You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don’t fool Jesus.

The only time that it is remotely fashionable to live in this town occurs in late April-early May in the run-up to the perverse bacchanalia commonly known as the Kentucky Derby. The race gives rise to a host of psuedo-celebrity events.

Last night, Terrell “I Don’t Do Straight Porn” Owens squared off against Kerry “$20M Guaranteed” Rhodes in a charity bowling event. The big contest was held at Lucky Strike Lanes, one of those trendy bowling establishments/ nightspots that popped up in any number of urban entertainment districts over the past few years. Frankly, these bowling facilities are an embarrassment to the word “alley.” I bet they don’t even serve good sarsaparilla.

Owens and Rhodes will also be hitting the good parties this weekend. I’m talking about the kinds of parties that have elaborate screening systems designed to keep schlubs like you out. The Patriots will be hitting the Barnstable Brown party en masse with Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Ted Bruschi, Wes Welker and Matt Cassell (!) all in attendance.

With the Pats, Bill O’Reilly, Carson Daley and Larry Birkhead all there, the douche-level at the place should be approaching China Syndrome status. Michael McDonald is cool though. I can sing just like him… WOO-WOO- WOOOOOOO!

[Note: I'll be in the middle of the infield madness tomorrow afternoon. Holler at your boy if you're going.]