It’s Your Turn, Once Again, To Draft And Be Sexy


With the NFL Draft in our rearview and a four-month stretch of barren, football-free shitscape in front of us, it is time once again for us to turn our mock drafting responsibilities over to you, the fiendishly clever KSK readership.

Today’s draft is a Sexual Frankenstein Draft. You have the power to stitch together a dream lover from the parts of any famous person you please, male or female. You’ve no doubt seen this done with quarterbacks roughly 700 times in ESPN magazine (“Our dream QB has Dan Marino’s quick release and Brett Favre’s derring-do!!!”). So gay. So very gay. This is a far sexier way of doing business.

You can also pick personality traits, wealth, or any other characteristic of your celebrity that you hold close to your heart. Once reanimated, you and your sexy, sexy monster will have one big, orgasmatastic life together.

THE RULES: Pick one body part or characteristic at a time. Once a part from a celebrity is taken, that celebrity goes off the board entirely. Once you pick something, YOU MUST LET 10 OTHER PEOPLE PICK BEFORE CHOOSING AGAIN. If you violate the protocol, and just throw down some stupid fucking list, you will be summarily destroyed by the other commenters and personally berated by members of the KSK staff. Fall in line, you undisciplined little shit.

And, as the conductor of this draft, I get first pick. That first pick? Stacy Kiebler’s stems.

Oh Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily, legs, Lily, Lily. I cannot find the words to truly express my joy at the rekindling of our association.

Now, DRAFT! Draft, I tell you! Go go go!

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285 Responses to “It’s Your Turn, Once Again, To Draft And Be Sexy”

  1. smaaron Says:

    Lucy Pinder’s chestal region

  2. John John The Bastard Says:

    Vida Guerra’s Ass.

  3. Farthammer Says:

    Salma Hayek’s jarrito-flavored tittyballs.

  4. Hustler of Culture Says:

    Jenna Jameson’s morals and throat-wideness

  5. James Valente Says:

    Salma’s tits.

  6. dick_gozinia Says:

    Jennifer Connolly’s rack. Those are perfect!

  7. Boobs Says:

    Halle Berry’s pregnant milk-swollen boobs.

  8. Team Captain Says:

    Clay Aiken’s Vagina.

  9. Big Daddy Drew Says:

    Jenna Jameson’s morals and throat-wideness

    That’s two things, fuckhead.

    BANISHED!

  10. miamidiesel Says:

    Miley Cyrus’ vagina

  11. Unsilent Majority Says:

    good work, boobs
    http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=5672

  12. Peddler Says:

    Linday Lohan’s lack of morals…

  13. Boobs Says:

    Erin Andrews’ brain.

  14. The Last Unitard Says:

    I’m gonna have to go with Pam Oliver’s snout.

  15. Farthammer Says:

    Sorry, Mr. Valente. Salma’s tits belong to MY sex frankenstein.

  16. Construda Lova Says:

    Alicia Keys’ eyes

  17. mini dagger Says:

    Aaliyah’s lazy eye

  18. smaaron Says:

    I sense a trend towards very large breasts. I’d like to think that I started that trend. But in a more accurate sense, these women with very large breasts started the trend by having very nice breasts.

  19. Farthammer Says:

    Heather Harmon’s wang-sucking ability. (Less educated folks in the art of porn may know her as Heather Brooke.

  20. CrabblerK3 Says:

    Maria Sharapova’s abs.

  21. Flozell Says:

    Jamie-Lynn Spears’ belly…..what?

  22. Construda Lova Says:

    Belladonna’s gaping asshole

  23. dick_gozinia Says:

    Angelina Jolie’s lips.

  24. Dan From Chicago Says:

    Britnay Spears bald head

  25. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m an Ass Man, so I’m gonna draft Beyoncé’s sweet ayshe.

  26. miamidiesel Says:

    Scarlett Johansson’s tits

    @smaaron: when I saw the draft, my FIRST thought was to draft Lucy Pinder’s rack. Plus many to you for thinking the same way.

  27. Boobs Says:

    as much as I hate her, kim kardashian’s ass.

  28. denvergodfather Says:

    Paris Hilton’s genital warts

  29. Johnny D Says:

    RuPaul’s adam’s apple.

  30. Boobs Says:

    Jennifer Tilly’s voice.

  31. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Damn you Boobs, damn you to hell. After this pick I’m joining you…

    Miley Cirus’ viginity.

  32. Farthammer Says:

    That Aristotle Onassis daughter (Athena?) ’s money.

  33. Tim Says:

    Natalie Portman’s Pelvic region (as seen in ‘Closer’ in da thong)

  34. smaaron Says:

    @ Miamidiesel

    It was my honor, no, my DUTY to give her rack the honor it so highly deserves.

  35. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Sorry, I forgot to mention that in drafting Beyoncé’s sweet, sweet ayshe, her hips and pelvis come along in the deal.

    /pokes Jay-Z’s bullet-riddled corpse with a stick repeatedly and giggles.

  36. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Damn you Miami as well, scratch my last pick, I missed that….

  37. Hustler of Culture Says:

    Jessica Alba’s right toe

  38. mini dagger Says:

    buzz bissinger’s pillow talk

  39. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Charlize Theron’s skin…man she looked so hot in A Time to Kill…I swear I watch that movie just for the scene when she’s all sweaty.

