We Pay CASH For Your Quarterbacks
Do you have an athlete who specializes in throwing an oblong ball with speed and precision?
How about just speed? A modicum of precision?
Has the athlete at least played the quarterback position before?
Yes? Okay. Good.
Then:
We, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, will buy your quarterback NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
Yes, recent market trends have shown a general depreciation in the quarterback position. However, our crack research team cites a number of economic indicators that suggest that trend will soon reverse itself. Therefore we are consolidating our holdings in the quarterback market with the expectation of reaping large dividends in the near future.
We are willing to pay CASH for your player NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
Poor decision making?
WE PAY CASH!
Bad mechanics?
WE PAY CASH!
An undrafted college QB when we already have six other players at that position under contract?
WE. PAY. CASSSSSHHHHH!
REAL CUSTOMER TESTIMONIAL: “The Buccaneers purchased Jake Plummer from me despite his express desire not to play for them. And they did it quick and easy!”
To inquire, please contact the number listed above. Drew Bledsoes need not apply.
Tags: tampa bay buccaneers, they'll flip your Xterra like Dwight too, xmas ape
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:09 am
You will sign Brad Gradkowski…1! 2! 3!
Sign him!
Sign him!
1! 2! 3! 4! 5!
SIGN HIM!!!!!!
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:15 am
Now. Now. Now. Say it. Do it.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:16 am
In all fairness to Tampa (blech), Keller is kind of a hottie.
So, he’s got that going for him.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:20 am
@TurleyGirlie: agreed
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:26 am
I think I saw this commercial last night, it was right after the one for jay cutler’s new miracle weight-loss drug
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
Drew Henson, COME ON DOWN!!!
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:35 am
Sorry Byron. I mean, they’re not desperate.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 am
“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll then go to the Arena League,” Keller said Wednesday.
Go now while the gettin’s good!!!!
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:53 am
Seriously, how sad is it when your team has seven QBs and Jeff Garcia is the best one?
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
“It’s just more adversity for Sammy.”
You’ve got to love it when an undrafted, 7th option rookie not only refers to himself in the third person, but does so in the diminutive, as well.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I don’t know, Otto… how’s Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle working out for you?
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Seriously, how are they, because we can work out something….
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
If they line up a six QB set, how do you know who’s going to throw? And who are they going to throw to? And how many games under .500 is Tampa Bay going to lose next year when Jeff Garcia sprains his wrist while flicking it in disgust at this team, as good heterosexual males always do with their wrists?
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Brodie Croyle is a SAINT!!!!
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
“The current policy mix of rising inflation, tighter monetary policy, and slowing growth suggests that the emerging markets are about to enter a more challenging period.”
That says it all. The NFL needs to raid…I mean cultivate these untapped emerging markets like India and China to fill their QB needs before the people all starve to death. If MLB can do it, then goddamnit, the NFL should be all over this.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I think if Gruden could outsource Tampa’s QB position to India, he would.
“If you would like to complete a pass to Galloway, press 1.
If you would like to complete a 2 yard out to the TE, press 2.
If you would like to find out which parking lot David Boston is sleeping at now, press 3.
Or, if you would like to speak with a retired NFL QB, former NFL Europe QB, or Arena League QB, using your touchtone phone, please type the first 4 letters of the QBs last name. For example, if you would like to speak with Rich Gannon, dial 4-2-6-6-6-6. Because you are going outside our network of QBs, please note that this service carries a surcharge of at least $3,000, or 5% of the QB’s signed contract and possible draft picks.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
That’s fine and all, but the fact it’s almost 1pm on the east coast and KSK doesn’t have a photoshopped Jay Cutler and Wilfred Brimley diabeetus joke up is unforgivable. Don’t give me some crap about it being “too obvious”, either.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Or, Brandon Marshall commenting… “I mean, I support him, but it’s always something with him right now.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:04 pm
That sound you hear is the Vikings calling to see exactly how to duplicate this strategy.
Let’s see, one ‘mobile’ qb who makes bone-headed jump-in-the-air-throw-to-the-defense passes? Check. One young qb who failed to live up to expectations at USC and scored worse than VY on the Wonderlic? Check. Two aging, crappy qb’s who really aren’t even serviceable? Check.
I give Purple Jesus till Week 8 before he blows a gasket on the qb situation…
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
@ mini dagger
I think I saw this commercial late last night too; it was right before Jason Elam’s new antiperspirant “Arab-B-Gone.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Who knew there would be so much competition to be the last QB to throw Joey Galloway a TD pass before he turned 65 next season.
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Has Ralph Wilson seen this commercial? If he sells Losman, the Bills might not have to play in Canada after all!
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I don’t know, Otto… how’s Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle working out for you?
Craptacular.
But we only have the two. Tampa is buying crap in bulk.
We’ll trade you Brodie for that delicious doorstop.
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Silky Garrard is wondering why his #4 ho is playing with his lawfully-gained cash
\don’t trust whitey
\don’t trust chicks with man hands
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
For some reason, this entire post makes Aaron Rodgers feel better.