Oh, So Now You Get Gay Marriage, California!
How long’d I play there? Four years? And you couldn’t have let through just a few measly gay nuptials? Same old story. Shit, I played in the CFL until 1998, then Canada went ahead and legalized gay marriages in 2005.
I mean, it’s not that I’m gay or anything. Heavens no. We’ve been through this. Straight as something that is universally thought of as straight. That’s what I am! There’s nothing I enjoy like some wet and wild heterocourse, which is what I like to call it when I’m smoking a cigarette after I get done totally giving the sex to my lovely, lovely wifely-type person. That girl, man, she’s so pleasing to what is considered men’s popular taste in women. Right? Thinking about her just makes me sexually excited in a macho way that thoroughly dispels questions of my sexual preference.
Back in San Francisco, I remember spending endless nights talking with T.O. discussing about what it would be like when the ruling came down. We were such bold fiery progressives in those days.
Then he went to Philly and Dallas, had some emotional problems, got involved in porn AND WHY DIDN’T YOU CRY FOR ME AT PRESS CONFERENCES, ELDORADO, MY LOST RECEIVER OF PASSION!?
Tags: gay quarterbacks, xmas ape
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May 16th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
So this explains the Romo trade rumors to San Fran.
May 16th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
ewww.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Why shouldn’t Gays be as miserable as the rest of us.
May 17th, 2008 at 12:53 am
If being gay gets me a chick like Carmella DeCesare…then I’ll take it where….
I fear I’ve said too much.
May 17th, 2008 at 3:51 am
Brother if you saw that guys wife you would want to be gay too. Carmella DeCesare is smokin’. If you don’t know her then Google her and enjoy!!!
May 17th, 2008 at 6:32 am
The one great thing about the California ruling is that it’ll let us in on the next wave of political scandals. Remember — the conservatives who stamp their feet the loudest over this are likely the ones tapping their feet the most in bathroom stalls.
I’ve still got my money on Arlen Specter.
OK, technically, my money is on Arlen Specter’s nightstand. But close enough.
May 17th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
It’s so much easier to be a liberal and enjoy dick without reprisal, right, Otto Man?
May 17th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
It’s so much easier to be a liberal and enjoy dick without reprisal, right, Otto Man?
First off, I’m not ten years old, so calling me gay doesn’t really sting. (You might try working out your snappy Mind-of-Mencia material down at your neighborhood elementary school. Assuming they haven’t already banned you.)
But, yeah, I’d imagine being a liberal would make it easier for the guys who enjoy dick. Being conservative and gay — Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Bob Allen, Ted Haggard, etc. etc. — seems to lead to some pretty pathetic Roy Cohnesque endings.
And, really, happy endings are what we’re all looking for in the comfort of our local massage parlor, right?
May 17th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Brad also might try getting a name less gay than Brad.
Like Julian or Lamar.
May 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Didn’t Garcia go to college in California? That state is just toying with him.
May 19th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I think Otto just pushed Brad’s shit in. Figuratively, of course.
May 19th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I think Brad was just taunting Otto. Y’know: pushing his shit out a half-inch – just barely visible – then quickly pulling it back in once Otto took the bait. Problem was, Otto followed it to the hilt. And Brad, shocked by Otto’s girth, now lies dazed and bleeding.
May 19th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Oh, and: Quien es mas gay, Jeff Garcia or Tom Cruise?
May 19th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Laugh all you want, but this came to late for poor Tom Cruise, now trapped in a “hetero” marriage with whatever sort of pod-creature replaced Katie Holmes.
July 12th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
See, now all we need to do is remove the stigma on prominent liberals having affairs with the 20-something interns, like Jim McGreevey and Gary Condit. Heck, if they would endorse murdering them publicly, then the only way we’d ever be able to call a liberal a hypocrite is if they had a stable, happy, productive marriage!