The First Grand Theft Auto IV Hidden Mission
[Liberty City]
Niko: Heeelo, thees ees Niko.
Marvin Harrison: Niko! Dis’ MarHar! Get your ass down to Brotherly City! I got an assignment for ya. Meet me at mah club!
Niko: But my cousin, he want play darts!
MarHar: You listen a’ me, ya Eurotrashole. You not be having a cousin if ya don’t get down ‘ere.
Niko: I vill come.
Niko: I thought things be better in thees county. I am doing same things as before.
[Playmakers]
MarHar: Ah, Niko, my bruddah. I’m having a problem wit one a’ my regulars. Been making trouble wit one a’ my girls. I need you to take care of him. Take dis.
Niko: You don’t think ees little obvious?
MarHar: Nonsense, bruddah! Who gonna tink quiet workmanlike receiver do anyting wrong?
[Shoots target]
Niko: Now to call MarHar.
[Phone rings, surprising Niko, who drops gun]
Niko: Sheeet!
Roman: What wrong cousin? Good time for darts?
Tags: grand theft auto rip-offery, i play too many video games, MarHar, xmas ape
May 5th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Ricky Williams: Good work deliverin’ dem packages of Kali for me, star. Me an’ Badman buck many bumbaclot rastas ‘fore I an I see Babylon agin. Dis boy mus’ get down to Vice City for mini-camp soon, one love.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Be genetically superior, bro!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Next up: a rip-off of Shogun: Total War starring everyone’s favorite Asian wide receiver?
May 5th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
This is funny, but I sure as shit hope that Marvin is in the clear. Hate to see him ruin a Hall of Fame career because of this kind of dumb shit.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
It’s not fun and games unless you can shoot cops and carjack innocent bystanders.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
ooh ooh or World of Warcraft with Jeff Garcia as the effeminate elf-prince and JJ Moses as a dwarf.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
If you don’t play darts with Roman, he’ll only have 99% respect for you!
May 5th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
This game is great and all, but playing pool REALLY sucks. And what does that Michelle bitch want from me? Desperate slut.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
It’s not fun and games unless you can shoot cops and carjack innocent bystanders.
What about the hookers? Don’t forget the hookers.
Also, sad sigh.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Or hows ’bout God of War w/ Shawne Merriman? I haven’t played it, but I’m sure we can squeeze Marmalard in there too.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Is Eli Manning old enough to be into Pokemon yet, or does Moishe prefer he play Big Brain Academy?
May 5th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Don’t knock BBA!
May 5th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I’m at a solid 45% complete, which coincidentally should be right around where my finals grades are located
May 5th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
bad MS paint?
May 5th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Reggie Wayne did it.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
What about the hookers? Don’t forget the hookers.
And the elderly people and kids get you extra points.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:50 am
I’m torn. Though I hate to see MarHar take a rep dive, it is a nice smug “fuck you” to all the writers who revere him above Moss, Ocho, TO, etc because he isn’t such a jerk…but did any dem fools bussa cap? Noooo…
I want to read about Pac Man and Hines at a karaoke bar.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:03 am
@porky1
I shot the sheriff
…but I did not shoot that f’in’ bouncer…
May 6th, 2008 at 3:02 am
so can we expect more video-game related posts given Ape’s recent career move?
Time to play video games and the ability to make dick jokes and quasi-racist references with impunity? The whole “mainstream media” J-school career path is really starting to lose its appeal.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Marvin Harrison actually speaks words now?
May 6th, 2008 at 8:18 am
We do appreciate all the free advertising from MarHar! Five-SeveN sales are through the roof.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:11 am
“Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch”??
May 6th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
GTA IV > Real life
May 6th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Last place I expected to see a picture of an FN Five-seveN.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Ocho Cinco would totally be Playboy X in that game.