A Message From The American Beverage Institute
If passed, legislation currently working it way through Congress would make compulsory breathalyzer locks on all regulation-size footballs in the United States. Such locks not only counteract the public interest by making standard what should only be used in extreme cases, such as for running back Cedric Benson, they would create a de facto prohibition.
Proponents of breath ball locks are using cases such as Benson and Javon Kearse, and the sensationalized accounts of their arrests in the media, as an excuse to impose invasive big government tactics into our everyday lives.
Ball carriers with a high blood alcohol content (BAC) are responsible for far more alcohol-related fumbles and premature stumbles on the football field than other impaired players. The average BAC of a drunk fumbler is 0.19, more than twice the legal limit.
By 2005, the NFL had lowered its legal playing limit from 0.10 to 0.08 percent—even though players talking on helmet microphone made more errors and have longer reaction times than players who are legally “drunk” at 0.08 BAC. (In fact, the average BAC in 2005 of an offensive player involved a turnover was 0.17—more that twice the current legal limit.)
At less than 0.08 percent most people don’t exhibit any signs of intoxication. But under “presumptive” laws in almost half of the states, players can be flagged for playing while “impaired” with BAC levels as low as 0.02 percent.
Requiring such low universal standards for using the game ball would encroach upon on way of life. Gone would be the halftime fifth of vodka, the Gatorade on the sideline laced with rum or even the stolen flask from a fan. Hell, Jared Allen’s mind doesn’t even function with a BAC under 0.23.
Citizens wishing to learn more about how ball locks would infringe on our basic and Constitutionally protected civil rights are encouraged to visit breathballfacts.org.
Tags: cedric benson, xmas ape
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
God bless the ABI
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
“I’m not bullshittin’ ya. Got stinkin’ shitfaced on the bus. Louise left me, and that son of a bitch over there keeps playin’ me when he knows I’m shitfaced. Anybody [tackles me], I’m gonna piss all over myself.”
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
breathballfacts.org?
It’s a trap!!!!!
\probably not.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Okay, html doesn’t recognize “Admiral Ackbar” code. Who would have thought?
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Oglethorpe????
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I heard that if running backs drink beer, then they’ll catch the football and run down the field and shoot the guy who wants to tackle him, then shoot another guy who wants to tackle him, then shoot the cop that wants to shoot him, then score a touchdown. Beer makes you score touchdowns. Yay beer.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
ballbreathfacts.org, however, is a site i’m sure many of you are familiar with.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
[...] Good idea for Cedric Benson, bad idea for us. – Kissing Suzy Kolber [...]
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:44 pm
If his average yards per carry exceeded his BAC, the Bears might have kept him. It’s a shame…
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Thank you, Gern. I was hoping SOMEONE would pick up on it…
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
leonard little needs one of these everytime he gets behind the wheel… NO ONE IS SAFE…
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
That doesn’t look anything like the breathalizer Pacman Jones had to put in his mouth to get reinstated into the NFL. As a matter of fact, it’s not even conencted to Goodell’s crotch.
I detect some tomfoolery going on here in this post.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
They can have my football when they pull it from my cold, dead hands.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Benson could just have Steve Carell do the breathalizer for him.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Paul Hornung wouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame if these things existed in the 60s.