  40. dick_gozinia Says:

    Megan Fox’s Steely Blue Eyes.

  41. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    @Miami…it does say something that even if errantly, within the first 30 picks two people took Miley Cirus’ virginity as picks.

  42. miamidiesel Says:

    Shakira’s sweet sweet ass

  43. miamidiesel Says:

    @Wormfather: great minds think alike my man, great minds

  44. John John The Bastard Says:

    Sofia Vergara’s ample chesticles.

  45. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    That chick that plays Claire on Lost, I’ll have her accent, thank you very much.

    Emilie de Ravin, I would have taken her tits, but I’m picking those up elsewhere.

  46. Boobs Says:

    Ana Hickmann’s Guinness Book of World Records longest legs.

  47. Tim Says:

    Juliette Lewis boobage ala ‘Strange Days’ …I like ‘em thin and nuts!

  48. mini dagger Says:

    katie holmes’ submissiveness

  49. Hakim Drops the Ball Says:

    Adriana Lima’s eyes.

  50. Hustler of Culture Says:

    So even though its in the tags, no one has taken it yet. So I’ll take Biel’s ass.

    Having seen it in person while she was Tufts….good God almight that is a sweet ass

  51. futuremrsrickankiel Says:

    Ray Liotta’s eyes.

  52. DC Says:

    Marky Mark’s third nipple…what you know about that?

  53. Mike Lupica Says:

    Sport’s Gal’s writing ability.

  54. rusrus Says:

    …from Bachelor Party, Tracey’s tits. But her tits from when she did the movie in 1984, not her present-day saggy-ass 44 year old fun bags.

  55. miamidiesel Says:

    Since Big Daddy Balls took the best set of legs (Stacy Keibler) and Crabbler’s pick took all of Maria Sharapova off the board, and I need legs, I’m going with…. Uma Thurman’s legs

  56. John John The Bastard Says:

    Michelle Rodriguez’s Stomach, Methinks I sense a theme.

  57. Buzz Bissinger Says:

    The mane of Barbaro.

  58. TF Says:

    Karen Allen’s drinking prowess from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

  59. Shinons Says:

    Keira Knightley’s figure.

  60. smurphette Says:

    The way Cary Grant wears a suit. Seriously, if a dude looked like that in a suit, I would do absolutely anything he asked.

  61. Kramer Says:

    Kate Bosworth’s eating habits

  62. DC Says:

    Kate Bosworth’s two unmatching eyes (one’s blue, one’s green)

  63. Kramer Says:

    DC – Just a second too late

  64. DC Says:

    you can have her eating habits, i’d rather have lara flynn boyle’s…she’s a champion non-eater.

  65. DC Says:

    the opposite of kobayashi, if you will

  66. BS Says:

    Bea Arthurs sensible shoes.

  67. futuremrsrickankiel Says:

    Jay Farrar’s smoky baritone and guitar prowess. The ability to sing me a killer song, coupled with the eyes mentioned above, would pretty much make my clothes fall off.

  68. Killer Bee Says:

    Chick from Total Recall’s third boob.

  69. Tim Says:

    Julia Robert’s mouth…would look great wrapped around me thang…

    I have a pelvis, chest and mouth…Do I really need more?

  70. devin hester's speech coach Says:

    Dana Jacobsen’s classiness

  71. Jugg R. Naut Says:

    Heather Brooke’s cocksucking ability… http://www.ideepthroat.com

  72. John John The Bastard Says:

    Roslyn Sanchez’s face

  73. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    ScarJo’s rack

  74. John John The Bastard Says:

    Jugg Heather Brooke is already off the board.

  75. miamidiesel Says:

    Anna Kournikova’s abs. You wanna talk about positive products of an eating disorder?

  76. Kramer Says:

    Marisa Miller’s boob jiggle (see 2:45 mark here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhzPAvaWpR0&feature=related)

  77. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Rihanna’s legs.

  78. miamidiesel Says:

    @Squirmin Thurman: too late

  79. smurphette Says:

    Matt Damon’s smile. Sigh.

  80. Shinons Says:

    Oprah’s wealth.

  81. Jugg R. Naut Says:

    Fuck… then I choose Oprah’s bankroll.

  82. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Christina Agulera’s Tits…wheeeeeeeeeeee!

  83. John John The Bastard Says:

    @UU: Goddam you that was my next pick

  84. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Damn Jugg, you cant win.

  85. DC Says:

    elisha cuthbert’s face

  86. BradyAndersonsDiseasedLiver Says:

    Martina Hingis’ coke covered tits

  87. iamsofaking Says:

    Catherine Zeta-Jones appetite for flabby old men.

  88. travis henry's dusty rubbers Says:

    Emma Watson’s hymen.

    Checkmate.

  89. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    I mean… Sienna Miller’s face

  90. Kramer Says:

    @ travis henry
    i’d guess someone took that one in a draft a couple years ago

  91. Dr. Fünke's 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution Says:

    Heather Mills’ wooden leg. I have a pirate fetish.

  92. nazz nomad Says:

    the gap in condy rice’s teeth.

  93. POD Says:

    Hannah Rory’s clit.

