I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna f*ck you up.
You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don’t fool Jesus.
The only time that it is remotely fashionable to live in this town occurs in late April-early May in the run-up to the perverse bacchanalia commonly known as the Kentucky Derby. The race gives rise to a host of psuedo-celebrity events.
Last night, Terrell “I Don’t Do Straight Porn” Owens squared off against Kerry “$20M Guaranteed” Rhodes in a charity bowling event. The big contest was held at Lucky Strike Lanes, one of those trendy bowling establishments/ nightspots that popped up in any number of urban entertainment districts over the past few years. Frankly, these bowling facilities are an embarrassment to the word “alley.” I bet they don’t even serve good sarsaparilla.
Owens and Rhodes will also be hitting the good parties this weekend. I’m talking about the kinds of parties that have elaborate screening systems designed to keep schlubs like you out. The Patriots will be hitting the Barnstable Brown party en masse with Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Ted Bruschi, Wes Welker and Matt Cassell (!) all in attendance.
With the Pats, Bill O’Reilly, Carson Daley and Larry Birkhead all there, the douche-level at the place should be approaching China Syndrome status. Michael McDonald is cool though. I can sing just like him… WOO-WOO- WOOOOOOO!
[Note: I'll be in the middle of the infield madness tomorrow afternoon. Holler at your boy if you're going.]
Tags: bad MS Paint, hoping oj got the message and is staying home this year, likes Court Vision maybe Pyro
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
I like Colonel John, and Big Truck as a long shot to place or show.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 am
Here comes all the Lebowski quotes. If I know internet commenters like I think I do, by the end of today, the comments section will have the entire screenplay.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 am
i live across the street from lucky strike. say what you will about it, but there is not a single establishment in all of dade county that matches their quantity and quality of underaged waitresses
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:39 am
OMG!!!1!! You mean THE Matt Cassell??!!!
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:40 am
TF: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:45 am
@Will
You said it, mang. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
/so it begins…
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:52 am
I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear “Yah Mo B There” one more time, I’m going to “yah mo burn” this place to the ground!
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:57 am
I told that Kraut a thousand times I don’t run on Shabbas… Shomer Fucking Shabbas….
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:02 am
(German accent) I cut off your johnson, Lebowski! I CUT OFF YOUR JOHNSON!
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
Hey! What’s this ‘day of rest’ shit? What’s this bullshit? I don’t fucking care! It don’t matter to Jesus. But you’re not fooling me. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don’t fool Jesus. This is bush league psych-out stuff. Laughable, man. Ha ha! I would’ve fucked you in the ass Saturday. I’ll fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Whoo! You got a date Wednesday, baby.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Obviously, you’re not a golfer.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 am
So is this the mock draft? Favorite Lebowski lines? I likee
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 am
Man, you don’t like my fuckin’ music then you can get the fuck outta my fuckin’ cab!
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:16 am
Man, that picture really ties the site together.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:21 am
Don’t forget Kingpin, dammit.
You’re on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
Ten frames? That’s for Quakers.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
@porky1
What is it about great sex that makes me have to crap?
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
Condolences – the bums lost!
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:28 am
Re: Michael McDonald
…but he’s so smooooooth!
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:30 am
/hopes someone else is a Yacht Rock fan
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:32 am
@Upstate Underdog
I’m with you on Colonel John but go for Denis of Cork as the longshot. If Denis of Cork wins, might I suggest that Double J start refering to Wade as “Denis of Pork.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:35 am
thanks Brady’s……, I’ll throw a few bucks down on Denis of Cork and I like the Denis of Pork suggestion.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:41 am
@CC, I’ll swim you over a life vest.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:46 am
@flubby
I figured you for Millionaire’s Row, not the infield!
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
Flubby, I’ll do a shot of Early Times for you this weekend.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
[...] episode of the Wade and Jerry Show, which is always good for a few laughs. And then they went on to make fun of Terrell Owens in yet another [...]
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:01 am
/hopes someone else is a Yacht Rock fan
I’ve got your back, CC.
“So what’ll be Mikey? Are you gonna take it up the ass? Or take it to the streets!”
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
I was at the Felt party last year where Tom Brady was supposed to show up every next 15 minutes but never did. We did get K-Fed and Kid Rock, albeit at 5 a.m. Enh.
Drew Rosenhaus was also with T.O. last night at Lucky Strike. Too bad nobody lucky struck him in the face.
I’ll be in the infield with a bunch of Derby virgins. Prime the stomach pumps.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 am
Aw, don’t hate too much on Lucky Strike, flub. I’ve been to the DC one and it was pretty fun. My friends and I were literally the only white people in the entire place – the Maj would love it.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
no national velvet quotes?
/hangs head in shame
//that actually might be a fun draft, movies that sound like pornos but aren’t.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:18 am
@slothrop
Blue Velvet > National Velvet
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I KEEP FORGETTIN’ WE’RE NOT IN LOVE ANYMORE
I KEEP FORGETTIN’ THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
I KEEP FORGETTIN’ HOW YOU MADE THAT SO CLEAR
I KEEP FORGETTIN’
Good luck getting that song out of your heads now.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Eight year olds, dude.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:55 pm
yeaaaaah! Yacht Rock! the best way to waste time at work! (if you’re able to get youtube)
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Do I get any points for knowing that’s a photoshopped photo of Nixon?
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Movies that sound like pornos but aren’t? I would think “Nuts” and “Snatch” would have to be the odds-on favorites.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Don’t forget “Dick”.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:39 am
He’s a good man. And thorough.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
[...] Derby Fun Kissing Suzy Kolber posted something so great I had to post it here. I give them all the credit. Plus it’s [...]
June 20th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
new international version bibl
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/new-international-version-bibl/]new international version bibl[/URL]
how to install crown molding
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/how-to-install-crown-molding/]how to install crown molding[/URL]
how to cut your own hair
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/how-to-cut-your-own-hair/]how to cut your own hair[/URL]
chars de bleach
[URL=http://qeticinafuwi.justfree.com/chars-de-bleach/]chars de bleach[/URL]
phim khieu dam
[URL=http://qeticinafuwi.justfree.com/phim-khieu-dam/]phim khieu dam[/URL]
huntsman spider
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/huntsman-spider/]huntsman spider[/URL]
maltipoos
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/maltipoos/]maltipoos[/URL]
free virtual pets
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/free-virtual-pets/]free virtual pets[/URL]
aimexpress
[URL=http://zilyjuhujufa.freehostingz.com/aimexpress/]aimexpress[/URL]
the gioi phim sex com vn
[URL=http://qeticinafuwi.justfree.com/the-gioi-phim-sex-com-vn/]the gioi phim sex com vn[/URL]