Off-Topic: ‘Oh S–t! It’s A Black Guy!’
Golly, this is great weather for a walk. It’s such a beautiful day. Sometimes you just have to make time and take a stroll through the neighborhood. Some folks have said this community’s lost a bit of its luster. How can they say that when everything looks so beautiful? Did I make that change to my 401(k) last week? I’ll have to call my accountant in the morning to make sure.
Wait a second. Wait just a…who the fuck is that? That’s not…nooooo….is that…a black guy? Oh fuck. He IS black! OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK! A black person in my neighborhood! Okay, okay, just relax, Bob. Maybe it’s Wayne Brady. You like him from that one show, remember?
Oh no, that’s not Wayne Brady. Holy shit, holy shit, I can’t relax now! What about my kids?!?! They’re all gonna do drugs now! I can almost hear the value of my house plummeting. And the real estate market’s in such a bear cycle as it is!
Oh my Christ, he’s coming closer! Oh shit, I’m trapped! If I cross the street, that makes me a racist! My wife’s friends will never let me live it down! Oh, God, I wish I was a cop so I could just shoot him and get it over with. Ack! He’s almost upon me! Please don’t kill me, sir! I’ll give you my wallet and you can buy all the Colt 45 you want! Oh God, he’s gonna ask for my wallet! Will some other white person over 40 please help me! HELP ME!
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Oh, fuck, that was close. I better cut over a block and jog home, before he gets to my house and tries to steal my car.
May 7th, 2008 at 5:28 am
Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a cracker?
May 7th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Jeez, Punter that’s just racist.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Kinda reminds me of my inlaws who live in a gated suburb of STL, and refuse to go into the city unless I drive them.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Black Guy: Oh fuck, its a Klansman. Look at that grey goatee, black sweatpants, and Carhart hat. OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Fuck, that was close. I better get home before he rallies a mob.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Yeah, Puntel. That was a ritter bit lacist.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:32 am
What on earth could have inspired this?
May 7th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Yeah, that’s pretty much what we assume you honkies are thinking. Sometimes I like to stand really close to white people in the elevator just to make them sweat. I gotta enjoy racism somehow.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:51 am
What on earth could have inspired this?
Three centuries of white guy paranoia?
May 7th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Yeah, that’s pretty much what we assume you honkies are thinking.
Please. The preferred nomenclature is “cracker.”
May 7th, 2008 at 9:54 am
I think I read this bit in MAD Magazine back in the early 80’s. But racism can still be funny.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:55 am
This is what goes through Le Punte’s mind at 4:04 AM. hmmmph
May 7th, 2008 at 9:58 am
@Tracer Bullet
Reverend Wright questions your blackness.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:02 am
that guy ain’t voting for Obama.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:13 am
nah he’ll vote for obama….hes not black…but a secret muslim underneath!
May 7th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Hey, where de white women at?
May 7th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Keep hope alive
May 7th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Sometimes when I see crackas acting all jittery, the best way to break the ice is to just scream “BOO” and watch them jump out of their skin. It never ceases to bring a smile to my face.
Also funny is a good, “What the fuck are you staring at bitch?!?!?” I can always smell the fear after one of those.
Ahhhh…the good ol’ days.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I hate the off-season.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:37 am
as a white person, I must say that I am offended by this post. it’s not that I’m afraid of black people, it’s just that I don’t understand the rules of dice, and what if he asks me to roll a game in the alley with him?
May 7th, 2008 at 10:56 am
+1 to TF.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Men! We leave up the toilet seat! And we won’t ask for directions!
Such cutting edge comedy!!
May 7th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Colt 45? How old and white is this white guy? According to the ads I see, black guys drink Gin n Juice now, right?
May 7th, 2008 at 11:28 am
you see, white people are racist like this
where as black people are racist like this
May 7th, 2008 at 11:34 am
black guys drink Gin n Juice now, right?
Purple drank baby, purple drank.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:57 am
@ jackin 4 beats: I am strangely relieved that the Wiki entry is actually titled “Purple Drank.”
May 7th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Jeez Punte, that was wrong… Give me your wallet.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
And black kids just want Purple Stuff
May 7th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
The part of the story I don’t get is the black guy didn’t stab him. So this is fiction?
May 7th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
For a minute, the green and grizzled face made me think the guy was a fat Brett Favre.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Black and white people need to work together to stop all this nonsense. It’s horrible that we have to accept this kind of thing on a daily basis. You know what I’m saying. We need to stop Ricky Martin. What’s that? He’s already been stopped? Just sort of went away, huh, ain’t that something. Carry on.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Oh Shit! It’s Marvin Harrison!
/sip-sip sippin on sum sizzerp
May 7th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
the troof is stranger than fiction
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3385156
apparently “boating while black” is a chargeable offense in some parts of the country
May 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
j4b:
Thanks. I’m not up to speed on my racial stereotypes.
May 7th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I live in an Upper Middle Class town which boarders a Lower Middle to Lower Class city. We think like this. It’s not racism; it’s just stereotyping. When you see on the news that someone gets shot every other day in a neighboring town, (yet alone when it comes into YOUR town) your brain is almost forced to think like this.
May 7th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
If you’re saying your brain is forced to be racist, you’re probably a racist, and ignorant enough to form your opinions based on the news (also racist).
May 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Aticus what the fuck bro?
May 7th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
@eddiebear: you know Wikipedia never lies. It’s the stone-cold truth.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
j4b:
True dat.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:21 am
What, no joke about how “If we knew it was gonna be this much trouble, we’d have picked our own damn cotton”?
If you’re gonna go lacist, aim high!
May 8th, 2008 at 6:35 am
that has what to do with football?
May 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
@Upstate Underdog:
No, he will vote for Obama, thereby proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is not in fact racist. You gotta love white guilt.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
[i]Oh, God, I wish I was a cop so I could just shoot him and get it over with. [/i]
lmfao.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
that was supposed to be italicized…