Fictional Cheerleader Biography: Rhonda
Rhonda recently graduated with a doctoral degree in physics from Emory University and, as a weekend diversion, decided to join the Cardinals’ cheerleading squad because it’s the closest franchise to her home in New Mexico, where she works at Los Alamos National Laboratory. There, she is helping to refine the Orion Laser, which is already powerful enough to mimic a nuclear explosion.
Once completed, she plans to seize control of the laser and use it to destroy all of Europe. “Bitches had it coming,” she’ll say.
Rhonda also frequently questions Jason Whitlock’s blackness.
Tags: fictional cheerleader biography, The Friday Cheerleader Posts, xmas ape
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Whitrock’s idea of divelsity no make Hines Wald smirre.
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Hilary must have been thinking about Rhonda and the Orion Laser when threatening to totally obliterate Iran. “Iran? No, bitch. YOU ran. Or you dead.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Thank you Ape for those chocolate titties this Friday. Well done. Now get yo hands outta my pocket.
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
That is one ugly horse face cheerleader.
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Or it is Shannon Sharpe with a boob job.
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Buzz would take her from behind
/after givnig her a handful of oats
May 2nd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Haterz.
May 2nd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Is it me or does it look like her boobs are on her back and her head’s facing the wrong way?
May 2nd, 2008 at 5:26 pm
If you’re going to pick a cardinals cheerleader, at least take Jen F.
http://www.azcardinals.com/nm_files/Image/cheerofweek/jenf2.jpg
May 2nd, 2008 at 5:29 pm
bido, arms can in fact be positioned such that a person’s hands are behind their back like this. Have you never been arrested?
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:23 pm
That’s a MAN, baby!
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:53 pm
you could land a boeing on that shnoz of hers.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 pm
And prolly hide a kilo of coke inside it
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 am
The final, operational version of the Orion Laser will be mounted on Rhonda’s nose or some other suitably large landform.
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:57 am
“Surely, you don’t expect me to talk?”
“No, Mr. Sarkozy, I expect you to die!”
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Ronaldo is causious on this one.
May 4th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Looks like shannon sharpe with boobs.
May 4th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Yeesh (at the article not the cheerleader… scratch that, yeesh at the cheerleader as well), did Leitch bang Whitlock’s sister or something? So Leitch made a joke he thought was funny, but turned out sounding somewhat racist.
Whitlock’s next column will be devoted to Tyler Jones, who once told a joke in an office about a year ago involving a black man and fried chicken.
May 4th, 2008 at 3:24 am
I’ve been a reader of your site on and off for awhile. More off recently because for the past year I don’t have the same boring office job that allowed – nay – propelled me to spend all of my time surfing the web looking for entertainment and a way to kill time. This post made me laugh so hard that I had to post though. (Sorry)
Perhaps it is the fact that it is late on a Saturday night and I’m quite inebriated or it might be that having clicked on so many random NFL cheerleader links and seeing the jokes that constitute their ambitions and goals that it just rang true. Whichever works best to make you guys feel appreciated.
P.S. – Screw Bissinger and I wish we all had access to whatever he was drinking last week.
May 4th, 2008 at 4:46 am
I’m drunker than ten Indians on pay-day. And Buzz Bissinger is a beligerant (sp?) old whore. Are we done talking about that yet? BOOOOOO!!!
May 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
‘Super villain seizes east coast’ headline in the making?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:34 am
This is great info to know.