  94. miamidiesel Says:

    Aishwariya Rai’s head… a homer pick in the truest sense of the phrase

  95. DC Says:

    kate beckinsale’s appendectomy scar! who wins now, son?

  96. John John The Bastard Says:

    Giselle Bundchen’s legs, I am very very impressed with myself.

  97. travis henry's dusty rubbers Says:

    I intend to build mine from the vagina up because I’m old fashioned.

  98. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Hillary Clinton’s ability to forgive…as hot as this chick is, I’m probably going to need that.

  99. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    BTW This chick = the one I’m building =\= Hillary Clinton…just wanted to clear that up.

  100. smurphette Says:

    Clive Owen’s upper body. Wouldn’t mind being held down (or against a wall) by those arms and shoulders, that’s for damn sure.

  101. awful chief Says:

    Maria Bartiromo’s eyes. “I’m sorry sweetheart, you were saying something about stocks or markets or…dear fucking god i want you to look at me with those eyes while blowing me.”

  102. qwijibo Says:

    Anne Hathaway’s pussybasket, must be nice

  103. Shinons Says:

    Camila Alves’ face.

  104. DC Says:

    charlie sheen’s black book, that way i wouldn’t have to build anything, cuz it’s all in there.

  105. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Monica Bellucci’s entire head

  106. DC Says:

    U/U = great value pick

  107. John John The Bastard Says:

    Lucille Bluth’s alchohol tolerance.

  108. Kramer Says:

    Warren Buffett’s net worth

  109. Farthammer Says:

    Kirilenko’s wife’s morals

  110. Dr. Fünke's 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution Says:

    I would like Helen Keller’s ability to nag me about calling her after we were finished.

  111. miamidiesel Says:

    Joey Lauren Adams’ voice. What, none of you find raspy sexy?

  112. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Aeon Flux’s flexability.

    I know, shut up.

  113. JT Says:

    Brooke Burke’s ability to tighten that back up after having children…

  114. Dr. Fünke's 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution Says:

    And by saying, “after we finish” I mean after I finish.

  115. DC Says:

    I think I’m about to end all this silliness with my next pick.

  116. qwijibo Says:

    Dana Plato’s robbery skills

  117. DC Says:

    All of Ivanka Trump and that’s my final answer…talk about underrated. This is like getting Purple Jesus in the 10th round.

  118. BradyAndersonsDiseasedLiver Says:

    Cindy Brunson’s lower torso. I’ve never actually seen it, but what could possibly go wrong?

  119. smurphette Says:

    Dave Chappelle’s sense of humor.

  120. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Rachel Bilson’s tits.

  121. JT Says:

    Mandy Moore’s legs…

  122. JT Says:

    Check that – Mila Kunis’ legs

  123. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m drafting something off of Cindy Crawford in her prime. I know I have to be specific, but I just can’t make up my mind. I’ll take her head. I’m a sucker for brunettes. The brown eyes and even the mole her her a delightful pick.

  124. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Upstate Underdog:
    D’oh! Monica Bellucci totally slipped my mind. Well played, old sport!

  125. lowguppy Says:

    Laura Bertram’s head. Cute and smart.

  126. John John The Bastard Says:

    Laetitia Casta’s Hair.

    I am building one hell of a mami.

    1. Vida Guerra’s Ass
    2. Sofia Vergara’s Tits
    3. Michelle Rodriguez’s Stomach
    4. Roslyn Sanchez’s head
    5. Laetitia Casta’s hair

  127. Shooter Flatch Says:

    Eff Oprah, Lakshmi Mittal’s daughter’s inheritance………$22.5 Billion

  128. Upstate Underdog Says:

    yeah, Gino. I’m a big fan of hers.

  129. Shinons Says:

    Linda Blair’s tits in 1977 (Exorcist 2).

  130. bankmeister Says:

    yeah. i’m gonna have to go with jillian beyor’s torso

  131. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    Bar Rafaeli’s rack

  132. TommyBowlcut Says:

    Rachel Nichols’ over-annunciating mouth

  133. Big Daddy Drew Says:

    Anyone take Jamie Lee Curtis’ boobs circa 1984 yet?

    YOINK

  134. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Amy Poehler’s sense of humor.

  135. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    John John The Bastard:
    You’re building One Fine Mamajama. Could you clone her and send me a copy?

  136. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Nelly Fertado’s face, I’ve always had a bit of a crush on her.

  137. DC Says:

    I’ll be honest…close to an hour, and I’m surprised that no one has mentioned an asian yet

  138. Dr. Fünke's 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution Says:

    I’ll take the ass of the chick that hosts Top Chef. Sorry if somebody had designs on her scarred arm.

  139. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Sweet, I get another pick. I’m taking “Vacation”-era Christie Brinkley’s legs. I’ll keep the rest for parts. I took Beyoncé, Cindy Crawford and Christie Brinkley off the board! THEORETICAL SCORE!

  140. smurphette Says:

    Cristiano Ronaldo’s legs – both because they are very nice looking and because they are the tools of a cold-blooded assassin.

  141. BradyAndersonsDiseasedLiver Says:

    Allison Stokke’s hands. Just don’t tell her Dad

  142. miamidiesel Says:

    Sunny Leone’s personality. Down-to-Earth and humble instead of stuck up and full of herself? Check. Extremely cool and interested in sports? Check. Porn star who lists her favorite sexual positions as “All”? Check and mate.

