“Now I know what it feels like to be God!”
Steely McBeam didn’t ask to be created. He was thrust into a world not of his making; a world where those he was designed to amuse instead heap scorn and derision upon him. Steely quickly grew to loathe his creators for condemning him to a tertiary existence—not quite dead, not quite alive.
By and by Steely had a notion. If they could create Steely, then they should also be able to create a helpmate for him. Someone with whom he could share the travails of this frightening plane of existence. Someone he could lie down with at night, safe and secure, and wake up with in the morning– ready to face whatever lay ahead.
With his hardhat humbly in hand, Steely went to his masters. Please, he implored them, make me someone to love; make me someone who will love me. Steely’s creators took pity upon the wretch that they had made and knew that something must be done. They worked feverishly night and day for months– toiling to avoid the mistakes they made with Steely, yet mindful not to make something so different that it too would be repulsed by Steely’s angular visage.
Today we bear witness to the unveiling of the Bride of Steely McBeam. Look upon their works, ye mighty, and despair…
HT: The Burgh Blog via Mondesi’s House.
Tags: Big Ben, gay mascots, pittsburgh steelers
May 8th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
With all-new Cop-A-Feel Action!
May 8th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Rotheslisberger not wearing a helmet, again. Some people never learn.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
No, the creator is suppose to change his mind and rip the creature’s bride apart, then Steely McBeam goes on a killing spree and the creator has to hunt him down.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
So, judging by the statue, Marmalard is now the Steelers QB?
Ya better ask Wayne Roooneeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!
May 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Roethlisberger’s hands aren’t that big.
Not that it matters, though. He’s still a stud–a BIG, STRONG STUD!!!
May 8th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Anyone else secretly hoping for a statue of Jeff Reed and his pepperoni nipples?
May 8th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
The Hines Ward one wasn’t made for racial-sensitivity purposes.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Wait… Somebody built Steely McBeam? I thought he was born from Kordell Stewart’s ass (no thanks on the epidural!). And just look at that jaw. Who do you think the daddy is?
May 8th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
$10,000?! It better say, “Rongrastname” on the back…
May 8th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
The special edition will come with a removable appendix and blackened liver.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I one time ate a Primonti’s that was thiiiiiis big. (That’s all I got).
May 8th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Now Hines Wald wirr be arr arone.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
That is waaaaay better than my stupid FatHead.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Both still creepy looking in the face.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
That face… I know I’ve seen it.
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/5/53/Sheriff_Woody.jpg
Yep. That’s it.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Does this mean that someone from KSK can go up to Bissinger and ask him if he reads Percy Bysshe Shelley?
May 8th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
IT BURNS US.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:00 am
HOW DO YOU DO… GOD
It’s essential you create a following. If no one knows you exist it’s a bit rubbish being God, kinda like been incharge of the UN and realising no one gives a fuck about it. The best way to do this would be to get a TV channel, call it ‘God’ or ‘Yiiass me!’ Have some celebrity special to launch it with a starfish winking Madonna performance. Now audiences aren’t stupid? You have to create an extravaganza of biblical proportions: Raise a sunken cock, make it rain menstuation fluid, blow uranus, turn everything adjacent, bring every man back that ever tossed off Julius Ceaser, something that keeps the ratings up that won’t just end up as a footnote to I LOVE 2008.
Once you got them, you can sit back while they build oddly shaped buildings in your honour and have strange conversations in there about what they think you would say without you actually been part of the exchange. Like they think you’re omni-retarded.
…more at lifestyleguides.blogspot.com
May 9th, 2008 at 8:40 am
that roethlisberger statue was chasing me in my nightmares last night.
thanks for that.
May 9th, 2008 at 9:41 am
No, seriously, what’s Philip Rivers doing wearing Big Ben’s jersey?
May 9th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I don’t think I’m gay but, I have the urge to lift up that towel.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I don’t think I’m gay but, I have the urge to lift up that towel.
i think you think wrong, buddy.
May 9th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
But the sign says No roughing the quarterback!
May 11th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Steely was last seen on a rowboat in the Arctic Ocean