Ext. Golf Club of Dallas
Tony: You got Romo!
Jessica: Why do you answer the phone like that? It’s so stupid.
Tony: Hey Jess, I told you I was busy today.
Jessica: Why, whatareyou doin?
Tony: Well, I just knocked in a 20-footer for par on the first hole. 17 more of those and I’m on to the sectionals!
Jessica: Ugh, nobody cares about your bowling scores.
Tony: No babe, I’m playing golf. Don’t you remember last week at dinner when I told you I was trying to get into the US Open?
Jess: Well if it’s open, why don’t you just go in? Ohmygod! Are you watching The Hills?
Tony: No Jess, I’m in the middle of my round.
Jess: Don’t they have a tv at the bowling alley? I mean, there’s a Hillsmarathon on today. Gosh, I really wish I were back on tv. We should totally get a reality show!
Tony: Actually Jess, I meant to talk to you about that. I’m going to be on that HBO show Hard Knocks during training camp.
Jessica: Hang on, I wanna conference in Daddy on the call.
Tony: What are you fucking kidding me? I once watched you put KY jelly on your toast, how can you possibly know how to-
Joe: Go for Papa Joe!
Jessica: Hey daddy! You won’t believe it, I’m gonna be on another reality show!
Tony: Uh, not exacly…
Joe: What the hell are you talkin’ about? My sweet baby Jessica is the show god damn it!
Tony: Actually Joe-
Joe: Call me Papa Joe.
Tony: I’d rather not. Listen, the show is Hard Knocks on HBO, and it’s about the Cowboys, not me and Jess.
Joe: Are you kidding me? Don’t they know that each one of her milky white ta-ta’s is worth millions in advertising revenue?
Tony: It’s a pay channel, they don’t have advertisers.
Jessica: I just got the sexiest bikini ever.
Tony and Joe: I bet you did, sweet tits.
Jessica: Awww, ya’ll are cute.
Joe: Hell, if this is pay tv we can finally let those suckable nipples some camera time!
Tony: You see, this is exactly why HBO doesn’t want Jess on the show.
Joe: What, are those Hollyjewmo’s scared of some good ole’ home-suckled American fuck globes?
Tony: Her what-globes were suckled by who now?
Joe: Fine, don’t show the fun bags, I’ll save their debut for my retirement. But how about a quick sex tape on the last episode? You know, totally dark, all subtitled like. Classy, all the way.
Tony: Jess, can you believe this shit?
Jess: I know, Heidi’s such a bitch!
Joe: Listen Chico, if you don’t fuck my daughter on that show then I’ll do it myself.
Tony: I hate my life.
I want more like this!
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