Fictional Cheerleader Biography: Olivia
This is Cincinnati Ben-Gal Olivia. Olivia, along with five other smoking hot fictional cheerleaders, writes for a well-known fictional NFL humor blog. Olivia told her blog-mates that she would take care of the Friday cheerleader post– a recurring fictional feature that had become somewhat of a fictional institution on their blog.
But for some reason Olivia never wrote the cheerleader post and all of the fictional people who read her blog were sad and confused. The other five fictional cheerleaders were so angry they stuffed Olivia into a fictional burlap sack and dropped her off the Roebling suspension bridge into the Ohio River. They agreed to tell Olivia’s friends that she became a hooker and moved to Beckowanckal Heights, a fictional city that is exactly like the very real city of Las Cruces, New Mexico in every detail. They’ve already started to forget what Olivia looked like…
Speaking of the Bengals, Ocho Cinco has been described by a Cincinnati lawyer as possessing “the mental agility of a small soap dish.” What an awful thing to say. A real cheap shot. Didn’t that mean old lawyer man ever stop to think that small soap dishes might have feelings too?
Tags: bad MS Paint, The Friday Cheerleader Posts, Yes we know it's Saturday
May 31st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
why a “small” soap dish? as opposed to a regular, or large soap dish?
i wonder if that lawyer knows that ocho still makes more than him. that kind of stuff burns lawyers up.
May 31st, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Bengals themed = Punte’s fault?
May 31st, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Yes we know it’s Saturday
We’ll let it slide this time; but know that we expect our free content to appear in a more timely manner.
May 31st, 2008 at 1:37 pm
It’s Off-Broadway Joe Dunkin’s birthday today, I hope this blog does a little something for 65th birthday of the man who made this blog what it is.
May 31st, 2008 at 3:04 pm
[...] deftly merges a cincinnati bengals cheerleader story with a story about #85’s raw native intelligence May [...]
May 31st, 2008 at 5:04 pm
The passive-aggression is palatable…
Wait. Mom?
May 31st, 2008 at 5:23 pm
When did bra-under-the-bikini-top become an acceptable look?
Or is this some fucked up Cincinnati thing like putting noodles in chili?
May 31st, 2008 at 5:38 pm
NOIS should have a field day with this…
JUSTICE!!!1111
May 31st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Or is this some fucked up Cincinnati thing
I think Ohio in general has some strangely progressive, yet terrible ideas about fashion (yes I know I’m from fucking Indiana, hear me out for a minute). Several years ago I went to Cleveland. I went out to “The Flats” to get my drink on and see a friend DJ at “Peabody’s.” I saw something there I have never seen before or since. An alarming number of people were wearing pants which had only one back pocket sewn on to the back of their pants. It was like a normal back pocket on a pair of jeans. But this pocket was slightly wider, affixed dead-center of the assal region, and singular. There were enough people wearing them that this must have been something they could go to a department store and find readily available. However, nowhere in any store, physically, online, or in catalog had I ever seen such pants before. Both men and women were wearing these atrocities. I have only gone back to Cleveland once more. It was on business and I stayed in the suburbs; far, far away from “The Flats.”
May 31st, 2008 at 8:03 pm
When did bra-under-the-bikini-top become an acceptable look?
That would be never. Ew. I don’t even know what to say to Drew’s comment. Those pants sound horrifying.
May 31st, 2008 at 9:57 pm
totally agree on the retardeness of the singular back pocket, but lay the fuck off Skyline chili. Spaghetti in chili is the balls man, and damn it, make mine a “Sky-Way!”
http://www.skylinechili.com/promo2.php?s=60
May 31st, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Maybe the ass pocket was to catch the diarrhea after eating a “plate” of that spaghetti-chili. No fashion sense & nasty food = Clevelanatti.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:26 am
Cincinnatti is a shithole, but I get Skyline every time I go back to Indy. It’s some good shit.
/hungover from last night
June 1st, 2008 at 11:39 am
That woman can wear whatever she wants. Or NOT wear whatever she wants. Right?!! Right guys???
June 1st, 2008 at 12:33 pm
have any of you guys ever seen that episode of seinfeld where the hot girl has “man hands”?
June 1st, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Cincinnati is a lovely place, its the Kansas City of the mid-east.
June 1st, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Chris, I can see her demolishing that lobster tail with her bare hands right now.
June 1st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Does everyone in Cincinnati look like Nick Lachey?
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:23 am
Mamacita for the win. That’s just creepy.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 am
no. (sadly)
the man hands and lachey face and 2 bra/1 panty thing make a super wack combo. this ogler has much higher standards.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Nick Lachey is fucking hot, then.