  143. John John The Bastard Says:

    Angela Gossows voice. For those who don’t know who that, she is the lead singer of Archenemy. Because I am pretty sure a death metal orgasm would be the greatest climax of all time.

  144. bankmeister Says:

    gemma atkinson’s head…garden hoses and golf balls come to mind…

  145. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    Jessica Alba’s ass

  146. miamidiesel Says:

    @John John: helluva a draft. Gotta ask though, when you draft someone’s head, doesn’t that already include hair, making your pick of Laetitia Casta’s hair moot? I was under the impression that when you draft someone’s head, you get the whole deal, hair, eyes, lips, face, etc.

  147. miamidiesel Says:

    @Squirmin Thurman: I think Hustler of Culture took Alba off the board earlier.

  148. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Alice L. Walton’s bank account. She is the daughter of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton . She has an estimated net worth of about $18 billion.

  149. brock Says:

    i got here late, i don’t know if my pick counts, but Evangeline Lilly’s torso.

  150. John John The Bastard Says:

    I believe that would be a valid point Miami, but better safe than sorry. Now I just have to think of a good vagine and I will be set. I have never been more ashamed of my lack of vaginal knowledge as I am now.

  151. Peddler Says:

    Jodie Foster’s ability to have sex with other women while I watch

  152. travis henry's dusty rubbers Says:

    Phoebe Cates’ sweet teenage tatties.

  153. Shinons Says:

    I’ll take Sarah Jessica Parker’s nothing.

  154. Dr. Fünke's 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution Says:

    I’m throwing out my earlier picks and taking Rebecca Romane’s character from X-Men. I believe that she is a shapeshifter. That is value for your money my friends. Matt Millen does not agree with this pick.

  155. miamidiesel Says:

    @John John: just channel your inner-Karl Malone and think young when picking a vag and I’m sure you’ll do fine

  156. DC Says:

    I will take Denise Richard’s brain for 100, Alex.

  157. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    Christina Ricci’s lower half…god why did I wait so long to remember her!?

  158. bankmeister Says:

    keeley hazell’s ass

  159. smurphette Says:

    David Boreanaz’s character on Bones is very cool and not at all insecure about his female partner being intelligent and kind of a tomboy. Whatever you call that, I want it.

  160. John John The Bastard Says:

    I got it, Jamie Pressley’s box looked pretty nice in Playboy a few years back. So I pick that then.

  161. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Hayden Panettiere’s snatch. It just seems like it would be clean and nicely groomed to totally shaved.

    I can’t believe no one has picked one of her body parts yet.

  162. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    Dammit!

    Allesandra Ambrosia’s ass.

  163. miamidiesel Says:

    Next pick: the $22.9 billion bank account of the world’s richest woman, Liliane Bettencourt.

  164. POD Says:

    for my second choice, I select the freshly wiped asshole (not ass, asshole) of Hillary Duff. I shall be placing my stuff inside the asshole I now own of Hillary Duff

  165. John John The Bastard Says:

    Goddamit UU That was a way better pick

  166. miamidiesel Says:

    @Upstate Underdog: I don’t know how fresh Hayden’s snatch would be – she is banging Milo Ventimiglia

  167. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m taking something off of Famke Janssen. I’m not sure what yet, but I’m taking her off the board because she’s super hot. Oh, I got it! I’ll take her thigh power. If I were to die by having my ribs collapsed by a chick’s thighs while we were in the act of sexual congress, I think Famke Janssen is a fine choice.

  168. miamidiesel Says:

    To recap my draft:

    -Miley Cyrus’ vagina
    -Scarlett Johansson’s tits
    -Shakira’s ass
    -Uma Thurman’s legs
    -Anna Kournikova’s abs
    -Aishwariya’s Rai’s head (taken to include hair, eyes, lips, face, etc.)
    -Sunny Leone’s personality
    -Liliane Bettencourt’s wealth

    I build winners like Vince Lombardi used to.

  169. Upstate Underdog Says:

    JJTB, sorry for stealing Rihanna’s legs and Hayden’s snatch.

  170. DC Says:

    @smurfette: I don’t think you’re competing with anyone so this dude you’re building is going to be the equivalent of a superman.

  171. Upstate Underdog Says:

    @miamid, you said to think young.

  172. brock Says:

    Missy Peregrym’s face. if you don’t know her, you should start watching reaper, just for her.

  173. bankmeister Says:

    i’ll take the legs of monica bellucci.

  174. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    SMURFETTE-
    May I suggest something, anything, from Sir Sean Connery? The guy you’re making would be so Super Bad that he’d steal all the women that the rest of us retatrds are building.

  175. John John The Bastard Says:

    My Mets cap. Because I am sucker for a girl wearing an ballcap that is just a little too big for her. (FMRA – I am lookin in your direction)

  176. Dan From Chicago Says:

    carol burnette’s and her tarzan yell of the 1970’s

  177. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    BANKMEISTER:
    Sorry, man, Monica’s off the board. She got stolen from me a few rounds back.

  178. miamidiesel Says:

    @UU: you’re right. Bonus points (I suppose) for picking a legal snatch while I didn’t.

