Yapcunt Regional Final: Titan vs. Giant – QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?!
Our last regional final could easily have been the championship match had we not been so arbitrary in our seeding. Alas, these two behemoths square off right now. Who takes it? Whose cuisine reigns supreme? We go right to the pros and cons and ask you, the fan, who would win in a fight… to the death! Indeed, QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?
NOTE: The poll is at the top of the sidebar to the right. Voting for each contest is open until the end of the day that it’s posted. Voting in this contest is closed. The Titan won with 66 percent of the vote.
TITAN
Strengths:
-Big
-One of Saturn’s most noticeable moons. It has lakes of methane! Just like my toilet after a bowl of lentil soup!
-Poop the size of a goddamn battleship
-Sometimes goes by cool nickname “Big T”
-Clears out a Pizza Hut lunch buffet like no one’s business
-Knows an excellent preparation for Blackened Child
Weaknesses:
-Greek. Filthy.
-Hogs all the fried calamari to himself
-Come on, man. You’re gonna vote for the odds-on favorite? BO-RING
-Cronus lookin’ a little long in the tooth there
-Eats the baby’s heart first when everyone knows the brain is the best part
-Needs entire Alaskan glacier to relieve hemorrhoid pain
-Judging by this painting, doesn’t exactly look all that big. I expected a titan to be bigger than Bill fucking Walton. I think it’s because Europeans is so goddamn tiny, especially Europeans back then. “OOOH! Look at that six foot tall man! He’s a TITAN! Sacre bleu!”
Entrance Music:
“Big Poppa”
GIANT
Strengths:
-Big
-Strong
-Knows the distinct odor of an Englishman
-Makes a grand entrance at any gala event
-Wouldn’t you love to see a giant man fight a giant monkey, like King Kong vs. Paul Bunyan? God, I’d love that
Weaknesses:
-Slingshot
-Wiseacre rabbits
Entrance Music:
“Big Guns,” Skid Row (“She got the BIG GUNS! Pointin’ at my heart! BANG BANG SHOOTIN’ LIKE A FIRIN’ SQUAD!”)
Voting closes at the end of the day. Let the battle begin. ENTER THE OCTAGON!
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Tags: quien es mas macho, The KSK Real NFL Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational Tou
April 4th, 2008 at 10:49 am
The giant has to take it. It was the year of the underdog in the NFL this year, it should damn well be the same in this draft.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Titan- Can make it rain cash on strippers
Giant- Can make it rain feces on strippers
Yep. Giant, FTW.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:56 am
“Wouldn’t you love to see a giant man fight a giant monkey, like King Kong vs. Paul Bunyan?”
That WOULD be pretty sweet. You know what would be even sweeter? A giant shark against a giant sea serpent. Are sharks nimble enough to deal with a predator that has no spine? Hmmmm. Plus there could be an underwater cameraman in one of those pussy ass underwater cages that we all know will not hold up if the sharks start to regulate.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Oh, Titans by the way. Greek mythology is way cooler than fairy tales.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:59 am
those pictures of titans eating children will haunt my dreams forever
April 4th, 2008 at 11:02 am
I don’t really like either one, but since the Titan gets to enter The Octagon to the dulcet tones of Biggie Smalls, I voted for him.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Illusionators is a national treasure. Giant gets my vote.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I agree. It’s like Kansas vs. UNC. Fuck em both. Hopefully whoever wins is thoroughly disemboweled by Adrian Belew.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
You guys are hurting my feelings.
Go Titans!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Giant loses on entry music alone. He might as well play “Why can’t we be friends”.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Titans are giant vagina like creatures. In a bad way. they were big, stupid and inbred and the Gods bitched them out. As a result, the Giant is a far more imposing mascot.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
The Giants.
Because without them, you’d have to listen to all those insufferable pricks talking about 19-0 and how great they are because they jumped on the bandwagon in 2001, “just in time” of course.
April 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
you know, giants were created specifically in greek mythology as creatures that no god could defeat, only a human. Technically a titan could not defeat a giant. balls.