold as hell. And there’s no one there to raise them if you did.
So don’t go to Mars. Go to Mercury. Have a bar-b-que.
Chad – The true Rocket Man.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I think God created place mats when Satan tole him table tops was made a’ table titties. God sometimes foolish like that. They say God can be found in the details. That means God is found in stats. That means fantasy football is a religion. All this time you thought you didn’t believe.
This paragraph is just tremendous. You are forgiven for doing a draft in which I could not participate.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:14 am
+ 1 to you, ochenta y cinco, + 1 to you.
This post blew my mind man. Seriously.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Seriously, Ape, this needs to be a regular feature. Ranks right up there with the best.
That said, unlike Smurphette, I do not forgive you for leaving me out of the fantasy draft. You’ll be dead to me forever for that snub. Dead!
Speaking of which, whatever happened to the chick you let in? What was her name? Tits McGee?
June 17th, 2008 at 10:30 am
This post was Xmas Ape’s “Miles Davis Moment.”
June 17th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Holy crap, it took you this long to get Ocho up in here? That was excellent. +1
June 17th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I just made you up, to hurt myself
And it worked
Yes it did
There is no you
There is only me
Excellent stuff Ape.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:43 am
@Otto Man: Wow, you’ve been carrying that around for a while, haven’t you? I was just talking about the Simpsons commenter draft on Friday. I don’t really watch the show so I could only make one pick, and even then Maj had to tell me who the character was. As for “Tits McGee,” I have a feeling she’s still around.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
No, I haven’t been carrying a grudge. It’s just that we’re starting to reach the dead zone in the sporting world, where there’s nothing at all to watch
but golf and baseball. My football withdrawal starts to kick in and a young man’s thoughts turn to fantasy drafts.So no grudge. Sure, I may have photos of the Gay Mafia on my basement walls with the eyes cut out, but who doesn’t? Right?
June 17th, 2008 at 10:56 am
@Oh, Chet!
“I believe that vampires are the best golfers but their curse is that they’ll never get to prove it”
June 17th, 2008 at 11:52 am
A furified freestyle, lyrics of fury
My third eye makes me shine like jewelry
You’re just a rent-a-rapper, your rhymes are minute-maid
I’ll be here when it fade to watch you flip like a renegade
I can’t wait to break and eliminate
On every traitor or snake – so stay awake
and follow and follow, because the tempo’s a trail
The stage is a cage, the mic is a third rail
X-mas Ape: Put the peyote down and back away slowly.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@Otto
“Sure, I may have photos of the Gay Mafia on my basement walls with the eyes cut out, but who doesn’t? Right?”
As long as you don’t have photos of the Gay Mafia with the mouths cut out.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Fucking. Brilliant. Ape.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
“There’s a war goin on outside, no man is safe from. So what’chu gonna do since you know know.”
I never knew Chad listens to Gangstarr
June 17th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
As long as you don’t have photos of the Gay Mafia with the mouths cut out.
So … you’re saying that would be bad?
Then, uh, no. Of course not.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
+1 porky1 for the wesley willis reference. good call.
i can’t tell if this was hammered out in a few minutes or if it took all night.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
looks like chad has been eating too many clown burgers
June 17th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
@McNulty: That would be Mobb Deep. If it was Gangstarr it would have been something like…
“I flip lines and kick rhymes that never sound like yours
There oughtta be laws against you yapping your jaws
Originality overflows from in me
and the truth is, that you wish you could live the
life I live and kick the lyrics I kick
But bear in mind that you can’t think as quick
So Premier drops a beat, for me to say verses to
And if I sound doper then take it personal”
I mean, really McNulty…REALLY?!?!?
June 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
This post was truly unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Except maybe Bear v. Shark.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Blog people, New York and California
Blog people, I was born on Jupiter
June 17th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Jackin’ had it right the first time — Chad has a real Eric B. and Rakim quality to him.
Although the teeth say Flavor Flav.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Two Bloggers With Checks
Yo, that caddy is fly
San Francisco, Harvey.
(is glad he isn’t the only Kool Keith fan)
June 17th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I almost included a Kool Keith reference in the post. Is that guy still dropping an album every six months?
June 17th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
You could have also included some Ghostface lyrics. He’s almost as bonkers as Keith.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I think early last year Kool Keith and Dr. Octagon got into a fight, and Dr. Doooom stormed off in a huff to find Mr. Nogatco.
But still, they managed to put out three albums that afternoon.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
@ jackin’4beats
http://www.lyricsdepot.com/gangstarr/1-2-1-2.html
The 2nd part of the quote aint Mobb, but at least you tried
June 17th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@ jackin’ 4beats, Otto Man…
Fuck, fuck, fuck, I never thought I’d see an Erik B. and Rakim (the MC gets top billing!) reference here. You guys aren’t as stupid as you seem. Check out “Casualties of War” from the “Paid In Full” album. It’s about an inexplicable war in Iraq and a corrupt president named Bush. It was cut in 1991 yet it’s strangely relevant today.
June 17th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I like ducks. I don’t mean the swimming bird, I mean when people try to avoid something, like tapping down twice in Punch-Out. It’s always entertaining. Sometimes I’d just keep tapping down over and over until Glass Joe won by decision. Then I’d get mad and stab Glass Joe, except it was my little cousin. But I made sure not to stab him with anything dangerous, just toothpicks and his insulin needles. And never in the eyes, otherwise we couldn’t play Double Dribble.
I just realized I don’t like any swimming birds except penguins, but I also don’t like any birds that don’t fly. I think that’s a paradox. Not a pair o’ ducks. Daffy and Donald are a pair o’ ducks.
I should just give up on birds altogether but Tweety Bird make babies smile. +1 to babies. I should make a baby. That would be +1 baby.
/bored @ work and feels like ripping off ape
June 17th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Does the +1 apply to saving throws, Chad?
June 18th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
“Hit me on the hit when you get there” is the new “goodbye”.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
I actually liked the interview. Chad outsmarted that 22 year old “reporter”.
December 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Привет, я думала что это совсем не так происходит:)
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