  179. miamidiesel Says:

    In my recap, I forgot I drafted Joey Lauren Adams’ voice. So my bitch is gonna look and sound hot. Huzzah!

  180. bankmeister Says:

    @gino: nah, bro. you took brinkley’s legs. monica’s are mine.

  181. bankmeister Says:

    ah, nevermind.

  182. smaaron Says:

    Anna Farris (girl from Scary Movie series) personality

  183. bankmeister Says:

    scratch it, then. i’ll take louise glover’s legs.

  184. brock Says:

    american pie Shannon ELizabeth’s sweater kittens.

  185. John John The Bastard Says:

    Miami since you are apparently my talent scout, who has good tattoos that is not Angelina Jolie?

  186. Ikitikitembo Says:

    Dana Jacob’s liver.

  187. smurphette Says:

    @DC/Gino: True, I may not have to worry about my picks getting poached, but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to imagine. Not a bad suggestion in Sean Connery, but I’m gonna go with the voice of Leonidas (Gerard Butler) in 300. Honestly, that movie is a goddamn aphrodisiac.

  188. Ikitikitembo Says:

    Make that Dana Jacobsen

  189. QueeferSuthrland Says:

    Since I missed much of this, I’m forgoing the rules because all of these would have been early picks for me and no one else would take them anyway, so here goes:

    Lacey Chabert’s entire upper half (breasts up to her hair)

    Jessica Cirio’s entire lower half (abs all the way down to big toe)

    The Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleader outfits.

    That’s all I can think of for now.

  190. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    Kelly Carlson’s legs

  191. Spatula Says:

    Vana White’s butt from the spread in Playboy several years ago. Now there was a perfect ass.

  192. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Here’s an obscure regional pick: I’m taking the sweet, nurturing demeanor of the lovely Latina in the Taco Time ads. Taco Time restaurants are mainly in the western US (and even western Canada), so most of you won’t get the reference. Anyway, the girl in these commercials is hot in a sweet, innocent way.

  193. miamidiesel Says:

    @John John: hmm, tattoos. Angelina is obviously the queen, though she’s off the board. I’d say Megan Fox, but dick gozinia took her off the board already. Plus, some of Megan’s tattoos are retarded. I don’t really know which famous hot chicks have doggie-style tattoos (a.k.a. tramp stamps). I would humbly suggest you take Alyssa Milano’s tattoos, which per her IMDB biography, include a sacred heart on her behind, a fairy kneeling in grass on her hip, rosary beads on her back, an angel on her left ankle, an Orobous (a snake biting its own tail) on her right wrist, an “om” on the other wrist and a garland of flowers around her right ankle.

  194. John John The Bastard Says:

    Asia Carrera’s vaginal sensitivity. Why yes I would be interested in a woman who describes her entire vagina as one big clit. Everytime I think I am done I get more inspiration.

    To Recap
    - Vida Guerra’s Ass
    - Sofia Vergara’s Boobies
    - Michelle Rodriguez’s Stomach
    - Roslyn Sanchez’s Head
    - Giselle Bundchen’s Legs
    - Laetitia Casta’s Hair (Rendered moot by MiamiDeisel)
    - Lucille Bluth’s Alchohol Tolerance
    - Angela Gossow’s Voice
    - Jamie Pressley’s Lady Parts
    - My Met’s Cap
    - Asia Carrera’s lack of a need for clitoral stimulation

  195. Kramer Says:

    @ Brock – Great Peregrym pick. Her body in Stick It was the route I would have gone though. If you haven’t seen that, it’s worth it.

  196. smaaron Says:

    @ Gino Tourettsa

    I know what ads you’re talking about. I don’t even like Taco Time and I’m buying what that girl is selling.

    What’s she doing making regional commercials?

    I like that girl too. In fact, I’ll take the girl from Taco Time’s taco.

  197. Shinons Says:

    Hmm…I’m sensing some nice tie-ins between this week’s draft and Wade & Jerry. Is this because Buzz has an overly horse themed office?

  198. Spaceman Spiff Says:

    I’ll take Dame Judy Dench’s thespian ability.

    [huh, huh..."thespian."]

    /giggles uncontrollably

  199. miamidiesel Says:

    @John John: you may also want to check out this website for more ideas.

  200. brock Says:

    Katherine Heigl’s entire lower half, minus her apparent fertility.

  201. brock Says:

    as to the Peregrym pick, that is so true, however, I’m a slightly bigger fan of lost, and my god, the ones where Kate has to wash herself…well, let’s just say my head is about to explode. and i’m not sure which one’s popping off first.

  202. jackin'4beats Says:

    Naomi Campbell’s craziness…

    (and her lips)

    /don’t kill me BDD!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

  203. nazz nomad Says:

    Suzyn Waldman’s voice

  204. Mike Lupica Says:

    Has Mitch Albom’s hair been taken yet?

  205. smurphette Says:

    Whoa, off-topic:

    ESPN is reporting that Marvin Harrison was “allegedly involved in a shooting” in Philly. At the very least, the gun used in the incident is owned by him. Also, WTF, apparently he owns like 25 guns. Sigh.

  206. John John The Bastard Says:

    I pickAnne French’s Tatoos.
    Thanks for the advice.

    My apologies if that hyperlink didn’t work I suck at that shit.

