Lofa Tatupu apologizes for DUI arrest, Hyundai ownership
What Lofa might have looked like in happier times.
Seahawks linebacker Lofa Tatupu was arrested in Kirkland, Washington Saturday and charged with DUI after allegedly blowing a Busey-esque .015 .15 on the ole breathalyser. Tatupu, who signed a $42 million extension in March and has established himself as a Pro Bowl fixture, issued an apology through the team.
Living down the taint of lawless behavior is difficult but can be achieved after intense character rehabilitation and extensive public relations work. However, there is no erasing the stigma of getting popped while driving a Hyundai Accent. Tragically, Lofa will wear the shame of his choice of automobiles like the Mark of Cain for as many days as he remains on this mortal coil.
Tags: bad MS Paint, I was told there would be no math, seattle seahawks
May 14th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Rofa Tatupu no make me smirre by desecrating name of good Kolean cal.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:39 am
.015? That’s like one beer. Do you mean .15?
May 14th, 2008 at 8:42 am
In fact, I think I would blow a .015 right now.
Is it possible that Tatupu lost a bet and had to drive the Accent?
May 14th, 2008 at 8:44 am
You could blow a .015 after a shot of NyQuil. I’m sure it was a .15. Similar to the GPA of your typical USC football player.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I believe R. Lee Ermey once made reference to “Living down the taint”:
It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Wow. That quote is extra disgusting once you actually type it out.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I hope we’ll have a post today in celebration of Suzy’s 44th birthday.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:12 am
You know what’s the hardest part about driving a Hyundai?
Telling your family you’re gay.
(I know, I know — ancient joke.)
May 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I wonder if he’s the guy that Kanye was talking about in Gold Digger
May 14th, 2008 at 9:29 am
You can see him on TV
Any given sunday
Lose a Superbowl
Drive off in a Hyundai
May 14th, 2008 at 10:28 am
eighteen beers, eighteen beers/she got one of your kids, all you got is eighteen beers
May 14th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Jake Plummer and his Honda Element approve.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:18 am
If I worked in Seattle I’d be boozed up too.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:37 am
[...] late yesterday, saying “this will never happen again.” (Though Kissing Suzy Kolber says he really should be apologizing for owning a Hyundai) Tacoma News Tribune has the police report [...]
May 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Drinking is really the best way to cope with the fact that in less than one year your head coach will be Jim Mora, Jr.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Actually driving a shitty car like that is a great cover for functional alcoholics.
/drives a Saturn
May 14th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I second the need for birthday congratulations to the eponymous Ms. Kolber
May 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Is “being grown in a Hyundai” a crime in Washington state?
/DC SE resident, ‘Barbershop’ movies are my Rosetta Stones.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Jeff Van Gundy approves
May 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
It’s quite hard to not get drunk in Kirkland, what with all the economy size bottles of beer.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
@DougOLis — I’m pretty sure it was Kirkland Signature vino.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Maybe the Hyundai is just his “drinking car”. Its the car you drive out when you know you’re going to get shitty and then drive home. The one you wouldn’t mind wrapping around a telephone pole or a bus stop. I mean, would you go out and get ripped while driving your nice, say….Lamborghini?
/glares at Lance Briggs.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
The leading zero is usually left off the BAC results since it’s permile, so you were technically correct originally. On the other hand, I only know this because some pedant a-hole said it to me once.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:59 am
Lofa has just signed a $42-million contract extension and the best he can come up with is a Hyundai?
Absolutely terrifying…
July 14th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
So um, whats really the big deal about driving a Hyundai? that seems to be the pun of this whole ordeal…just because he’s going to be making $42 million dollars in a 6 year time period..is he suppose to be just another asshole athlete driving around in a $80,000 27″ inched rimmed Escalade, or a $150,000 Hummer…Actors/Actresses drive around Toyota Prius’s, I don’t hear no one complaining abot them for them wanting to conserve and maybe actually not want to contribute more pollution to this planet like everyone else does…..
But point…Lofa got busted for a D.U.I…so what..its not like he got caught for beating the crap out of his girlfriend or convicted for breeding and taking part in illegal pitbull fighting…come on now people, don’t you have anything better to complain about?