It’s Always the Quiet Ones
Since news of Marvin Harrison’s potential involvement in last week’s shooting everyone has been asking why he owns a .50 caliber handgun. Even when the investigation comes to a close it’s a question that MarHar will likely have to answer for The Rog, even if it is none of his damn business.
Here are ten potential reasons MarHar might own an FN five-seveN, any of which should placate even the most dictatorial Commissioner.
-He’s hunting Bigfoot.
-Because even the kicker makes fun of his dick in the shower.
-He was trying to impress Alicia Keys.
-He needed protection for last year’s road trip to Baltimore.
-It helps keep Reggie Wayne in his place.
-The offensive lineman call you a fag if you don’t bring a gun to practice on the first day of hunting season.
-Just in case he’s called on to invade Panama.
-To make sure that Jason Castro never sings again.
-He’s a Belgian double agent.
-Because it is one badass motherfucking gun, bitch.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
May 7th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
You may fool the fucks in the league office, but you don’t fool Jesus.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
because peyton’s lover’s quarrels with jeff saturday can get pretty heated & somebody needs to regulate?
May 7th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
It came free with the NFL players edition of GTA 4
Reasons not recommended include:
It uses the same ammunition as my P90
Pac-Man Jone’s friend gave it to me
May 7th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
- to fend off bottlenose dolphins
May 7th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Bah – everyone knows Bigfoot is fictional. Just like leprechauns and Eskimos.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
- found it in a hidden compatment in the used car he bought off of Chris Partlow.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
an idol reference? what is this? PTI?
May 7th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Shit, Rog will probably be impressed with his choice of sidearm. I wonder if he has the matching P90 for his home.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Also because the motherfucker owns a fucking restaurant in NORTH MOTHERFUCKING PHILLY!!!!
If you don’t own a cop-killing gun there, (I’m from Philly, so I know) you might as well be retarded.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
You try working with Peyton “I-memorized-the-playbook-then-decided-to-change-all-of-them-here’s-how-we’ll-play” Manning and not buy a f’ing gun.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Because a gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool. Like a butcher knife or a harpoon or an alligator.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
That is one nice motherfucking gun.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Just trying to impress Lil Ronnie
May 7th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Sorry to nitpick, but it’s 5.7mm, not .50 caliber. .50 caliber is closer to 13mm.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
The FN Five-Seven isn’t a fifty caliber pistol. The 5.7mm bullets are small, they’re designed to defeat body armor and look like small rifle rounds. High velocity with low weight.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Is that the firearm BDD used in Las Vegas?
May 7th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Hey. You never know when a 1911 or UZI or 357 Magnum won’t be enough to stop that home intruder. You need to kill hom dead to the 11th degree.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Yeah, my girlfriend has a Czech pistol that actually takes bigger rounds than that.
Of course, I just have a shotgun. Because if I wake up in the middle of the night and don’t have my contacts, I just want to be close.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Keep it coming – sales are through the roof!
May 7th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
It matches his wallet, it’s the one that says “Bad Motherfucker” on it.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I sense some overcompensation here.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
^I mean with MarHar
May 7th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
So he can impersonate a cop at the shit-kicker bar next door to his. “Anybody else wanna limp?”
May 7th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
You get serious muzzle velocity with the 5.7, it’s basically a rifle cartridge in a pistol.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
If you’re going to post gun stuff, at least go to wikipedia and look stuff up. the five seven shoots TINY bullets: 5.7mm, which is almost half the size of 9mm, which is already small. First it was 50mm and then it was 50cal and now its 5.7mm?
is the next post about this going to say it was a red-rider bb gun?
May 7th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
If I lived in the same city as a man with a laser rocket arm, I’d want some protection myself.
May 7th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Because I want to re-enact the opening football scene from The Last Boy Scout and Cole only had a bitch-ass 9. If MarHar gotta go down, he’s takin’ a whole bunch of mo fo’s down wit him. And not with no silly ass gun shot wounds, I’m talkin’ gaping holes in the chest and head.
Top o’ the world, Ma! Top o’ the world!!
May 7th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
because interns don’t get glocks
May 7th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Fucking gun nuts.
May 7th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Probably because he wants to protect himself and his house from the King of England
May 7th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
You guys really should get your shit straight; you wouldn’t right up the wrong YPC average for an NFL running back would you? But when you get corrected its “fucking gun nuts”
Smooth
May 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
2nd amendment:
They absolutely would get the YPC wrong. Stats ain’t their bag. A running back better bring the construda if he wants on this blog.
Fucking gun nut.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Pshaw with all that fancy gun talk. In fact, Five-SeveN sales are in the tank. Most law enforcement agencies have stayed away from the Five-SeveN and stuck with the most precise of Swiss engineering or superior Austrian craftmanship.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
@Animal Mother: with that name I would have expected you to say:
“You’d better flush out your head, new guy. This isn’t about freedom; this is a slaughter. If I’m gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is “poontang”.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
It was a gift from Maurice Clarett
May 8th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Cuz when your name is in the street, you gotta be ready to step to any motherfucker. Omar, Barksdale, any motherfucker.
November 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I like my FiveseveN. As to law enforcement, most of them thought the Glock was a cheap piece of shit and the .40 caliber round would never last, and they were wrong about that too. law Enforcement can be very conservative, specially where their firearms are concerned. Very slow to change.
And it’s a 5.7 x 28 mm, about one third the size of a .223 with ballistics near that of a 22 magnum. Nowhere near .50 caliber, and certainly not a bigass gun like a Desert Eagle.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
not a .50 it’s a .224 or 5.7mm for metric. and Alicia Keys had a Jericho 941 in 9mm (or .356) so her gun was a bigger caliber than his.