  207. Wormfather (AKA Aaron) Says:

    My turn for a recap:

    Charlize Theron’s skin
    Emilie de Ravin sweet auzzie accent
    Christina Agulera’s Tits
    Hillary Clinton’s ability to forgive
    Aeon Flux’s flexability
    Nelly Fertado’s face
    Christina Ricci’s lower half

    But damn, my girl is broke.

    Martha Stewart’s Cash and now I’m done. Yes my girl hair, but she can wear wigs.

  208. John John The Bastard Says:

    Good looking out MD, good looking out. I think my draft is complete. Unless I can think of a good pair of glasses.

    /exposing my fetishes.

  209. QueeferSuthrland Says:

    JJTB-

    Lisa Loeb’s eyewear?

  210. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    @ smaaron
    Thank you! I’m glad somebody understands the Taco Time Girl pick. Our Taco Time girl SHOULD do national commercials, but then we’d have to share her with other retards around the world. I looked for her on youtube.com but found nothing. Does anybody else know this girl?

  211. Maxwell Demon Says:

    Eva Braun’s loyalty.

  212. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    I REALLY hope this isn’t who you guys are talking about.

    http://stevegarufi.com/tacotime4.jpg

    And I’ll take Elizabeth Hurley’s midsection pre-childbirth.

  213. John John The Bastard Says:

    Nah I think I am done, but thanks for the suggestion QS

  214. John John The Bastard Says:

    I already won, no reason to pile on

  215. jackin'4beats Says:

    Ananda Lewis’ long curly hair. More for me to pull while hittin’ that from the back. YeeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I am fuckin’ crazy.

  216. smurphette Says:

    re: this MarHar stuff, I predict that “hands like a ninja” is soon going to join the ranks of “drink like a champion” and “make it rain.” Apparently that is how one witness describes Marvin beating the shit out of a patron at one of the bars he owns in Philly. Yikes. It’s always the quiet ones.

  217. miamidiesel Says:

    @John John: good looking out for the tattoos. Your pick has inspired me to pick some tats for my own chick. I’m going to go with Sophie Anderton’s back tattoo coupled with Sara Spraker’s front tattoos. I’m a huge fan of doggie-style tattoos, and Sophie’s is bad ass, and Sara has them everywhere I want them (ankle, bikini area) on the front. WOOHOO

  218. Dan Daoust Says:

    Lindsay Lohan’s joie de vivre.

  219. Naptown Drew Says:

    @smurphette

    Aaaaand my boner’s dead now…

  220. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    JOHN JOHN THE BASTARD:
    You’re building one fine Frankenchick, but you haven’t won yet. Pile on. Wormfather and miamidiesel have some created some real winners.

  221. Dan Daoust Says:

    Ali MacGraw’s mouth in Love Story. Not the actual mouth; the swearing like a sailor.

    (I’ll take her shiny hair too.)

  222. AceHole McGee Says:

    Carmella Decesare’s sweet lil’ snatch hasn’t been taken yet? Does everyone have a Garcia flag on their draft board?

  223. Matthew Says:

    Farthammer, I am fucking YOUR sex frankenstein…

  224. John John The Bastard Says:

    Alright Geno, if you insist. Adrianne Curry’s afinity for weed.

  225. AceHole McGee Says:

    What about Shay Laren’s rack?

  226. Naptown Drew Says:

    @smurphette

    Where are you finding the “hands like a ninja” thing?

    /not my sexy trait pick, seriously

  227. Dan From Chicago Says:

    Jennifer Lopez’s ass

    /steal of the draft
    // does this count for 2 picks?

  228. smurphette Says:

    @naptown drew: The radio guy who was breaking the news on Outside the Lines said that one of the witnesses used that phrase to describe Marvin’s ability to fuck your shit up. Sorry about the loss of boner.

  229. Zack Says:

    Most women can’t drive for shit, so I’ll go with Danica Patrick’s car-driving ability.

  230. miamidiesel Says:

    Hmm, oddly enough, it seems some of my comments (like my first suggestion for tattoos to John John and my own subsequent selection of tattoos) are getting caught “awaiting moderation”, so I’m not sure everyone else can see them. Anyways, so there’s no doubts, here’s my chick up to now:

    -Miley Cyrus’ vagina
    -Scarlett Johansson’s tits
    -Shakira’s ass
    -Uma Thurman’s legs
    -Anna Kournikova’s abs
    -Aishwariya’s Rai’s head (taken to include hair, eyes, lips, face, etc.)
    -Sunny Leone’s personality
    -Liliane Bettencourt’s wealth
    -Joey Lauren Adams’ voice
    -Sophie Anderton’s back tattoos & Sara Spraker’s front tattoos

    To which I’ll add Sara Larson’s (Clooney’s latest girl) love of drinking. I’d hyperlink some pics of all these, but it seems every time I do that my comment winds up stuck awaiting moderation. So maybe later…

  231. AceHole McGee Says:

    Kayla Marie’s ass, which is like taking a D-II running back in the 3rd, but I don’t care if it’s a stretch.

  232. K Wynn Says:

    Terri Schiavo’s crossword puzzle skills.

  233. Killer Bee Says:

    Giada De Laurentiis’ ability to give me an erection while watching a cooking show.

