The Ironing Is Delicious
Dan Snyder: Who is this “Iron Man” character who has done boffo business to the tune of $104 million over the weekend? I knew I should have listened to Ted Leonsis when he told me to invest in the kinetoscope. What is it about these popcorn movies that captures the imagination of the hoi polloi in a way that Johnny Rockets doesn’t? Damn their fickle, simple tastes! Ah, here, a synopsis of this insipid entertainment:
“An eccentric billionaire crafts a metal supersuit to save the world and his corporation from utter destruction.”
Hmm. You don’t say.
Cerrrrraaaaato!
Vinny Cerrato: Yesth bossth!?
Snyder: Bring me any such iron men you can turn up. And I swear to Xenu, if you come back with one more fucking deadbeat rapping receiver, you’ll wish I never plucked you from the obscurity of Largo Five Guys shift manager. Speaking of, pick me up some of those cajun fries while you’re out.
Cerrato: At onceth, sthir!
[Later]
Cerrato: Misthter Sthnyder, I believe I’ve found the Iron Men you stheek!
Ghostface Killah: Gingerbread ice sculpture oligarchy! Wally don done got all loan sharky! Holler at your girl but she’s an old harpy! Shaolin, stand up! Tony Stark! The realest!
Snyder: What is this man saying? And where’s his suit? If only we had Chad Johnson around to translate.
Cerrato: I believe it is sthome sthort of doggerel about his home of Sthtaten Island.
Snyder: What else you got?
Snyder: Holy fucking shit. What am I supposed to do with Don Rickles?
Cerrato: Actually, it’s Cal Ripken, sthir.
Snyder: My God, that streak really took a toll on you.
Cal Ripken, Jr.: Actually, it’s the whoring for Comcast. They literally drain the lifeforce from me while filming those spots.
Snyder: You know what? We’re not getting anywhere with this. We need to be thinking toward the future. What movies are coming up? The-the-the-THE INCREDIBLE HULK! Yes! Get some of that superserum and inject that shit into Chris Cooley.
Cerrato: But sthir, that’s not stherum, that’s sthteroids.
Snyder: Serum, semen, steroids, whatever. Just fucking use it!
May 5th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Still no cure for cancer.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:41 am
“Ghostface Killa is an American rapper known for his lyrical dexterity and vivid imagination.”
Well done, Wikipedia. Well done
May 5th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Ape, do you really want to fuck with the Scientologists? I mean you real identity has been exposed, and you ain’t got spare change to fight their cadre of $500/hr lawyers.
We can’t afford the genius behind Marmalard and Hines Wald to be muzzled. Think of your readers man!!
I can imagine the machinations inside Snyder’s head to be exactly like this post.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:22 am
So Cerrato also walks with a limp and has a hunchback?
May 5th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Sad, but this conversation probably did happen at some point in the last 2 days…
May 5th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Spiced out Calvin Coolidge that was funny.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:40 am
aw shit, that was good.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:07 am
LOVE the Ghostface bit. And the Don Rickles. Superb.
I absolutely hate Comcast ads. (It’s not just you, Cal, they suck the life out of everyone.)
May 5th, 2008 at 10:22 am
[...] Click for a bit of DC area sports humor. KSK: The Ironing is Delicious [...]
May 5th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Wallow’s comfortable chocolate frosted…Your socks hangin out? Yours is talkin’!
–Ghostface = stranger than fiction = awesome.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:40 am
If the Blogosphere was Wutang clan KSK would be ODB for obvious reasons. The Mottrams would be the RZA and GZA. Free Darko would be Ghostface. Steinz would be Method Man. I think I’d be U-God
wait that isn’t obscure enough. I’d be like U-God’s personal assistant
May 5th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I’m Iron Man no cheap cash metal I’m steel alloy
True identity hidden inside secret tabloids
Breathe oxygen both sides of my jaw carry oxes
The track hit like the bangers, in hundred watt boxes
Yo jostling these cats while Little J be deli-ing
Sip Irish Moss out of Widelians
Truly the real Iron Man
May 5th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Ah man, Five Guys fries are awesome. Thats the problem I am having living here in South Carolina now, no Five Guys…..and the incest…
May 5th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Gingerbread ice sculpture oligarchy/Wally don done got all loan sharky
Nice. I would use this as an excuse to post my favorite Ghostface bars but I simply don’t have time to cut and past everything the man has ever put on wax.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Dickens–they’ve got Five Guys in Charleston and Charlotte. Not sure about anywhere else, but there’s multiple locations in both those cities.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
The Rickles note was classic. Resulted in a perfect spit-take all over my keyboard
May 5th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Ape, the Rickles line killed me. Bravo.
Dickens & SuperFrankie: we have several Five Guys in the Midlands with more on the way. I think Myrtle Beach has one or more as well.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Stong Island = Long Island
Staten Island can be referred to – The Isle of Staten or Shaolin
May 5th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Oh shit….I just moved down here a week ago, thanks for the info wrecking & SuperFrankie
May 5th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
[...] that every characteristic assigned to “bandwagon” teams — and here’s where the ironing is delicious – is significantly greater on the three teams Mike Bibby, the self-appointed authority of [...]
May 6th, 2008 at 2:09 am
It was hilarious when MTV did a story about Ghostface, stating, “rapper Ghostface Killah, real name Tony Starks…” And people wonder why MTV has lost all credibility…Dennis Coles, please.