Fictional Cheerleader Biography: Angela
Angela (note: not her real name) has studied dance since she was 4. In high school, she was captain of the cheerleading squad and served as treasurer for the senior class.
After deciding to go to Florida State, Angela pledged at Pi Phi and spent too much time at the Sigma Chi house , where over the course of her freshman year she hooked up with four members of the fraternity, two pledges (on a dare), and a prospective student in his senior year of high school.
During her junior year, she fell in love with a TKE named Hunter who starred on the club soccer team. As a test of their love, she proposed that they have a threesome with her friend Ashley. Hunter responded by saying, “No, I only want YOU.”
This was the correct answer, which displeased Angela. So she pressed him further and convinced him that she really wanted to do it. Hunter, not wanting to turn down the opportunity to sleep with two blonde coeds, bought three bottles of Asti Spumante, headed over to the Pi Phi house, and spent what otherwise would have been an unremarkable Wednesday night engaged in the kind of drunken exploration of human sexuality you can only get while enrolled at a state-funded college. It was the best sexual experience any of them ever had.
And Angela never forgave him for it. They fought for another four months before he dumped that crazy broad.
Tags: captain caveman, fictional cheerleader bios, The Friday Cheerleader Posts
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Ah, just the antidote for Big Daddy’s last post.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
In related news, my ex asked me to call her last night to catch up, and at the end of the conversation proceeded to tell me that the real reason she called was to tell me that she was 2 months pregnant. I freaked, she said, “Okay, well bye,” and then called me back 10 minutes later to tell me she was kidding and that it was punishment for not staying in touch better.
/Women are mostly insane.
//Still recovering from my mild heart attack
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
WANT
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Brady Quinn is unimpressed.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Hunter = BDD?
Angela = BDD’s first girlfriend?
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Dan Marino is furious that his number has not been properly retired.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Guys named Hunter make me angry.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Brady Quinn can’t understand why anyone would tear up a perfectly good Dan Marino jersey like that.
On a completely unrelated note, her pants create happiness in my pants.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:31 pm
the kind of drunken exploration of human sexuality you can only get while enrolled at a state-funded college.
I think I need to ask for a tuition refund.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I need to get another undergrad degree…
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
@Naptown, check out pictures of Hunter Pence’s girlfriend and you will be even angrier.
http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5856
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
It’s obviously a complete falsehood.
No TKE would ever:
a. turn down a threesome with two women
b. play soccer when football/wrestling/lacrosse/baseball was available
b. drink asti spumante
c. wait four months before dumping a crazy bitch
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
needs more camel toe.
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
“the kind of drunken exploration of human sexuality you can only get while enrolled at a state-funded college.”
Amen to that.
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
@UU
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
@UU
/smoke shoots out of ears
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
@Naptown Drew: You mean, other than Hunter-the-punter, right?
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Club soccer? Dead giveaway.
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:03 pm
/drools
Four months of nagging would be worth it.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:48 pm
[...] biography may be fictional, but the cameltoe is not. [...]
May 24th, 2008 at 3:03 am
@naptown what about hunters that shoot their ashes from a cannon?
May 24th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Why do I feel like some of these fictional biographies are semi-autobiographical in nature?
Or did we all go to school with that girl?
May 24th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
@smurphette
A Colt will always get a free pass.
@mini dagger
Hunter Thompson absolutely gets a pass.
May 25th, 2008 at 9:54 am
As an FSU grad and a former “server” at the Pi Phi house. Thank you. I miss those days, crazy and all.
May 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
If you can’t go greek, go TKE. If you can’t go TKE, go home. She got arrested senior year for yo-yo smuggling.
May 25th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
@Animal Mother
/forms up-pointing triangle with thumbs and forefingers
May 26th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
@Dieter
Are we voting?
May 27th, 2008 at 3:02 am
@Dieter
YITB
May 27th, 2008 at 10:18 am
@Animal Mother
YITB
Let’s go find Angela!
May 28th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
You know what they say … if you can’t go Greek, go TKE!!!!!
/Says the G.D.I. ….