Our last regional final could easily have been the championship match had we not been so arbitrary in our seeding. Alas, these two behemoths square off right now. Who takes it? Whose cuisine reigns supreme? We go right to the pros and cons and ask you, the fan, who would win in a fight… to the death! Indeed, QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?

NOTE: The poll is at the top of the sidebar to the right. Voting for each contest is open until the end of the day that it’s posted. Voting in this contest is closed. The Titan won with 66 percent of the vote.

TITAN


Strengths:
-Big
-One of Saturn’s most noticeable moons. It has lakes of methane! Just like my toilet after a bowl of lentil soup!
-Poop the size of a goddamn battleship
-Sometimes goes by cool nickname “Big T”
-Clears out a Pizza Hut lunch buffet like no one’s business
-Knows an excellent preparation for Blackened Child

Weaknesses:
-Greek. Filthy.
-Hogs all the fried calamari to himself
-Come on, man. You’re gonna vote for the odds-on favorite? BO-RING
-Cronus lookin’ a little long in the tooth there
-Eats the baby’s heart first when everyone knows the brain is the best part
-Needs entire Alaskan glacier to relieve hemorrhoid pain
-Judging by this painting, doesn’t exactly look all that big. I expected a titan to be bigger than Bill fucking Walton. I think it’s because Europeans is so goddamn tiny, especially Europeans back then. “OOOH! Look at that six foot tall man! He’s a TITAN! Sacre bleu!”

Entrance Music:
“Big Poppa”

GIANT

Strengths:
-Big
-Strong
-Knows the distinct odor of an Englishman
-Makes a grand entrance at any gala event
-Wouldn’t you love to see a giant man fight a giant monkey, like King Kong vs. Paul Bunyan? God, I’d love that

Weaknesses:
-Slingshot
-Wiseacre rabbits

Entrance Music:
“Big Guns,” Skid Row (“She got the BIG GUNS! Pointin’ at my heart! BANG BANG SHOOTIN’ LIKE A FIRIN’ SQUAD!”)

Voting closes at the end of the day. Let the battle begin. ENTER THE OCTAGON!