Barbaro’s Welcome Message To Eight Belles In Horse Heaven
Well well well. Look who just got scraped off the track.
Listen here, bitch. You may think you’re somebody. You might think that your tragic end got some of us weepy up here. You might even think that just because you came in second that you might have a little more clout up here than Big B. Well guess what, you dirty little slut. I own this fucking town. Which means I own you. Let that percolate in your little horse brain for a minute.
Actually, It’s a good thing you showed up, because I’ve done nothing but jerk off into that long skinny tube for over a year. Oh, sure, I could bang some of the broads up here, but they don’t do it for me. I like athletes. And I’ve got a feeling that you’re gonna like me, too. Like me in your ass, that is.
First thing I’m gonna do is walk you over here and fuck the cocktease right out of you. You’ve never had a gluestick like mine. You think that jockey rode you into the ground? You have no idea. Now hold still. Lemme just get…ah, there we go. Oooh, damn. Baby, you’re so wet. I knew you wanted me. I could hear it in your neigh. You want my cock, bitch? Here we go. Oh, shit, you feel–Ohhh. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. OH SWEET MOTHER FUCKER!! AND DOWN THE STRETCH I COME!!!! AAAHHHHHH!!!!! OH GOD!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Oooohh, uuugghh. Whoa. Baby, I swear, I usually go a lot longer than that.
Tags: equine coitus in the afterlife, jeez punter that's just wrong, KSK off topic, MMP
May 5th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
that was fucked up. funny, but fucked up. btw, thanks Brady’s a Douchebag for the tip on Denis of Cork.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
NIGHTMARE FUEL… AHOY!
May 5th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
This is not journalism!!!
Everyone knows Bissinger would be fucking Barbaro from behind during this whole episode. You left out crucial facts you unqualified hack!!!
May 5th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Neigh means neigh, Barbaro!
May 5th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
“You’ve never had a gluestick like mine.”
Wow.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
/sobs, holds up a candle in the wind with one hand while knitting a memorial sweater to Eight Belles with the other.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Mr. Bissinger would like to excuse himself from the rest of the workday.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Why isn’t this tagge
“Buzz Bissinger”?
/obvious
/hanging head in shame
May 5th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
this is without a questio my favorite horse sex blog.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
i hate jerking off into that long skinny tube…
May 5th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
If Buzz isn’t available, there’s a real chance that Chelokee may became available for some gay horse sex.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
@UU Did Denis of Cork’s show finish make Wade into Denis of Pork or do we need a ruling from Double J?
May 5th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
i hate jerking off into that long skinny tube…
Hey, someone has to pleasure Shelley Duvall.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
So wrong yet so funny
May 5th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
@Brady, I think we might need a ruling from Double J. Unfortunately, most 3rd place finishers don’t leave that lasting of an impression. However, there is still the Preakness and Belmont.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Horse porn. It’s come to Horse Porn.
Thank you Jesus.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
It’d take a horse to pleasure Shelley Duval.
/popeye
May 5th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Hey, someone has to pleasure Shelley Duvall.
Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about lunch now
May 5th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
If this pro football thing doesn’t work out, you people have a future in the fine world of equine erotica.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Anybody else notice that two of the three topics during the second segment of PTI on Friday were “Bissinger” and “Horse Sex”?
May 5th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about lunch now
I live to serve. The overwhelming sense of nausea should subside by, oh, let’s say July.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
This whole post was just a vehicle for “AND DOWN THE STRETCH I COME!!!!” wasn’t it? Can I make a request that for the Preakness we get something similar for “Run for the Black-Eyed Susans”?
May 5th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Did Bissinger ghost write this piece? And if he did, I want to congratulate him because its better than Friday Night Lights.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
The only thing bad about this post is that I can’t read “Well well well” in any voice but Paul Bearer’s.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Counting down the entrance of Dee Mirich and her frumpy, cankle-laden housefraus in 5….4……3…..2…..
May 5th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
A+ Punter, my friends at work and I are dying.
KSK: Come for the sexual frankenstein drafts, stay for the horse porn.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Punte - you have outdone yourself my good man. That was sheer brilliance. This equine erotica series should last a lot longer than Big B.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
don’t be afraid to revisit your equine coitus in the afterlife tag in the future PUNTE.
also, isn’t this post implying eight belles is in horse hell?
May 5th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Barbaro sounds suspiciously like Carl from ATHF
May 5th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Oh, great - thanks DougOLis, now I won’t be able to read this post or think of Barbaro w/o hearing Carl. Of course, I’ll be inadvertantly thinking of Barbaro a lot, because ESPN won’t let me forget.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Of course, also because of ESPN, I’ll be thinking of Eight Belles a lot too. Which will make me think of this post, and the disturbing trend toward equine carnal knowledge on KSK.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Sounds like Horse Heaven is Belles’ Hell.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Fricking A, that was hot. Here’s to many more horse-rape posts with the ‘equine coitus in the afterlife’ tag.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:33 am
[...] of the most brilliant parody I’ve seen on the internet or otherwise. Today’s post on Barbaro and Eight Belles meeting in heaven, not so [...]
May 6th, 2008 at 1:05 am
So Barbaro finally gets a fuck-buddy? Awesome.
However, it is disturbing because I heard on PTI the female horse expert say that Barbaro and Eight Belles were related. Horse sex is bad, but horse incest sex has to be even worse. Who knew this was so complicated? The possibilities are endless…
May 6th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Where the fuck is PETA now? Clearly Barbaro should be denaounced and decried for using a unsanctioned Rape Stand. Where’s the justice for the innocent fillies?
/pass the construda