  234. dick_gozinia Says:

    Kate Hudson’s sweet sweet ass.

  235. John John The Bastard Says:

    MD I see em.

  236. jackin'4beats Says:

    Buffie the Body’s ass. I believe I win for best ass on a Frankenchick.

  237. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Here’s my Draft Day 2008 recap so far, plus a supplemental pick which was acquired in a baffling series of trades:

    - Beyoncé’s pelvic region, including ass, hips and hot pocket (before any Jay-Z spelunking, that is)
    - Cindy Crawford’s head and all its component parts
    - Christy Brinkley’s legs
    - Famke Janssen’s thigh adduction power
    - The sweet, nurturing demeanor of a girl in a regional taco commercial

    PLUS: I’m drafting Neve Campbell and her enthusiastic willingness to double-team a dude, as she did with Denise Richards (off the board) in “Wild Things”. I’ve never even seen the flick, but I know Matt Dillon is one luckey bastard. She’s also Canadian so she’ll be polite when she’s making me a post-coital sandwich with a beer on the side.

  238. Zack Says:

    Laugh all you want, but my second round pick is going to be Yoko Ono’s financial sense.

  239. heywood jahblowme Says:

    shirley hemphill’s afro

  240. Squirmin' Thurman Says:

    Ashley Force’s hair

    http://deadspin.com/384934/tart-like-a-wheel

    So that’s:
    Sienna Miller’s face
    Bar Rafieli’s rack
    Allesandra Ambrosia’s ass
    Kelly Carlson’s legs
    Elizabeth Hurley’s midsection pre-childbirth
    Ashley Force’s hair
    Zero procuctivity this afternoon

    Thanks KSK!

  241. barnyard pleasures Says:

    BDD’s weight

  242. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m taking Ursula Andress in her prime 007 “Dr. No” Days and her ability to emerge from the ocean in a very sexy way. I’m drafting her, of course, before Sean Connery got to her on the film set.

  243. dick_gozinia Says:

    Elle MacPherson’s perfect legs.

    She’s “The Body” people!

  244. K Wynn Says:

    Lassie’s obedience.

  245. BDo Says:

    a vagina that, upon sex with her, will go back to “first time past cherry popping” tightness everytime.

  246. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Damn! I was gonna draft Elle as a sleeper pick. Good call, man. My new pick is Roma Downing (of “Touched By An Angel” fame) and her fine-ass County Derry northern-Irish brogue. As another supplemental pick (via baffling series of trades), I’m taking the Irish Corrs sisters and their Celtic hotness, céilidh cráic and fáilte hospitality.

  247. K Wynn Says:

    Camilla Belle’s head (taken to include hair, eyes, lips, face, etc.)

  248. dick_gozinia Says:

    Heidi Klum’s torso. She’s fired out 3 kids and its still perfect. God bless Germany.

  249. brock Says:

    i don’t know it i can, but i’m switching my missy peregrym face and katherine heigle lower half. that seems a bit better. and my final pick, i’m taking tina faye’s personality. so for me that’s:
    the torso of evageline lilly
    the boobs of american pie ere shannon elizabeth
    the lower half of missy peregrym
    the face of katherine heigl
    the personality of scarface
    and because i can’t believe no one doing this:
    the bank account of the queen of englad.
    dude, i think i win.

  250. K Wynn Says:

    brock = fail. 2 Personalities? WTF, you making Sybil? And where the fuck is englad?

  251. brock Says:

    what two personalities? tina “scarface” fey?

  252. Zack Says:

    In the third round, I’ll be adding Linda Lovelace’s throat to my Frankenstein bride.

  253. C-money Says:

    No asians you say… Lucy Liu’s head ftw!

    A hot asian with freckles… sold

  254. KillerMiller Says:

    Really? No one thought of this?

    Suzy Kolber’s lips.

  255. Whowillsexmutombo? Says:

    Brigitte Bardot.
    Good night and thanks for coming out everyone.

  256. A Fly Moses Says:

    Margaret Thatcher (any part).

    What, none of you finds power sexy?

  257. make it snow Says:

    Rose Byrne’s head is a total steal at this point in the draft.

  258. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Benazir Bhutto was WAY hotter than Margaret Thatcher.

  259. SF Says:

    Jennifer Aniston’s nipples.

    My gosh, those things got more screen time on “Friends” than some of the cast members.

  260. Reggin Says:

    Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes’s deadness

  261. Raoul Duke Says:

    How about Shakira’s kiegels?

  262. Ben Says:

    If this thread is not the pinnacle of the internets, I don’t know what is.

  263. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m drafting Scottish actress Kelly MacDonald’s hot Scottish-ness.

  264. mini dagger Says:

    eliza dushku’s ability to jump to the plane, because daddy will save you.

  265. Misanthrope Says:

    Carmella DeCesare’s torso. She’s been mentioned but not taken.

  266. C-money Says:

    Melyssa Ford’s torso… everything from pelvis to shoulders!

    Why.. well, here is why.. http://realtalkny.rawkus.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/MelyssaFordInMaximMagazine_4770/m4.jpg

  267. Zack Says:

    Fourth pick, I’m going with a utility player in the form of Vanessa Minillo’s entire body.

  268. porky1 Says:

    Jenny Finch’s pitching arm. Or rack.

