Surprise, Muthaphuckkas! I Ain’t Dead!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! APRIL FOOL’S, BITCHES!
Bet y’all shocked to see me, ain’t ya? Omigod, if y’all could see the looks on y’all’s faces right now! You can’t tell whether or not you’re glad to see me or ready to fucking cut me in half with a machete!
TEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!!
I’m tellin y’all, THIS will never be topped, muthaphuckka. Bet y’all really thought I was gone! With the bigass funeral! And the open casket! And my grandma fallin’ on the coffin! And coach Gibbs cryin’ and talking about, “He’s with Jesus now”! BAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, I wasn’t with Jesus! I was with my boy Fred, down in Aruba! Check this out!
Best five months in hiding I ever spent!
C’mon now, you really think a group of punkass kids are gonna shoot down Sean Taylor in his prime? FUCK THAT! That was jus’ my cousin Dave! The whole femoral artery thing was his idea! Said you’d fall for it like a little motherfucker. AND YOU DID! He’s always thinkin’ of crazy shit like this! One time, for April Fool’s Day, he keyed his landlord’s car! How fucking funny is that shit?!
And you really think the police would solve the murder of a famous black man that quickly? C’mon, now. That shit doesn’t happen in real life. Didn’t their incredible effort tip you off?
Besides, how else was I supposed to avoid practice?! We were in pads two days a week! That shit was murder!
Are you still mad? Oh, c’mon now! It’s me! Sean! Don’t be angry, bitch! You wouldn’t have made the playoffs without me dying! I watched that shit from the pool bar. It was great! And you got to talk about violence in the black community and shit. I’d say we all learned a valuable lesson, namely that Y’ALL SOME GULLIBLE-ASS RETARDS!
Still angry? Okay, man. Okay. I’m sorry. Here. Have a beer.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! YOU GOT SOAKED, ASSHOLE!
I feel so refreshed.
Next year, I’m getting disemboweled!
Tags: actually he's still dead, april fool's, Big Daddy Drew, i am a terrible person, in poor taste?, sorry Maj, TOO SOON YOU DICK
April 1st, 2008 at 10:24 am
Did he go into hiding to avoid the NFL’s new haircut policy?
April 1st, 2008 at 10:45 am
He’s getting better!
April 1st, 2008 at 10:49 am
Michael Wilbon is finally surprised
April 1st, 2008 at 11:01 am
How come they never found Biggie and Tupac’s murderers, but they could arrest Sean Taylor’s the next week? Dan Snyder can’t rap!
April 1st, 2008 at 11:06 am
Sean Taylor’s ghost is going to find you and cut you for this. Cut you so bad, you wish he not cut you.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:14 am
I’m pretty sure Unsilent is going to do the cutting for him. Watch out for the challah knife.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:15 am
Uh, I may get killed for saying this, but it’s not too soon for this?
April 1st, 2008 at 11:17 am
Sean Taylor’s Ghost will try to cut BDD for this, but disappoint.
Golf clap, BDD. Golf clap.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:23 am
If Drew wasn’t already haunted by Korey Stringer’s ghost, he will be now.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:33 am
I knew this was coming–but when he beat the Big Show with the brass knuckles, I knew the Meast was takin’ it to a whole nother level.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:37 am
Dammit Unitard, you beat me to the Korey Stringer joke. Now I got nothing. You hear me? Nothing!!1!
April 1st, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Posts like this are exactly why I keep coming back.
April 1st, 2008 at 12:13 pm
The real joke was on anyone who bet on the Skins in the playoffs.
Oh, and good question, devo?
April 1st, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Technically Drew will be haunted by the ghost of ksk’s past(Falco), the ghost of ksk’s present(Korey Stringer), and the ghost of KSK’s future(Sean Taylor).
April 1st, 2008 at 12:35 pm
does that mean by the end he’ll no longer make dick and fart jokes?
April 1st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
BDD is going to piss of the dead until they rise from the ground and start an Arena League Team.
April 1st, 2008 at 12:38 pm
i still prefer buster poindexter to do my haunting
April 1st, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Today is his Birthday. Happy B-Day Sean.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:17 pm
David Overstreet, Mike Webster, Justin Strzelczyk, Marquise Hill, Pat Tillman, Joe Delaney and Andre Waters are all unimpressed.
Try doing it for more than a couple of months. Slacker!
April 1st, 2008 at 1:58 pm
During his trip to Aruba, Natalee Holloway and Sean Taylor recorded an album together entitled “Resurrection”.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:22 pm
That umbrella in the top pic looks exactly like Stan’s hat from South Park.
April 1st, 2008 at 5:29 pm
@Naptown Drew
I WANT JUSTICE!!!
April 1st, 2008 at 9:07 pm
What, no Bison Dele jokes?
April 1st, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Man that’s just mean…mean man, mean.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I wonder what Tillman would say?
“Because I played for the Cardinals, my fellow rangers decided to shoot me.”
Over the top? Sure you guys can do better…