I Believe The Patriots Should Be Allowed To Continue Playing Super Bowl XLII
You know, during this very long campaign season, I have traveled this country far and wide. I have been to all 50 states, shaken thousands of hands, kissed hundreds of babies, and seen literally millions of faces. And everywhere I go, I hear the same thing from people: Don’t give up. Don’t surrender. Be a fighter, Hillary. And it really inspired me. It made me realize that I wasn’t just running for me. I was running for working mothers, and their daughters, and millions of people around the nation. They put their faith in me, and it would be a crime to let them down.
So I’m not going to let a simple thing like the fact that I lost get in the way of continuing this battle. I was born a fighter. My mother once said I kicked so hard in the womb that the walls of her uterus were punctured. And, by golly, I will stay a fighter. Now, I’ve heard lots of naysayers say things like, “She doesn’t have enough delegates,” or, “No, seriously, the primaries are basically over. She lost,” or, “Jesus fucking Christ, will this stubborn bitch get out of the way of history already?” Well call me crazy, but I don’t think anyone told Michael Dukakis to give up after George Bush pasted his ass in ’88! What’s that? They did? Well then, he’s a little goddamn weakling.
I don’t think anyone should tell anyone when to quit anything. What kind of world would we live in if everyone were told to fold in the face of literally insurmountable odds? I met a 5-year-old girl last month who said she wanted to raise unicorns one day. Who the gosh darn heck am I to tell her that she can’t do that? I met another man who said he wanted to be an Olympic bobsledder, despite being 60 years old and having no bobsledding experience of any kind. Why should that man be forbidden from doing something simply because he can’t do it? IT’S UNAMERICAN!
If this campaign has taught me anything, it’s to never, ever let anything get in the way of your dream. Not the cynics. Not the media. Not reality. Not the voters. Not the law. Not your family and friends. NOT ANYTHING. I don’t think I should drop out. And I don’t think we should leave Iraq.
And I think the New England Patriots should be allowed to continue playing Super Bowl XLII.
Think about it. I’ve talked to many Patriot players recently, and they all told me the same thing. Hillary, they said, we want to keep playing that game. And I think it is a CRIME that they weren’t allowed to do so. So the clock ran out. So what? Real trailblazers don’t follow the script. Those players wanted to continue playing, and they weren’t allowed to. That is NOT a league’s right to dictate that sort of thing. It should the right of the team playing to determine when they would like to stop playing. Otherwise, what kind of message are we sending to little football players all around the nation? Oh, sorry, kid! Time’s up! You lost! Nothing you can do about it now!
That’s bullshit.
I have in my hand a letter from a supporter of mine. A young man named Thomas O’Leary from Quincy, Massachusetts. Thomas is just 23 years old, and lives above a bar, on just a table runner’s salary. He is uninsured. He’s also battling an alcohol problem. I want to read you this letter, because to me it displays the real spirit of determination embodied both in myself and Coach Belichick’s team. Thomas writes:
De-ah Mrs. Fackin’ Rawd-um Clinton.
I am a cawncerned votah who would like to know what you would do, if elected, to GET MY BELOVED FACKIN’ PATS BACK ON THE FACKIN’ FIELD FOR SUPAH BOWL FARTY TOO!!! The fact that they stawpped thah fackin’ clawk is the biggest fackin’ injustice since Brown versus thah Bawd of Education! Everyone knows that fackin’ Billy Belichick’s crew was thah bettah fackin’ team that fackin’ day! EVEN THOSE FAGGOTS IN NEW YARK!
I would like to point you to the key demographics in which the Pats were-ah fackin’ dawminant. Okay? They-ah punting average was a full four-ah yaaaahds bettah than those New Yark faggots. And they had five more-ah first fackin’ downs. What kinda fackin’ team ah the Giants if they can’t win those fackin’ categories? Are they really the best representative we have far a Supah Bowl Champ? FACK NO! If the game had been allowed to continue, we all know fackin’ Tawmmy Brady would have pulled through. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
They would have taken the ball, maaaaaahched right up the fackin’ field, and hit Welkah awn a crossing pattuhn to win that game. Farthermore-uh, you never know what kind of horrible things could happen to the Giants if the game had kept goin’! What if someone, possibly my cousin Neil O’Leary, shot that faggot Eli dead in the overtime? Would the Giants have won then? I DOUBT IT! You have to keep playing, because you nevah know if someone’s gonna get injuhed, or taken the fack out!
I’d also like to note that the fackin’ Pats have a wide base of suppart from WHITE, WORKING CLASS FANS, THE BEST KIND OF FACKIN’ FANS IN THE WORLD! White fans aren’t gawnna let you down! You can’t really win without our help! I think we need to hear what these fans have to say befor-ah we just go ending this shit! AMERICA FEELS CHEATED OUT OF SEEING THE PATS GO 19-0!