    Still vacillating…

  269. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I’m taking Eva Mendes’ smoky Latina-ness.

  270. Misanthrope Says:

    Note: it hasn’t been 10 posts, but it has been 15 hours. And I’m drunk, and sitting in a truckstop in Wheeling, WV.

    Face / Skintone : Victoria’s Secret model Jarah Mariano. At 270, she’s the steal of the draft.

  271. The T Says:

    Not to get all John Clayton, but I’m gonna say Miamidiesel gets the 100% A+ in this one. Primarily because of his 11th round STEAL of Sara Larson. Yeah, she demonstrated the drinking tolerance at the combine, but her ability to play through injury after basically walking off a motorcycle crash? I’d put Miami’s thinking outside the measurables right up there with the Niners drafting Montana.

  272. hoosafa Says:

    /pukes due to over-indulgence on 7 & 7’s

    /wants to draft Giselle’s ass. Is it taken?

  273. dlg1972 Says:

    Since no one has commented since early this morning…Ill just run through mine…

    Jada Pinkett Smith’s head
    Angie Harmon’s torso minus the breast
    Jen Sterger’s Breast minus the nipples
    Lena Heady’s Nipples
    Nicole Scherzinger’s legs
    Gabrielle Union’s ass
    Maria Menounos’ vagina
    Jenna Fischer’s “Pam” personality
    Tawny Kitaen’s uninhibitedness
    Tara Reid’s alcohol tolerance

  274. Hakim Drops the Ball Says:

    Kathy Ireland’s legs, one of which can boot field goals from 40 yards out…

    So far I’ve got:

    Adriana Lima’s eyes.
    Kathy Ireland’s legs.

  275. Frank Says:

    Okay, I CAN NOT believe she hasn’t been named yet…SO

    I’ll take Shania Twain’s everthing…..lips, body, legs, etc.

    She’s my perfect woman.

  276. Misanthrope Says:

    Carmella DeCesare’s torso (1st pick) I guess this is the entire upper body – tits.
    Jarah Mariano’s face (2nd pick)
    Beth Ostrosky’s legs.
    Cristina Scabbia’s voice/talent (lead singer of Lacuna Coil)
    Yoko Matsugane’s tits (she’s a Japanese AV/porn star.)
    Megan Good’s ass/hips.
    Gia Paloma’s love of penis.
    Dominique Dawes’s flexibility.

  277. porky1 Says:

    Yoko Ono’s ability to sow destruction amongst the Gods.

  278. Hakim Drops the Ball Says:

    It’s been five and a half hours, so I’m picking again…
    Screw it, I’m filling out my whole sheet, just like those other guys:

    –Adriana Lima’s eyes.
    –Kathy Ireland’s legs, so she can kick field goals.
    –Vanessa Angel’s lips. (She was on ‘Weird Science’ the TV show.)
    –Tiffany Amber Thiessen’s ability to look hot in a denim jacket.
    –Cheryl Cole’s skin.
    –Tyra Banks’ chesticles.
    –Gimma Attkinson’s ass. (Ronaldo’s ex-gf…the preppy hair gel lovin’ Ronaldo, NOT the wanna bang a tranny Ronaldo.)
    –The U-20 soccer streaker’s face (below the eyes) … Sorry guys, I visited the Offside Rules today…

  279. dinosaur Says:

    I’ll take Marlee Matlin’s inability to say “no.”

  280. Zack Says:

    I took Yoko Ono already. It’s really not hard to figure out if someone is off the board, just do a word search for their name. Idiots.

    I really can’t believe she’s still unclaimed, so with my fifth pick I’m taking Josie Maran’s head. Giving me:

    1. Danica Patrick’s driving ability
    2. Yoko Ono’s financial sense
    3. Linda Lovelace’s throat
    4. Vanessa Minillo’s body
    5. Josie Maran’s head.

    I think that gives me pretty much everything I need. I’ll have to sit tight and see if Rachel Ray survives long enough for me to draft her cooking ability.

  281. C-money Says:

    I’ll go with Eva Pigford’s legs… very nice!

    http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/5466/eva1gl2.jpg
    http://www3.24h.com.vn/upload/news/2005-09-09/EvaPigford4.jpg

    Recap:
    - Lucy Liu’s head
    - Melyssa Ford’s torso
    - Eva Pigford’s legs

  282. North Star Says:

    I know I’m late to the party, but I cannot believe they’re not taken already…

    Jewel’s teeth… er I mean TEETS!

  283. Brahsome - Care To Get Nice? » Blog Archive » The Laters Says:

    [...] A Sexual Frankenstein Draft? (Kissing Suzy Kolber) [...]

  284. Phat Farm Store Says:

    Phat Farm Store…

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….

  285. John Whorfin Says:

    Guten Tag Nelly, you hairy spamming ballsack. Please fuck off.

    However, thank you for bringing this old post to my attention.

    and since you boys left all of her parts on the board, I’ll once again invoke the Esther Baxter
    basically I’ll take two of everything she’s got

    throw on a fresh, clean vagina
    take the LEFT brain of Oprah, because that’s the part that made her rich.
    and the right brain of Debra Wilson, because that’s the part that got all the tatts and made her take her tits out all the time on MadTV

    that chick would pretty much get a ring from me

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