Ask Pacman Jones!
From time to time, KSK has reeled in big-name NFL players and analysts to answer questions from fans the world over. Well today, we have a very special guest here with us. It’s Cowboys’ defensive back Pacman, nee Adam, Jones! Onto your questions!
Pacman, what did you think of what Don Imus said about you on the air recently?
-Jimbo, East Plano
Pacman: Man, FUCK Don Imus. Old bag muthaphuckka. Fuck hiz azz. FUCK HIZ AZZ WIT A DIK AN A STIK. Prolly got a dik look like beef jerky. Fuck hiz hat. What he think, he a cowboy? He ain’t no cowboy. Pacman a cowboy. Imus just a horse-azz BITCH. Pacman tak dat horse and smack it on da azz. Gon whip Imus lik he da fuckin’ Black Stallion. Turn hiz azz in2 kung pao and shit. Fuck him and hiz old azz bitch. Cookbook writin’ bitch. Pacman tak dat bitch and giv her da Hoova. Put som shampoo in dat bitch’s platinum hair. FUCK DON IMUS.
Pacman, do you think Tony Romo’s love affair with Jessica Simpson will again distract the team as it tries for a championship?
-Jim Bob, Midland
Pacman: Oooh, Pacman lik dat gurl. Gurl be thick! Pacman do tha drizzle on dat azz. Gurl hum a nice tune when she got a dik in her mouf. Romo know what time it iz. He giv her dat Creamsicle. Ain’t gotta take her down Mexico way fo dat skeet.
Hi, Pacman! Long time Cowboy fan and Laker fan. Have you heard any word recently about Roger Goodell reinstating you?
-Jimmy Bob, Odessa
Pacman: Fuckin’ Orange Whitey fuckin’ wit Pacman. Pacman ain’t down wid it. Pacman been good. Ain’t bitin’ no stripper puzzy on Sundays. Only drankin’ wine. Only smokin’ when I at da hizzay. Orange Whitey dont wanna hear it. He keepin’ Pacman danglin’. Pacman gon tak hiz wife to ChocolateTown fo fukkin’ wit him.
Pacman, I thought you gave up the Pacman name. Shouldn’t we all be calling you Adam?
-Bobby Jim Rob, Arlington
Pacman: It Tuesday! Pacman good on 2sday!
Pacman, how did you get your nickname? Also, would you hook up with Ms. Pacman? She’s kinda hot!
-Robbie Jay Jimmy Bob, Dallas
Pacman: Ooooh, Pacman gon bust Ms. Pacman wide. Gurl give good head if she all head. Pacman hear she give great circle. Gon gobble dat bitch right up. Pacman gon take Ms. Pacman and chomp her dotz. Ain’t no ghostz getting’ ta dat bitch befo Pacman duz. He outrun Blinky fo dat glowin’ pussy.
Pacman, how are you getting along with your new teammates? Between TO, Romo, and the rest, there’s a lotta egos in that locker room!
-Bobby Dingo JayBob, Ft. Worth
Pacman: Ain’t no thang. Pacman ain’t got no hate fo nobody. Pacman all good. Pacman just gon kick back and wait fo Orange Whitey to let Pacman tear dat azz up again. ‘Cause Pacman gon tear dat azz UP. Pacman gon bury it in dat azz. He gon drill some holez. Buleev dat. And he gon drank. You betta buleev he gon drank that drank. Pacman take dat drank and bow da roof off the bitch. He gon make a bitch howl. He gon cork some bitchez. He gon chew dat trim. Put a bitch thru tha wall wif dat dong.
AIN’T NO MUTHAPHUCKKAZ GON BE PHUCKKIN’ WIT PACMAN WHEN HE GIVIN’ DAT BITCH DAT LUV SNORKEL. HE GON MAKE A BITCH CRY FO DAT CHOCOLATE CHARLESTON CHEW. BULEEV DAT.
Tags: ask pacman jones, Big Daddy Drew, Don Imus is an unfunny waste of life, Don Imus' ranch for kids is a sweatshop, Don Imus' wife is a phony
June 24th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Tell us how you really feel about Don Imus.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I think the title should be “Ax Pacman Jones,” but maybe that’s just me.
Buleev dat.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Put a bitch thru tha wall wif dat dong. That’s a serious dong.
Damn.
And Don Imus should be put out to pasture…cockgobbler.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:09 am
What? No questions on what he thinks of Double J, Wade or Garrett? This must be part one of the interview, right?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I believe the lead-in theme song for this segment could be “Sweet Black Pussy” by DJ Quik.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Pacman and Imus can at least agree on who the nappy-headed hos are.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
weak sauce.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Pacman gives much better answers than Jay Cutler. Perhaps, he should hold a “press conference” every Tuesday morning.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:24 am
somewhere, Rich Rodriguez wonders how he is going to get the quality of the likes of Pac and Chris Henry into Michigan
June 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I think Pacman and Roy Williams would combine for the greatest stripper-tackling duo ever.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I’d like to ask pacman if he’s considered the stephen jackson colonic to help clean up his ass along with his act.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
these posts make me want to contribute to the united negro college fund, although I will admit, as a white person I’ve never really “made it rain” before… that’s the correct term, right?
/nervously sips purple drank
June 24th, 2008 at 11:46 am
You better ask somebody.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I have no idea what I just read, but it kind of made me want to watch Medea Goes To Jail.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
“she gives great circle” is now added to the lexicon
June 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I hear she gives great helmet.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Lot’s of James Roberts in Texas I guess.
I thought it was colored not negro.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
the progression of names for the folks submitting questions is outstanding.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
“I think the title should be “Ax Pacman Jones,” but maybe that’s just me.”
Came to say this…but believe the correct spelling is Aks, Axe is an acceptable substitute though.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
these features arent going to be funny if Adam keeps coming up with quotes like this:
“I’m truly upset about the comments,” Jones said. “Obviously Mr. Imus has problems with African-Americans. I’m upset, and I hope the station he works for handles it accordingly. I will pray for him.”
June 24th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
All head? Pussy that glows? How are the rest of us supposed to compete with that? Sigh.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
If its blond its at least easier to see in the dark – like a beacon.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Depending on the part of the country, it is more like “Buleee dat!” or “buleee dat playboy!” in NOLA. No “v”
June 24th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Good God! Keep Bill Cosby away from this post!
June 24th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Wait, what do you think of Imus’ dog?
June 24th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Man, I miss Herbert Kornfeld’s columns for The Onion.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
this shit made my day