So please, Senatah, do something about this travesty. Oh, and beat that dahhhkie!
Regaaaaaahds,
Tawmmy
PS – I totally switched to you after Chris fackin’ Dawd dropped out. You got a big fat ass, but Tawmmy ain’t kickin’ you off the Aerobed, honey.
Now who can argue with a letter like this? This is a young man, clearly deprived of any sort of education, who doesn’t want to give up hope. And that’s what we’re doing if we allow the Super Bowl to be played according to the rules. America should be a land of opportunity. And of freedom! Where you can get your way if you just stay in denial long enough. That’s why I’m staying in this race. And that’s why I say, LET THOSE FACKIN’ PATRIOTS PLAY!
God bless the Patriots. And little Thomas O’Leary. And me. Mostly me, because I need the support. And please don’t forget: Barack Obama is black. And is friends with other blacks. People far, far darker than you or I.
I’ll see you in November.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, if you start a political flame war i will feed you to t, LOSERGATE, move bitch get out da way, never stops being funny, people in denial, shrill voices, Tommy from Quinzee, whiners
May 28th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Hillary’s been to 50 states? Obama’s been to FIFTY-SEVEN STATES!
…AND he can pee standing up, which lends itself to the level of multi-tasking that I’d expect from the leader of the free world.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
“if you start a political flame war I will feed you to t”
I’m not going to start a PoFlaWa, but who or what is “t”?
May 28th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I can’t support the resumption of Super Bowl XLII because Tom Brady hasn’t visited Iraq as many times as John McCain.
Fuck him.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
(And yes, that avatar is indeed a woman’s red-hot vag in all its glory. Not sure how it got there, but I’m not inclined to take it down.)
May 28th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Take it down, JL. Work blocks that shit.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Absofuckinglutely beautiful, Drew.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I would vote for her if her maiden name was Hamrod. Infinitely cooler than Rodham.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I laugh to keep from weeping. Give it up, Billary.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
One of the funnier things I’ve ever read. Classic Drew! Love it.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
OK, Hillary, but will you stab an obese Chargers fan? Barack would do it. Hell, you wouldn’t even have to ask McCain- he stabs obese people all the time. Just ask Kucinich.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Lots of things could change. Sean Taylor was assassinated after Week 12.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
That Brown v Board line is the hardest I’ve ever laughed at a KSK post.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Best one yet.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
“oh and beat that dahkie!” freakin awesome
the Tawmy posts fackin kill me
May 29th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Chris Fawkin Dawd is just happy to know that people under the age of 50 that don’t live in Connecticut know who the hell he is.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:02 am
So I made it two paragraphs in and I’m thinking, not even Tommy from Quinzee would fuck this bitch. Ok, he would but he’d have to be blasted.
And then he has to prove me semi-wrong.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:13 am
Wait, a fake bio-post CROSSED with a ‘Tawmy from Quinzee’ post? BEST. POST. EVER.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:57 am
Political satire + football satire + making fun of New Englanders? I’m fuckin’ in. Great post, BDD.
But c’mon … a little far-fetched. No way Tommy from Quiznee is smart enough to throw in a “Brown v. Board of Education” reference.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:12 am
“if you start a political flame war i will feed you to t”
All I’m saying is that I’m firmly on board with the message on this t-shirt.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:28 am
And just so we’re clear, I’m also a huge supporter and grass-roots activist for the platform on this t-shirt. Now that’s change we can all get behind, am I right?
May 29th, 2008 at 7:22 am
[...] Suzy Kolber – named after one of the all-time uncomfortable moments in television history – has an exclusive statement from one Hillary Rodham Clinton. You know, during this very long campaign season, I have traveled this country far and wide. I have [...]
May 29th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Left out in all this discussion…
A vote for Ron Paul is a vote for the gory deposement of Roger Goodell!
May 29th, 2008 at 8:10 am
If democratic superdelegates played any role in determining the winner of the Super Bowl, they’d still be waiting to make their decision…
May 29th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Hillary for President and if she continues to get cheated then McCain for President. Or my own personal choice would be Suzy Kolber.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Charley Varrick reads the rules as well as the Clinton campaign.
You’re going to get fed to t, buddy.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Hillary may have seen a million faces, but did she rock them all?
May 29th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I’m still amazed that Tommy writes exactly like he speaks.
Speaks volumes for the state of education on the south shore.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:41 am
I’m still amazed that Tommy writes exactly like he speaks.
