Didn’t Like That One, Huh? Well, I Got Some Films About Birds!
Films that the Patriots could use to predict the migratory cycles of birds and use them in their adjustments!
I just obtained a film of me taping the TV report about Lofa Tatupu getting busted for a DUI. I did it on behalf of the Patriots, so they can know what to expect from drunk linebackers in hoopdies in the future. Just because Belichick doesn’t get the videos from me personally doesn’t mean they don’t make it to him through the pipeline. They’re very intricate cheaters.
I’m taping you! Right now! What if I were to tell you this is for the Patriots, so they’ll know how you’ll react when you’re being told you’re being filmed to benefit the Patriots. It’s a limited but useful application, commissioner.
Just let me stay relevant a little longer. I can film myself groveling.
Tags: matt walsh, stories that never end, xmas ape
May 13th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
How about this videotape of me slipping my finger into Brady’s ass while he’s sleeping? Does that sound interesting?
May 13th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I wonder what it would look like if Luke Wilson and Matthew Fox had a kid
May 13th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Not enough twitching
May 13th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
It’s obvious the Pats needed tapes to outsmart the offensive acumen of Mike Martz.
I mean the guy went on to run the Lions and now the 49ers offense. He must be doing something right.
May 13th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Great fucking suit.
May 13th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Matt Walsh is watching you maturbate.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
+1, Grimey
May 13th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Lofa was driving a Hyundai Accent - hardly a “hoopdy”.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Any word on how he cuts his bangs? I’m guessing a weed wacker.