He’s hooked on phonics. And meth.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Hillary for President and if she continues to get cheated
Thanks for underscoring the central point of this piece, that both the Patriots and Hillary played by the rules they agreed to and lost, and yet whine that they were somehow cheated out of their birthright.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:09 am
just a few comments for mr. d-bag here:
1. state of education on Massachusetts’s south shore is probably one of the best in the country
2. never ever have i cried/complained about the pats not going 19-0. sure it would have been nice, amazing actually, but it didn’t happen. and being a new englander who is a pats fan, i had to take shit from every single person from outside of new england, which amounts to a huge, steaming pile of shit, not an enjoyable experience to say the least
3. why do you feel the need to bash the accent? where are you from that you don’t speak funny? should i start typing like a fucking southerner? no, that’d just be annoying as hell
so maybe if your team went undefeated during the regular season, you could bash on another team, but they didn’t so quite frankly, you need to take this article, roll it up, and stick it up hillary’s wide wide vagina. have a nice day ;-)
May 29th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Who invited that guy?
May 29th, 2008 at 9:23 am
He must be new here.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Hey now, be nice to south shore man. Autism is a very difficult impairment.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Hillary for President and if she continues to get cheated then McCain for President.
Yes, because if you can’t get a candidate who’s for universal health care, ending the war in Iraq, and reversing Bush’s economic policies, then you should logically vote for the candidate who’s against universal health care, keeping the war going indefinitely, and making the Bush policies permanent.
Brilliant, genius. Who are you — Matt Millen?
May 29th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Hey there south shore man, your fucking patsies wouldn’t have gone 18-0 if they didn’t cheat.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:35 am
why do you feel the need to bash the accent?
Because you don’t fucking like it.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:41 am
SS Man, the majority of America exhibits only subtle differences in pronunciation, whereas places like Minnesota, the South, New York, and by far most annoyingly – fackin’ Baaaastin – demonstrate a a significant level of variation from what’s referred to as non-regional diction. Listen to a national news broadcast.
Cockfag.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:41 am
I was mildly amused until I got halfway down the posting, then I grinned so wide the top of my head almost fell off.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:46 am
maybe i should just stop trying
May 29th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Hillary for President and if she continues to get cheated then McCain for President.
“Waiter, I’d like the vegan entrée with the tofu and bean sprouts. But if you’re out of that, make it a bloody red Porterhouse steak with a side of veal cheeks and baby lamb eyes.”
May 29th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Hey Jackson we get it. You are what we call “witty”
May 29th, 2008 at 10:27 am
There is nothing about this post that I did not like. It was the internet equivalent of getting a beej whilst eating a juicy red steak.
May 29th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Hey Jackson we get it. You are what we call “witty”
So says a man with the handle “Dickens Cider.”
May 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
In the same spirit, I declare the 1967 Stanley Cup Finals to be ongoing. The Leafs are still winning the Cup! Wheee!!!
May 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Can we officially rename the Clinton campaign “THE HILL DOGG JUGGUNUT ?” I say yes.
May 29th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I don’t agree. I just . . . don’t agree.
May 29th, 2008 at 11:39 am
No PolFlaWa makes Worm sad.
May 29th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
This has been a quality week at KSK…
“THE HILL DOGG JUGGUNUT”
Mr Snrub I shall adopt your phrase and force it upon all of those around me to deal with it.
May 29th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I will also learn the English language…
May 29th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
And shouldn’t Dale Earnhardt Sr. be given a chance to win Daytona???
/also wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor
May 29th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I never thought i’d see the day when a hillbot commenter would show up on ksk.
excellent BDD.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
You need to keep playing the Super Bowl into June, because, y’know, becuase if Eli gets shot….
May 29th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Hillary wants to be President really really bad.
And I want to cornhole Chelsea really really bad.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Drew at his finest
May 29th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Hillary give it up. If you were a HOT lesbian, then you would have my vote, but you are far from hot. I have seen hot lesbians, I have known hot lesbians, I have partied with hot lesbians and you missy, are not a hot lesbian. Just a plain old, fat one with a beard.
And fuck you Tahmmy. If they hadn’t stopped the clock the Pats would have had no time left to take their shots down the field. And if you don’t stop this “replay SB 42″ bullshit, I’m gonna vote for “that dahkie” in November.
May 30th, 2008 at 12:50 am
I have always wondered if the real guy in that photo has any idea that this blog clowns on him all the time. If so, I would love to see his reaction to this post! haha
May 30th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Lord this was an AWESOME post.
Though now I have been sidelined with images of giving Chelsea anal…Thank you gaping maw!
May 30th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
You forgot to mention to donate at hillaryclinton.com. Otherwise though, spot on!